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Have you escaped from the friend zone?

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MrConbon210

MrConbon210

Member
Oct 31, 2017
7,650
Pretty self explanatory title. There's this girl I'm in love with but have no idea if it's actually feasible to be man enough to shift our friendship to the next stage.

Give me advice Era. You're my only hope.
 
Fat4all

Fat4all

Woke up, got a money tag, swears a lot
Member
Oct 25, 2017
93,019
here
d753893004d8e2df98ddd1f558f81d59.png
 
TaySan

TaySan

SayTan
Member
Dec 10, 2018
31,482
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Were you honest with her to begin with? You are going to have to give us more details. Ask her out and find out if she says no then move on.
 
Porygon

Porygon

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,036
Mexicali
I'm trying to, she knows, but I think it's the best to drop it

If you haven't told her your intentions, you should do it sooner than later
 
Neece

Neece

Member
Oct 27, 2017
9,202
You might want to request a title change or this will be a thread backfire.
 
Border

Border

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
14,859
It's possible with drinking and dancing and slow escalation.

I would advise against any heartfelt letters, poems, or speeches. It's something you have to slide into without putting on a lot of pressure.
 

Gpsych

Member
May 20, 2019
2,899
There is no "friend zone." Someone either has feelings for you or they don't. Best advice is to move on, as difficult as that may be. But there really isn't another option. Therapy is likely to help. I recommend you find a good LPC in your area to help you move forward.
 
Zippedpinhead

Zippedpinhead

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,744
You are probably not "in love" with her, you are in love with the idea of her.
Honestly your best bet is to be friends and go date someone else.

next time just ask someone out on a date first, if you are interested that way.

more details would help, but your best solution to a friendzone is try to identify WHY you are obsessed. A friend zone is rarely about the object of your affection and is likely something you need to review within yourself
 

Deleted member 10629

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
12,238
This thread won't end well for you with that title OP, lol.

BTW there's no 'next stage' for a friendship. You gotta make your intentions clear at the beginning, pretending to be someone's friend in order to pursue a relationship later isn't cool.
 
sensui-tomo

sensui-tomo

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
4,629
You either ask the girl out or you don't. Tell her you're not looking for a friend (cuz you probably have a bunch) and that you're looking for something more serious. She'll either tell you she's interested/not interested/or might ghost ya. There is no friend zone, it's called hesitation. You got to be honest or you won't get anywhere.
Then you move on if you get rejected, or come here and give us good news if you get to go on a date.
 
OP
OP
MrConbon210

MrConbon210

Member
Oct 31, 2017
7,650
Zippedpinhead said:
You are probably not "in love" with her, you are in love with the idea of her.
Honestly your best bet is to be friends and go date someone else.

next time just ask someone out on a date first, if you are interested that way.

more details would help, but your best solution to a friendzone is try to identify WHY you are obsessed. A friend zone is rarely about the object of your affection and is likely something you need to review within yourself
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I identified as gay when I first met her while now I'm bisexual so my intentions when becoming her friend had no expectation I would end up falling for her.
 
Weiss

Weiss

User requested ban
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
64,265
Well first things first, I would recommend changing the title because even if we all recognize you're talking about wanting to ask a friend out, "the friend zone" has become an extremely toxic definition used by creepazoids who are mad that they're endless Nice Guy attitude doesn't get them laid.

To actually answer your question: Just go for it, bro.
 
leberkas

leberkas

Banned
Nov 10, 2020
71
The "friend zone" is men being bad communicators/straight up trying to be manipulative and thinking they can somehow move a friendship to a relationship.
Be honest about your intentions from the first time you meet.
Don't try to pull some grand switcheroo after a girl starts to trust you as a friend, sketching her out and making her feel used. Make it obvious you are after more than friendship as soon as possible, or she'll feel lied to.

I'm sorry, but it's very unlikely you will get with this specific girl. If you liked her as more than a friend, you most likely missed your chance. If you try to make a move now, you'll just creep her out and risk your friendship.
 
OP
OP
MrConbon210

MrConbon210

Member
Oct 31, 2017
7,650
sensui-tomo said:
You either ask the girl out or you don't. Tell her you're not looking for a friend (cuz you probably have a bunch) and that you're looking for something more serious. She'll either tell you she's interested/not interested/or might ghost ya. There is no friend zone, it's called hesitation. You got to be honest or you won't get anywhere.
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I actually have very small social circle. There's about 3-4 people I actively talk to. I choose the people I hang out with very carefully.
 
Dogo Mojo

Dogo Mojo

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,176
Without context the "friendzone" thing has always been bullshit to me. I know it's not always easy but you have to make a choice, either tell them how you feel if you think they could feel the same way, don't and just be their friend or if you can't do that then just break off the friendship. It's not fair to you or your friend to hold something like this over the friendship, and it won't lead anywhere healthy.
 
OP
OP
MrConbon210

MrConbon210

Member
Oct 31, 2017
7,650
leberkas said:
The "friend zone" is men being bad communicators/straight up trying to be manipulative and thinking they can somehow move a friendship to a relationship.
Be honest about your intentions from the first time you meet.
Don't try to pull some grand switcheroo after a girl starts to trust you as a friend, sketching her out and making her feel used. Make it obvious you are after more than friendship as soon as possible, or she'll feel lied to.

I'm sorry, but it's very unlikely you will get with this specific girl. If you liked her as more as a friend, you most likely missed your chance. If you try to make a move now, you'll just creep her out and risk your friendship.
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I was gay when I first met her so I couldn't really announce my intentions straight up.
 
Guppeth

Guppeth

Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,848
Sheffield, UK
MrConbon210 said:
Pretty self explanatory title. There's this girl I'm in love with but have no idea if it's actually feasible to be man enough to shift our friendship to the next stage.

Give me advice Era. You're my only hope.
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Tell her how you feel, ASAP.
If she feels the same, cool.
If not, that's that. Accept it. Forget that shit about manning up or moving to the next stage.

MrConbon210 said:
I actually have very small social circle. There's about 3-4 people I actively talk to. I choose the people I hang out with very carefully.
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If she doesn't feel the same way, do you want to stay friends? Decide that. Good friends are valuable and it would be a shame to lose one. It'll require some emotional maturity on your part but you can do it.
 
Border

Border

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
14,859
MrConbon210 said:
We kissed once a month back while we were a lil' drunk
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Sounds like a good place to start. I'd say try going to a play/concert and then out for drinks, but plays and concerts are kinda hard to go to these days.

If you are feeling adventurous you can maybe bring up the time you kissed, and say that it's been on your mind (in a good way ). Just don't say anything stupid, like "I can't stop thinking about it" or whatever.
 
Khamsinvera

Khamsinvera

Member
Oct 31, 2017
1,580
Opposite issue

Wanna get back into the friendzone

I want my freedom back, I can get the sex elsewhere

Please
 
Volimar

Volimar

volunteer forum janitor
Member
Oct 25, 2017
38,573
MrConbon210 said:
I was gay when I first met her so I couldn't really announce my intentions straight up.
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Forget the friend zone thing for a minute. If you told her how you feel and she said she wants to remain friends, that's the friend zone. Most people confuse that with someone who has always had feelings for someone and played the friend instead of telling her how they felt. That version is wrong, manipulative, and creepy. Thankfully that one doesn't seem to apply here.

Tell her how you feel. That's the only way forward, one way or the other.
 
OP
OP
MrConbon210

MrConbon210

Member
Oct 31, 2017
7,650
Border said:
Sounds like a good place to start. I'd say try going to a play/concert and then out for drinks, but plays and concerts are kinda hard to go to these days.

If you are feeling adventurous you can maybe bring up the time you kissed, and say that it's been on your mind (in a good way ). Just don't say anything stupid, like "I can't stop thinking about it" or whatever.
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We go to theme parks a lot enjoy drinking our way around the world at EPCOT. I would hate to end up like last time and chalk it up to being inebriated though. Theme parks are our biggest connection though.
 
Weiss

Weiss

User requested ban
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
64,265
MrConbon210 said:
I was gay when I first met her so I couldn't really announce my intentions straight up.
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Here's how I see it.

You can ask her out, and explain that you weren't really sure about your own feelings and only put them together now.

If she lets you down but still wants to be friends, then that's fine. If you're a good man you will continue to value her as a friend.

If she decides that she wants nothing to do with you at all anymore, not even as friends, then whatever you wanted was never there.

MrConbon210 said:
Maybe I have the wrong idea about what the friendzone means?
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Yeah basically we all know what you mean, that you like a friend but aren't sure how to approach making it romantic, but "the friend zone" is used a lot by creepass dudes who think that if they hover around a girl long enough that their niceness will pay off and be rewarded with sex.

leberkas said:
Well this is a weird twist. Did you .... stop being gay? Did you discover you were bisexual? What happened???
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This is very normal. Questioning can take a while until you figure out what you really identify as.
 

Deleted member 33533

Banned
Nov 17, 2017
12,864
Are you good friends? If you have a strong friendship, I think there's nothing wrong with just being upfront and straight to them about your feelings.

"Hey, I know we're friends but I've developed feelings for you and I'm wondering if you'd want to pursue something romantic."

I mean, not that word for word but, yeah, just tell them how you feel. They will either say yes or no. The important thing is to respect whatever decision they make.


leberkas said:
The "friend zone" is men being bad communicators/straight up trying to be manipulative and thinking they can somehow move a friendship to a relationship.
Be honest about your intentions from the first time you meet.
Don't try to pull some grand switcheroo after a girl starts to trust you as a friend, sketching her out and making her feel used. Make it obvious you are after more than friendship as soon as possible, or she'll feel lied to.

I'm sorry, but it's very unlikely you will get with this specific girl. If you liked her as more than a friend, you most likely missed your chance. If you try to make a move now, you'll just creep her out and risk your friendship.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
To be fair, sometimes you develop feelings for someone after having known them for awhile. You don't always meet someone for the first time and think "I want to date this person." It doesn't automatically mean you've been manipulating someone. I agree about not using the term "friendzone' because it's become wrapped up in a lot of toxic stuff but it doesn't seem like that's what OP is doing.
 
Zippedpinhead

Zippedpinhead

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,744
MrConbon210 said:
I identified as gay when I first met her while now I'm bisexual so my intentions when becoming her friend had no expectation I would end up falling for her.
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Then make your intentions be known to her, if you truly want to date her then you must come to grips with knowing that romantic relationships can end but some don't, take the risk and if she does reciprocate then great.

If she doesn't then you need to look inside yourself,

just don't tell her you love her before you date her. Ask her out on a "proper date" or say "I need some romance let's go out", It will take actual effort and you will have to try to do all those first date romance things all over again, even if you have done similar things as friends. Let her know your feelings have changed through actions, intent as well as words.

And above all else be repectful, if she tells you she doesn't like you that way it sucks, been there and it sucks, but that will likely be it.
 
kirby_fox

kirby_fox

Member
Oct 29, 2017
5,733
Midwest USA
I can't even make it into the friend zone these days, just colleague adjacent. Only time I "escaped" was when the girl was interested.

Best of luck though.
 
OP
OP
MrConbon210

MrConbon210

Member
Oct 31, 2017
7,650
Volimar said:
Forget the friend zone thing for a minute. If you told her how you feel and she said she wants to remain friends, that's the friend zone. Most people confuse that with someone who has always had feelings for someone and played the friend instead of telling her how they felt. That version is wrong, manipulative, and creepy. Thankfully that one doesn't seem to apply here.

Tell her how you feel. That's the only way forward, one way or the other.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
I haven't told her how I truly felt. She's mentioned to me that I'm incredibly attractive and I have said things like she's a perfect puzzle piece but nothing past very obscure flirting.
 
Pirateluigi

Pirateluigi

Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,876
If you're interested in someone, ask them out. If you're already friends with them, just understand that you may lose the friendship. If that's not worth the risk, then move on.
 
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