women of era, how do you feel about being "cold approached"?

maxglute said:

OP asked "ERA at large", so I'm assuming all opinions are being solicited. Maybe it's the demographics of this site or maybe attitudes having changed post hookup apps, but most of my girl friends have had good (and plenty of shit) experiences from cold approaches that led to fulfilling relationships. Many of them also actively encourage SOME male friends to cold approach strangers in appropriate settings. SOME being key qualifier because I think, generally, women can intuit which of their male friends are socially adapt enough to conduct these interactions respectfully and which ones are going to come off as creeps, whether intentionally or unintentionally. At minimum, ask your lady friends who are open to cold approaches which category you belong to. Also know when to stop, if you're 0/10, there's a good chance you're the creep that's doing more harm than good.

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Right I'm going to break this down (though I don't know why I'm bothering with a year old account with less than 20 posts).

Starting off:
1. You can read the OP but not the thread, or this very page itself which contains why women disagree.

2. Backs this up with "maybe I'm out of touch? No it can't be me who isn't right".

3. Starting the spin, you mention your exes (Who funnily enough aren't here) as the hypothetical backup. Nice touching base that not all of them agree so you can carry the spin.

4. Ignoring women in the thread you head on the train of "It works so what is wrong?". With the notation the the right place to back it up and an out.

5. Instead of thinking that "maybe it's us guys who are wrong" you place onus on women not only to lead you but to tell you not to be awful.

6. Then the cherry on top absolving yourself of any blame "it's the ugly ones that are the issue". This not only erased any woman not interested in men (Who funnily enough guys won't ignore), but also just reinforces that guys can't be wrong.

Kyros said:

Please don't put words in my mouth when I haven't expressed anything like that.


Likewise, I'd appreciate it if you didn't take my posts to say anything other than exactly what I said. I haven't generalized anything about women on the internet in general, just that I'm not going to let a gaming forum guide me to conclusions on matters of social interaction.

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So our opinions on the subject don't matter because we're on a gaming forum? Fuck off.

My girlfriend and I were at the gas station and she went inside to grab a cup of coffee. When she got in the car she told me about this guy, who happened to be sitting by the window in front of us having his coffee, how he said "Hi, how are you?" to the woman in front of him in line. The woman replied "I'm sorry, do I know you?", to which he replied "No", to which she finally retorted with "I'm so confused right now ..." amid awkward/nervous laughter. My GF assumed she'd turned around and looked at him or something that prompted him to say Hello.

So, there's an anectode for ya.

Thanks for the effort? My account is 2 days older than yours, I just lurk more.

1. You can read the OP but not the thread, or this very page itself which contains why women disagree.

Read the thread and found it absurdly incongruous with my experiences. ERA is echo chamber on certain issues, demographics of this site do not reflect broader opinions.

2. Backs this up with "maybe I'm out of touch? No it can't be me who isn't right".

Genuine observation and personal experience, people actually had to initiate in real life before hookup apps.

3. Starting the spin, you mention your exes (Who funnily enough aren't here) as the hypothetical backup. Nice touching base that not all of them agree so you can carry the spin.

Girl friends = friends who are girls. Like my exes would encouraged me to hit on other women. Do you think all women agree on this issue? Acknowledging people in the real world holds different opinion is spin now?

4. Ignoring women in the thread you head on the train of "It works so what is wrong?". With the notation the the right place to back it up and an out.

Again, women in this thread are so different from women I know in life that it boggles my mind. People meet each other in real life all the time, sometimes it's messy, but there's nothing wrong inherently wrong with it. I'm sorry if you've only had shitty experiences, but here's a shocker, more people meet randomly in the real world than than online.
https://www.reportlinker.com/insight/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/FindingLove_I.jpg

5. Instead of thinking that "maybe it's us guys who are wrong" you place onus on women not only to lead you but to tell you not to be awful.

Yeah, I think asking close female friends on how to respectfully approach women is better than following PUA. That's how you get weirdos trying to practice on strangers. You should probably reevaluate your friendships if you think helping your friends is an onus.

6. Then the cherry on top absolving yourself of any blame "it's the ugly ones that are the issue". This not only erased any woman not interested in men (Who funnily enough guys won't ignore), but also just reinforces that guys can't be wrong.

You're the one equating creepiness and bad social skills to ugliness. Of course men can be wrong, literally the point of my comment is to figure out if cold approach is the wrong way to meet people for some men. Also, speaking of the potential to be wrong, don't look past yourself.

BiGBoSSMk23 said:

My girlfriend and I were at the gas station and she went inside to grab a cup of coffee. When she got in the car she told me about this guy, who happened to be sitting by the window in front of us having his coffee, how he said "Hi, how are you?" to the woman in front of him in line. The woman replied "I'm sorry, do I know you?", to which he replied "No", to which she finally retorted with "I'm so confused right now ..." amid awkward/nervous laughter. My GF assumed she'd turned around and looked at him or something that prompted him to say Hello.

So, there's an anectode for ya.

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hi, how are you

maxglute said:

OP asked "ERA at large", so I'm assuming all opinions are being solicited. Maybe it's the demographics of this site or maybe attitudes having changed post hookup apps, but most of my girl friends have had good (and plenty of shit) experiences from cold approaches that led to fulfilling relationships. Many of them also actively encourage SOME male friends to cold approach strangers in appropriate settings. SOME being key qualifier because I think, generally, women can intuit which of their male friends are socially adapt enough to conduct these interactions respectfully and which ones are going to come off as creeps, whether intentionally or unintentionally. At minimum, ask your lady friends who are open to cold approaches which category you belong to. Also know when to stop, if you're 0/10, there's a good chance you're the creep that's doing more harm than good.

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tldr, I don't care about what the women who posted in this thread have to say but here is my very important male opinion.
We've had 32 pages of more or less the same already.

maxglute said:

Again, women in this thread are so different from women I know in life that it boggles my mind. People meet each other in real life all the time, sometimes it's messy, but there's nothing wrong inherently wrong with it. I'm sorry if you've only had shitty experiences, but here's a shocker, more people meet randomly in the real world than than online.
https://www.reportlinker.com/insight/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/FindingLove_I.jpg

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Have you stopped for even five seconds to consider that it's because what you're talking about is different from what we're talking about? Maybe it's not the literally dozens of women in this thread who are wrong, but the way you're looking at things.

There are absolutely times when I've flirted with random strangers. But it wasn't from a cold approach. It was from someone who was good at reading body language and probably opened up with something other than professing how pretty they think I am.

15

Fat4all said:

hi, how are you

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Empress of ice cream said:

tldr, I don't care about what the women who posted in this thread have to say but here is my very important male opinion.
We've had 32 pages of more or less the same already.

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Well yeah, the OP cares. He's asking for opinions from ERA at large. I give him mine from discussions I've had with women in my life whose input I value more than people on the internet.

ghuleh said:

I almost crapped myself the first time I kicked a guy in the balls. I don't think he really understood how big a deal that was for me :/

Funny you mention it, that's how I met my husband. Walked up to him at Target and kicked him in the balls. Happy days ever since :')

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This is why I always wear a cup, just waiting for the day a random woman punts me in the nuts so hard that we fall in love etc etc.

maxglute said:

Well yeah, the OP cares. He's asking for opinions from ERA at large. I give him mine from discussions I've had with women in my life whose input I value more than people on the internet.

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How dense are you?

You're a person on the internet. The women whose stories you've no doubt filtered and recontextualized are an extra step or two of remove from that. Your stories may be more valuable to you but they are not more valuable than the stories from ACTUAL WOMEN in this thread.

Notaskwid said:

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maxglute

You said, " Many of them also actively encourage SOME male friends to cold approach strangers in appropriate settings. "

Do you not see this as an important part, here? Cold approaches in social settings (parties, bars, various social activities) are completely different than cold approaches in non-social settings (walking down the street, taking the bus, shopping at a grocery store, etc.). This topic, and the overwhelmingly negative responses from women, are about the latter.

Fat4all said:

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Is that a first date?

Notaskwid said:

Is that a first date?

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yup

were going to the garbage dump and looking for treasure

dont be late

Ralemont said:

Ideally everyone would develop romantic interest with friends so that you have that info going into it. But most people's friends groups are pretty set after a certain age, which is why people turned to stuff like online dating in the first place. So the way you become not-strangers is to go on a date in the first place. That's how you get to know someone and see if there's something beyond physical attraction.

Again, this is another reason (beyond the more important ones already known from the woman's side) I don't approach strangers because, as you said, chances are they won't grab me anyway. This is why I like the idea of Meetup, because at least you have some basis to go on. Except that using Meetup as another dating app is something men do as well that annoy women. I tend to go in hoping for new friends and a hobby as the healthiest way to think of it.

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I agree with this post.

Fat4all said:

yup

were going to the garbage dump and looking for treasure

dont be late

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Can't wait.
Cold approach works.

maxglute said:

Well yeah, the OP cares. He's asking for opinions from ERA at large. I give him mine from discussions I've had with women in my life whose input I value more than people on the internet.

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You don't even seem to grasp what this thread is about. No woman in here has said it is wrong to chat someone up in a setting which encourages such interaction and if the woman in questions shows interest through body language before. This is about unwanted approaches out of the blue when women are just going on about their lives.

Look, my opinion probably won't matter as much since I'm a man, but I think it's pretty fucked up.

For every man here saying it's not a problem, it is not a problem because it doesn't happen with us, period. To excuse that there is no problem with this at all is being part of the problem. I can see why people would not think it's a problem because it's something ingrained and normalised in our society. For example, when you go at a bar with friends and there is this good-looking woman and your friends try to approach her. It's not a problem for us because WE are doing the action, WE are choosing to approach her. While the other side, doesn't have any choice, either be completely dismissive and be called a bitch or worse, or try to not be as dismissive but waste 10x the time you would if you had been more dismissive, now think about this happening with the woman at least 5 times in the night, with each person that comes you don't even know if he's some kind of man-children who doesn't know how to hear "No" and keep insisting, or even worse, dealing with psychopaths or other fucked up people. We as man are fortunate to not deal with this bullshit.

I go out with my girlfriend and her friend to parties on some weekends, and oh boy, to say that she (her friend) gets approached 10 times per party is being generous, and often is the insistent type who won't leave her alone, thankfully my girlfriend sees what's happening and manages to secure her with the excuses "Heeey we were looking everywhere for you" when she notices.

Imagine dealing with that,

alone.

EDIT: Oh, I misunderstood OP, my b. But I think I made a pretty good point still, even in a setting where you're "supposed" to interact with other peoples. The part that we men choose to approach a woman or not is true for every setting, though.

I do this. I'm generally past the point of going to clubs & bars, and don't like getting involved with people at the workplace. Friends of friends aren't exactly an unlimited resource. If I didn't talk to women while out and about, I wouldn't be talking to women very much at all. Do people expect everyone to just be using Tinder or dating sites these days? That's crazy.

With that said, some of the experiences people have mentioned having in the thread sound awful. I would never touch someone or aggressively try to get their attention. I only ever just smile if I catch someone's gaze, and if that is reciprocated then I might say something. It's pretty obvious from the response if they want to keep talking. Continuing to try and drum up a conversation after an unenthusiastic response is where it becomes skeevy imo. I will add that I live in Australia, and I think the culture surrounding all of this is a bit different here? Might just be where I've lived, but I have never seen anyone catcall in the street like you hear happens in America.

sabrina said:

Have you stopped for even five seconds to consider that it's because what you're talking about is different from what we're talking about? Maybe it's not the literally dozens of women in this thread who are wrong, but the way you're looking at things.

There are absolutely times when I've flirted with random strangers. But it wasn't from a cold approach. It was from someone who was good at reading body language and probably opened up with something other than professing how pretty they think I am.

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Exactly. Probably 75% of the post on here are confusing situations that are actually not cold approaches to situations like the following that are:

HyperFerret said:

A guy who comments on my looks within the first three sentences.
A guy who asks if I have a boyfriend as an opener.
A guy who has some friends off to the side who are (silently) cheering him on.
A wingman who makes it obvious he's a wingman.
A guy who walks up with a drink (intending to give me one).
A guy who is physically blocking me in some way.

I don't trust these types.

Casual conversation is more like, waiting in a queue and commenting about things that tend to some up in normal small talk. Or you know, anything that isn't talking about me.

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floridaguy954 said:

Exactly. Probably 75% of the post on here are confusing situations that are actually not cold approaches to situations like the following that are:

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But these examples aren't exactly cold approaches either? I mean, they are, but not the kind that OP mentions.

It's implicit that it's in a social party setting because of the situations of someone walking up with a drink or having a wingman. Still fucked up.

Wasn't the premise of the thread of cold approaches during the daily life? Like being in public transport, library, sidewalk, etc...

Haee said:

But these examples aren't exactly cold approaches either?

It's implicit that it's in a social party setting because of the situations of someone walking up with a drink or having a wingman. Still fucked up.

Wasn't the premise of the thread of cold approaches during the daily life? Like being in public transport, library, sidewalk, etc...

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It's not a complete list and I would also include everything you listed as well.

Like others said, cold approaches in social events and settings is one thing. On the street its another.

Though my personal caveat is living in a country where cold approaches are very much a thing has not really changed my opinion on it in other places. Here its pretty expected and ok, to just walk up to a woman/women and ask if she wants to get a drink, food, or hangout. Its just a thing here, and while many openly ignore these douche bags, its a thing and it works for a lot of people. I would never do it back in America though.

Fat4all said:

hi, how are you

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Eh, not too bad. Yourself?

33 pages later

i see the same shit as on page 1

woof

LogicAirForce said:

So how many random women did you harass before finally finding one who would go out with you? That's what you guys don't get, for every woman who says yes to your advances there several others who were made to feel uncomfortable. But none of you ever think about them because once they reject you and you realize you can't get anything from them they no longer matter.

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Alright, you ask out a girl when you were 15 (also 15 years ago) and people jump to the conclusion that you harass women until you find your soulmate?
Not that I need to prove anything to you but if it makes you feel better that was the only girl I've ever approached out of the blue. The second person I've ever asked out is now my wife and I got to know her through my then best friend.

Talking to stangers is hard and awakard. Regardless of intention. Some people are social, some antisocial, some change depending on context. The line is different for different people.


I feel like it's misguided to use some blanket rule of dont hit on people.

Pay attention to body language i guess.

sayuuna said:

As a guy, I disagree.

I think the media that we have consumed through movies, television, magazines, celebrities, etc. have been the biggest contribution, but it has been up to the individual himself to take it as "priming," so to speak. Unless, you mean, people under this (Western?) cultural umbrella are subject to this behavior due to exposure, and subsequently choose to act on it.

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Western culture? As a born and raised American, that's all I can base my experiences on. There is some overlap so I understand where you're coming from.

I will say that peer pressure and social conditioning are huge factors. Not every 9 year old boy is questioning the psychological reprecussions of the media. This stuff starts young. Like really young. Not everyone is as introspective as some would prefer.

Friendly chat with a stranger that is perfectly fine:
"It sure is crowded here. I didn't expect it to be so busy this time of day,"

My first cold approach at the age of fourteen by a man in his fourtees while sitting on a bench outside school with to girlfriends:
"Do you wanna fuck?"
-"Shouldn't you be looking for someone your own age."
"No I like them virgin cunts."

Other examples of cold approaches throughout the years:

• I can read auras and see that you are a sensual woman
• Your hair smells great
• Your thighs are a little muscular for my taste but I think I can get over that
• You're hot enough to star in a porn movie
• I just had to come over to compliment you on your body. It's really hot
• If I would want to draw a picture of a fairy I could just paint you

Raonak said:

Talking to stangers is hard and awakard. Regardless of intention. Some people are social, some antisocial, some change depending on context. The line is different for different people.


I feel like it's misguided to use some blanket rule of dont hit on people.

Pay attention to body language i guess.

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Honestly if you guys take this away from this thread and ask the women in your life about it it with this faulty understanding of the issue it's no wonder answers you get differ from what you get from the women here.

No one here is saying you may never under any circumstances flirt or hit on someone in person.

Fat4all said:

yup

were going to the garbage dump and looking for treasure

dont be late

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"The Gang Finds A Date In Garbage"

maxglute said:

OP asked "ERA at large", so I'm assuming all opinions are being solicited. Maybe it's the demographics of this site or maybe attitudes having changed post hookup apps, but most of my girl friends have had good (and plenty of shit) experiences from cold approaches that led to fulfilling relationships. Many of them also actively encourage SOME male friends to cold approach strangers in appropriate settings. SOME being key qualifier because I think, generally, women can intuit which of their male friends are socially adapt enough to conduct these interactions respectfully and which ones are going to come off as creeps, whether intentionally or unintentionally. At minimum, ask your lady friends who are open to cold approaches which category you belong to. Also know when to stop, if you're 0/10, there's a good chance you're the creep that's doing more harm than good.

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The keyword/-phrase here being IN THE APPROPRIATE SETTING. A bar is appropriate (though even there, learn to read the situation a bit, sometimes a group of women is just out having fun by themselves). A social gathering of some kind (home party, a classier dining evening, tabletop game night etc.) at a friend's place can be appropriate (though even then, don't be THAT GUY, the thirsty horndog who hits on everyone at a party).

Random woman on the streets who has not made any kind of (even just basic eye) contact with you and is maybe doing something that signals she isn't interested in interacting with other people (listening to music on her headphones, reading a book, clearly going somewhere with a purpose/in a rush) is generally NOT that appropriate setting. It doesn't matter if you are a gigolo who has gotten thousands of women that way, a lot of if not most women don't find it comfortable when complete strangers approach them out of the blue with the more or less obvious intention of trying to score a date.

Lady Catherine de Bourgh said:

Friendly chat with a stranger that is perfectly fine:
"It sure is crowded here. I didn't expect it to be so busy this time of day,"

My first cold approach at the age of fourteen by a man in his fourtees while sitting on a bench outside school with to girlfriends:
"Do you wanna fuck?"
-"Shouldn't you be looking for someone your own age."
"No I like them virgin cunts."

Other examples of cold approaches throughout the years:

• I can read auras and see that you are a sensual woman
• Your hair smells great
• Your thighs are a little muscular for my taste but I think I can get over that
• You're hot enough to star in a porn movie
• I just had to come over to compliment you on your body. It's really hot
• If I would want to draw a picture of a fairy I could just paint you

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Wow, you've met some smooth operators.

Tence said:

Wow, you've met some smooth operators.

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Memorable enough to star on Era after 2 decades.

Lady Catherine de Bourgh said:

Memorable enough to star on Era after 2 decades.

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I bet you married one of them!

Phendrana said:

I do this. I'm generally past the point of going to clubs & bars, and don't like getting involved with people at the workplace. Friends of friends aren't exactly an unlimited resource. If I didn't talk to women while out and about, I wouldn't be talking to women very much at all. Do people expect everyone to just be using Tinder or dating sites these days? That's crazy.

With that said, some of the experiences people have mentioned having in the thread sound awful. I would never touch someone or aggressively try to get their attention. I only ever just smile if I catch someone's gaze, and if that is reciprocated then I might say something. It's pretty obvious from the response if they want to keep talking. Continuing to try and drum up a conversation after an unenthusiastic response is where it becomes skeevy imo. I will add that I live in Australia, and I think the culture surrounding all of this is a bit different here? Might just be where I've lived, but I have never seen anyone catcall in the street like you hear happens in America.

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At that point it's not necessarily a cold approach anymore, if there's been some flirty eye contact & smiles.

don't do it because it makes me/other women uncomfortable. i'd rather not have to worry about whether or not the guy i turn down will try and hurt or kill me. your wife/so/family member/friend/pizza delivery lady isn't representative of all women and neither am i.

also

not surprised seeing some of the responses in this thread. basically expect it at this point.

Tence said:

I bet you married one of them!

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Surprisingly enough no.

HyperFerret said:

A guy who comments on my looks within the first three sentences.
A guy who asks if I have a boyfriend as an opener.
A guy who has some friends off to the side who are (silently) cheering him on.
A wingman who makes it obvious he's a wingman.
A guy who walks up with a drink (intending to give me one).
A guy who is physically blocking me in some way.

I don't trust these types.

Casual conversation is more like, waiting in a queue and commenting about things that tend to some up in normal small talk. Or you know, anything that isn't talking about me.

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Yesss!

Phendrana said:

I do this. I'm generally past the point of going to clubs & bars, and don't like getting involved with people at the workplace. Friends of friends aren't exactly an unlimited resource. If I didn't talk to women while out and about, I wouldn't be talking to women very much at all. Do people expect everyone to just be using Tinder or dating sites these days? That's crazy.

With that said, some of the experiences people have mentioned having in the thread sound awful. I would never touch someone or aggressively try to get their attention. I only ever just smile if I catch someone's gaze, and if that is reciprocated then I might say something. It's pretty obvious from the response if they want to keep talking. Continuing to try and drum up a conversation after an unenthusiastic response is where it becomes skeevy imo. I will add that I live in Australia, and I think the culture surrounding all of this is a bit different here? Might just be where I've lived, but I have never seen anyone catcall in the street like you hear happens in America.

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That is not cold approaching. You gauge interest first by making eye contact and smiling, and back off when a woman doesn't respond in kind. I know we're 33 pages in by now, but again, that in NOT what we are talking about.
Cold approaching is skeevy dudes who come out of nowhere and tell you you're hot ad/or ask for your number withing the first few sentences.

Tence said:

Wow, you've met some smooth operators.

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In my experience its the norm, most women run into similar situations in their lifetime.
My favorite one was in a bookshop. I'm browsing the fantasy books and a guy walks up to me from behind, touches my arm and asks me out. I told him I had a boyfriend (a lie, but sometimes it gets creeps to back off) and left the shop. he followed me around town for a hour, I only lost him after hiding in the ladies room at the McDonalds.


look guys, here's the deal. You guys think you are not a creeper like that. You think that you are all smooth operators with a great sense of humor. you think you know when to back off. Maybe you do. Thing is, we don't know that. We are just waiting for a bus, picking out a book, working our job in retail, and every time a guy cold approaches us we get this jolt of fear that its going to be "one of those" situations again. we start looking for exits, or another way to get out of the situation. It can be enough to ruin our day.

If you are really not a creeper, make eye contact. Then smile. See if she responds the same. And then, only then start up a conversation without hitting on her in the first three sentences. If you hit it off then of course you can see where it leads and give a compliment or ask for a number. Make sure she has a way out as well, be gracious and accept "no" or a non-committal answer. Move on with your day.
This is not rocket science. Women aren't some rare, elusive species. You can talk to us, just try to read the situation.

But, I'm not sure why I'm typing this. Most guys I met in real life know, this and do this without thinking. Its normal. It's only on sites like this were we're 33 pages in and all we get is hypothetical situations, guys making it about them, and "imma gonna do it anyways". I'm sure the next few pages will be the same.

Tence said:

Wow, you've met some smooth operators.

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I'd bet that only a few women haven't.

I mean, this thread is filled with em. I cannot for the life of me figure out how little respect one has to have for both women and oneself to figure that the only way to get a date is a spam approach.

Famassu said:

At that point it's not necessarily a cold approach anymore, if there's been some flirty eye contact & smiles.

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MirVie said:

That is not cold approaching. You gauge interest first by making eye contact and smiling, and back off when a woman doesn't respond in kind. I know we're 33 pages in by now, but again, that in NOT what we are talking about.
Cold approaching is skeevy dudes who come out of nowhere and tell you you're hot ad/or ask for your number withing the first few sentences.

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Ah, my bad. I (admittedly skimmed) the OP and much of the first page I got the wrong impression.

That sounds like some real cringey bullshit, and understandably scary to have to deal with. :(

MirVie said:

That is not cold approaching. You gauge interest first by making eye contact and smiling, and back off when a woman doesn't respond in kind. I know we're 33 pages in by now, but again, that in NOT what we are talking about.
Cold approaching is skeevy dudes who come out of nowhere and tell you you're hot ad/or ask for your number withing the first few sentences.



In my experience its the norm, most women run into similar situations in their lifetime.
My favorite one was in a bookshop. I'm browsing the fantasy books and a guy walks up to me from behind, touches my arm and asks me out. I told him I had a boyfriend (a lie, but sometimes it gets creeps to back off) and left the shop. he followed me around town for a hour, I only lost him after hiding in the ladies room at the McDonalds.


look guys, here's the deal. You guys think you are not a creeper like that. You think that you are all smooth operators with a great sense of humor. you think you know when to back off. Maybe you do. Thing is, we don't know that. We are just waiting for a bus, picking out a book, working our job in retail, and every time a guy cold approaches us we get this jolt of fear that its going to be "one of those" situations again. we start looking for exits, or another way to get out of the situation. It can be enough to ruin our day.

If you are really not a creeper, make eye contact. Then smile. See if she responds the same. And then, only then start up a conversation without hitting on her in the first three sentences. If you hit it off then of course you can see where it leads and give a compliment or ask for a number. Make sure she has a way out as well, be gracious and accept "no" or a non-committal answer. Move on with your day.
This is not rocket science. Women aren't some rare, elusive species. You can talk to us, just try to read the situation.

But, I'm not sure why I'm typing this. Most guys I met in real life know, this and do this without thinking. Its normal. It's only on sites like this were we're 33 pages in and all we get is hypothetical situations, guys making it about them, and "imma gonna do it anyways". I'm sure the next few pages will be the same.

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Thanks for this write up. Hopefully it clears up some confusion among those who misunderstand all of this.

Spontaneous conversation is great. It's how people have met, fucked, and fallen in love throughout history.

astro said:

Just be polite to people and read signals. If you see someone you like the look of, try to strike up a conversation. If you can clearly see they're not interested, then leave it.

You're not going to get a definitive answer on this.

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This.

MirVie said:

That is not cold approaching. You gauge interest first by making eye contact and smiling, and back off when a woman doesn't respond in kind. I know we're 33 pages in by now, but again, that in NOT what we are talking about.
Cold approaching is skeevy dudes who come out of nowhere and tell you you're hot ad/or ask for your number withing the first few sentences.

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Well that explains a lot. I thought cold approaching means initiating any kind of verbal contact with a person you don't already know. I thought making eye contact, smiling and acting based on the same feedback from the other person was common sense. :/

The only time I was "cold-approached" was while I was very far away from the stage, sitting in the grass at a festival but the dude just politely asked for tobacco. I told him I didn't had any, just cigarettes and then we started chatting. If I was at the street, minding my own business though? Hell no.

AgainstTheCurrent said:

Spontaneous conversation is great. It's how people have met, fucked, and fallen in love throughout history.

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Cool. Not what this thread is about. You might want to try this thing called reading the tread you are responding to once in a while. Not necessarily the whole thread, just maybe the OP/first page and last page or two (if it's a long thread with dozens of pages) to see where the discussion started and where it's at, before entering and acting all smug with a completely irrelevant post.