ERA Anonymous Confessions 2017 - New Location, New Administration, Same Old D-Pics

Maybe calling it a series of confessions would make sense:

I'm not sure where to begin really. Do I begin with the fact that my mother molested me when I was 5? There's a story there.

Perhaps I could talk about the girl I was madly in love with and pretty much ended up with us breaking each other's hearts over my insecurities and not getting over here for 10 years (despite being married and then divorced and also dating someone who for two years while loving me told me I should get back with that ex. The ex meanwhile in order to get over me decided to get in a long term relationship right after she found out that I was engaged and incidentally got engaged on the day I broke off my marriage. Funnily enough I did get over her over time and yeah we talked but at the time we realised we couldn't damage each other's emotions anymore and she's unhappily married as far as I know (her child is her one source of joy) and I have moved on. Oh and she broke it off saying we needed to break up so that one day when we're mature we could get back together. I don't know why some people do this thing as it is the stupidest thing to do when two people genuinely do love each other but what do people 18-21 know).

Perhaps I can talk about the fact that I unknowingly slept with a close friend's future sister in law. I had no idea who she was when it happened. She wanted to get back at her bf and I just thought she was single at the time and we hooked up. There were weird signs during the act that suggested something was off but I found out a few days later when I visited this former close friend thanks to a photograph. I've not been in touch with any of them since and no one knows anything besides me. Should I have told something? Probably but I was incredibly young and stupid. Should I have asked if she was single? I probably should've but I was in a new city, a stranger and it was my last true ONS. I was also 21.

I have had vivid dreams of being raped which sometimes makes me wonder if they were dreams or reality cause of how I've woken up from it. The three women took their turn with me and I didn't have much choice in the matter due to what I had consumed apparently. It just feels too real and I've started to realise it might have happened. My dreams are an entirely different confession.

I once gave someone all of my life savings in an anon act and I wonder if they're doing okay. I usually forget when I give people money.

I am still in love with the girl I had a brief fling with last year. She's a lot younger than me, in fact the youngest person I've been with (she's an adult so don't even go there). We're still in contact (snapchat number 1 best friends :lol and no it's not nudes). She doesn't want to cut me out of her life despite the fact that every time I see her I realise that I can't help but falling for her even more. There's no future there. She's a mess and has a messy past but she does feel safe coming and staying over with me and the first night I'd spent with her was the most at peace I'd ever been in my life. But because I know what it is, I've been dating and seeing other people. Yet I know that when she comes to visit I cancel my plans to make sure she's okay. She's a lot better than when I first met her. I have seen her when I realised I don't love her anymore and I've also realised there is a part of me that will always love her. She appreciates me sure and there's still something there but it's something we know won't happen.

The people my parents put in charge of taking care of me have done a number on me sexually. It was the women I dated who helped me out. It's pretty hard to come out of childhood sexual abuse. But it's developed into BDSM and a rapekink (aggressor) and I hate it.

I have paid for the education of one sibling who has pretty much shunned everyone (since we couldn't pay for his upkeep he believes we didn't give him a good life. everyone thinks he's spoiled since he's got no loans and has a pretty expensive education. This one I've come to agree though initially I felt it was my fault) and in all honesty during my waking life he's dead to me but at moments of vulnerability I still feel sad. I have bailed out my father after stupid mistakes and I have stopped communicating with my mother but it's hard when she reaches out to me almost everyday to try and talk to me. It won't do any good because you can't get peace from someone who can only play the victim card. Both my parents are shitty in ways but at least one of them loves me. Problem is, while he is good in some ways he's got a massive ego and is a narcissist and loves to put other people, especially my mother down. And fathering kids outsides the marriage doesn't make him great but that said my mother is also impossible to live with. They should just divorce but they're never going to consider it. Not to mention he's pretty ill now and I don't know how long it'll be. Right now none of their kids visit them and I only speak to my father but not my mother simply because I just can't deal with her anymore. Not to mention, it's always going to be me who empathises and not her. After everything they've put me through I've no desire to visit them again.

Don't worry I've therapists - my anxiety exists but my depression is mild to none. I'm fairly successful in my professional life. I don't think I'll ever be with anyone because these messes are complex and I know I'll pull away when someone who's actually good for me comes by. Fortunately for me I have good friends, my social circle has gotten smaller but I am active socially. It's just there's the seeping emptiness when you know that being with someone could make you so much happier but you just know you're too fucked up.

On a side note, I know far more #metoo stories about politicians and media celebrities that aren't even outed yet but this is anonymous and for me.

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I'm dating an 18 year old girl online and we plan to meet up. Lot of people say this is pathetic but, I love her and she does to me.

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I fucked up big time

I got my sister pregnant. I didn't fuck her, no, but I poked holes in her condoms.I was jealous she was dating the guy I was crushing on. I was mad and wanted revenge. I was 14 and stupid. I fucked up and ruined her life.

It's been a decade and she's gone from being the popular cheerleader to single mom working fast food. But, what am I supposed to say? "Sorry sis I'm the reason ya got pregnant and had a child! No hard feelings, eh? xoxoxoxo"I let her live with me, I watch her son (the b/f bailed on her after HS) and help hr out. But, it gnaws at me for what I did.

My sis just assumes this was an act of god. To be fair she doesn't regret having her son; she loves him but, this isn't what she wanted. Working a shitty fast food job and having a kid before 30 is not what she wanted in life. She had plans to go to a good University, she had plans and I ruined it. I got to go to a wonderful School, I got to meet a wonderful man, I have a excellent job and a blossoming career. None of it was worth throwing my sister under the bus.

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I grew up constantly being bullied. When I was 12 or 13, first getting into masturbation, I started getting turned on by thoughts of other boys bullying me. It's more of the thought of another person thinking they are superior to me. My ultimate goal is to give a bully an "ego victory" over me. I still dislike pain, hate to be humiliated, but if it causes the bully enjoyment I will suffer through them. I fantasize about licking their shoes, kissing their butts(with a devilish smile on their face), having to eat food that the dominate has already chewed on but spit out, have them puke on me or even having them use me as a toilet. I have paid other boys to dominate me in these ways, minus the using as a toilet. Though, I have masturbated with a piece of my own feces in my mouth, pretending it belonged to a bully using me as a toilet.

I've come to realize that it would take a certain sadism towards myself, and others like me in order to be submissive and masochistic. It's aggression towards the self, rather than towards others, like with dominants. It would seem we are essentially almost one in the same, or motivated by the same drive whether we are submissive, or dominant. Both sides seek the destruction inflicted upon the one, and essentially from the same view point. It's just that submissives experience it from a more disembodied perspective... or something like that. If a masochist wasn't actually a type of sadist, they would become a victim. They wouldn't enjoy or appreciate what dominants do to them. I feel like my desires are one in the same with someone who is dominating me, and it's my job to do whatever I can to help them achieve what they want. The experience for me is very much about feeding a dominant's sadistic hunger, it's not about me, or at least the physical representation of me, it's about siding with the dominant and seeing how it "destroys" me to benefit them. Like it is in the animal kingdom, where the powerful animals dominate the weaker animals, it is primal instinct for the stronger humans to dominate the weaker.

There was a time, when I was a kid, that I would go home, lay on my bed & cry, "Why do that hate me so much?. I never did anything wrong to them."
Lately, I've been fantasizing about grooming a young boy into becoming a bully & have him dominate some pathetic weakling, making him cry as I once did, until he breaks his victim & makes him completely submissive to him. I then tell him how awesome he is or give him something to help reinforce that the bullying he is doing is appropriate. Also, I have no problem being friends with or hanging out with another loser as myself. But, bullies before friends. If a bully wants to verbally/physically abuse, humiliate, make cry...etc a loser friend of mine, for their amusement than the bully should get what he wants.

When most people find out that a person has been bullied, they have sympathy for that person, well I have sympathy for a bully if they can't have their fun. If a woman interrupts a bully about to physically bully someone, I would tell the bully, that I was sorry she had to ruin his fun.

I've given superior guys parts of my paycheck. I currently give this former co-worker, a good chunk of my money. He lets me do things like lick the bottom of his shoes or he does things to me. It turns me on that bullies got away with treating me like shit & now I've basically been conditioned to be this guy's(plus others) cash slave

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It's been a while since my last relationship ended.

I've probably could've have tons of meaningless sex but my head just tells me pass and I do.

It's been almost 2 years, meh.

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