2 of my cousins and my wife's sister are married to asian men. Pretty cool.
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“Dating While Black”
- Thread starter BAD
- Start date
I think for me it's because I rarely see Asian women around. Last time I talked to an Asian woman in a social setting was 2016.
But then I don't date online or go out all that often.
Oh yeah, there's a section of Era that's like that. They'll be here soon enough.
I also think her friend is better looking but I would swipe right on both.
As a mixed man of 3 races including black I get a few matches a day. Just have good interesting pics and a funny bio. I think mine says black enough to anger your parents but not to get disowned or something ridiculous.
As a mixed man of 3 races including black I get a few matches a day. Just have good interesting pics and a funny bio. I think mine says black enough to anger your parents but not to get disowned or something ridiculous.
It's a great article and nothing from the truth in my experience. I knew it would be difficult when I started dating, but ... the racism I've experienced certainly did a number on my self-esteem. I know that majority of people also feel the same and I wish I had the knowledge looking back to realize the problem wasn't with me. It's super hard not to become jaded, and I always admire those that are able to continuously push through. Thankfully I'm genuinely open to all races so I'm hoping it's only a matter of time before I meet someone great.
An issue that I rarely see talked about is that even when I do date outside my race, my skin tends to become the focal point of their entire infatuation. Rather than getting to know me, it feels like our entire interaction is based on strange assumptions that tend to be super dehumanizing. For whatever reason it seems hard to accept that I have my own set of interests and thoughts... and that maybe you'll have to get to know me just as you would anyone else. So even when I do manage to get past the obvious racist filters, I'm usually hit with even more. I feel like it's one of those things you really have to experience to understand. I've had to endure a lot of horrible jokes about my race for really simple stuff like enjoying pasta or electronic music. I don't understand it.
An issue that I rarely see talked about is that even when I do date outside my race, my skin tends to become the focal point of their entire infatuation. Rather than getting to know me, it feels like our entire interaction is based on strange assumptions that tend to be super dehumanizing. For whatever reason it seems hard to accept that I have my own set of interests and thoughts... and that maybe you'll have to get to know me just as you would anyone else. So even when I do manage to get past the obvious racist filters, I'm usually hit with even more. I feel like it's one of those things you really have to experience to understand. I've had to endure a lot of horrible jokes about my race for really simple stuff like enjoying pasta or electronic music. I don't understand it.
I think the darker skinned you are the tougher it gets sadly. Light skinned black women like Beyoncep probably get more responses
Yeah, racial preferences are racist. But people like to hide behind them, as if they're naturally occurring things and aren't influenced by society. Then they say, "I don't date women, does that make me sexist," or some shit. You aren't born with a lust for Asian women/white men/etc.
Nope. You don't like a certain race because you've formed some negative stereotype about them. Maybe on a subconscious level. Who knows?
But you can't tell them this because no one, outside of klan members and the alt-right, wants to think that they could be racist.
Nope. You don't like a certain race because you've formed some negative stereotype about them. Maybe on a subconscious level. Who knows?
But you can't tell them this because no one, outside of klan members and the alt-right, wants to think that they could be racist.
I can't fathom the frustrations you felt. But there's not much to understand except that these douche bags were racist and fetishized you.
None of this is really surprising if you've followed online dating statistics for the last couple of years. Basically if you're a white male or an Asian female you've got it pretty good.
If you're black (female or male) you're pretty much screwed.
Yup.
I interestingly get better results when I'm actually out and meeting other races of people, but even then. You're just as likely to run into that weird white girl who *only* dates black guys, if you catch my meaning. And ion wanna put up with that shit either.
I'm glad I prefer black women anyways, but living on a side of town where we are very much the minority means my dating pool is pretty shrunk if I want to find a partner; I'm less likely to meet said black women, and the abundance of women of other races either want nothing to do with me on sight or are using me for some fetish.
Like I said, some of that disappears a bit when you start having actual face-to-face conversations with people since they see you as an actual individual instead of just some face on an app, but fuck. Shit is rough out here.
yea i gave up on online dating, message so many girls who i have much in common with,, but never got a response knowing it was because my skin color, but then they complaining about nobody reading their profiles and asking engaging questions, but we progressive right and race doesnt matter
Someone please explain this part "While I am multiracial, born of a Caribbean and white father and a Caribbean and East Indian mother," I don't understand why I don't understand what this means. So is her dad biracial and her mom biracial or? Someone please
I had a friend who, in all earnestness, asked me if he wasn't physically attracted to black women, was he racist? The look in his eyes was fear! The idea that there was this monstrous specter of racism quietly lurking in him, unseen. I assured him he was probably just shallow, since it was based on appearances. I figured it was just society imprinting racist beauty standards that favored white chicks.
Either way, it worked out in the end. He saw Zoe Saldana in Star Trek and that opened the floodgates, lol.
Either way, it worked out in the end. He saw Zoe Saldana in Star Trek and that opened the floodgates, lol.
Black women showing the most love to us while not receiving said love in return breaks my heart. Where are all these niggas that are primarily interested in Asian women, and where does that come from?
Kinda surprised by the Latinx numbers too; they exist somewhere between black women's full acceptance of us and white women's general disinterest, in my experience, leaning much more towards the accepting side.
But I guess there's no arguing with statistics.
Kinda surprised by the Latinx numbers too; they exist somewhere between black women's full acceptance of us and white women's general disinterest, in my experience, leaning much more towards the accepting side.
But I guess there's no arguing with statistics.
Yeah. Not dating someone because they're black is racist, but the same could be said for the reverse. Fetishization is a big problem too. Ultimately, you should view everyone as people first. Instead of saying, "I want a white girlfriend," or whatever.
I've seen black people complain about this while ignoring their own race. Kinda how she admitted to the "mixed babies are cuter" nonsense.
the way that filtering works when online dating is pretty compelling..
would you treat someone the same if they said "no blacks" vs "nothing under 6' tall" ? You can argue preference, or you can argue that one is racist while the other one is.. well.. I dunno what word/term to use. Are they really any different? At the end of it all, aren't you filtering an entire group of people based on something that they have no control over? Summing it up, you would be putting those people with height preferences on the same level as racists, wouldn't you?
would you treat someone the same if they said "no blacks" vs "nothing under 6' tall" ? You can argue preference, or you can argue that one is racist while the other one is.. well.. I dunno what word/term to use. Are they really any different? At the end of it all, aren't you filtering an entire group of people based on something that they have no control over? Summing it up, you would be putting those people with height preferences on the same level as racists, wouldn't you?
Please lets not penalize ppl for saying that kids from mixed race couples will be beautiful. Mixed or biracial kids are product of probably the least racist thing a human being can do (provided it was consensual, of course) which is procreating with someone from a different race than you, so lets not do that. I know what the author was going for but there's nothing wrong in saying that.
I find it funny that if you like Radiohead and Ultimate Frisbee people have no problems saying that asian or black people are "basically white," but no matter how much anime or Japanese language a white guy studies, they'll always be a "weeaboo," and if a white guy loves hip-hop and street style, they're still white.
I've never heard anyone saying of a white guy, "hey, you're a total black dude."
I've never heard anyone saying of a white guy, "hey, you're a total black dude."
This is some truth right here.
Also I am very guilty of making good hair comments. My girlfriend is Asian and we always talk about mixed race stuff like that.
Not really. Some people have them as a side effect of their fetish. So it can still be pretty racist. And it's just a stupid thing to say because it props mixed babies up on a pedestal, like they're more beautiful than "regular" ones.
It's something of a back-handed compliment. Similar to "You speak so well" in that it may not have a negative intention but there's an inherent implication that otherwise it would be worse. "Your kids will be so beautiful!" .... unlike if you were both the same race. "You speak so well" ... when I expected you not to based on preconceived notions.
Yes. Weight preferences, body type, fit, income class, color of skin. When I was online dating I encountered plenty of limitations based on peoples preferences. "I only date black", "I only date Asian", "I only date income 150k plus", etc. Its better to know the preferences ahead of time then waste my time finding out later. Just because I find a profile attractive does not mean I'm entitled for them to find me attractive. It does not make them racist or a bigot.
So the thing a lot of folks learn about racial preferences is that there's a lot going on. It may not be full racism, it maybe soft. It may a fetish at work. His statement isn't wrong.
When we (I) ask people about said preferences one tends to discover not very nice things at play. But that's whole long conversation
I remember getting this message all the time when I was still in the dating pool.
Just because it's a subconscious bias doesn't mean that it's not a bias, or that you're at fault for those attractions. Most societies have this ingrained idea that whiteness or fairness is more attractive. This is represented pretty heavily in the media we see and consume, which itself helps to form some of our sexual identity as we hit puberty and start noticing the opposite (and/or same) sex. You can talk about culture wide beauty stanards without taking personal offense about your own personal attractions.
Just dig deep, there's a reason why you find them less attractive. Not saying you're some hardcore racist, but it's something that has been forced on you without you realizing it. We're conditioned to find certain races is more attractive.
But your reaction is why things will stay the same. People jump on defense instead of asking themselves---why? How did this happen to me?
Here's my post from page one of this thread:
While cringe-worthy and awkward, the whole "mixed ethnicity kids are the cute/beautiful etc." thing is said by both Caucasians and African Americans and isn't a dig against African Americans ---- it isn't implying that the babies are cuter just because they aren't strictly "black" just as it isn't implying that the babies are cuter just because they aren't strictly "white".
When people of two different ethnicities fawn over offspring that blends those two ethnicities, what they are really doing is highlighting that there is much to be loved about BOTH ethnicities. Black is beautiful. White is beautiful. Put black and white together and you have traits that each ethnicity loves, so both will find aspects to highlight as "beautiful".
There's a place for couples of all ethnicities separate/pure and all ethnicities together/blended, and they are all beautiful in many different ways. It's hard for people to recognize that in this polarizing world where everyone sticks to their "team" and are prone to be drawn towards those that they are most familiar with since birth. This "mixed ethnicity kids are the cute/beautiful etc." comment that people of many ethnicities makes just highlights that beyond all of the differences between ethnicities, there is much that we all can love and appreciate about each of them.
This may be your interpretation and/or your personal view point on the topic but it's not objectively true in terms of the motivation or meaning behind the statement. I'm mixed myself and have heard the statement used often and it's almost always based around hair and skin tone first and foremost. Specifically hair being less "Black" and skin being darker than "White" but lighter than "Black" i.e. "Carmel," "Mocha," "Golden," etc...
Thanks. I've definitely at least learned what to watch out for now as I still run into people like that quite frequently.
Completely agree with you.
The phrase being uttered by black folks as well doesn't make it not a knock against black folks. Self-hatred is real. The fact mixed couples (especially with black folks) get those comments more than couples of color do isn't an accident. And it is absolutely implying that the baby is cuter because it isn't strictly black or white because the entire idea behind it is "omg, mixed babies take the best of both races! They get curly (but not too nappy) hair and lighter (not pale or black) skin!"
We "love" those traits because we have been conditioned to. That's not natural.
Pretending otherwise is lying to yourself and to others.
It's not what's said, it's how and why it's said. People fetishsize mixed kids. We had a thread about this. Also, if that's your big takeaway from this article, then I can only assume you've made this comment a lot and are suddenly feeling defensive.
Wasn't there a study by one of those major dating sites like match.com that showed while black women were the least likely to get responses against other women they were still more likely than any group of men? Dating scene is pretty rough for asian/indian men.
It's a weird thing to declare and then say, what I'm not racist.
Yup, half this forum fetishizes Asian women and culture for "reasons" they can't ever articulate.
Back when I was on OkC, whenever I saw a black woman I was attracted to, I always just assumed they'd rather date black dudes and not some nerdy white boy. If I'm ever on there again (really hope not) I'll try to get rid of that mentality and send some messages (which will get ignored but whatever).
But she still got a shit ton of messages. I'm willing to bet that's way more than I ever got online dating multiple sites throughout my 20s and early 30s. Must be nice to just sit there and wait for messages to come in and just take your pick.
But she still got a shit ton of messages. I'm willing to bet that's way more than I ever got online dating multiple sites throughout my 20s and early 30s. Must be nice to just sit there and wait for messages to come in and just take your pick.
In my experience Asian women are just harder to come by. There's like a 2% population in my city, so in terms of attention grabbing attractiveness, they stand out.
Ultimately, I feel like I'll end up with a black woman because we can relate in ways other races won't understand. I can just give another black person a look whenever someone else says something racist and they know I mean "can you believe this bullshit?" It'll be easier and I'll feel a lot more comfortable having certain conversations with them.
But while I'm in my 20s and just out there doing whatever, which isn't much honestly, I do have that desire to look elsewhere.
I say all that, but so far, I've only ever been with black women.
Yeah, that sucks. I also suspect the dating sites play into the numbers/statistics in an effort to provide the best user experience... The last time I was single I did the online dating thing and I noticed that once I checked out a few black females' profiles and even liked and/or messaged them THEN the site(s) started showing me lots of black women in my feed/suggestions who I had never seen before (and I was online a lot). It was actually pretty blatant.
Been with every race and at some point your interest shifts from a specific look to personality traits which are there within any group. Just depends on the person itself.
Have to say though after being back from Asia I'm much more interested in that but the same happens if I travel to other countries/regions
Have to say though after being back from Asia I'm much more interested in that but the same happens if I travel to other countries/regions