Moving in with Spouse-Era: How to split bills/mortgage?

[Vagabond]

I am officially moving in with my spouse of 2 years! Everything seems to be going great - but theres one thing we haven't really went over and talked about that we've been trying to avoid for obvious reason - splitting the bills. Our arrangement was basically for me to find a job up here so we could live together and I could move in to his house and talk bills later! Sounds simple, right?

Well, I was able to find a job, but my job pays almost exactly half of his job. In addition, the house I am moving into he has lived for over a year, and the mortgage itself is three times what I would be used to paying in total living expenses. Its a large house, granted, but it feels like I took a pay cut to pay more in bills/utilities and it simply feels like I am getting such a raw deal to split everything in half and have such a drastic increase in responsibility. Especially with the huge disparity on what he is paying and used to spending on bills vs myself. I know there's definitely a love tax - but I could easily take this 1500+/month elsewhere and live much more comfortably - And I don't think there's a way to make him understand that! Not to mention this area is just much more expensive in general.

So I want to hear from Era - has anyone moved in with a spouse? What are some of the ways you have split the bills?

For right now, the current agreement is that I would pay a third of the mortgage, and split the other bills evenly. This gives me only a ~25%-33% increase in cost of living vs living by myself. Still outrageous in my opinion but I guess it's the love tax.

 

[Dan Thunder]

Can't you both pay the same percentage of your respective salaries into a joint account for mortgage and living costs?

 

[jwk94]

I'd have this convo before moving in. Maybe pay more if the bills and less (or none) of the mortgage? You living there doesn't change your spouse's mortgage price, does it?

 

[Clear]

We made a joint account and that is where all our money goes.

Anything over $100 we just let the other person know we are buying said thing. We auto-xfer into savings and set a dollar level in our checking account that if we ever get to it we need to stop and reevaluate our expenses.

 

[Sheepinator]

You shouldn't be splitting the mortgage unless your name is on the property.

You probably both need to have an open chat about how to split this, because you haven't even mentioned big expenses like annual property taxes or house/yard maintenance. I'm sure you'd also like to be able to contribute to a savings plan for retirement etc.

 

[ErrorJustin]

My wife and I tried having separate accounts plus a joint account for joint bills. That ended up being too complicated and not working for us. We don't have "my" money and "her" money - we just have "our" money and "our" expenses. We treat everything as a team and as a single combined unit.

Everyone is different but it sounds like you have an extremely different mindset:

For right now, the current agreement is that I would pay a third of the mortgage, and split the other bills evenly.

I took a pay cut to pay more in bills/utilities and it simply feels like I am getting such a raw deal to split everything in half and have such a drastic increase in responsibility.

What I would do is just have your checks go into one account and then you don't "split" bills - you just pay bills together?

 

[ChrisBliss117]

I have no idea. My wife and I just dump what we make into our joint checking and then the bills are taken out each month. I've never heard of a love tax before.

 

[Viewt]

My wife and I combined finances after we got married - one bank account that everything gets put into or taken out from, with both a checking and savings pool. We maintain separate credit cards, but otherwise, it's all one pile, which makes this kinda thing a non-issue.

Before we got married, we divided expenses by proportion to salary. Since I make more, I paid more in housing and solely took care of utilities. When she was going through grad school and paying her way, I took on most non-housing costs on my own to offset her financial stress. 50/50 when one person makes substantially more doesn't make sense to me, because it creates a huge imbalance in disposable income. If you're living together as partners, you ideally want to maintain the same quality of life.

 

[platocplx]

I'm not married myself but my idea would. Be to split based on total combined income divide by yearly salary to get a percentage of contribution. I feel like that is the most fair for all parties.

 

[tangeu]

The way my wife and I did it was to combine everything. No longer my bills or my income or her bills our her income, but ours. It genuinely doesn't cross my mind if it's my car payment or her student loans or who got paid this week....everything goes into and out of one checking account. True teamwork.

I can't imagine doing it the other way and not breeding resentment, "I bought dinner last time we went out" "These are my half of the groceries" "You used more internet you pay more" at that point I'd feel like they're more a roommate than a spouse. I get it works out for some folk, but I couldn't do it separate...and luckily I found someone I'm happy to share everything with and married her!

 

[platocplx]

My wife and I combined finances after we got married - one bank account that everything gets put into or taken out from, with both a checking and savings pool. We maintain separate credit cards, but otherwise, it's all one pile, which makes this kinda thing a non-issue.

Before we got married, we divided expenses by proportion to salary. Since I make more, I paid more in housing and solely took care of utilities. When she was going through grad school and paying her way, I took on most non-housing costs on my own to offset her financial stress. 50/50 when one person makes substantially more doesn't make sense to me, because it creates a huge imbalance in disposable income. If you're living together as partners, you ideally want to maintain the same quality of life.

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Exactly this. Its way way way more fair to split major expenses in this manner. 50/50 on expenses is unfair As hell to me.

 

[Mr. Poolman]

Joint account, all money goes there.
Hard for secrets and surprise gifts but so much easier for house finances.

 

[Deleted member 41178]

My wife and I tried having separate accounts plus a joint account for joint bills. That ended up being too complicated and not working for us. We don't have "my" money and "her" money - we just have "our" money and "our" expenses. We treat everything as a team and as a single combined unit.

Everyone is different but it sounds like you have an extremely different mindset:

For right now, the current agreement is that I would pay a third of the mortgage, and split the other bills evenly.

I took a pay cut to pay more in bills/utilities and it simply feels like I am getting such a raw deal to split everything in half and have such a drastic increase in responsibility.

What I would do is just have your checks go into one account and then you don't "split" bills - you just pay bills together?

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Honestly this is the best way forward. It shouldn't really be yours or his money anymore. It should be "our" money.

 

[SixPointEight]

We have a house, and we have a joint account. Our paycheques go in it, we each have the same budget that we transfer into our personal accounts.
Everything communal comes out of the joint account. Everything personal the personal account. With kids, we've shifted keeping more in the joint account as we now have more family spending than personal.

It's worked well.

 

[Zoe]

Split proportional to salary

 

[Salamando]

I have more questions than answers. Spouse of two years, he's lived in the house for over a year...so he bought the house while you were married? Did he buy the house without your input, or were you expecting to make a lot more money when you found a new job?

 

[Goldenroad]

I bring in about 60% of our household income, my SO brings in the other 40% so we try to split bills along those lines. I pay power and energy, she pays the internet, and we split everything else just 60/40. But yeah, you should definitely have that conversation soon.

 

[Chopchop]

We split proportionate to our income. So if one of us made 40% of our total income and the other made 60%, we each take out that percentage of our income and put it into a joint account. That joint account is then used to pay for all of our joint expenses, like home payments, bills, groceries, etc.. If the joint account gets too high or low, we make adjustments accordingly. Leftover money is up to that person to spend as they please, within reason. Big purchases of any sort are discussed beforehand.

We've talked about putting more money into the joint account for a more pooled approach, but so far that hasn't happened yet, even though both of us are fine with the idea. We're not sure how that would affect investment money though, since we invest slightly differently.

 

[Grym]

What's my spouse's is mine. What's mine is my spouses. The end.

 

[Indy in the Fridge]

I for one have never understood why couples split finances. Everything else in your life is shared, but not money?

My wife and I have had just a joint account since moving in together nearly a decade ago. I've never made it a point to draw out percentages of who owes what. You're living in a life together. Who cares what the other makes, both of you should have goals to support the other.

 

[John Rabbit]

The only monthly expenses we 'split' is rent and phone. Everything else is either paid in full by her or me. I pay the majority of 'shared' bills (utilities, internet, streaming services, etc) and she pays a smaller portion of rent, a fixed monthly amount for the phone bill (even though it fluctuates) and the overwhelmingly majority of the grocery purchases. If she's tight on money and needs to go the store, she just asks to use my debit card.

It's the easiest way to handle that I make about 3.5 times more than she does. Money is actually the one thing we've never had fight about either. We don't have a joint account and don't intend to ever start one.

 

[NekoFever]

There's a big disparity in earnings between us too. We just split everything 66/33 — all bills and mortgage payments come out of a joint account that we both transfer our share into each month, plus a bit extra to build an emergency fund.

Takes a couple of months to work out how much is needed but it's not a huge problem to play it by ear and top it up when necessary for a while.

 

[Hedge]

When my now wife and I first moved in together we split the bills somewhat based on our incomes. I made about double the salary of my wife so I paid more of the living expenses. She really wanted to do a 50/50 split but just couldn't afford it for the place we wanted to rent from. So I think we ended up doing 60/40 but I would have been fine if she wanted to pay less and be more in line with our salaries.

She transferred me her portion with those monthly automatic transfers and I paid everything out of my own bank account. When we got married is when we finally opened up a joint account

 

[BasilZero]

We don't have "my" money and "her" money - we just have "our" money and "our" expenses. We treat everything as a team and as a single combined unit.

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This is what we do , don't really see the point in separating accounts if you are married/living together as a family

 

[Sain]

With my fiancé, we split everything down the middle with the exception of the mortgage because the house is mine/in my name. So, basically, I have a spreadsheet that tracks all of the bill payments related to the house each month (Mortgage, Utilities, Internet, etc.). I denote what half of the bills are each month for each respective category and she writes me a check during that last week of the month that covers her portion. For mortgage, the payment is 75%/25% split, so I basically just charge her whatever 25% of the monthly payment would be and that is effectively her "rent" for the place. Works out well and we still both save more than we did when we were renting individual places.

Once we get officially married next year, we'll need to rethink things a bit, but for the past three years of living together this system has worked perfectly.

 

[Vagabond]

I have more questions than answers. Spouse of two years, he's lived in the house for over a year...so he bought the house while you were married? Did he buy the house without your input, or were you expecting to make a lot more money when you found a new job?

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Oh no sorry, we've been together for two years but the spouse/moving in thing just happened in 2021. We're working through the moving in part of it now but the house was purchased before we were exclusively together.

I guess my big sticking point is the mortgage - it's way too expensive to me and I don't get the protections, amenities, or peace of mind renting an apartment (or buying my own place) affords you. It takes up a greater part of his salary than my previous rent/bills did mine and he makes 'only' twice more than I do (My bills and everything were roughly 1/4th of my income, his is a little over a 1/3rd of his). I didn't have any say in the purchase, location, or anything either. But in his mind I should be paying because I am living here and I had to 'negotiate' him down to only paying 1/3rd. I can't articulate into words that he understands how little sense this makes to me - but part of me would rather agree than to really hash out and argue the sticking points.

 

[ParanormalFupa]

With my fiancé, we split everything down the middle with the exception of the mortgage because the house is mine/in my name. So, basically, I have a spreadsheet that tracks all of the bill payments related to the house each month (Mortgage, Utilities, Internet, etc.). I denote what half of the bills are each month for each respective category and she writes me a check during that last week of the month that covers her portion. For mortgage, the payment is 75%/25% split, so I basically just charge her whatever 25% of the monthly payment would be and that is effectively her "rent" for the place. Works out well and we still both save more than we did when we were renting individual places.

Once we get officially married next year, we'll need to rethink things a bit, but for the past three years of living together this system has worked perfectly.

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Do you report her payments to you when you do taxes? because I definitely do in a similar situation ;)

edit: Actually googling this instead of just skipping over those questions when doing taxes, it might fall under gift tax exclusion.

 

[Diarrhea Day-Lewis]

We've been together 15 years and we split the mortgage almost evenly, I pay more because my job pays for my insurance so it helps make my wife's checks bigger.

for general dining out, groceries we get paid opposite weeks, so we take turns. One week she will pay for dinners, groceries, and the other I will. It's worked for years and we are good with it.

I've heard of couples that share an account, and we have a shared account but that's for like savings. We maintain separate checking and savings at the same time. I can't imagine having to scrutinize every purchase with your partner.

 

[ronpontelle]

When I moved in with my wife, we split it so that we were left with the same amount of money each after all bills.

However we had rent, a mortgage and the investment that is put in to paying that off, property values etc, is an added complication. The reality of sorting that out fairly isn't exactly a 'love' conversation and sorting it out fairly ultimately comes to protecting yourself in the event you split up - which is never a nice starting point to a conversation.

 

[SpecX]

My gf and I have split accounts right now and I pay the mortgage, my car loan, and 1 utility bill. She pays all the other utilities, her car loan, and it evens out for us based on income and what each stack adds up to.

We're talking about having a joint account since we find it silly splitting the check when we go out to eat and we always end up taking one anothers bank card when in a pinch and never keep tabs on who owes what.

 

[Reckheim]

me and my wife don't share bank accounts except for the mortgage account. Since we bought our place half and half we both put in the same amount of money for the mortgage and maintenance fees. Since I make more then her I usually buy groceries and pay for the other bills (i.e hydro). It evens out that way and if something were to happen to our relation ship, we can split the house half way and no one will feel cheated.

 

[digita1alchemy]

We don't split anything, all the money goes into a joint account. My wife pays all of the bills out of that and we buy stuff we need with the rest (food, household goods, etc). If either of us wants to buy something more than $50 or so we just mention it to the other person. Admittedly my wife keeps tabs on our balance way better than me, so sometimes I'll mention something semi-expensive I want to buy and she might come back with "maybe we should wait until next pay period." Larger things like home repairs, vacations, and other expensive purchases just get discussed ahead of time until both of us come to an agreement.

We haven't made similar ammounts of money for our entire relationship; she used to make more than me and I was even un-employed for a bit. Then I got a really good paying job and basically doubled what she was making. And now she doesn't even work because we have 2 kids and daycare costs would eat too much of her income. If had tried to split everything during all this time I have no idea how that would have even worked. Plus with other people I've known that do this it tends to cause conflicts because there's "your money" and "my money" instead of "our money". But different strokes and all that, I'm sure it works for some people.

 

[BdoUK]

My wife and I both work full time but have different salaries and prefer to maintain our own accounts. We do have a joint account where we both deposit money that is meant to cover monthly bills with a bit extra for things that might pop up.

Since our salaries differ we come up with a total monthly shared expense amount and then proportionally fund the join account based on our incomes. So if one person makes 65% of the total income, then they fund 65% of the total deposited to the joint account. For thing like eating out and random store trips we typically just alternate those costs in a similar proportional fashion.

This has worked really well for us because it means we still have our own money to spend on our hobbies as we see fit (without always needing spouse approval for a purchase).

 

[JaY P.]

I had a good friend try to split bills and salary with their spouse. In short it was a disaster. Things got better when they consolidated into one joint account.

On a kinda related side note, perhaps have 2 checking accounts. One checking strictly for your big bills: mortgage, cars, utilities etc - call it "Bills" or something. The other checking is reserved for everything else. Come pay day put whatever you need in the Bills account to cover your major stuff.

Good Luck with splitting responsibilites. But note that as a married couple you should function as a team instead of this together but separate mentality.

 

[Sain]

Do you report her payments to you when you do taxes? because I definitely do in a similar situation ;)

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Uh, yeah, totally... ;)

 

[Seirith]

Everything goes into and out of one account. I personally find it weird when married/ long term couples have totally separate accounts and divide bills like they are roommates.

 

[ShapeDePapa]

All our money goes into a joint account. There's no my money and your money. It's our cash and we pay all the bils and everything with our money. Seems a lot more simple that way.

 

[Jakenbakin]

Oh no sorry, we've been together for two years but the spouse/moving in thing just happened in 2021. We're working through the moving in part of it now but the house was purchased before we were exclusively together.

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Fyi "spouse" usually implies a marriage, so I had the same confusion reading the OP lol.

For myself it's always been a "what's mine is yours and yours is mine" deal but of course if you have issues with the lifestyle that feels restrictive to your own personal finances that's definitely something that should be acknowledged. I'm sure your partner would understand that you feel more restricted by making less but spending more on bills due to nothing wrong on your part.

 

[C.Mongler]

After being lazy as shit for two years, my wife and I a couple years ago finally setup and started using a joint bank account which basically makes this really simple to figure out.

The joint account is used for basically anything that benefits us both. Rent, utilities, groceries, gas, restaurants, etc.. On top of that, we each get an 'allowance' deposited to our personal accounts each month from the joint account that is used for bullshit the other one doesn't give a shit about. For me that's typically video games and other tech junk, and my wife usually spends hers on clothes and books. If we want to make a big purchase that uses funds from the joint, we just clear it with the other person first.

 

[Scuffed]

What's my spouse's is mine. What's mine is my spouses. The end.

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That's where I'm at too.

 

[chaostrophy]

My wife and I split the bills evenly- we put all the costs of bills and necessities in a Google sheet, and just divided them up so the ones each of us pay add up to be about the same. No need for a joint account or to split up individual bills.

We bought our place together though, and mutually decided on a budget for monthly payments compared with our previous living situations that we took into account when buying, so it's a little different from your situation.

 

[Einbroch]

We have separate accounts. We moved in together before marriage. Wife pays for insurance, mortgage, and taxes, and I pay for things like utilities, entertainment, etc. After marriage we just never bothered combining.

It's how she was raised, and it's fine with me. She kept her last name as well. I have access to all of her information and her mine, so it's kinda whatever.

 

[Midramble]

We made a joint account and that is where all our money goes.

Anything over $100 we just let the other person know we are buying said thing. We auto-xfer into savings and set a dollar level in our checking account that if we ever get to it we need to stop and reevaluate our expenses.

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Same

 

[nonoriri]

How was he paying for the house before? Like I'm not married so maybe ignore me but I think like it's worth discussing that you did take a hit to move up there to be with him and I think it's fair to ask him to be mindful of that, either by considering a joint account or factoring it in to how you split things, especially if he can independently afford it.

 

[Reckheim]

I had a good friend try to split bills and salary with their spouse. In short it was a disaster. Things got better when they consolidated into one joint account.

On a kinda related side note, perhaps have 2 checking accounts. One checking strictly for your big bills: mortgage, cars, utilities etc - call it "Bills" or something. The other checking is reserved for everything else. Come pay day put whatever you need in the Bills account to cover your major stuff.

Good Luck with splitting responsibilites. But note that as a married couple you should function as a team instead of this together but separate mentality.

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just because it didn't work for your friend doesn't mean it doesn't work for other people.

i've been living with my wife for 8 years splitting bills, and it was never an issue.

Imo, this works best for couples that like to have their own money and freedom to spend it however they want. I always roll my eyes when I see some one say ' I gotta ask my significant other if I can buy this'.

This way I can buy what ever I want, and so can my wife; why should it madder what I spend my money on as long as the bills get paid.

 

[Deleted member 8752]

Here are the different "models" for couple's finances that I've seen:

1. Everyone pays the percentage of their income
2. Everyone splits costs 50/50
3. Everyone throws their the entirety of their income/savings into the same account(s) and just uses those accounts for all expenses
4. People retain the stuff they earned prior to marriage, but then do 3 with just income earned after the marriage has started
5. Some sort of hybrid model blending any of the above.

Personally, I think #3 is the best way to go if you and your partner trust each other. I make a lot more money than my wife, and some day, she will likely earn a lot more than me when she reaches the next stage of her career, but we decided very early on that none of that should matter and we shouldn't "keep score" when it comes to finances. Everything is treated as "ours" even if some stuff is still legally in her name or mine.

But we also trust that neither of us would make a big purchase without consulting the other person and neither of us would really hold the other person back from using our cash how they thought was appropriate. It just keeps things very simple and we both tend to live well within our means anyway.

There's no "right way" to do this. Just have an honest conversation with your SO.

FYI - When my wife first moved in with me before we got married, I owned my place and just let her live with me for free. She was a broke medical student at the time so it felt wrong to charge her even though she offered repeatedly. It was the right call for my particular situation and I had already been living well within my means for years. I didn't see the need to "squeeze" her financially like that.

 

[Wood Man]

Been married for 16 years

We have a joint account where we pay all out major bills from. We both have our personal accounts and one savings account were we dump any extra money

Working fine so far.

 

[Blackpuppy]

In our relationship, the wife and I have our own separate accounts and then a joint account.

The separate accounts are for purchasing private things (clothes, consoles, etc) and the joint account is for bills and groceries.

This way, we are both equal in terms of paying the important stuff, but we can feel guilt free for buying stuff for ourselves.

 

[Inki]

Pool your money together and pay your bills together?

 

[Delicious Waffles]

My wife sends me half the rent in the middle of the month and, at the end of the month, she sends me a chunk of money to pay bills.