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It's clearly a ymmv thing. You'll make new friends out of it and you'll land a few dates and relationships. Honestly it also depends on where you live and the demographic. Personally it's worked out into dates and short relationships more often than not. I wouldn't say speed dating speed dating but more of those 'dating with a twist' nonsense they peddle. People really buy that. As a rule of thumb at these events, the people who talk to other people of the same gender and group up are the ones who end up being more successful.
There are supports - who be it a relationship or not are clearly not interested in anyone at all. In terms of attractive people it depends on the demographic really 21-35 or 23-38 usually has a lot of young workaholics in big cities so you'll find attractive people. It also depends on which area since people tend to go for the ones nearer to work and some areas have industries that generally attract attractive people. There are the friend types but that's the case with any dating thing. But usually it works out to a good 50-50.
Haven't been up to speed on this thread in a while... but yeah, I only ever dated online for a few months last year, and went for another round a couple months ago (I dated A TON of women...) And your description is totally what it's like - just too many posibilites for anyone to stand still - always "moving on to the next", even if the current one is more than fine - the "fear of missing out" is WAY too prevalent in online dating. It really makes things difficult to get past an initial meet and into anything more substantive where you actually get to know the person.
I've completely taken myself off the dating sites recently, focusing on a couple girls I've met through friends. And man, online dating and "non-line" dating are so fucking different. First, if neither of you are online, there's no big pool of people/messages to draw from, so things aren't as urgent and it's easier to get to know the other person without either of you feeling the urge to look elsewhere so easily. You're less likely to be thinking of someone else. Someone online (if they're being serious and not using it as an ego-boost), is more likely to be actively looking for a relationship, but they're running through inaccurate profiles, having greater preconceived notions about someone versus meeting someone off-line who's more likely to take the person, in-person just as they are, without any additional expectations being put on them. At least initially.
Yes, meeting people and first dates through dating sites is MUCH easier than not. But it's the rest of the process, the whole giving the other person a chance beyond a meetup and a profile, the more laid back time-table, etc that's all much easier when your dating off-line. At least that's been my experience.
And I gotta tell you, guys, if you have women friends and they like you, they will be more than happy to set you up with their friends. A friend telling her friend about "a great guy" she has in mind for her, goes over about 1000x better than the greatest online profile you could ever come up with. A woman vouching for you is like a cheat-code/god-mode for dating.
Anyway, sorry for the long post... TL;DR version: online and off-line dating are very different - try them both, play each differently, get women friends to set you up!
Wait, you're the one that just came out of a 6.5 year relationship, right? How do you feel about immediately going out with someone else? I ask because I'm also recently single and the thought of meeting anyone is honestly kind of mentally exhausting. I know everyone's different, but man I need that gap to figure myself out again.
Id say he'd already mentally checked out of that previous relationship. But generally is best to give yourself some relationship decompress time before looking again. 8Nobody wants to be the rebound.
I just remembered why i fucking hate dating sites .......... A cute girl messages you back, you get all excited, then you message her back and you wait for a response, and you keep checking your phone. Meanwhile she could ghost at any time/think something you said was a little weird, or didn't like that you used a smiley face, or you said something wrong, or she just wasn't into you and was just responding out of courtesy.
I fucking over think everything, I think its why I hate dating so much.... I studied psychology for quite a few years and it really sucks to know shit when you're dating people =/
I fucking over think everything, I think its why I hate dating so much.... I studied psychology for quite a few years and it really sucks to know shit when you're dating people =/
You shouldn't keep checking your phone.
Yes, she could ghost at any time, but so could you.
Ultimately, if you don't meet up soon, it's no huge loss: some intervening factor happened, possibly outside of your control entirely.
And yes, there are dealbreaker things that you can do. ut it's unlikely that anyone's responding out of courtesy, simply because women generally receive too many messages and have too many matches to waste time screwing around with things like that.
You're overthinking literally everything.
Dating sites are not the answer -- they're simply one tool in your toolkit. And you need to remember that the entire point of them is simply to help both parties pre-screen potential matches so that you can proceed to the first meet-up, where you'll inevitably rehash the things you talked about online because no one remembers the crap you wrote to each other.
Finally, the things that you're overthinking -- will she respond? is she into me? is she just responding out of courtesy? -- are largely going to apply whether you meet someone on Tinder or at the grocery store. You should learn how to mitigate your anxiety, because uncertainty about how (and how much) someone new in your life feels about you is something that's never going away.
I know all of this lol, I have a tendency to overthink everything ....... Its actually why despite Objectively having data suggesting I'm not a terrible looking guy (slept with alot of girls, actually receive messages FROM girls on these sites, instead of me always reaching out), I still feel absolutely worthless and I end up not messaging anybody because They all say things like "want someone who knows what they want out of life" or "someone who has their shit together" and, Honestly I don't at the moment, I'm just lonely as fuck.
I make a decent amount of money each month, am an average looking guy, and have nerdy tendencies. Even when I was considered "good looking" i had self conscious issues, because I over think EVERYTHING.
I make a decent amount of money each month, am an average looking guy, and have nerdy tendencies. Even when I was considered "good looking" i had self conscious issues, because I over think EVERYTHING.
Ernest
Dating online is just so easy; partly because majority of people have terrible openers, just say hi a lot, talk for about a month, and send essays to each other. The whole essay thing was getting out of hand the last time I checked. If your message is more than 7 lines I'll only respond when I've got free time but I'd prefer that conversation in person unless I've been dating the essay person for a few months. But on point of it being easy - it really is that easy and that puts everyone on the yeah there's another one around the corner. FOMO is huge and it's usually a 3 date thing or a short fling half of the time.
Offline dating is so much better. Partly because a lot of people who tend to date offline would have been tired of online dating in the first place or don't want to try it. They're willing to get to know you and you actually focus on spending time doing things and making plans faster. Emotional intimacy progresses faster because of the reasons you stated but the dating part gets relaxed. Having opposite sex friends, going out with a wing person, etc are great ways to meet new people. Over half of the people I know in the city despite using dating apps have found serious relationships outside of them. Yes people use dating apps and the like but there are few marriages, long term relationships and the like coming from it. It's great if you want to be a serial dater though. Yes this is anecdotal but the whole gamification experience must have something to do with it.
I'm in agreement with pretty much all your points and I'd recommend doing Offline to Online on a 3:1 ratio. I mean remember even in big cities online dating has fewer women and lots of men as opposed to actual demographics.
Dating online is just so easy; partly because majority of people have terrible openers, just say hi a lot, talk for about a month, and send essays to each other. The whole essay thing was getting out of hand the last time I checked. If your message is more than 7 lines I'll only respond when I've got free time but I'd prefer that conversation in person unless I've been dating the essay person for a few months. But on point of it being easy - it really is that easy and that puts everyone on the yeah there's another one around the corner. FOMO is huge and it's usually a 3 date thing or a short fling half of the time.
Offline dating is so much better. Partly because a lot of people who tend to date offline would have been tired of online dating in the first place or don't want to try it. They're willing to get to know you and you actually focus on spending time doing things and making plans faster. Emotional intimacy progresses faster because of the reasons you stated but the dating part gets relaxed. Having opposite sex friends, going out with a wing person, etc are great ways to meet new people. Over half of the people I know in the city despite using dating apps have found serious relationships outside of them. Yes people use dating apps and the like but there are few marriages, long term relationships and the like coming from it. It's great if you want to be a serial dater though. Yes this is anecdotal but the whole gamification experience must have something to do with it.
I'm in agreement with pretty much all your points and I'd recommend doing Offline to Online on a 3:1 ratio. I mean remember even in big cities online dating has fewer women and lots of men as opposed to actual demographics.
Managed to get a date with a really attractive girl. Feeling really good about it. Been talking with her for a few days and she seems so great.
So I had a nice convo with someone on Tinder last night, and we ended up trading numbers and making plans for Monday. I checked today, and she's unmatched me. Is that normal for people to do after trading numbers, or is it a sign that she's getting cold feet? I'd text her and ask if we're still on, but it's the 4th so I don't want to intrude and stress her out while she's enjoying the holiday.
I'm actually wondering the same. Not saying that I'm superpopular, but atleast one match a week was norm. Now it is a complete wasteland to the point that something fels off. Maybe it Was the end of my tinder line basically.
I suspect they're trying to quietly break the "free" people into submission so that they purchase boost and other premium features.
Whatever the case, guess I'm shelving my account again then.
My best match ever ended up deleting her account soon after she matched with me. However, that was mainly because she was just testing the waters and wasn't really interested in the app (aka her friend coaxed her into doing it); I just happened to be an incidental bonus when we hit it off.
So it could either be that -- which would be oddly specific -- or she may have ghosted you. Either way, wouldn't hurt to try texting her tomorrow.
So a colleague told me he's going on a date with a girl he looked up on Facebook. I guess this lends further credence to the theory that as long as you're attractive, you can get away with a lot of shit that would normally be considered creepy. Never in a million years would I have the nerve to pull a stunt like that lol.
There might be more to the story than just looking up a random girl on Facebook and being good looking.
Hi all! First time posting in this thread. I'm now getting back to dating and after reading a lot of guides about profiles etc. I'd like some advice on my pics. How do you feel about a picture in front of a blackboard filled with math? As a PhD student in Algebra it is relevant to me and of course it wouldn't be the first or second pic, just one that adds more variety to them. If it sounds cringy or something please tell me, I just need the opinion of some better-informed people.
Sounds good to me and makes a potential topic of conversation.
Might be, but then again those are the kind of details I'd be sure to include in a story like this haha.
Go for it! With a black background, choose lighter colour clothes so that you don't blend in and stand out. If you have any photos of when you're traveling, get those as 1st or 2nd. Have one to show to your fun side. No group pics. Wishing you success with the profile :)
Thanks for the comments everyone, I'll include one! Sounds like it'll pair nicely with some of my pics travelling and hiking.
Your chance to hit it off was Wednesday night when she invited you over. Someone else likely got to her 1st.
Also, when you finally met you shouldn't have taken her out for dinner/drinks. It should've been come over to my place for drinks/dinner.
It's fine, but should be your 3-4th picture
That's not normal imo and I would see it as a bad sign. Definitely check in
Sometimes it's easier just logging in twice a day and get your messages in/out.
I never type names in text for this reason
Girl from my company hits me up on Facebook last night. Friends me and messages me. We chatted for 90 minutes. I love it when women go after me, because I don't see signs, I'm clueless. If someone is nice to me, I figure they are just being nice to me as common courtesy. She was pretty aggressive. I thought it might have been alcohol speaking, with the July 4th holiday, but she said she only had one and a half drinks and it isn't alcohol talking. In retrospect, she did purposely sneak up on me to scare me and say goodbye when I was working in the networking closet. She didn't have to say goodbye to me.
Anyways, we are going to plan something for next weekend, since this weekend I am on call for my IT job. We'll see how it goes.
Edit: She texted me this morning. It's probably not the alcohol, unless she is drinking this morning or stayed up all night.
Anyways, we are going to plan something for next weekend, since this weekend I am on call for my IT job. We'll see how it goes.
Edit: She texted me this morning. It's probably not the alcohol, unless she is drinking this morning or stayed up all night.
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Slowly losing weight, dressing better, doing well at my new-ish job, being more social and proactive with women I know. Feels so good. I plan on going out on second date with my lady friend from Monday.
I also talk to an old FWB who is madly in love with me. I care about her and she's cool, but I don't know if we could realistically sustain a relationship. She lives really far away now, but wants to come visit me. Lucky enough, we both have the same days off from our respective jobs.
Then there's another long distance (overseas) who wants to come visit me this fall too. Problem is, the PTO at our jobs work differently, plus, she would also have to come for an extended visit. We're talking at least a week, if not longer, which for her, would be really expensive from where she lives.
I guess the point of this post is that it's nice to have options. You never know what might happen or where things go. Having the chance for things to happen is better than having no chances at all.
I also talk to an old FWB who is madly in love with me. I care about her and she's cool, but I don't know if we could realistically sustain a relationship. She lives really far away now, but wants to come visit me. Lucky enough, we both have the same days off from our respective jobs.
Then there's another long distance (overseas) who wants to come visit me this fall too. Problem is, the PTO at our jobs work differently, plus, she would also have to come for an extended visit. We're talking at least a week, if not longer, which for her, would be really expensive from where she lives.
I guess the point of this post is that it's nice to have options. You never know what might happen or where things go. Having the chance for things to happen is better than having no chances at all.
I would focus less on the long distance and put all your energy into locals
She's wired into your brain for 6.5 years.
Go ahead and cry it out. My large ex still pops in my brain once in awhile. All I can tell you is time
I'm not putting much effort into the "long distance" things. They're long time friends anyway that I keep in touch with on regular basis anyway. So at the very least, they'll always be my friends.
Thats completly normal to feel like that. Remove temptation and take her number out of your phone.
Just never forget why you broke up and it was probably for a good reason.
I don't know whats wrong with me, but no matter how many girls I date, I cannot get attached to anyone. I feel like I'm exploiting them all even if I really don't want to. It happens that I get excited about someone, and then, After a while, the effect Just wears off.
date 2 with the same girl was last night. It was.... fine
maybe I'm overthinking this but there is a certain kind of blandness as this thing develops that is kind of disconcerting. Everything just seems so normal that it almost feels like a lack of chemistry or something.
It's cool to see her but honestly I can take or leave it. I'm not super excited about it for some reason. Perhaps I'm broken.
maybe I'm overthinking this but there is a certain kind of blandness as this thing develops that is kind of disconcerting. Everything just seems so normal that it almost feels like a lack of chemistry or something.
It's cool to see her but honestly I can take or leave it. I'm not super excited about it for some reason. Perhaps I'm broken.
Hard to know when it's you or the people you are encountering that leave more to be desired
Take a break from dating and focus on something else for a while.
If she was twirling her hair, maybe a sign. But twirling a lanyard at work is pretty standard behaviour when bored imo. Unless if she's doing it directly at you with eye contact and during a conversation, then could be something there.
Honestly, you should not be looking for "signs" like this, instead listen to what she is saying, that's the most accurate sign. Just ask her for a date and you'll have your answer.
slightly drunk and lonely at the verge of crying because a lady on Tinder doesn't answer me. What a great Saturday night
She isn't the only girl on Tinder. If she doesn't respond, there will be others. Patience, buddy.
I think I hit it off with the girl that cut my hair today, but I didn't ask her for her number. Instead, I made a second appointment, just in case it was just her trying to get a good tip. Did I mess up? What would ERA have done?
Your overinvested, thats not a good starting point for dating anybody.