The answer is "after you talk to them". That's where assessing body language comes into play.
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women of era, how do you feel about being "cold approached"?
- Thread starter hydrophilic attack
- Start date
So what a woman wants doesn't actually matter until after you've spoken to them?
If a woman wants to be left alone, it doesn't matter until you've spoken to them and they've explicitly told you they want to be left alone?
As a man I absolutely have no problem being approached by women all day everyday.
You don't understand, the men using this approach are so desirable that there is no way a woman would not be interested in striking a conversation about what book she is reading or what recipe she is going to make. It is always the other men who are the creeps, not them.
That's how I met my most recent girlfriend! Instagram is great for social interactions.
I'll just copy my question. You can read the whole thing and reply if you want, instead of just responding to part of it.
What do you do if you are someone that doesn't like bars or clubs. I don't drink so I feel like it would seem like I'm up to something if I'm talking to people drinking while I stay 100% sober.
That's basically every thread on Era, it seems. At least part of the thread.
Right, but I still don't understand what made you ask me that question?
I don't think that's the title of the thread.
I asked at what point do you start considering what a woman wants, and you said "after you've spoken to them". So, I'm asking you, if a woman wants to be left alone does that not matter until after you've already spoken to her?
You're saying what a woman wants takes a backseat to what YOU want, which is to hit on them.
THROUGH WORK?!?This might be helpful to know
https://mic.com/articles/112062/the...icant-others-is-not-what-you-think#.qctnJODC2
AND DMS?!?
Men have this crazy cognitive dissidence where they imagine the scenario like this, for any kind of orientation:
- the people who approach them are all attractive/good looking/fall into their range of features they like
- the people who approach them are all kind and sweet
- the people who approach them are like-minded individuals who want the same thing as they do.
Its a crazy situation that is proliferated both by portrayals in decades of popular media on every level (books, radio, television, movies, theatre, etc) and also by the unfortunate unfair physiological dichotomy that exists between men and women.
Most men don't have to worry about the person coming onto them being stronger and faster than them. The average male even has less to worry about other males too, since even the most lopsided physical encounters there aren't as one-sided. This is also amplified by the frequency of this phenomenon. Women deal with cold encounters much more often, so are much more hardened to the reality of a potential physical encounter with someone. This is something a woman thinks about potentially every time they're in a situation where they have the potential to make a male in close proximity immediately upset with them. This rarely happens with men, so even if it DOES happen, its an outlier.
Men even have an easy deflection for counter arguments. It's easy for a man to say off the cuff that they wouldn't care even if a person (generally a woman) they found unattractive were to come onto them, as its a rarer occurrence, there are no fear-based reactions, and if anything all this does is stroke a male ego more. This all falls back to the power dynamics at play.
Nobody wants to be cold encountered. This is only perpetuated because it works in fairy tales and is pushed through media. Just because an attractive guy can be successful in sexually harassing a woman into a date doesn't mean that its a signifier than all women want it.
- the people who approach them are all attractive/good looking/fall into their range of features they like
- the people who approach them are all kind and sweet
- the people who approach them are like-minded individuals who want the same thing as they do.
Its a crazy situation that is proliferated both by portrayals in decades of popular media on every level (books, radio, television, movies, theatre, etc) and also by the unfortunate unfair physiological dichotomy that exists between men and women.
Most men don't have to worry about the person coming onto them being stronger and faster than them. The average male even has less to worry about other males too, since even the most lopsided physical encounters there aren't as one-sided. This is also amplified by the frequency of this phenomenon. Women deal with cold encounters much more often, so are much more hardened to the reality of a potential physical encounter with someone. This is something a woman thinks about potentially every time they're in a situation where they have the potential to make a male in close proximity immediately upset with them. This rarely happens with men, so even if it DOES happen, its an outlier.
Men even have an easy deflection for counter arguments. It's easy for a man to say off the cuff that they wouldn't care even if a person (generally a woman) they found unattractive were to come onto them, as its a rarer occurrence, there are no fear-based reactions, and if anything all this does is stroke a male ego more. This all falls back to the power dynamics at play.
Nobody wants to be cold encountered. This is only perpetuated because it works in fairy tales and is pushed through media. Just because an attractive guy can be successful in sexually harassing a woman into a date doesn't mean that its a signifier than all women want it.
I think we are starting to move past that and have men give each other tips on how to be confident and how this is a good way to meet girls.
Maybe someone will say that you miss all the shots you don't take soon.
Didn't say anything about it not mattering, I said that will be when you would know, for the most part.
But we have posts in this thread that go directly against this.
Find clubs and intermural events. Art clubs, board games, book clubs, dancing. Lots of ways to meet new people for friends and relationships.
People go to the supermarket for the sole reason of buying groceries.
People mostly go to the bar for being social (with friends or strangers). People rarely go to a bar, all by themselves just to consume alcohol - that's something you can do at home, too.
And even if they're at said bar, but not interested in being approached by strangers - it's likely they'll be with friends, i.e. a group of people they can ask for backup in case someone bothers them. Meanwhile, people go to the grocery store all by themselves.
Like, how about we stop making up scenarios ("What if someone goes to a grocery store to be hit on?" "What if someone goes to a bar just to drink in solitude") to create ambiguity where there is none :/
You said it didn't matter until after you spoke to them.
Again
Me: When do you start taking into account what a woman wants
You: After I've spoken to them
You're saying what a woman wants takes a backseat to what YOU want, which is to hit on them. You want to do your part first before what they want gets taken into account.
I believe you think that, but that would definitely not be the case. Especially if you were in a relationship or married .
Just because you're successful in picking up females via cold because you happen to strike the exact parameters that are okay with that specific woman, does not make it acceptable to go around and sexually harass other women.
It's literally a "fuck you I got mine" mentality. It's totally okay that millions of women are sexually harassed everywhere because this one woman found me attractive. Since when is basing anything on anecdotal evidence okay? My grandpa is alive in his nineties and smoked a pack every day. I guess everyone should keep smoking.
Is that really difficult to understand? You're an outlier in a system that enables millions of women to walk alone in the streets in fear at night because its socially acceptable that their fellow man who happens to be statistically faster, stronger and more dominant, to just randomly walk up to them and engage in sexual speculation.
I do not approach women unprompted. I'm very social and happy to talk with random women if they begin the conversation though. I'm a big dude, and while I'm a teddy bear of a human, random woman I don't know has no clue that I'm not some piece of shit who can easily overpower or threaten her. I don't really think about it much on a conscious level, but I try to be aware of that discrepancy when interacting with people who have no other contextual knowledge of me.
Of interesting note, perhaps merely anecdotal: I dyed my hair pink for a burn back in June, and I've noticed that random women are *far* more prone to approach and/or chat with me than I can recall in my adult life.
Of interesting note, perhaps merely anecdotal: I dyed my hair pink for a burn back in June, and I've noticed that random women are *far* more prone to approach and/or chat with me than I can recall in my adult life.
OP
OP
if you closely monitor the contents of the shopping cart of your target feeemale for a few of month before approaching them, you should be able to learn their cycle and hit them up when they're ovulating
"Hey, this is the first time approaching you, but I've noticed after hundreds of instances of seeing you and watching your movements in the grocery store that you're a vegetarian! I love that you're environmentally conscious and love animals. We have so much in common!"
How do conversations work. I never said you said it "didn't matter", I said you said "I doesn't matter UNTIL..."
Do you know what Until means? When my question was "when do you take what a woman wants into consideration" and you replied with "after I've spoken to them", that's exactly the same as saying "what they want doesn't matter until I've spoken to them".
I'm sorry if English isn't your first language and I'm being overly harsh and that you genuinely don't understand what I'm saying, but it really comes across like you're just being pedantic to avoid answering the question.
If I DM someone on Twitter, I would've had several positive interactions with them already. We're both following each other. They comment on my stuff. I comment on theirs. Theres an actual back and forth established.
This isn't really about me, it's about stories and anecdotes in this very thread, along with video evidence going against "nobody wanting to be encountered".
I answered it fine, but I do see the attempts to put words in my mouth.
oh man please DM me on twitter
i need some reason to look at twitter more often other than just ads and a friend sharing their favorite YouTube recipes
You actually haven't answered it at all and I haven't put words in your mouth. You said you don't consider what a woman wants until after you've spoken to them.
Absolutely disgusting.
Again, don't approach women or anyone like that.
Just look up people in industries you like. Site writers, video editors, personalities. Interact. Follow hashtags of things you're into and then youll see people who you have a ton in common with. Most of which you won't end up talking to like that, but every once in a blue moon you might hit it off with someone. Only 8 percent of the people I follow on Twitter are people I actually knew beforehand. 2 percent are people I met through it.
I don't see it being disgusting at all. Open with a thoughtful comment, and it's the other person's choice to respond or not. If they don't respond, then move on.
Look, I am not a woman, but if I was, I would be off-put.
Putting myself in their shoes, I wouldn't want to be any man to approach me ever to get closer to me, and that's how it's supposed to be.
It must be annoying as shit to women. If i were in their shoes i wouldn't like that at all, hell i don't like women approaching me like that. Just treat them as any other person. Would you cold approach some guy on the street?
You realize how rarely the guy actually "moves on"? Instead they usually increase messages with harassment like they are entitled to a response.
Listening and considering is not the same thing as obeying and quiet servitude. Until a mod comes around and starts banning men for posting in dedicated "women threads", men are gonna post about their perspectives. Often they're gonna disagree with your perspective. Sorry!
Oh I get it you're being sarcastic to make fun of people saying to never approach
Your absolutes on everything just make me think you're trolling or just genuinely replused by most social interactions.
Yes, I generally wouldn't cold open through DMs, but that has actually worked when the person had something worthwhile and polite to say, a flattering profile pic doesn't hurt either, "I like the work you put out and so and so", but generally it's okay to DM people you actually interact with on Twitter.