women of era, how do you feel about being "cold approached"?

Sunster · Nov 7, 2018

This thread is wild. Guys wanna live in a movie where they have a chance with any and every girl they see if they can just summon the courage to talk to them. And women are just like, "No. We don't live in a rom-com leave us alone. " But guys are refusing to accept that I guess because we're on page 23...

Uno Venova · Nov 7, 2018

hydrophilic attack said:
(i assume) you're saying the vast majority of interactions seemed positive from your perspective

you're not a mind-reader and you don't know how the people you approached actually felt about it. many women pretend to not hate you when you do shit like that because they deem it safer and they're afraid what you'd do if they showed how they actually felt

Okay. So let's just say them faking being flattered and liking the interaction is true, even through texting in the following days. Is it also possible their positive reaction is genuine? Or is this another 95% situation?

shanafan · Nov 7, 2018

Sunster said:
This thread is wild. Guys wanna live in a movie where they have a chance with any and every girl they see if they can just summon the courage to talk to them. And women are just like, "No. We don't live in a rom-com leave us alone. " But guys are refusing to accept that I guess because we're on page 23...

Like I posted before, dated one for almost a year, and went out on a few dates with a few others. It does work. It doesn't always work, but you won't know unless you try.

hydrophilic attack · Nov 7, 2018

Uno Venova said:
Idris Elba.

1. you're not idris elba

2. many such people who we've assumed to be attractive and nice and cool have in the last year in fact turned out to be massive creeps and severely traumatized (or at least negatively affected the career opportunities of) countless women

excelsiorlef · Nov 7, 2018

Gosh I just can't figure out why so many men seem to really relate to incels on this forum, it's so hard to figure out why.

Xaszatm · Nov 7, 2018

shanafan said:
If approaching someone in a public setting is off-putting to you, how do you plan to meet someone if you are looking for a SO?

I look at my friends first, then ask my friends to meet more people. Or I use one of many social events located in my era. Or I go to the bar/club and chat it up with people. Or I realize that looking for a SO based on how beautiful they are rather than whether or not I want to spend the rest of my life with them is silly.

Uno Venova said:
Idris Elba.

And you accuse others of trolling?

Lady Catherine de Bourgh said:
Exactly this. Me and my best friend had eventually a rather elaborate system for escaping guys who had a problem moving on. Completely with verbal and visual cues and a bunch of different interventions. You don't develop that if it's an uncommon occurrence.

It seems like men refuse to see this or think they are the one exception to the rule. It's disgusting.

Deleted member 20850 · Nov 7, 2018

shanafan said:
If approaching someone in a public setting is off-putting to you, how do you plan to meet someone if you are looking for a SO?

I know it's sad we phase out of existence outside of grocerie shopping and our way to work.

ViewtifulJC · Nov 7, 2018

excelsiorlef said:
Gosh I just can't figure out why so many men seem to really relate to incels on this forum, it's so hard to figure out why.

Ok I think you hit your shit posting quota for the day

Azem · Nov 7, 2018

shanafan said:
If approaching someone in a public setting is off-putting to you, how do you plan to meet someone if you are looking for a SO?

In settings where there's an agreement that approaches out of romantic or sexual interest are expected and welcomed

Get to know someone as a person who thoughts and ideas and feelings and interest, finding a connection with them, and then asking if they'd like to take it further

A setup through a mutual friend

Tell them that they must track down my father, guardian of my womanhood, and complete the heroic quest assigned to them, whereupon I shall grant them my hand in marriage

Cokie Bear · Nov 7, 2018

shanafan said:
Like I posted before, dated one for almost a year, and went out on a few dates with a few others. It does work. It doesn't always work, but you won't know unless you try.

So, a womans desire to be left alone be damned, if a man wants to date that takes priority?

hydrophilic attack · Nov 7, 2018

Uno Venova said:
Okay. So let's just say them faking being flattered and liking the interaction is true, even through texting in the following days. Is it also possible their positive reaction is genuine? Or is this another 95% situation?

no that's probably genuine?

are you saying every single person (or even a majority of people, or even one in ten) you've approached have reacted this way?

if not, we're back to the argument i made on the last page:

hydrophilic attack said:
here is the situation: (rough estimation) 95% percent of women answering in here said they don't want to be cold approached in public, when maybe 5% said they'd be ok with it (depending on approach)

even if it works for some guys if they keep at it long enough, the argument being made is that it's pretty selfish to make life worse for the 95% of women who don't like it just for the chance of occasionally approaching the 5% who'd be ok it, with a further smaller percentage chance of that person being interested in being approached by YOU specifically. (especially when modern society offers so many other avenues to find people to date)

hydrophilic attack said:
it doesn't matter for the validity of the argument whether the actual number is 85% or 95% or 99%

you're still making life worse for the percentage of women who don't like it, and you're still selfishly putting your own dating convenience ahead of their desire to go about their lives without being approached by uninvited men on a near-constant basis

hydrophilic attack said:
think about the marginal benefit for you continuing to cold approach people to get laid/date over the marginal detriment of that behaviour to the vast majority of women who hate it

in your mind you have a slightly higher chance to get laid / find a date compared to other opportunities like dating apps / dating within social circe

vs

many women are afraid at walking alone at night and some even avoid working out at the gym or traveling abroad unaccompanied (both things women i know offline have told me) due to the threatening situation of being approached by physically stronger men who may be a threat

it seems quite unbalanced for that tiny chance of encountering someone who may like it

Sunster · Nov 7, 2018

shanafan said:
Like I posted before, dated one for almost a year, and went out on a few dates with a few others. It does work. It doesn't always work, but you won't know unless you try.

You could say that about literally anything. Doesn't make it a good idea when time and time and time again when asked women are saying they don't want that.

Xaszatm · Nov 7, 2018

ViewtifulJC said:
Ok I think you hit your shit posting quota for the day

And you haven't with your mansplaining?

psychowave · Nov 7, 2018

women: please don't do this. it makes us feel unsafe
men: okay but ~*~*~*~*I*~*~*~*~ have had ~success doing it so i'm gonna keep doing it anyway

hydrophilic attack · Nov 7, 2018

ViewtifulJC said:
Ok I think you hit your shit posting quota for the day

that's your takeaway here?

Deleted member 2809 · Nov 7, 2018

psychowave said:
women: please don't do this. it makes us feel unsafe
men: okay but ~*~*~*~*I*~*~*~*~ have had ~success doing it so i'm gonna keep doing it anyway

So what if 95 women felt uncomfortable, I banged 5 woman (sic) I tried this on !

Xaszatm · Nov 7, 2018

psychowave said:
women: please don't do this. it makes us feel unsafe
men: okay but ~*~*~*~*I*~*~*~*~ have had ~success doing it so i'm gonna keep doing it anyway

The funny part is that we're now on "what if one hypothetical person succeeds"? Not even real people, we're down to the idea. Like, it's getting sadder and sadder.

shanafan · Nov 7, 2018

Xaszatm said:
I look at my friends first, then ask my friends to meet more people. Or I use one of many social events located in my era. Or I go to the bar/club and chat it up with people. Or I realize that looking for a SO based on how beautiful they are rather than whether or not I want to spend the rest of my life with them is silly.

But someone posted earlier that girls don't go to these places to meet guys.

excelsiorlef · Nov 7, 2018

ViewtifulJC said:
Ok I think you hit your shit posting quota for the day

I'm sorry you feel that about my post, alas I and many others disagree andaI am not interested in quiet servitude towards your opinion.

Uno Venova · Nov 7, 2018

hydrophilic attack said:
1. you're not idris elba

2. many such people who we've assumed to be attractive and nice and cool have in the last year in fact turned out to be massive creeps and severely traumatized (or at least negatively affected the career opportunities of) countless women

I fucking wish I was.

Deleted member 5086 · Nov 7, 2018

ViewtifulJC said:
Ok I think you hit your shit posting quota for the day

This thread is about women's experiences, and what makes them feel uncomfortable. So while you are free to take part and post, do not do so dismissively or without sensitivity to the issues being discussed.

psychowave · Nov 7, 2018

Shugga said:
So what if 95 women felt uncomfortable, I banged 5 woman (sic) I tried this on !

Xaszatm said:
The funny part is that we're now on "what if one hypothetical person succeeds"? Not even real people, we're down to the idea. Like, it's getting sadder and sadder.

who cares if a bunch of women probably went home feeling unsafe? who cares if it's not the first time it happens to them and this interaction made them feel that much more unsafe and insecure when going outside? who cares if, when i was interacting with them, they were desperately trying to figure out ways to get out of the situation, and wondering if i'd be one of those men who get violent when rejected? i got laid and that's all that matters

Uno Venova · Nov 7, 2018

hydrophilic attack said:
no that's probably genuine?

are you saying every single person (or even a majority of people, or even one in ten) you've approached have reacted this way?

if not, we're back to the argument i made on the last page:

Right, and I think I asked you to expand on that, if even your actions pleased 99 people but displeased 1 that means you should never do it right? Since it has the potential to "make the life worse" of one person?

Dragnipur · Nov 7, 2018

shanafan said:
But someone posted earlier that girls don't go to these places to meet guys.

Bars and clubs are terrible places to meet people

Deleted member 2809 · Nov 7, 2018

psychowave said:
who cares if a bunch of women probably went home feeling unsafe? who cares if it's not the first time it happens to them and this interaction made them feel that much more unsafe and insecure when going outside? who cares if, when i was interacting with them, they were desperately trying to figure out ways to get out of the situation, and wondering if i'd be one of those men who get violent when rejected? i got laid and that's all that matters

Ah but you see it's about survival of the species. Only women you approach on the streets are fertile and can bear children and deliver them safely.

Uno Venova · Nov 7, 2018

shanafan said:
But someone posted earlier that girls don't go to these places to meet guys.

Right, so what are the actual accepted places based on this forum. If even one woman feels uncomfortable getting approached at the club, does that mean clubs are off limits?

Xaszatm · Nov 7, 2018

shanafan said:
But someone posted earlier that girls don't go to these places to meet guys.

Then go to a social event. Or join a club where you physically meet people. Or, far more importantly, realize that SO are people you will spend the rest of your life with and be more focused on gaining a lot of friends you want to hang out with and see where it goes from there.

i-hate-u · Nov 7, 2018

To some of the other guy posters in this thread, where is you dignity? Why are you belittling yourself trying to approach a woman for romantic reasons when 10/10 times you end up looking like a loser?

ViewtifulJC · Nov 7, 2018

Mist said:
This thread is about women's experiences, and what makes them feel uncomfortable. So while you are free to take part and post, do not do so dismissively or without sensitivity to the issues being discussed.

And how is sarcastically lobbying shots at men who disagree with them, personal name calling as incels and social degenerates, productive and not at all dismissive?

Uno Venova · Nov 7, 2018

Xaszatm said:
And you accuse others of trolling?

I did? I thought one poster was being sarcastic and I was mistaken, you talking about that?

Bulby · Nov 7, 2018

psychowave said:
who cares if a bunch of women probably went home feeling unsafe? who cares if it's not the first time it happens to them and this interaction made them feel that much more unsafe and insecure when going outside? who cares if, when i was interacting with them, they were desperately trying to figure out ways to get out of the situation, and wondering if i'd be one of those men who get violent when rejected? i got laid and that's all that matters

No one is advocating that behaviour.

You dont ban driving cause some people cant drive for shit and kill people.

Xaszatm · Nov 7, 2018

Uno Venova said:
Right, so what are the actual accepted places based on this forum. If even one woman feels uncomfortable getting approached at the club, does that mean clubs are off limits?

Your purposeful obtuseness wasn't funny the first time, and it ain't funny now.

Xaszatm · Nov 7, 2018

Bulby said:
No one is advocating that behaviour.

You dont ban driving cause some people cant drive for shit and kill people.

No, but you ban Drunk Driving because even though you can find probably a few cases where Drunk Diving didn't kill people, it still causes enough trouble.

Uno Venova · Nov 7, 2018

Xaszatm said:
Your purposeful obtuseness wasn't funny the first time, and it ain't funny now.

Good! I'm not trying to be funny.

Celestine · Nov 7, 2018

Uno Venova said:
Right, even though I made it clear I was talking about my experiences, and others in this thread & the world. I was actually saying the people who expressed they don't like it were wrong in their thinking.

You're talking about men's opinions, not listening to the women, and then telling me I'm wrong, when I have many years of experience being a woman and listening to other women talk about men when men aren't around and we can speak freely. Congrats on the sex and all but it's really off putting to most of us. And I've had many, many interactions where I've smiled and acted "charmed" even when I felt creeped out. It's more common than you realize, and you've made it quite clear that you realize very little.

Driggonny · Nov 7, 2018

Uno Venova said:
Right, and I think I asked you to expand on that, if even your actions pleased 99 people but displeased 1 that means you should never do it right? Since it has the potential to "make the life worse" of one person?

Get off this shit. Stop making up numbers that appeal to you.

The question is "if my actions make 99 people uncomfortable and 1 was ambivalent, should I never do it?"

Elynn · Nov 7, 2018

shanafan said:
If approaching someone in a public setting is off-putting to you, how do you plan to meet someone if you are looking for a SO?

Being hit on by random men in the pasta aisle of the supermarket isn't the pinnacle of social interaction you seem to think it is.

Deleted member 835 · Nov 7, 2018

Uno Venova said:
Idris Elba.

Nah fam

shanafan · Nov 7, 2018

i-hate-u said:
To some of the other guy posters in this thread, where is you dignity? Why are you belittling yourself trying to approach a woman for romantic reasons when 10/10 times you end up looking like a loser?

But that's the thing. It's not a 10/10 fail rate. Even if you do fail, then accept defeat and move on. I don't mind looking like a loser to a total stranger because (1) I won't probably ever see them again and (2) I had the courage and confidence to try in the first place.

excelsiorlef · Nov 7, 2018

ViewtifulJC said:
And how is sarcastically lobbying shots at men who disagree with them, personal name calling as incels and social degenerates, productive and not at all dismissive?

Bro you compared women asking to not be hit on in grocery stores and places like that to us demanding quiet servitude from men.

Also I said many men on this forum relate to incels, not that they are incels, this is factual because you know I've seen the incel threads and they are full of dudes relating to em.

Social Degenerates is something you just invented wholecloth so

LogicAirForce · Nov 7, 2018

NoName999 said:
This topic has 23 pages of men whining about something they don't really have to do.

"But why are women leaving Era though?"

I think the better question is "Why are the women who are still staying still here?"

gotta be honest, I ask myself that every time I come here.

Sunster · Nov 7, 2018

i-hate-u said:
To some of the other guy posters in this thread, where is you dignity? Why are you belittling yourself trying to approach a woman for romantic reasons when 10/10 times you end up looking like a loser?

They like the idea that it's an option. Women telling them not to do it feels like a restriction and that's why we're seeing all the mental gymnastics in here. Guys are really trying to tell women that what they feel isn't logical so they're going to go ahead and continue.

mael · Nov 7, 2018

shanafan said:
If approaching someone in a public setting is off-putting to you, how do you plan to meet someone if you are looking for a SO?

Cas said:
This might be helpful to know

https://mic.com/articles/112062/the...icant-others-is-not-what-you-think#.qctnJODC2

Can we stop with the shitty narrative that everyone met their SO because they were daring enough to talk to a perfect stranger?

Pau · Nov 7, 2018

I hope the men in this thread using these approaches put as much effort into talking to the men around them about not reacting negatively to rejection and/or being gross human beings. If you really want to keep approaching women on the street, at least do your part in trying to make these encounters less threatening.

excelsiorlef · Nov 7, 2018

shanafan said:
But that's the thing. It's not a 10/10 fail rate. Even if you do fail, then accept defeat and move on. I don't mind looking like a loser to a total stranger because (1) I won't probably ever see them again and (2) I had the courage and confidence to try in the first place.

That ain't courage dude.

Papa Satanás · Nov 7, 2018

cold opens and mansplaining and all these gross obsessions with getting the green light to overstep boundaries, women be damned.

this thread is amazing :')

Powdered Egg · Nov 7, 2018

Some of ya'll dudes need re-education camps.

shanafan · Nov 7, 2018

mael said:
Can we stop with the shitty narrative that everyone met their SO because they were daring enough to talk to a perfect stranger?

So I am in the 9.4% bracket (Married for 3 years now and a 6 month old baby). What is my takeaway then?

Mauricio_Magus · Nov 7, 2018

shanafan said:
If approaching someone in a public setting is off-putting to you, how do you plan to meet someone if you are looking for a SO?

The internet, it's how you meet people these days.

It works.

psychowave · Nov 7, 2018

women of era, how do you feel about being "cold approached"?

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