Should I be single again?

Rendering... · Jul 8, 2018

He sounds demanding. From what you describe, he's taking you for granted. The things you do to show him affection should not become chores that you have to perform to stop him from getting upset with you. The solution is to communicate better.

Instead of trying to condition him a certain way with your actions, tell him what you want. Communication is so important, because different people have different ways of thinking. You simply can't expect him to get the right message from your actions alone. Use words.

Deleted member 33533 · Jul 8, 2018

Sho_Nuff82 said:
I love how the OP just drops in to give culinary advice without providing any context to the people baffled about the arrangement of this relationship. "He's sorta Indian ya know" isn't enough descriptive information.

The picture OP has painted is a very old school breadwinner & houseperson pairing. Seems his bf comes home and fully expects a hot meal, a back rub (or a foot rub in this case), and silence as he catches up with the daily news. OP is laser focused on these few disagreements instead of looking at the bigger picture of how they fell into this pattern of behavior, and moreso, if this is what they actually want out of a relationship.

OP, how do you see your ideal relationship playing out? What is it about your bf that drew you to him, besides the physical aspect?

I feel like there is a lot more to this story but we're missing the context. Either way, it's clear OP needs to communicate clearly with his partner.

Cwyll · Jul 8, 2018

Apologise to him and offer to change his diaper for a week instead...

Murkas · Jul 8, 2018

I mean, if you're asking...

Adam_Roman · Jul 8, 2018

I was gonna say him throwing a fit over not being fed and you not having your camera on is abnormal and you need to get out of it because he's acting like a baby, but since you mentioned you like that he's a mix of baby and macho, I have no idea. I'm kind of out of my element at that point. I still feel like it's not healthy to do that shit and demand foot rubs.

Sho_Nuff82 · Jul 8, 2018

Kismet said:
He's a charmer and has a big mouth on him. In the past I had partners who were too nice and agreed with everything. I got bored of them eventually. And that ended the relationship. I need a bit of a tough and active person, otherwise I'll lose interest.

My current partner is a big baby and a macho man at the same time. And I love that about him. He's highly educated and has a good job, too.

He just needs to find a good baby/macho balance because an abundance of both is bad. That's why I didn't feed him. I want to condition him that he can not always expect such behaviour from me.

But I didn't expect such feedback.

Just wanted to first say thank you for replying earnestly, a lot of relationship threads go on forever because posters avoid the tough questions.

It sounds to me like you enjoy the rough edges of his personality, but get annoyed when he completely closes off. You also enjoy doting on him, but get bored when he gets needy.

This sounds less like you guys aren't compatible, and more like you're still figuring out a good pace as you ease out of your honeymoon phase. If you're serious about moving together, you can't just suddenly change behavior out of the blue with the hope your partner will passive aggressively take the hint. You're going to potentially spending a lot more time together, most of it downtime, if you don't think you can do the maid thing 16 hrs/day for the next few years you should probably say that now and see how he feels.

Hassel · Jul 8, 2018

Brb gonna see if the wife is willing hand feed me this bacon and eggs

Edit- she is not ;( and now we are having cereal.

yado · Jul 8, 2018

Feeding a grown ass able bodied man? Is this a fetish?

Inugami · Jul 8, 2018

Francesco said:
"Normal people" triggered me.

Would you prefer if I used the term "average"? Or did you get triggered because of it's use in relation to a relationship nearly ending over a dinner?

Edge · Jul 8, 2018

First:

This all sounds a bit like 2 13 year olds have their very first relationship, just completely inexperienced and weird....

Second:

Bacon · Jul 8, 2018

Eatin' Olives said:
Took me off-guard as well but as I went through the thread the amount of people explicitly mentioning "two guys" when making fun of how "weird" it seems gets some side-eye from me.

Not everyone in the thread is doing that. There's a decent amount of constructive feedback to the OP. Then there's some posters that are just... insensitive to say the least.

If my girlfriend got upset that I wasn't handfeeding her I'd be out like a light. Ain't got nothing to do with straight or gay, it's more of a grown adult thing to me. There's one poster who made any reference at all to it being a gay thing, don't try insinuating that the whole thread is doing that.

Deleted member 24907 · Jul 8, 2018

Bacon said:
If my girlfriend got upset that I wasn't handfeeding her I'd be out like a light. Ain't got nothing to do with straight or gay, it's more of a grown adult thing to me. There's one poster who made any reference at all to it being a gay thing, don't try insinuating that the whole thread is doing that.

Read my post, dude. When did I say the whole thread is doing that? The very post you're quoting literally says "not everyone in this thread is doing that"...

Nikus · Jul 8, 2018

I'm drunk right now and I wonder if it made this thread worse, or better. I think I avoided any risk of hangover thanks to this. Thanks, I guess.
We're reading this with my wife on our one year wedding anniversary, and it makes us think we're gonna be okay.
That said, we're browsing Era on our anniversary.
Should I be single again?

lenovox1 · Jul 8, 2018

Sho_Nuff82 said:
Just wanted to first say thank you for replying earnestly, a lot of relationship threads go on forever because posters avoid the tough questions.

It sounds to me like you enjoy the rough edges of his personality, but get annoyed when he completely closes off. You also enjoy doting on him, but get bored when he gets needy.

This sounds less like you guys aren't compatible, and more like you're still figuring out a good pace as you ease out of your honeymoon phase. If you're serious about moving together, you can't just suddenly change behavior out of the blue with the hope your partner will passive aggressively take the hint. You're going to potentially spending a lot more time together, most of it downtime, if you don't think you can do the maid thing 16 hrs/day for the next few years you should probably say that now and see how he feels.

This is earnest and well-throught out advice.

But, yes, this is one of those threads where if you told your partner everything you said in the OP, you wouldn't be having the problems you're currently having.

Cokie Bear · Jul 8, 2018

Eatin' Olives said:
Yeah don't pay attention to anyone specifically bringing up the fact that it's two guys doing this, or even cheekily asking "is this a gay thing???"

You FOH. You really think we'd see even half the people making fun of this if this was a guy feeding a cute girl her favorite dish? "Shit stirrer" indeed.

Literally 1 person asked if it was a gay thing. Don't call out a whole thread of people over 1 person.

And yes, I absolutely believe that if this was a straight couple we'd still be seeing the exact same responses, because "sometimes I hand feed my partner who is 37" isn't somethkng people are going to let slip by with no explanation when it's a major part of the fight the OP is asking for advice on.

So yes, shit stirrer indeed.

Bacon · Jul 8, 2018

Eatin' Olives said:
Read my post, dude. When did I say the whole thread is doing that? The very post you're quoting literally says "not everyone in this thread is doing that"...

Bud literally one poster brought up anything about it being a gay thing. If you had a bone to pick then quote the literal one poster that did it.

Subba · Jul 8, 2018

Only read the first post, just dropping in to say the feeding thing sounds absolutely ridiculous.

Quantum Leap · Jul 8, 2018

Kismet said:
Yes, physically feeding him. Cutting the food and putting it in his mouth. Handfeeding.

nope nope nope

Cwyll said:
Apologise to him and offer to change his diaper for a week instead...

lmao for real.

Zing · Jul 8, 2018

Kismet said:
I'm 34 years old and from Kosovo and he's 37 years from Mauritius

If you hadn't added this, I would have assumed you were 19.

You want to be single, but you are seeking validation from strangers online.

Prophaniti · Jul 8, 2018

Hassel said:
Brb gonna see if the wife is willing hand feed me this bacon and eggs

Edit- she is not ;( and now we are having cereal.

Let me known how the foot rub request goes. Makes sure you're watching soccer.

Eatin' Olives said:
Yeah don't pay attention to anyone specifically bringing up the fact that it's two guys doing this, or even cheekily asking "is this a gay thing???"

You FOH. You really think we'd see even half the people making fun of this if this was a guy feeding a cute girl her favorite dish? "Shit stirrer" indeed.

I'm so happy someone did the right thing. I was really really worried someone wouldn't try and make this thread about them. Now we can focus on your needs for a made up argument instead. Whew.

Replicant · Jul 8, 2018

Kismet said:
Yes, physically feeding him. Cutting the food and putting it in his mouth. Handfeeding.

Wtf dude. What's wrong with you? And him. Grow up.

bobbychalkers · Jul 8, 2018

Kismet said:
Yes, physically feeding him. Cutting the food and putting it in his mouth. Handfeeding.

Dahell

John Doe · Jul 8, 2018

Am I the only person in here who finds it problematic that OP was trying to "condition" his boyfriend instead of simply discussing their problems?

jb1234 · Jul 8, 2018

John Doe said:
Am I the only person in here who finds it problematic that OP was trying to "condition" his boyfriend instead of simply discussing their problems?

Yeah, it sounds like communication issues abound in this relationship.

Deleted member 24907 · Jul 8, 2018

Bacon said:
Bud literally one poster brought up anything about it being a gay thing. If you had a bone to pick then quote the literal one poster that did it.

Uh no? It wasn't just one poster. A few others explicitly brought up that it was two guys when guffawing about the handfeeding thing.

Prophaniti said:
I'm so happy someone did the right thing. I was really really worried someone wouldn't try and make this thread about them. Now we can focus on your needs for a made up argument instead. Whew.

I'm sure this sounded more clever in your head than in the post.

Filipus · Jul 8, 2018

You guys just need better communication. Like almost all couples.

Sit down, talk with him and then make him make a resetera account. If you survive your SO posting here you survive everything.

Francesco · Jul 8, 2018

KojiKnight said:
Would you prefer if I used the term "average"? Or did you get triggered because of it's use in relation to a relationship nearly ending over a dinner?

Partially the second, mostly because the term "normal people" has historically bad negative connotations. I understand it wasn't intentional.

ultra bawl · Jul 9, 2018

sleepInsom said:
FOH trying to make people here seem homophobic.

CassCade · Jul 9, 2018

This relationship sounds unhealthy for both parties, it seems to me like you really don't want to be in this relationship anymore, so leave.

Deleted member 27246 · Jul 9, 2018

PhazonBlonde said:
I tried this with my ex boyfriend

DO NOT RECCOMEND

Wait....what? Why?

Also OP....why are you eating Dutch fast food?

Deleted member 14080 · Jul 9, 2018

Kismet said:
I want to talk about him but he's constantly watching soccer. And tonight he's insisting that I massage his feet. But I'm so sick amd tired of this.

Did I make him like this?

He's not disabled by the way. A very healthy Mauritian man.

And yes, I feed him that particular dish. But I just didn't feel like doing it anymorem

Time to be single again definitely.

unicornKnight · Jul 9, 2018

36 Chambers said:
Is handfeeding a gay thing? I've literally never heard of anyone getting fed outside of actual babies.

Not really..

Famassu · Jul 9, 2018

PhazonBlonde said:
Lol at all the "leave now" comments. This is all really minor stuff that can easily be worked out with communication cuddling and sex.

I usually agree that communication is key and issues should at least tried to be talked through, but having to a) handfeed a non-disabled person and b) that not always happening being a source of drama that leads to night-long discussions/arguments is just waaaaaaaaay too much drama for something so little/dumb. Just a huge red flag, in addition to the clinginess.

CloudWolf · Jul 9, 2018

Wait, what do you mean you feed him? Do you prepare his food or do you literally put some food on your fork and guide it in his mouth? Because that's a weird thing to demand of a grown person.

Kismet said:
Yes, physically feeding him. Cutting the food and putting it in his mouth. Handfeeding.

Wha-- Is this a sexual thing?

thetrin · Jul 9, 2018

He's a grown ass man. He has no excuse for complaining that you're not feeding him. When you typed that, I thought the dude was paraplegic or some shit.

Maven · Jul 9, 2018

Kismet said:
He's a charmer and has a big mouth on him. In the past I had partners who were too nice and agreed with everything. I got bored of them eventually. And that ended the relationship. I need a bit of a tough and active person, otherwise I'll lose interest.

My current partner is a big baby and a macho man at the same time. And I love that about him. He's highly educated and has a good job, too.

He just needs to find a good baby/macho balance because an abundance of both is bad. That's why I didn't feed him. I want to condition him that he can not always expect such behaviour from me.

But I didn't expect such feedback.

That's not true. You created a thread asking us if you should be single.

His demands and neediness is getting old and wearing thin therefor you want to train him like a dog to act a certain way.

Sounds like you need to find a more balanced man. I can't imagine anyone liking a person long term who acts like a big baby when they do not get what they want.

Bold One · Jul 9, 2018

Kismet said:
Yes, physically feeding him. Cutting the food and putting it in his mouth. Handfeeding.

........ Bruh

Is this a thing people do?

julia crawford · Jul 9, 2018

Kismet said:
I want to condition him

I can't for the life of me decide between being lawful good or chaotic evil about this but i love it anyway.

Monteil · Jul 9, 2018

I don't see any issues with feeding your partner fromt time to time romantically. The OP doesn't seem to do this with every meal. Just with one particular dish.
You guys are overreacting. And I agree with the people who think there's more going on. But OP isn't telling us everything.

Saying that...
Is that you on the avatar? If yes, then yes, become single and date me!! I'll feed you :D

Ultima_5 · Jul 9, 2018

like is it like when your on the couch together and you hand em a piece of popcorn every once in awhile or is it a full meal...

cuz one is fine, ones pretty weird.

Should I be single again?

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