DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

Does anyone know how to bring up the topic of birth control before getting intimate? I think I've explained on the past forum that I can't finish with a condom, which has lately destroyed my desire to hookup. I rather know I have a chance in the future to not use a condom than have bad sex all the time.

Also, gently ghosting sounds so slick. Is that like "oh hey, I'll get back to you later" or even "I've been busy, let's catch up another time".

vegohead said:

Does anyone know how to bring up the topic of birth control before getting intimate? I think I've explained on the past forum that I can't finish with a condom

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Have you tried every brand of condom out there? Some are much thinner or less annoying than others. Durex regulars are pretty awful, while I find Skyns to be much better. You should use one if you can, just in case one of you is carrying something unknowingly.

If it's someone who's already agreeing not to use a condom with you, you should have no problem saying "hey, you're on the pill, yeah?" or "Do you need to grab some plan B or do you have it?" to them. That's what my approach has been and would be.

Double'd

Subpar Scrub said:

Have you tried every brand of condom out there? Some are much thinner or less annoying than others. Durex regulars are pretty awful, while I find Skyns to be much better. You should use one if you can, just in case one of you is carrying something unknowingly.

If it's someone who's already agreeing not to use a condom with you, you should have no problem saying "hey, you're on the pill, yeah?" or "Do you need to grab some plan B or do you have it?" to them. That's what my approach has been and would be.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

I've bought one of those condom boxes that comes with 20 types of condoms and the only one that I got close to finishing with was a Kimono Orange that I used with my last partner. They only gave me a couple so I guess I'll order more, just been feeling down about sex so I haven't thought too deeply on it. I have like a 50 pack of Skyns in my drawer, I find them just as bad as Trojan condoms. Yea, I've been extremely lucky so far being clean, but you never know.

Yea, I get ya on the second bit. Just mean't in terms of before being intimate, like on the date, how do you slide that topic in...I think in my conversations for plan B it would go like "are you a college student? do you have any college friends? seriously, plan b is expensive as hell, find someone at a college to buy you some"

vegohead said:

I think in my conversations for plan B it would go like "are you a college student? do you have any college friends? seriously, plan b is expensive as hell, find someone at a college to buy you some"

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

...
Darn does that sound awkward...

EarthBound64 said:

...
Darn does that sound awkward...

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

I mean in person it would be a lot more organic, like as a half serious joke you know? We'd have a back and forward conversation lol.

*edit* and the girls I see are around 20-25 so asking if their in college or have college friends isn't a stretch, should have mentioned that. Does sound pretty awkward without that haha.

What's a good place to hang out?

Kickmaster Kim said:

What's a good place to hang out?

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Kinda need more context, fam.

I don't know what else I can say.

Kickmaster Kim said:

I don't know what else I can say.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Like...

With whom? How do you know these people? For what purpose? Any dietary or budgetary restrictions?

Addie said:

Like...

With whom? How do you know these people? For what purpose? Any dietary or budgetary restrictions?

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

A person I met on snapchat. I'm trying to get in. I am sort of budgety, but it's more of a transport situation. I don't have a car so wherever I go I got to carefully plan how I'm going to get there and back and I don't want the person to know that either. I think I could probably be slick with that. I'm just stumped. I don't want to go with corny shit I see on tv.

Kickmaster Kim said:

A person I met on snapchat. I'm trying to get in. I am sort of budgety, but it's more of a transport situation. I don't have a car so wherever I go I got to carefully plan how I'm going to get there and back and I don't want the person to know that either. I think I could probably be slick with that. I'm just stumped. I don't want to go with corny shit I see on tv.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Have you considered drinks at a bar.

is it shallow if I won't date a person because their calves are stronger than mine?

woodcutter said:

is it shallow if I won't date a person because their calves are stronger than mine?

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

I mean yeah. But it's also your preference.

HammerFace said:

I mean yeah. But it's also your preference.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

so i'm not shallow! thank you. this girl is perfect for me, but gosh darn I just look at her calves. like that Seinfeld episode with the hands.

woodcutter said:

so i'm not shallow! thank you. this girl is perfect for me, but gosh darn I just look at her calves. like that Seinfeld episode with the hands.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

No I'm saying it kind of is. But I can't blame you for not liking things about a person. That's on you.

Maybe someone else more knowledgeable will say something more eloquent and meaningful.

vegohead said:

Does anyone know how to bring up the topic of birth control before getting intimate? I think I've explained on the past forum that I can't finish with a condom, which has lately destroyed my desire to hookup. I rather know I have a chance in the future to not use a condom than have bad sex all the time.

Also, gently ghosting sounds so slick. Is that like "oh hey, I'll get back to you later" or even "I've been busy, let's catch up another time".

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Not too be too crass but you don't have to finish in the condom dude. After you've satisfied her (of course) then you can pound away at it to get as close as you can to the brink, then take off the rubber and use your hand or hers or even better her mouth. Finish all over her. Beats nutting in a latex tube anyway. I almost never finish in a condom.

Addie said:

Have you considered drinks at a bar.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

maybe, but I don't drink so I'd just be looking dumb.

vegohead said:

like on the date, how do you slide that topic in...

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

If you can convince a girl to forgo a condom on the first date, that's a red flag imo

HammerFace said:

Maybe someone else more knowledgeable will say something more eloquent and meaningful.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

I like girls with muscular calves and thighs, hot as fuck

Vern said:

Not too be too crass...

...

...Finish all over her.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Really?

Vern said:

Finish all over her.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Just not all over the hair, that shit is the worst. Instant trip to the shower when that bullshit happens!

Subpar Scrub said:

If you can convince a girl to forgo a condom on the first date, that's a red flag imo



I like girls with muscular calves and thighs, hot as fuck



Really?

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Is that crass? What do you want me to say instead? Also I added a "but" anyway.

Today was an interesting day.

Personal info will be spoiled. She was kind of cranky last night because of a long work day. She spent the night. When she woke up, she complained that her arm was numb, so I started to massage it. She wanted me to tell her a story, so I told her about Yoshitsune and Benkei.


I think the best case is to just try when I'm not feeling stresssed or destracted. Maybe after a few more times like this my problem will go away.

Afterwards we cuddled for like two hours. And then she took a multivitamin and had a bad reaction. She's had a weak stomach the rest of the day.

Addie said:

Have you considered drinks at a bar.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

$20 + tip + Uber/Lyft!

Hit it off really well with a girl at a party last night. Sat next to her several times, she laughed at all my dumb inappropriate jokes, she always laughed on my shoulders. Showed her the new Digimon game on iOS, and that's when she said her boyfriend kept singing the OG Digimon theme.

I promptly deleted Digimon Links not soon after.

Date last night went alright but I'm not really feeling it. She's pleasant but there's nothing extra. Oh well, onto the next.

Jokab said:

Date last night went alright but I'm not really feeling it. She's pleasant but there's nothing extra. Oh well, onto the next.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Same here.
Went on date with accountant chick tonight. Nice girl but I wasn't attracted. No harm no foul

Kickmaster Kim said:

What's a good place to hang out?

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Don't go somewhere too quiet, because the surrounding conversation helps yours not feel too award.
At the same time, don't go somewhere too busy or loud, because it can be difficult to talk.

You likely want to go to somewhere that overall, presents itself quite nicely. You don't want to take a girl to a dive bar, even if she's into that, because it gives a bad impression.

I often find places like Cafe Rogue (not sure about international equivalents, but it's a chain in the UK), are pretty nice, and if you're unsure if a girl doesn't want to drink, having cafe into the title of the bar does help. Pic below is an interior of a Cafe Rogue, but I think it's a pretty good example of the kind of atmosphere I'd like to achieve with a first date. It's a nice place, but not too quiet or explicitly romantic.



Just my personal advice though, other people obviously do things differently and even then it depends on the person you're going out with.

One of my housemates took a girl to McDonalds, and they clicked really well because she was the kind of people that likes McDonalds too, and it acted like an icebreaker.

Good place to hangout is a park or somewhere with a good view. Look at the clouds. Or stars. Talk about life. She'll think you are romantic and simple.

Vern said:

Is that crass? What do you want me to say instead? Also I added a "but" anyway.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

It was too "crass" per say, but wholly unnecessary lol

Juke Joint Jezebel said:

Just not all over the hair, that shit is the worst. Instant trip to the shower when that bullshit happens!

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Yea I tend to not aim for the hair. Sometimes mistakes happen though.

Subpar Scrub said:

It was too "crass" per say, but wholly unnecessary lol

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

I mean, it's sex discussion it's gonna involve some details. I suppose I could have just said don't finish in the rubber and could have let him sort out the details of where to pop.

Gunblade47 said:

Hey everyone. I havent posted here before but was interested for a while.

My partner of 2.5years just broke up with me and said that she's grown and no longer feels romantic love for me. We were planning for me to go visit her for the past year and everything is pretty much paid and non-refundable. She insisted that I still go and visit her seeing as I already paid but I admited it sounds like a terrible idea since I'll most likely still have lingering feelings of romantic love for her.

She said that I should then just treat this as a break and that we can see where the relationship goes once I'm there. This relieved me somewhat but she immediately said that to her we were just friends.

The trip is a whole calendar month and as nice as New York might be it simply wasnt the reason why I wanted to go.

Should I go and see what happens? Try to talk to her again beforehand to get a clearer idea? Or write the money off?

The fact that she said she feels zero romantic love for me bothers me deeply.

Thanks

Edit: The plan was and still is to have me stay at her place during my visit.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Gunblade47 said:

Never in person. This was the first visit and then she'd visit me in half a year.

This was supposed to see if we would be together in the real world. But, yea...

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Oh so THAT's what an "internet relationship" is! Bruh, if you haven't met her, it didn't even start. "Partner", c'mon. LDRs are just not worth it, and I would never try again.

That trip sounds like hell if you have to stay with her. Find another way to live there for a month. Airbnb like Addie suggested. I'm sure there is plenty to do in New York for a month (check out "things to do in new york" or "top 30 attractions", etc) so you never have to be at her place.

HammerFace said:

No I'm saying it kind of is. But I can't blame you for not liking things about a person. That's on you.

Maybe someone else more knowledgeable will say something more eloquent and meaningful.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

I don't know - I think this is different. Not liking someone with "stronger" calves isn't the same thing as not liking someone with, say, short hair. They're both psychological, but one is a preference in apperance, the other goes a little deeper. It sounds insecure to me, because he's comparing her to himself, as if he wouldn't like it if his girlfriend were also faster than him, or smarter than him, etc. That's something he needs to address within himself, and not put on her.

Subpar Scrub said:

I like girls with muscular calves and thighs, hot as fuck

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Seriously though. Calves are great

Ernest said:

I don't know - I think this is different. Not liking someone with "stronger" calves isn't the same thing as not liking someone with, say, short hair. They're both psychological, but one is a preference in apperance, the other goes a little deeper. It sounds insecure to me, because he's comparing her to himself, as if he wouldn't like it if his girlfriend were also faster than him, or smarter than him, etc. That's something he needs to address within himself, and not put on her.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Like I said someone more knowledgeable will come around.

I went on a date with a girl today. She lives in the town nearby. I got her to pick a place for us to meet, as I'd never been there before so I figured she'd know better.

When I met her at first, I was pretty stunned as to how attractive she is. Bearing in mind I haven't dated for 6 years, I guess I'd forgotten what it feels like to be attracted to another girl. Anyway, she had a real natural beauty to her. For a moment I felt intimidated by how attractive she was, but just approached her and acted pretty normal.

We seemed to get along pretty well. I think a big part of it was because when she was 22 she had a stroke, and right now, she works for a charity trying to ensure people better understand stroke. She has no real symptoms anymore, but you can see hints of her aphasia every now and then. You can see it's just slightly more demanding for her to access her vocabulary at times, she says it makes her tired to talk for really long periods of time.

We spoke for about 2 and a half hours, then I asked if she wanted to leave the bar and get some food. I wanted to give her an opportunity to leave really. She was happy to come and eat with me, and we spent another couple of hours at a burger restaurant. She got her wallet out to pay half of the bill but I offered to pay, for the meal, £25, not too bad but not cheap either.

I mentioned that I should get home sometime soon, since I took the train to get there, and she checked the train times for me (my phone ran out of battery). We kept talking, and she walked me to the train station, despite it being the opposite direction from where she had parked.

We hugged, and I told her I wanted to see her again. She smiled and said 'yes' and we parted.

On the train ride home, she sent me a text saying:

"Hey it was really nice to meet you, I had a really good time. It would be cool to hang out again sometime :)"

How does that sound guys? I think it went pretty well.

---

This date was really good for me, it's made me feel a lot better about everything. I arranged this date with a girl on OKC one day after splitting with my fiance, and at the time I was worried that was too soon, that I shouldn't be messaging other girls. But it made me realise that there's plenty of people out there, and even if it doesn't work out with this girl, there's always going to be someone out there for me. Before I went out with this girl (Marnie) I would have still wanted to get back with my ex, but I don't want that anymore, it helped me move forward.

EarthBound64 said:

Well, yeah, of course you wouldn't know that right away. But, on finding out that she didn't like you - would you still want a relationship with her knowing that?

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Why would she want a relationship if she didn't like you?

gcwy said:

Why would she want a relationship if she didn't like you?

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

That wasn't what I asked.

EarthBound64 said:

That wasn't what I asked.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Sorry, it came off rude. Not trying to start anything, it was just confusing to read at first. That why would she still want to be with someone she didn't like?

gcwy said:

Sorry, it came off rude. Not trying to start anything, it was just confusing to read at first. That why would she still want to be with someone she didn't like?

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

That's my point though - if she didn't want to have a relationship with you, why would you want to have a relationship with her?

As far as why someone would want to be with someone they didn't like? I don't ask, ask my ex-wife.

EarthBound64 said:

That's my point though - if she didn't want to have a relationship with you, why would you want to have a relationship with her?

As far as why someone would want to be with someone they didn't like? I don't ask, ask my ex-wife.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Well, that's different. People can't like someone forever. If there's been a conflict, and things don't improve, eventually people will leave. But I don't know much about this stuff so...

So uhhh, what advice would you give to a person who doesn't really like to open up regarding their feelings? I don't have any problems talking to girls at work, but once we hang out, I don't talk as much and I mostly listen.

WhiskerFrisker said:

So uhhh, what advice would you give to a person who doesn't really like to open up regarding their feelings? I don't have any problems talking to girls at work, but once we hang out, I don't talk as much and I mostly listen.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Listening is great! That is, if you actually are actively listening, with proper follow through and understanding. That's actually more important then "opening up", though that is something you'll want to better develop as a relationship unfolds, not not necessarily right away.

WhiskerFrisker said:

So uhhh, what advice would you give to a person who doesn't really like to open up regarding their feelings? I don't have any problems talking to girls at work, but once we hang out, I don't talk as much and I mostly listen.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Talk about everything thats not your feelings, whatever you mean by feelings that is.

Well you guys were right, everything was fine. She said she just needed a little bit of time to herself with everything going on in her life, and she might need some more time in the future, but her feelings for me haven't diminished at all and she still wants to be together. She just wasn't sure how to express all of that in a way that properly conveyed how she felt and didn't mislead me into thinking she didn't like me anymore. But we talked and we're aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall good. Going to see her again tonight. We've decided to not take it for granted that we'll just see each other whenever and take it on a case by case basis, just in case she needs the time to herself and doesn't want to stress about letting me down. Rest assured, we're still both in it and having a great time.

Also we saw Thor finally - we both thought it was great. Best Thor film yet. The only MCU film she hasn't seen now is Guardians vol 2 so we'll do that soon - she's excited for it.

Glad it all worked out and thats because you didnt act on a crisis of confidence. A good example to everyone.

Good to read you talked it out and now feel better.
Your relationship must be stronger now as a result of it, keep going!

Any advice for being less scared of approaching girls? I'm in a community orchestra and there's a cute violinist I want to talk to. I've noticed her looking at me a few times so maybe she's interested, but I feel physically incapable of just going up to her and saying hi.

smisk said:

Any advice for being less scared of approaching girls? I'm in a community orchestra and there's a cute violinist I want to talk to. I've noticed her looking at me a few times so maybe she's interested, but I feel physically incapable of just going up to her and saying hi.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Go up and say hi.talk about music as you both have that in common. She might already have aboyfriend so your getting worked up about potentally nothing.

smisk said:

Any advice for being less scared of approaching girls? I'm in a community orchestra and there's a cute violinist I want to talk to. I've noticed her looking at me a few times so maybe she's interested, but I feel physically incapable of just going up to her and saying hi.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

stop hyping yourself up and talk about music

Alwayscrazybacon said:

Go up and say hi.talk about music as you both have that in common. She might already have aboyfriend so your getting worked up about potentally nothing.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Puck Beaverton said:

stop hyping yourself up and talk about music

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Yeah, I need to be more chill about it. I'm fine talking to most people (and even women usually!) but when it's someone I'm attracted to I turn into a fucking idiot.

Notaskwid said:

Good to read you talked it out and now feel better.
Your relationship must be stronger now as a result of it, keep going!

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

I think you're right. She was the one who brought it up too, because she knew I sensed something was up last Saturday but needed time to figure out how to address it. This is also the first real relationship for either of us in a few years so we're both a bit nervous. But now we're talking about Christmas plans and what to do for her birthday in January, so lol, I think I'm safe for a while. Your advice was great!

Alwayscrazybacon said:

Glad it all worked out and thats because you didnt act on a crisis of confidence. A good example to everyone.

Click to expand...

Click to shrink...

Yup. It seemed pretty clear early on in the night I wasn't getting dumped, so I was just going to roll with it and see what happened, but she ended up bringing it up anyways and it led to a great talk. And then lots of great sex.

Hurray!