Preference in your SO and skin colour

[fanboi]

I was having a discussion with a colleague of mine where we discussed skin colour and preference. This person stated that it is not racist to be more attractive to one set of skin colour (in this case white above darker skin tone).

While I agreed, I also added that if you don't define this person based on skin colour, then it is OK in my book.

So ERA, am I (and my colleague wrong)? I don't think so, it is the same as I find brunets more attractive then blonds (but of course red heads are the best).

Of course, not all boils down to one set of features to be attractive.

 

[LQX]

Why is anyone even having a conversation like this in the open? This should be something you keep to yourself.

 

[Deleted member 8861]

Yeah man I don't think this is the time or the place to be pondering that.

I think having aesthetic preferences is fine so long as you don't lose sight of the person.

 

[Masoyama]

I noticed recently that everyone I dated isn't only the same race but like the same shade of white. Dated in 3 different continents and met people that speak 3 different languages and they are the same color. Weird part is that features and personality, there very different. Point being, you like what you like and you go after whatever makes you feel.

 

[fanboi]

Why is anyone even having a conversation like this in the open? This should be something you keep to yourself.

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You mean what you find attractive in general or the scenario in the OP?

 

[darz1]

Skin colour is such an odd thing to have a preference for. I mean I know we all have preferences but skin colour?

 

[Border]

You can't really control who and what you are attracted to.

That said, I would be skeptical and questioning of anybody that regularly/automatically rejects or rules out everyone of a darker skin shade. We all have our preferences, but you shouldn't always define things along those lines.

 

[Sage]

The reason you are attracted to one particular skin tone may well by 'racist' in that it is informed by cultural norms and even prejudices, or on the other side of the spectrum more of a 'fetish' for exoticism. At the end of the day though you can't help what you feel and everyone is different.

 

[fanboi]

Skin colour is such an odd thing to have a preference for. I mean I know we all have preferences but skin colour?

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I mean from a looks-only perspective it is quite big no? Moreso then hair color and other features I guess.

 

[Deleted member 925]

It's not a preference, it's just being straight up racist.

This is a big issue in gay "dating" apps, like Grindr. People list what their "preferences" are, i.e. whites only, no blacks, and so on.

 

[fanboi]

The reason you are attracted to one particular skin tone may well by 'racist' in that it is informed by cultural norms and even prejudices, or on the other side of the spectrum more of a 'fetish' for exoticism. The end of the day is you can't help what you feel though and everyone is different.

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Ah! Excellent point.

Yes, you can have a biased towards certain skin colours due to social stigmas and/or prejudice.

 

[Bio]

Every color is beautiful on human skin. It is the least defining traits of beauty that I know. If this is what you are focusing on then maybe you were focusing on the wrong things

 

[FUME5]

Having a preference is fine, refusing to date anyone outside of a certain skin colour is not.

 

[fanboi]

It's not a preference, it's just being straight up racist.

This is a big issue in gay "dating" apps, like Grindr. People list what their "preferences" are, i.e. whites only, no blacks, and so on.

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But how can it be racist if it is just one set of preference that isn't governing the whole selection process? Yes that sounds very automatic and streamlined, but for the sake of conversation.

 

[PaulloDEC]

You can't really be blamed for having a preference, so long as that preference isn't informed by negative views regarding a particular race(s).

 

[fanboi]

Every color is beautiful on human skin. It is the least defining traits of beauty that I know. If this is what you are focusing on then maybe you were focusing on the wrong things

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Playing devils advocate here.

But what you find the least defining trait is for someone main, so we all have different priorites no?

 

[fanboi]

Having a preference is fine, refusing to date anyone outside of a certain skin colour is not.

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I agree.

I was in a loooong car ride with a unknown dude (was moving) and he opened with "I find all black women ugly".
That was the longest car ride in my life...

 

[27 Burritos]

I like opaque skin. Thats why I stay away from geckos and those clear fish.

 

[darz1]

I mean from a looks-only perspective it is quite big no? Moreso then hair color and other features I guess.

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I don't know. It's never been a factor to me. Even superficially.

Playing devils advocate here.

But what you find the least defining trait is for someone main, so we all have different priorites no?

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Yeah and someone who only like short people are bias against tall people. Someone who only likes skinny people is bias against bigger people. Someone who only likes white skin is bias against people who don't have white skin.

 

[Van Bur3n]

If you refuse to date someone because of their skin color you're racist. That much is clear.

In terms of preference and what you're attracted to, I wouldn't doubt there is a degree of unconscious racism in some cases.

 

[fanboi]

I don't know. It's never been a factor to me. Even superficially.


Yeah and someone who only like short people are bias against tall people. Someone who only likes skinny people is bias against bigger people. Someone who only likes white skin is bias against people who don't have white skin.

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Yes.

If you have a preference of X, a person with Y will have a bigger hurdle. Depending on the preference priority the hurdle can be smal or large.

 

[Pet]

You mean what you find attractive in general or the scenario in the OP?

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Yeah why the hell would you talk about what kind of skin color you're attracted to at work?

That's the kind of conversation left best for people you know well, if you *must* have the conversation at all.

But that's simply not appropriate conversation for polite company.

 

[Ganransu]

Here in China, the preference is most usually pale white. No one ever recognize the racism in it, or the odd white worship, doubly so if the person praising white is the best also demand love for the Chinese race at the same time*.

*While we Chinese can have a skin colour range from pale to light brown; I'm naturally pale for example, comparable to my UK friends in skin colour; most Chinese aren't exactly the white that they want, hence why the massive market for whitening skincare products.

 

[Deleted member 925]

But how can it be racist if it is just one set of preference that isn't governing the whole selection process? Yes that sounds very automatic and streamlined, but for the sake of conversation.

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By skirting the issue and saying you're just streamlining your dating pool, that still comes off as extremely ignorant. You can definitely not be attracted to individual people, but to say you're not going to date a specific color of people due to "preferences" is racist.

 

[Green Mario]

Y'alls loss, I guess. People of every race/ethnicity/skin color are hot af.

 

[faceless]

i don't see skin color.

i just judge partners based on their merit and compatibility with me.

how is it not prejudiced to pre-judge? that's the word my dude. and then based on skin tone? yeah, that's textbook racism.

 

[Fart Master]

It's racist

 

[perfectchaos007]

Threads like these usually devolve into diet/full blown racism so we're going to close it