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My father used to lie in bed with my teenage sister and squeeze her blackheads

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shiftplusone

shiftplusone

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,401
Threadkular said:
I have watched this man beat my mom to the ground for dinner being cold or questioning him for driving home drunk. I've been on the receiving end of beatings (and even worse, the sloppy drunken apologies, followed by the total ignoring of what happened last night the next morning) just for leaving out toys. Combine that with extreme religion, and building an objective "reality" (especially as an adult) of that time is extremely difficult.

Pardon me for being suspicious.

Was looking for some compassion. I'll be sure to post somewhere else next time.
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You're original post is not about compassion its about some benign shit about a parent popping pimples

"my dad used to make us eat asparagus"

"thats not abnormal?"

"YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HE WOULD MAKE US JUMP ON A TRAMPOLINE UNTIL OUR LEGS GAVE OUT AND WOULD PUT CIGARETTES OUT ON US"

Like it totally fucking sucks what he put you through and he's a real piece of shit for that, but there's a missing middle of your connective pieces of information here.
 
Budi

Budi

Member
Oct 25, 2017
13,883
Finland
Sorry to hear you had to live in an alcoholic and violent household OP. Never had to go through that myself, but I know it can be hell. Hopefully you can as an adult live without that baggage pushing you down. Nothing wrong with sharing your memories and experiences, if you want to get them off your back.

When it comes to zits and blackheads, my mom squeezes any on my sister. Even still, when my sister is over 40. It freaks me out for some reason, not because of anything possibly sexual in that case. I just find it gross and beg her to stop, but I just need to leave the room.
 
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TI92

TI92

Alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
5,598
my mom used to pop all of our pimples too, she was a maniac about it and would like go right after them if she saw them. Wasn't bad though she used like a nice hot towel and such. It was kind of like being at a spa but was in the kitchen.

So while it definitely hurt physically because draining nastiness it was not a bad thing. Kind of a funny memory all three of us share especially now that shes passed away :(

and now as an adult I don't really have acne issues at all, not sure if related but maybe?
 

Deleted member 2171

User requested account closure
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Oct 25, 2017
3,731
Grooming, abuse of authority, covert abuse and cornering.

Whole bunch of things being handwaved away by people because they'ree the fucking reason people don't report abuse because the thought of abuse being a non-obvious checklist to you makes you more uncomfortable than anything else.
 
Zen

Zen

The Wise Ones
Member
Nov 1, 2017
9,657
My girlfriend likes to pop blackheads on herself and me. I just chalk it up to a weird OCD

Context is entirely different in my situation though
 
TI92

TI92

Alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
5,598
Zen said:
My girlfriend likes to pop blackheads on herself and me. I just chalk it up to a weird OCD

Context is entirely different in my situation though
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yep that's what it was with my mom too, nothing sexual at all. Doesn't mean that's how it was for everyone else and I'm not going to do it to my potential children but it was nothing outright malicious in my experience.
 
Amory

Amory

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,161
Viriditas said:
Try looking up covert incest.

I'm pretty sure that helping someone with blackheads doesn't need to involve a bed at all, or laying on top of them, AT ALL. I believe your instincts are correct on this, and when you imagine putting yourself in that scenario and feel uncomfortable, it's for a damn good reason.

A lot of the stuff my Dad did was similar to this. It was wrong, but in a way that I couldn't articulate or call out, because it flies under the radar of being openly, recognizably, unquestionably sexual behavior. Abusers are often subtle like that. Like, my Dad liked to play with his genitals, and then play with my hair when I got out of the shower. Like marking me with his scent. When I was 12 I said it was gross and I didn't want him to touch me anymore, and in response I was berated for being a "pervert."

The long-term emotional results of such behavior is apparently similar to overt incest. Did my Dad actually have penis-in-vagina intercourse with me? No. Can I still vividly recall the smell of his sexual organs on my hair when I went to school? Yes. Did it make me feel dirty and not want to sit with my friends? Yes. Is the sense of defilement and violation real? Yes. Flashbacks, shame, confusion, all real. Whether your sister would acknowledge the incident you described as covert incest or not, I bet she has those kinds of vivid memories too, of her Dad on top of her with his face inches from hers and "fixing" her.

Being a "Daddy's girl" is more of a red flag, not less -- I was a Daddy's girl too, it was like Stockholm Syndrome. He doted on me and spoiled me, he was the source of most of my parental attention, and to realize he was abusing me was a truly heartbreaking time in my life. A lot of folks who have been through this kind of abuse have a very difficult time recognizing, acknowledging, and getting help with the problem. A lot of folks who have been through this feel complicit, and feel like they're the ones who are dirty or asked to be sexualized or wanted the attention. Of course we want our parents' attention -- they're our parents. There's a lot of shame and guilt, but it's always the fault of the perpetrating adult who takes advantage of their power over a vulnerable child and that child's implicit trust in them.
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That's awful and I'm sorry it happened to you, but I'm not seeing how this is a similar thing at all.
 
sibarraz

sibarraz

Prophet of Regret - One Winged Slayer
Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
18,102
For some reason my sister always squeeze my blackheads, I'm very shocked to see that somehow lots of people here lived similar situations, and it wasn't just something that my sister did
 
Viriditas

Viriditas

Member
Oct 25, 2017
809
United States
You folks with the normalization are really freaking me out. How do you not see that this is very different than a normal interaction? Why would a Dad ever lay on top of his teenage daughter in bed? EVER?
 
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