Sup Era,
Not the type to normally put my emotions out on the table but I'm in some serious (self caused) pain. I cheated on the woman I wanted to marry and I got caught in the act. Yes, straight out of a soap opera. I feel horrendous, she is distraught. We were working on putting things back together. I truly loved this woman and I got caught thinking with my dick instead of my brain tonight.
Backstory. I've known her for 7 years now. We dated for 2. Broke up, and remained best friends over the years. It felt like we were really still dating tbh. We would still have on and off sex, sometimes months apart, sometimes shorter than that. We even travelled together very recently. Her family loves me and we remained pretty much inseparable despite not technically dating. I had some things we both acknowledged I needed to change about myself before I ultimately popped the question to her. In the mean time we remained separated but knowing what we both wanted at the end of the day. That was the goal we were both working towards.
Here's the embarrassing part. Over the past summer when we were apart, I got caught up in a few ladies of the night. Call them escorts, sure. Me and her weren't having sex at all during this stretch and I got horny as hell. I figured "hey we're not together and who knows if she's doing the same thing". This was not a secret to her, I have told her about this and we were able to move forward with no judgement. During this time she had actually started talking back to one of her exes and I thought I was going to lose her for good. But life had other plans and we just kept drawing closer to each other somehow despite her talking to her ex and me hiring ladies for sex. Fucking crazy. Law of attraction.
Fast forward, we are good, no judgment from either of us towards eachother. We've gotten closer, I just gotta work on some things and honestly I'm going to put a ring on her eventually despite our crazy history.
Today.. a lady I hooked up with last summer during our time apart randomly messages me and tells me she's back in town for the weekend. I feel guilty, but eventually I cave and reluctantly oblige to link up with her. Honestly I haven't done this since last summer and I don't know what the hell got into me. I hear a loud ass bang on my door and knew right away it was my girl. I had told her I was at the movies with my bro in law. She got a sense I was lying and came to check my house. Peeped me through the window with the girl fully naked and me fully clothed (We hadn't had sex yet but it's obvious what was about to happen). I eventually open the door and she storms in.
She punches me, throws some shit around, cusses out the girl, and me and then angrily leaves and drives off. I'm fucking embarrassed, and guilty. the girl I was with is pissed and leaves after she gets her shit. I sit alone.. numb, guilty. for about an hour before I decide to go to her house and try to explain because I know she is distraught.
She is in tears, completely distraught and broken. I've never seen her like this ever. I feel so fucking bad it hurts. Seeing someone you genuinely love like this because of you is absolutely painful. I try to comfort her and tell her how sorry and stupid I am. I say my piece and say goodnight to her. Before I leave she calls me and tells me to lay next to her in bed. We both hug and cry. 10 mins later she tells me she's over me and to get out.
As I leave she is absolutely balling again... those tears man. It's so painful to see her like this, I'm scared she might do something stupid so I told her I don't care how mad she is I'm not leaving until sunrise. She's crying in the other room and I'm just listening...
Is this at all repairable, did I think with my dick tonight and lose the one I wanted to marry? Fuck. FUCK. Have you ever cheated and got caught? How did you feel? How did you handle it. What should I do? What should she do? I know I'm a dick, just .. I don't know. The level of guilt and regret I feel is enormous. But getting caught red handed is.. yeah. I really do love this woman, I just truly did something stupid tonight and got caught.
Sorry for this wall of text, I feel era is the best place to vent. If you made it this far, bless.
Not the type to normally put my emotions out on the table but I'm in some serious (self caused) pain. I cheated on the woman I wanted to marry and I got caught in the act. Yes, straight out of a soap opera. I feel horrendous, she is distraught. We were working on putting things back together. I truly loved this woman and I got caught thinking with my dick instead of my brain tonight.
Backstory. I've known her for 7 years now. We dated for 2. Broke up, and remained best friends over the years. It felt like we were really still dating tbh. We would still have on and off sex, sometimes months apart, sometimes shorter than that. We even travelled together very recently. Her family loves me and we remained pretty much inseparable despite not technically dating. I had some things we both acknowledged I needed to change about myself before I ultimately popped the question to her. In the mean time we remained separated but knowing what we both wanted at the end of the day. That was the goal we were both working towards.
Here's the embarrassing part. Over the past summer when we were apart, I got caught up in a few ladies of the night. Call them escorts, sure. Me and her weren't having sex at all during this stretch and I got horny as hell. I figured "hey we're not together and who knows if she's doing the same thing". This was not a secret to her, I have told her about this and we were able to move forward with no judgement. During this time she had actually started talking back to one of her exes and I thought I was going to lose her for good. But life had other plans and we just kept drawing closer to each other somehow despite her talking to her ex and me hiring ladies for sex. Fucking crazy. Law of attraction.
Fast forward, we are good, no judgment from either of us towards eachother. We've gotten closer, I just gotta work on some things and honestly I'm going to put a ring on her eventually despite our crazy history.
Today.. a lady I hooked up with last summer during our time apart randomly messages me and tells me she's back in town for the weekend. I feel guilty, but eventually I cave and reluctantly oblige to link up with her. Honestly I haven't done this since last summer and I don't know what the hell got into me. I hear a loud ass bang on my door and knew right away it was my girl. I had told her I was at the movies with my bro in law. She got a sense I was lying and came to check my house. Peeped me through the window with the girl fully naked and me fully clothed (We hadn't had sex yet but it's obvious what was about to happen). I eventually open the door and she storms in.
She punches me, throws some shit around, cusses out the girl, and me and then angrily leaves and drives off. I'm fucking embarrassed, and guilty. the girl I was with is pissed and leaves after she gets her shit. I sit alone.. numb, guilty. for about an hour before I decide to go to her house and try to explain because I know she is distraught.
She is in tears, completely distraught and broken. I've never seen her like this ever. I feel so fucking bad it hurts. Seeing someone you genuinely love like this because of you is absolutely painful. I try to comfort her and tell her how sorry and stupid I am. I say my piece and say goodnight to her. Before I leave she calls me and tells me to lay next to her in bed. We both hug and cry. 10 mins later she tells me she's over me and to get out.
As I leave she is absolutely balling again... those tears man. It's so painful to see her like this, I'm scared she might do something stupid so I told her I don't care how mad she is I'm not leaving until sunrise. She's crying in the other room and I'm just listening...
Is this at all repairable, did I think with my dick tonight and lose the one I wanted to marry? Fuck. FUCK. Have you ever cheated and got caught? How did you feel? How did you handle it. What should I do? What should she do? I know I'm a dick, just .. I don't know. The level of guilt and regret I feel is enormous. But getting caught red handed is.. yeah. I really do love this woman, I just truly did something stupid tonight and got caught.
Sorry for this wall of text, I feel era is the best place to vent. If you made it this far, bless.
