Former bigots, can you describe what fueled you?

[Deleted member 5865]

I just saw a vid on reddit recently where some women w/ massive Karen energy were complaining about a transwoman in a changing room and I was just thinking to myself how tiring that must be. Like I understand the ease of hating in private and trolling on the internet or whatever, but actually ranting and raving public is something else.

Can any former bigots explained the thought process behind stuff like this? Like the idea of pausing your day to complain to a manager about "those people" and stuff like that?

 

[DMPinheiro]

I never got to the point of actively trying to go ruin someone's day, but I was very bigoted as a teen/early adult.

It basically comes down to how I was raised and the people around me when growing up. As soon as I started working, seeing the world and getting to know other people I realized how it didn't make any sense at all to be like that, it was just me being an asshole.

 

[Max|Payne]

Not a bigot but it can probably be boiled down to a subconscious need to be the center of attention, good ol' inherited ignorance and the need to always "feel to be in the right" even if everyone else tells them they're wrong.

 

[RDreamer]

I was a former bigot but that was when I was in high school and prior so I wasn't doing public stuff like that. I had a few dumb forum "debates" though.

As for what fueled me? I dunno, it's all I knew. It was the world as described and taught to me by my dad and most around me. My parents are ridiculously right wing and most of my family are bigoted racists. I grew up without much diversity at all.

And I think that's part of the explanation. For these sorts seeing a trans woman in a changing room probably isn't normal so they're not stopping everything every day and exhausting themselves. It's come crazy event for them that breaks their brain and shakes the order they live with.

 

[Valcrist]

Sometimes it depends on their environment. If they're surrounded with bad people, even good people can buy into bad ideas. Those kinds of toxic spaces also tend to lure in vulnerable loner types who join in to feel welcome or wanted. Personally, I spent my entire school life from a young age all the way to High School being called anti-gay slurs and getting beat up/rocks thrown at me pretty regularly. I'd come home with bruises all over me, my parents would talk to teachers. I actually moved in middle school because of this and I was still getting bullied in the area I moved to. It was a lost cause.

That all turned into me thinking that this was just how people communicated. I didn't have any good figures to show me how to be a decent person. I thought everyone was just fucked up and I should be like them. I pushed back the fact that I believed that I was a woman deep down. I pushed back my attraction to other men as well as women. I replaced it all with hate. It wasn't until I grew up and realized that kids are really shitty, but when you step into the adult world people behave a lot differently... and once I got out of that I was able to reform myself and really explore myself and my ideals.

I really hope that in modern era people get more education about multiple oppressed groups in the world. We need it. I also hope that they do better for people with learning disabilities because fuck me, I was eaten by the system.

 

[Jeronimo]

Good luck with masses of posters labeling themselves as former bigots, but there is a sense of entitlement and usually a learned and reinforced superiority built into bigotry. They literally believe they (and people like them) are better despite the evidence.

As a dumb kid I didn't understand homosexuality, and it was frowned upon in my small town/family/culture. I never verbally or physically attacked anyone for being gay but the more I learned and matured the more I realized that a lot of hate is fueled by ignorance.

 

[MGPanda]

I was a fucking asshole for a while. My teenage years were rough, and an even rougher year in college (as well as some family issues) made me go through a horrible depression. I spent a full year in my home without working or studying or doing anything other than forcing myself to do stuff for hours with my stoner friends even though I've never been a drinker or a smoker.

That sensation of not being worth anything at all made me feel rejected by the world, and rejection lead me to hate. You know, the usual; racism, sexism, homophobia, the works. Think a radical, disgusting version of the "no, it's them who are wrong" Skinner meme. Like, I even visited The_Donald and I'm not even american, for fucks' sake. Luckily, my world kinda turned upside down within the span of a year. A combination of having my first job and actually leaving my comfort zone for a while, my best friend openly coming out as bi, and meeting my girlfriend, who's been turning me into a better person every single day for around five years now, made me realise how much of a monster I had become.

And sadly, about that question in the OP, no, it did not felt tiring at all. I actually felt like I was in the right whenever I said some bullshit, and the rest were wrong and didn't know it yet, as sound as their argument might've been. I was in the "don't believe what they tell you since it's all manipulated anyways" field.

I absolutely despise who I was just a few years ago, and I'm glad I do. That said, I'm also glad that it's all online and I haven't deleted any of it (I was specially pretty active on Reddit back then), since it's proof that as impossible as it might sound, it's always possible for someone to change and follow the right path.

(Man was that hard to write)

 

[Threadkular]

I found it was really based around the environment you are in and the people you are growing up around having the same ideas. With the ideas being all the same and the groupthink you don't recognize the problem (I.e. "white supremacy doesn't exist"). It's living in a bubble. That said, I grow up in a small PA town and now live in an affluent DC suburb and have moved to a new bubble.

Playing amateur psychologist, I think the root is often fear. You grow up being taught these beliefs (whether they're about race, sexual orientation, gender, religion and science, etc) that end up getting challenged. I remember having the thought as a kid (and this was learned) that any POC who had a good job was an "affirmative action hire", and this was somewhat believable in my world when I knew no POCs. However, once I started to meet others and realized many were often more intelligent and better workers than myself it shook all I knew. I pride myself that I've been able to have humility in these situations instead of turning it into white rage and learning from it.

To this point, another bigoted thing I used to do that I wasn't aware of was to dismiss/judge any person not speaking "proper white person English" and would immediately dismiss someone if they talked with any type of dialect or affect. It was a way for me to feel superior. I wouldn't listen to the words the person was saying and instead just judge. It takes self awareness to recognize you've been doing this.

And where I grew up the hatred towards LQBTQ was even stronger. They were the main group to hate on in order to feel superior about oneself. God I remember being afraid to listen to bands just because they had a gay member and then others would rag on me for being gay (the worst thing you could call a Catholic kid in the 90s). Even like R.E.M. The internet wasn't around then so it seemed common where I grew up to not know any LGBTQ people and just treat them as non-human or through the religious prisms of "sinners" or "sodomites". And when viewed through the religious prism you believe you are being righteous. It's fucked up.

There comes a freedom from letting that life and way of living/thinking go which I found... it wasn't unlike when I got sober. But it's a real life change and takes self awareness to admit you've been raised and living with some ugly stuff that hurts other people outside your white male-centric Christian community.

Edit: even as I post this, I have fear of lurkers viewing this post this and wanting to respond with white rage and anger. A white person doesn't have to be the one to say it takes a lot to speak out against this new fear I have now.

 

[ShadowAUS]

I was a fucking asshole for a while. My teenage years were rough, and an even rougher year in college (as well as some family issues) made me go through a horrible depression. I spent a full year in my home without working or studying or doing anything other than forcing myself to do stuff for hours with my stoner friends even though I've never been a drinker or a smoker.

That sensation of not being worth anything at all made me feel rejected by the world, and rejection lead me to hate. You know, the usual; racism, sexism, homophobia, the works. Think a radical, disgusting version of the "no, it's them who are wrong" Skinner meme. Like, I even visited The_Donald and I'm not even american, for fucks' sake. Luckily, my world kinda turned upside down within the span of a year. A combination of having my first job and actually leaving my comfort zone for a while, my best friend openly coming out as bi, and meeting my girlfriend, who's been turning me into a better person every single day for around five years now, made me realise how much of a monster I had become.

And sadly, about that question in the OP, no, it did not felt tiring at all. I actually felt like I was in the right whenever I said some bullshit, and the rest were wrong and didn't know it yet.

I absolutely despise who I was just a few years ago, and I'm glad I do. That said, I'm also glad that it's all online and I haven't deleted any of it (I was specially pretty active on Reddit back then), since it's proof that as impossible as it might sound, it's always possible for someone to change and follow the right path.

(Man was that hard to write)

Click to shrink...

This rings somewhat true for me as well. I was young, homeschooled, isolated, depressed, and burdened by a massive amount of self loathing for myself and my body - I felt like a reject to society. And then Gamergate happened, and y'all can probably guess what happens next - I fell down the rabbit whole and turned into a typical young nerd with a white, male persecution complex. I felt like I was being attacked for being male, for being white, for liking video games, for finding offensive humour funny, for thinking people should stop being so sensitive etc. I was always more of the Libertarian tech douche than the alt-right chud, but I got closer than I like to remember.

I think the thing that fueled me most was like... a feeling of righteous persecution? Maybe mixed with a bit of a superiority complex. Like we were an oppressed group fighting for truth, logic, reason, and all of that bullshit. I felt like I had found something that gave me a reason to feel, to be angry, to live.

I can't even tell you what started snapping me out of it, but I do credit ResetEra with finishing snapping me out of it - and then sending me well and truly careening on the opposite path. This place has its issues, but I will always love it for how it helped educate me on so many topics that as a white homeschooled kid from rural Australia, I would most likely never be educated on otherwise. Race, class, politics, so on and so forth - the past 4 or so years have been full of so much personal growth and learning for me and I truly can barely even remember the angry and bitter kid I was in 2015-2016~.

 

[Cow]

I used to be transphobic when I was younger. It came from not understanding and having a perception they were deviants for some reason. There were not trans people around to speak to and humanise. I then started to speak to trans people online and found they were just normal people and the perception I had of them being sexual deviants was just nonsense.

Weird, I know. But I was young (about 20) and just kind of dumb.

 

[Big One]

Indoctrination. Its as simple as that. There isn't any real logic to it. Its like a cult.

 

[dennett316]

As a child in Scotland I grew up in a culture of people saying racist shit in a way that was so casual, now that I look back on it, I'm not quite sure how I'm not a racist piece of shit now. If you ordered a Chinese take out, you ordered a

Spoiler: racist term for Chinese people/food

"chinkie"

, cornor shop owners were called

Spoiler: racist word for Pakistani people

"Paki's"

, gay people were routinely called

Spoiler: slur for gay people

"poofs"

etc.
The worst example was the local newsagent was run by an Indian family, and everyone just called the father who owned it

Spoiler: racist name based on skin colour

"Black Bob"

. I said this crap because my friends and family did, only stopped as I grew up and realised how shitty all that stuff was. and I really didn't grasp the shitty meaning behind it all.

It was all so ingrained and casual, it's why I roll my eyes at some from the UK and the rest of Europe who talk about racism being an American problem. Bull. Shit.

EDIT - sorry the spoiler tags messed up the formatting. Is there a way to stop that happening?

 

[WeAreStarStuff]

I grew in a black baptist family. Forced to go to church twice a week. I was therfore pretty homophobic growing up until I went off to college. Honestly breaking free from religious indoctrination is what freed me (from a whole host of things.) Now I'm a 38 year old man, atheist, science lover, married to a beautiful bisexual woman.

 

[Soliloquy of a Dogge]

Not going to say too much in this thread as it's not really my place but thank you to all of those that are willing to share and revisit the uncomfortable truths of your past.

I think there's a, at least I hope there is, power in sharing these stories (even here) that will hopefully affect others and force them to take a look at themselves and understand that they too can learn, grow and shed the burden of hate if they're willing to challenge the notions they've been taught and/or come to believe.

Also think that this may be interesting reading for those who are curious. Older article but still appropriate nonetheless.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/the-white-flight-of-derek-black/2016/10/15/ed5f906a-8f3b-11e6-a6a3-d50061aa9fae_story.html

 

[HardTimesFamilyPride]

Ex-right wing reactionary here. A lot of this stuff isn't literally having your day ruined by other people living their lives - it's a performative show of domination.

The big misconception I notice is the whole "it must be tiring" thing. In my experience it was more like letting the same part of your brain that revels in dunking on shit you think sucks run 24/7. Not a lot of energy consumed because there is no active empathy or consideration going on, no work being done aside from staying on the offensive. It's actually quite compulsive and addictive when it's entrenched.

 

[julia crawford]

As a child in Scotland I grew up in a culture of people saying racist shit in a way that was so casual, now that I look back on it, I'm not quite sure how I'm not a racist piece of shit now. If you ordered a Chinese take out, you ordered a

Spoiler: racist term for Chinese people/food

"chinkie"

, cornor shop owners were called

Spoiler: racist word for Pakistani people

"Paki's"

, gay people were routinely called

Spoiler: slur for gay people

"poofs"

etc.
The worst example was the local newsagent was run by an Indian family, and everyone just called the father who owned it

Spoiler: racist name based on skin colour

"Black Bob"

. I said this crap because my friends and family did, only stopped as I grew up and realised how shitty all that stuff was. and I really didn't grasp the shitty meaning behind it all.

It was all so ingrained and casual, it's why I roll my eyes at some from the UK and the rest of Europe who talk about racism being an American problem. Bull. Shit.

EDIT - sorry the spoiler tags messed up the formatting. Is there a way to stop that happening?

Click to shrink...

You can use ispoiler to make inline blurry spoilers. Like this: this is a spoiler

 

[Seaman]

I just saw a vid on reddit recently where some women w/ massive Karen energy were complaining about a transwoman in a changing room and I was just thinking to myself how tiring that must be. Like I understand the ease of hating in private and trolling on the internet or whatever, but actually ranting and raving public is something else.

Can any former bigots explained the thought process behind stuff like this? Like the idea of pausing your day to complain to a manager about "those people" and stuff like that?

Click to shrink...

The hubris and arrogance in the way the question is posed, when no standard or description is even given, shows the irony and how self-absorbed many of us can be. I mean no disrespect.

But please, what do you even mean by Bigot? Simply"ranting and raving" in public? Or simply the ignorance of those "Karens" who make themselves look stupid with their actions?

Bigot as per Oxford's and Webster's dictionary: "A person who is intolerant toward those holding a different opinion". Are you intolerant of others who hold a different opinion?

if you wanted Bigot to mean what those ignorant "Karens" did, no I have never complained to a manager about a certain group of people, being dark skin myself. I do hold different opinions than those Karens, and than many here that use terms like "Bigots" loosely, allowing people on the other side to use it against us in the same incorrect manner. My point is at least make a valid argument when "Karens" ridicule themselves to blatantly.

Again, mean no offense but I do mean to raise the standard of discourse.

 

[mbpm]

Realistically pretty much everyone here would have been impacted and held bigoted views when we were younger. Product of gorwing up in a society that rewards and reinforces those views through media and social norms.

I definitely held some shit views regarding gender/race. From what I recall of those feelings, what drove them was, besides aforementioned societal stuff, was entitlement and desire for some sense of superiority, as a cis male, reinforced by the old feeling of powerlessness due to lack of social capability, despite holding the privilege that I had in that position.

 

[Travo]

I was raised around bigots where it was natural to look down on people who are different from me. A lot of us are conditioned to see others as enemies. Poor people mad at other poor people because they found an advantage. With experience, came change. You start to realize people are people no matter what. When I started to live in the "big" city and see these truths for myself is when I started to change my mindset. It sickens me that I still have family members stuck in this old mentality.

 

[thesoapster]

I was pretty homophobic growing up because of the usual toxic bullshit male mentality, plus religion. Actually getting to know gay people plus challenging my beliefs (and eventually abandoning them entirely) led me out of it.

 

[jml]

As a kid/teen in the late 90s & early 2000s it was the cool thing to pick on gay people so I pretty much just followed along with that. I would use homophobic slurs interchangeably with generic insults like "idiot" without even giving it a second thought. The popular media of the time kinda reinforced this thinking too; it was the xtreme era of heteronormative toxic masculinity. I'd watch my favorite entertainers making fun of people by insinuating that they were gay which I found funny.

It wasn't until pretty late in my high school years when I realized I was being an asshole to a group of people for no reason.

 

[TissueBox]

Not knowing that this was a matter of life and death for a lot of people until I started talking to genuine, mostly good people whose mental health were more than severely affected by the kind of stuff I used to think was harmless/acceptable. *solemn nod*

 

[molnizzle]

Environment plays a huge role. I was most of the way through high school before I realized that homosexuality was an actual real thing rather than just a way to insult someone. I didn't meet any (out) gay people until my early 20's. It was all just a big joke before then. Even after that, I was still pretty bigoted and assumed that gay people were just degenerates who chose to engage in those acts because of some deficiency of morals.

It took me becoming close friends with some gay men before I really understood that it wasn't a choice, it couldn't be changed, and due to the backlash from society many of them actually hated the fact that they were gay. It was like a lightbulb exploded in my brain. After that realization I questioned everything I had ever been indoctrinated with previously (specifically religion).

 

[Tapiozona]

As others have mentioned, it was primarily driven by friends and the environment I grew up in. My parents are both good people but we're very apolitical and never spoke about social issues with me growing up.

But I grew up in white suburbia, went to private schools, during a different era (I'm in my mid 40s). My friends had far more influence into who I was far more than my parents did and some of them were just shitty people. I'd say most of them were like me and once they got older, became wiser and outgrew those thoughts and behaviors but there were a few.. the loud ones, the popular ones.. who were raised that way by in their homes. Social media has been eye opening and their parents are all the typical folks you can imagine.

Honestly GAF to the largest extent is what changed me with my wife also changing my perspective in my late 20s.

Dunno how I would have ended up not finding those two things in my life

 

[Deleted member 3208]

Religion wasn't the reason I was a bigot; it was the environment. Was born and grew up in an extremely conservative country where the catholic church has too much control. People here are racist, sexist, transphobic... almost everything bad you want to ask for. On top of that, my parents enrolled me in a catholic school. So yeah, I was quite racist because my father is one. Homophobic because people said being gay was the worst; my father even told us that if one of his children was gay he would kill him. Thankfully I wasn't sexist.

What made me change and realize how terrible my views were was when I registered in the old forum back in 2014. This, of course, has made me lose friendships. But who cares; people who enjoy being bigots and denigrate other because of who they are, aren't good friends.

 

[Sotha_Sil]

I wouldn't call myself a bigot in my younger years, that's far too harsh a word, but I had a lack of exposure to different types of people. I lived in a very white, moderately well-to-do coastal town in Florida. Going to college and just meeting different people changed things quickly.

 

[The Turbanator]

I live by an inner city (read: Black and Hispanic pluralities) with a notably high crime rate and was influenced by my parents, bad apples, and the edgy teenage phase. I now understand the socioeconomic circumstances that lead to that situation so I just kinda feel bad for people influenced by violence, drugs, etc.

 

[Parthenios]

The big issues were always exposure and education. I don't know that I was ever a bigot necessarily but I did bigoted things and I know now there's not a meaningful distinction between the two. A good example is using the word "gay" as a derogatory term, even though I was pro gay rights. I'd been taught to use "gay" that way before I even knew what being gay was (or even any concept of sexuality at all), and I pedanticly clung to the notion that the words were merely homophones, as if fighting for gay marriage gave me permission to use that word.

I was thinking in terms of only myself and not those around me. I got older and internalized this, and try to keep in mind that there are tons of blind spots where I may think myself an ally but may be a bad actor myself.

 

[Big One]

The big issues were always exposure and education. I don't know that I was ever a bigot necessarily but I did bigoted things and I know now there's not a meaningful distinction between the two. A good example is using the word "gay" as a derogatory term, even though I was pro gay rights. I'd been taught to use "gay" that way before I even knew what being gay was (or even any concept of sexuality at all), and I pedanticly clung to the notion that the words were merely homophones, as if fighting for gay marriage gave me permission to use that word.

I was thinking in terms of only myself and not those around me. I got older and internalized this, and try to keep in mind that there are tons of blind spots where I may think myself an ally but may be a bad actor myself.

Click to shrink...

I actually used to be like that all the way up till my early 20s. Honestly discovering Neogaf (pre-split) kind of saved me back then.

 

[Deleted member 3010]

Mainly ignorance, lack of education, may it be from school or my parents themselves, being an immature teenager and not knowing better about the outside world than my little comfortable white bubble. NeoGAF, back then of course, opened my mind quite a bit as well.

 

[Redcrayon]

As things stand, this isn't the kind of discussion we're interested in hosting.