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Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
26,183
UK
Ain't no one getting laid after the stink pile that is Justice League. Not even yourself.

Seriously though, going by yourself to the cinema is the best. Just you and the film, no logistical planning or distractions.
 

EchoChamber

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
2,489
Ain't no one getting laid after the stink pile that is Justice League. Not even yourself.

Seriously though, going by yourself to the cinema is the best. Just you and the film, no logistical planning or distractions.

I´ts that bad? hahaha part of me wants to see it but at the same time i know is just a polished snyder turd

On topic, this girl that canceled the date is weird because she ask me out twice and those two times for some reason she can't go.

Last week she ask me out to see that movie and i was totally ok with that but on wednesday she told me that she doesn't have any money because she bought a hat and a dress, i was like ok...but we are still going to see the movie right? and she told me yes, and today she canceled the date for the same reason as before :/

she responded with "i promise i will have money the next time " and i just told her that i don't believe her and i ghost her.
 

Gotdatmoney

Member
Oct 28, 2017
14,500
I mean its kinda weird looking at people bragging about getting ass yet not understanding how it goes down.

I dunno man. To me it seems like your definition of a rebound is just weird. Rebound is the person that gets dated for a brief period soon after the other person breaks it off with their ex. Normally as a tide me over, doesn't pan into anything serious. You're not a rebound if the girl is still in a relationship. Even if she dump her current man and slides to you that still doesn't make you a rebound.

A satisfied, conscious woman will never get too close with a dude when in a relationship, because it's precisely the kind of attention she's craving for that one guy she's offering herself to.

What do you mean by close?

So yeah, it's definitely rebound prospecting / poor boundaries issues. I'd stay clear from any closeness with her

Personally speaking for me, it's more about what you do and not what they do. It doesn't matter if a girl in a relationship wants to chill all the time and toss signals if I have zero interest in making something happen. People normally get the hint when they are being shut down. If you just want a friend you typically will just have a friend.
 

Sygma

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
954
I dunno man. To me it seems like your definition of a rebound is just weird. Rebound is the person that gets dated for a brief period soon after the other person breaks it off with their ex. Normally as a tide me over, doesn't pan into anything serious. You're not a rebound if the girl is still in a relationship. Even if she dump her current man and slides to you that still doesn't make you a rebound.



What do you mean by close?



Personally speaking for me, it's more about what you do and not what they do. It doesn't matter if a girl in a relationship wants to chill all the time and toss signals if I have zero interest in making something happen. People normally get the hint when they are being shut down. If you just want a friend you typically will just have a friend.

Lol you can be the rebound dude if the girl is still in a relationship, when the girl "is not really sure if her boyfriend loves her, or is not sure of how it goes" and is going for you, while not even putting things officially on hold with her bf


If I'm a friend to somebody, I wouldn't ask to write something into their journal ... their intimate journal. There's friend and there's more. For that kind of shit you need to be in the more territory

Hence, boundaries. It always is coming down to boundaries. You wanna see something intimate ? well we gotta be intimate first
 

Gotdatmoney

Member
Oct 28, 2017
14,500
Lol you can be the rebound dude if the girl is still in a relationship, when the girl "is not really sure if her boyfriend loves her, or is not sure of how it goes" and is going for you, while not even putting things officially on hold with her bf

I've never heard that being referred to as being a rebound. That's a weird ass definition you got going there.

If I'm a friend to somebody, I wouldn't ask to write something into their journal ... their intimate journal. There's friend and there's more. For that kind of shit you need to be in the more territory

It's weird for sure. No argument there.

Hence, boundaries. It always is coming down to boundaries. You wanna see something intimate ? well we gotta be intimate first

I'd agree with that.
 

Sygma

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
954
I've never heard that being referred to as being a rebound. That's a weird ass definition you got going there.

Heh ? I mean its just one of the aspects of it. Rebound in that context is her investment shifting. You can be the rebound between the current "last boyfriend" and the next guy she ll date.

Like, you can use rebound for sex or feelings for all I know. it's still coming from her in the first place
 

Alek

Games User Researcher
Verified
Oct 28, 2017
8,471
I mean its kinda weird looking at people bragging about getting ass yet not understanding how it goes down. A satisfied, conscious woman will never get too close with a dude when in a relationship, because it's precisely the kind of attention she's craving for that one guy she's offering herself to. There are cases where people are still very close to their exes, and one needs to gauge if his / her current partner actually is completely honest as far as communication goes, otherwise the notion of relationship itself is a failure to begin with. There's also the best friend, and that's all good.

So yeah, it's definitely rebound prospecting / poor boundaries issues. I'd stay clear from any closeness with her

You can definitely do well with women without really having a good understanding of what you're doing though, to be fair.

Personally I don't think you have to understand a hell of a lot if you have the right set of characteristics, most of which you can intentionally foster. I don't know what a good ratio is, but since I split with my fiance the other week, I've been out with 6 women, 5 of which on second/third dates. I haven't really felt like I've known what I was doing, or 'had a good understanding of how it goes down' with any of them. Honestly, I've just tried to be myself and not think about anything. I've asked for advice on here a couple of times but I've found it really difficult to follow because I have to think about it and that's not really how I work, I tend to just get through life on my intuition.

It helps generally being a nice person, not being after one thing. I don't know about you guys, but a lot of the women I speak to act as if they've had a hard time finding anyone pleasant. Some of the women I talk to speak about their general experiences with tinder and whatnot, and it sounds like an absolute nightmare. The woman I went out with yesterday was describing how her last Tinder date just sat there and told him about his attempted suicides while looking at the floor.

It helps a lot to be a psych student I find, generally. Almost every woman I speak to seems to have some connection to mental health or psychology that she wants to talk about. Three of the six women I've been out with in the last week want to be some sort of counsellor or therapist. One of the women I went out with had a stroke when she was young and her life-long complaint is that people don't understand stroke, how it affected her, and people that suffer today. It can be very easy to connect with people if you have the right background.

Sometimes I worry that my work in the games industry puts women off though. They don't really understand it, and they also get a little irked when I tell them I can't tell them what I work on, and explain non-disclosure agreements.
 
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i'ts considered wierd going to see a movie alone? i was going to see justice league with a girl but she is flaky and canceled the date, but i still want to go to see justice league.

Nah, it's the furthest thing from weird you can get honestly.

I remember years back asking every friend or casual acquaintance I had if they wanted to go see the movie "Election" at a second run theater during the final week they were screening it. A bunch of hard "no" answers along with a pair of "I would but I just don't have the time right now" responses meant I was going to see it solo, or not at all. At the same time, I'd even offered to treat two different girls I was really into from my daily classes to a free movie and snacks, if for no other reason - just to enjoy a casual afternoon free from the stress of school. Got turned down by both, but that didn't faze me, either.

Turns out -- going to that afternoon matinee by myself was bar none one of the finest theater going experiences I've ever had, full stop. Enjoyed the Hell out of a brutally dark black comedy (which was kind of a thing for me at the time) and really got a chance to relax and explore the idea of being comfortable alone.

I ended up seeing a bunch of movies that year by myself, and had a great time.

So yeah, don't miss out on an experience like going to the movies solo because you think people might judge you -- because if they do, then who cares?

You do you, brother. Just... just don't see Justice League. Pick something else; ANYTHING else. Please.

I´ts that bad? hahaha part of me wants to see it but at the same time i know is just a polished snyder turd

On topic, this girl that canceled the date is weird because she ask me out twice and those two times for some reason she can't go.

Last week she ask me out to see that movie and i was totally ok with that but on wednesday she told me that she doesn't have any money because she bought a hat and a dress, i was like ok...but we are still going to see the movie right? and she told me yes, and today she canceled the date for the same reason as before :/

she responded with "i promise i will have money the next time " and i just told her that i don't believe her and i ghost her.

Hint: She won't have the money next time. It sucks, but she sounds super flaky -- the multiple cancellations makes me think that she's weighing her options with you and another man or men -- ultimately she's not worth the effort. Sounds to me like you did the right thing.

Also, hi guys. Lurker from the old place, lurker here still. Appreciate the advice you gents and ladies give out on the regular; some of which I definitely would've benefited from in my stupidity filled youth. If I have an issue in the future myself, I'll know just where to go. Cheers.
 
Nov 17, 2017
12,864
You can definitely do well with women without really having a good understanding of what you're doing though, to be fair.

Personally I don't think you have to understand a hell of a lot if you have the right set of characteristics, most of which you can intentionally foster. I don't know what a good ratio is, but since I split with my fiance the other week, I've been out with 6 women, 5 of which on second/third dates. I haven't really felt like I've known what I was doing, or 'had a good understanding of how it goes down' with any of them. Honestly, I've just tried to be myself and not think about anything. I've asked for advice on here a couple of times but I've found it really difficult to follow because I have to think about it and that's not really how I work, I tend to just get through life on my intuition.

It helps generally being a nice person, not being after one thing. I don't know about you guys, but a lot of the women I speak to act as if they've had a hard time finding anyone pleasant. Some of the women I talk to speak about their general experiences with tinder and whatnot, and it sounds like an absolute nightmare. The woman I went out with yesterday was describing how her last Tinder date just sat there and told him about his attempted suicides while looking at the floor.
Just curious, how are you finding people to date so frequently without really thinking about it? Or I guess where?

Also yikes, I hope that guy got help but that would be an awful thing to have to listen to on a first date of all things.
 

Ernest

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,489
So.Cal.
I'm sure most of you have heard of sex-advice columnist Dan Savage. I've been a fan of his and his advice for a while now - he's really spot-on with most, if not all, of his advice. If you haven't already, you should start reading his stuff and listening to his podcast.

He deals advice with a lot of fringe sex stuff, but also a ton of normal relationship advice that good for everyone to follow.

Here's a solid article pointing out how great he is:

Dan Savage is still giving good advice
As the country re-examines its attitudes toward sex and power, Savage's decades-long approach feels even more refreshing.
 

Lulu

Saw the truth behind the copied door
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
26,680
If I had a movie pass I'd checking out a new flick everyday.
 

Ernest

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,489
So.Cal.
My favorite thing about going to movies with people isn't even the movie, but the communal aspect/experience of it, and mostly the eating/drinking we'd do before and/or after the movie. The movie itself is just an excuse to get together.

If I wanna see a movie alone, I can wait until I can see it at home (I have a pretty good home-theater set up, so I like taking advantage of it when I can), and I can also invite people over to watch with me as well.
 

Sygma

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
954
Just curious, how are you finding people to date so frequently without really thinking about it? Or I guess where?

By just asking people out and not thinking about it. By simply being in the mindset of embodying the guy going after what you want. Want to offer a date to someone ? do it. You're rejected ? who cares, on to the next one

Go to a bar and literally propose a date to all the women you'll deem interesting there. There's a chance one of them will say yes, and that's all that matters

The whole point is approaching dating in a mindset of abundance, not scarcity, in order to let go of your own fears. There's always another girl, another opportunity
 

Xavillin

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,028
Lol you can be the rebound dude if the girl is still in a relationship, when the girl "is not really sure if her boyfriend loves her, or is not sure of how it goes" and is going for you, while not even putting things officially on hold with her bf


If I'm a friend to somebody, I wouldn't ask to write something into their journal ... their intimate journal. There's friend and there's more. For that kind of shit you need to be in the more territory

Hence, boundaries. It always is coming down to boundaries. You wanna see something intimate ? well we gotta be intimate first
That wasn't my daily journal with all my darkest secrets or anything, well at least not exactly lol It was my journal for English 100. I thought it was due that day, so I brought it out, a friend saw it and he loudly said it was a diary, then she heard and saw it too. She thought it was a personal journal too (I eventually read what she wrote the day after she wrote it). It was just a nice sweet letter, full page too!
 

Alek

Games User Researcher
Verified
Oct 28, 2017
8,471
Just curious, how are you finding people to date so frequently without really thinking about it? Or I guess where?

Also yikes, I hope that guy got help but that would be an awful thing to have to listen to on a first date of all things.

I'm just talking about having a good understanding of what you're doing / reading the situation - that's what I feel I really don't have. It's not that I'm not looking for women to date - I've been using tinder / OKC and just speaking to them.

In my opinion, it's not really about the specific things you say, how you approach things, but who you are - how you act from moment to moment - and you can't really plan that. I find women are attracted to INFJ personality types (Myers Briggs), so even though I'm a quiet guy, they seem to like the fact that I'm pretty caring, and willing to let my intuition guide me through a situation.

I'm really open with women I speak to. I tell them what I want from life, from them. I tell them I want two kids, a house in Canada, a dog. I talk about moral philosophy, nietzsche, obscure psychological theories. A women I went out last week had me explaining how an MRI machine works. But it doesn't seem to scare them away - all of those things that on paper I'd traditional avoid, that make me who I am, I find it much better to embrace those rather than worry about whether I'm reading the situation correctly, how she's going to react, etc. It's the same when asking a girl out. Obviously I don't just outright ask a girl a at a bar if she wants to go out, but I'm not afraid to speak to them either.
 
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Roubjon

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,278
I've got my first date in 3 years today. I went on one date previously and that turned into my first relationship that lasted 2 long and toxic years. After a year of recovery and losing 70 pounds I've started the process again. I'm not expecting anything, but it feels good to move forward like this.
 

Lulu

Saw the truth behind the copied door
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
26,680
That wasn't my daily journal with all my darkest secrets or anything, well at least not exactly lol It was my journal for English 100. I thought it was due that day, so I brought it out, a friend saw it and he loudly said it was a diary, then she heard and saw it too. She thought it was a personal journal too (I eventually read what she wrote the day after she wrote it). It was just a nice sweet letter, full page too!
Figured it wasn't some serious diary.
 
Nov 17, 2017
12,864
By just asking people out and not thinking about it. By simply being in the mindset of embodying the guy going after what you want. Want to offer a date to someone ? do it. You're rejected ? who cares, on to the next one

Go to a bar and literally propose a date to all the women you'll deem interesting there. There's a chance one of them will say yes, and that's all that matters

The whole point is approaching dating in a mindset of abundance, not scarcity, in order to let go of your own fears. There's always another girl, another opportunity
I guess that's my problem. I think about everything. I have a lot of trouble just being able to walk up to a stranger and have a bunch to say. Especially if the goal of asking them out is in my head, then everything I say feels calculated to that end which obviously is a bad thing.

I see what you mean about having a mindset of abundance though. That's what I hope to achieve so I don't care as much about screwing up each interaction with someone I approach or date. It's a work in progress.


I'm just talking about having a good understanding of what you're doing / reading the situation - that's what I feel I really don't have. It's not that I'm not looking for women to date - I've been using tinder / OKC and just speaking to them.

In my opinion, it's not really about the specific things you say, how you approach things, but who you are - how you act from moment to moment - and you can't really plan that. I find women are attracted to INFJ personality types (Myers Briggs), so even though I'm a quiet guy, they seem to like the fact that I'm pretty caring, and willing to let my intuition guide me through a situation.

I'm really open with women I speak to. I tell them what I want from life, from them. I tell them I want two kids, a house in Canada, a dog. I talk about moral philosophy, nietzsche, obscure psychological theories. A women I went out last week had me explaining how an MRI machine works. But it doesn't seem to scare them away - all of those things that on paper I'd traditional avoid, that make me who I am, I find it much better to embrace those rather than worry about whether I'm reading the situation correctly, how she's going to react, etc. It's the same when asking a girl out. Obviously I don't just outright ask a girl a at a bar if she wants to go out, but I'm not afraid to speak to them either.
Yeah, I definitely worry a lot about how my actions and words are perceived and how people might react to them which is a fault I need to fix. I'm a quiet person too, though I tend to react to people rather than be the one in the driver's seat of an interaction. But I totally get that I have to be proactive and initiate conversations if I want dates. I know it's not some magic trick or something, I just have to change my mindset and approach. It's something I'm working on so I really appreciate the feedback and just the varying perspectives in this thread in general.
 

Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
26,183
UK
Nah, it's the furthest thing from weird you can get honestly.

I remember years back asking every friend or casual acquaintance I had if they wanted to go see the movie "Election" at a second run theater during the final week they were screening it. A bunch of hard "no" answers along with a pair of "I would but I just don't have the time right now" responses meant I was going to see it solo, or not at all. At the same time, I'd even offered to treat two different girls I was really into from my daily classes to a free movie and snacks, if for no other reason - just to enjoy a casual afternoon free from the stress of school. Got turned down by both, but that didn't faze me, either.

Turns out -- going to that afternoon matinee by myself was bar none one of the finest theater going experiences I've ever had, full stop. Enjoyed the Hell out of a brutally dark black comedy (which was kind of a thing for me at the time) and really got a chance to relax and explore the idea of being comfortable alone.

I ended up seeing a bunch of movies that year by myself, and had a great time.

So yeah, don't miss out on an experience like going to the movies solo because you think people might judge you -- because if they do, then who cares?

You do you, brother. Just... just don't see Justice League. Pick something else; ANYTHING else. Please.
Just wanted to say Election is one of my favourite dark comedies.
 

orlock

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,286
dont have a lot to add save that, yes, going to the movies by yourself is fucking rad & i wish i had the disposal cash to do it more often. going with my SO is great, too. but, like. damn, i love grabbing a large popcorn, getting a nice seat during a matinee, and just enjoying a show all by myself.
 
Oct 27, 2017
10,201
PIT
I guess that's my problem. I think about everything. I have a lot of trouble just being able to walk up to a stranger and have a bunch to say. Especially if the goal of asking them out is in my head, then everything I say feels calculated to that end which obviously is a bad thing.

Go into the talk wanting to know more about them, that's all. If it clicks you won't have to worry about finding "a bunch to say". This is definitely part of the DGAF attitude.
 

Alek

Games User Researcher
Verified
Oct 28, 2017
8,471
Yeah just ask them about what they're interested in, then ask them why, what makes them passionate about that. What that originated from, tell them it's interesting, talk about how it relates to you, where possible. Exchange with them, the same insight into yourself - ideally, they ask for this from you too.

The only time you're going to have trouble with this type of conversation is when the person you're talking to is boring, because they don't have anything they're particularly interested in, or passionate about.

Even if I'm not explicitly interested in something I'm always interested in hearing about what other people are interested in. If it's their passion, then that makes it interesting. If they say, hypothetically, they're into writing music. You can ask so many questions about that. What got you into writing? What inspires you? Regardless of what they say, act impressed, tell them you're really interested. Tell them you've never met anyone doing that before if that's true, etc.

The thing is that women get compliments all of the time, but they rarely have men take a genuine interest, in their interests. Male and female interests often, fail to overlap too significant. Fuck, look at the differences in average info on OKC profiles (note, this is from 2010 so it's outdated, but stressed the same point).

1*eBOJKJ-MSIN6huCuRBeQiA.png


It's not that many of those things aren't interesting to me, it's just that I don't know much about them. It's also about picking things they may be less secure about, and telling them that you find it interesting, or cool, so that they feel more comfortable with you. A girl the other week showed me some of the lyrics she was working on, for a song for her band - she said she wasn't very confident, I took the time to interpret the meaning, explain my interpretation to her and tell her I enjoyed reading it - she said it cheered her up that day. I'm not inherently interested in music, or soppy love lyrics, but it can be interesting, especially in conversation with the right person.
 
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EchoChamber

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
2,489
Nah, it's the furthest thing from weird you can get honestly.

I remember years back asking every friend or casual acquaintance I had if they wanted to go see the movie "Election" at a second run theater during the final week they were screening it. A bunch of hard "no" answers along with a pair of "I would but I just don't have the time right now" responses meant I was going to see it solo, or not at all. At the same time, I'd even offered to treat two different girls I was really into from my daily classes to a free movie and snacks, if for no other reason - just to enjoy a casual afternoon free from the stress of school. Got turned down by both, but that didn't faze me, either.

Turns out -- going to that afternoon matinee by myself was bar none one of the finest theater going experiences I've ever had, full stop. Enjoyed the Hell out of a brutally dark black comedy (which was kind of a thing for me at the time) and really got a chance to relax and explore the idea of being comfortable alone.

I ended up seeing a bunch of movies that year by myself, and had a great time.

So yeah, don't miss out on an experience like going to the movies solo because you think people might judge you -- because if they do, then who cares?

You do you, brother. Just... just don't see Justice League. Pick something else; ANYTHING else. Please.



Hint: She won't have the money next time. It sucks, but she sounds super flaky -- the multiple cancellations makes me think that she's weighing her options with you and another man or men -- ultimately she's not worth the effort. Sounds to me like you did the right thing.

Also, hi guys. Lurker from the old place, lurker here still. Appreciate the advice you gents and ladies give out on the regular; some of which I definitely would've benefited from in my stupidity filled youth. If I have an issue in the future myself, I'll know just where to go. Cheers.

Sorry my friend but I watched justice League hahaha and indeed was a polished Snyder turd.
 
Nov 17, 2017
12,864
Go into the talk wanting to know more about them, that's all. If it clicks you won't have to worry about finding "a bunch to say". This is definitely part of the DGAF attitude.
Yeah that's true. I actually had a date tonight. It went really well. I had anxiety for what to talk about beforehand but after reading your advice and especially Chronospherics I tried not to worry so much and just have fun. I have to say I was very nervous initially but once we got to the bar, I never felt like I had to think too hard about what to say during it.
 

Alek

Games User Researcher
Verified
Oct 28, 2017
8,471
Changed my tinder pic to the same one I have here. I think it looks alright?

A few of the girls I've been talking to on whatsapp seem to want to meet up. Asking stuff like if I come by there area often, etc, but at the same time, since I'm already busy seeing a few other people I don't want to meet up with anyone else right now. Feels a little awkward just ignoring their advances, and kind of makes me feel bad because obviously I haven't been open about the fact that I'm seeing other people (though I would if they asked).

Currently have about 4 girls that say hi to me and encourage conversation every morning, but ironically, the one girl I'm hoping to go out with soon hasn't been replying. I was supposed to meet her today, but I dunno, if she's not replying on whatsapp I'm not going to go into town and wait at some bar for when we arranged to meet.

In general, I find if you can get a girl to chat with you on whatsapp you can get a date 100% of the time. If they gave you their number then they like you. That's just my experience so far.

Yeah that's true. I actually had a date tonight. It went really well. I had anxiety for what to talk about beforehand but after reading your advice and especially Chronospherics I tried not to worry so much and just have fun. I have to say I was very nervous initially but once we got to the bar, I never felt like I had to think too hard about what to say during it.

Glad you think it was helpful man. Hope you get a second date :)
 
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Shal

Member
Oct 27, 2017
296
So this girl Ive been dating since end of september is officially my girlfriend since last thursday :)

To be honest I didnt feel like it was a big thing when she asked me to commit at first, I guess In my mind we were already official and confirming it was just a formal thing to do. But since then Ive been internalizing it and Im feeling more and more happy lol, its great to feel like you are able to fully express yourself to someone without feeling like they might not reciprocate the feeling.

I've never commited to anyone so this will be a new experience for sure, and the fact that she will leave for about a month and a half starting mid december will be interesting to say the least. January might be kind of brutal though, she got a work in a beach summer team in that month and shes gonna be working in that the full month and living in the same house with her team who are like 14 people so that might be hard considering that this already makes me feel insecure now lol...In an ideal scenario I wouldnt like to commit in a situation like this but the scenario is never ideal so I just went with it, she is in need of money and the january thing is basically a paid vacation for her in which she will work only 3 hrs a day so thats cool, lets see how it goes.

Anyway, my post intention is just to validate once again that insecure people can still find someone. I never had a girlfriend since now that Im 25, its never too late I guess just dont act like its important rlly because its not, we just have to keep it cool. Also "fake it til you make it" seems to work well :), since time ago Ive been faking confidence and it does seem to stick around gradually if you believe it and repeat it enough.
 
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Jokab

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
875
I just realized something. Of all the first dates I've been to, every time I've wanted a second date, I have gotten one. Pretty much every time that I've asked for a date on Tinder, I've gotten one. My conclusion is that my date game is way better than my texting game, possibly in combination with that I text too long before asking out.
 
Oct 27, 2017
10,201
PIT
Yeah that's true. I actually had a date tonight. It went really well. I had anxiety for what to talk about beforehand but after reading your advice and especially Chronospherics I tried not to worry so much and just have fun. I have to say I was very nervous initially but once we got to the bar, I never felt like I had to think too hard about what to say during it.

Great to hear! Butterflies are normal and ok, keep the date plan short and you can always extend it if needed when you click.

So this girl Ive been dating since end of september is officially my girlfriend since last thursday :)

Hurray! Congrats dude.

I just realized something. Of all the first dates I've been to, every time I've wanted a second date, I have gotten one. Pretty much every time that I've asked for a date on Tinder, I've gotten one. My conclusion is that my date game is way better than my texting game, possibly in combination with that I text too long before asking out.

Well, you're lucky. I feel completely dejected recently from dating.
 

Alek

Games User Researcher
Verified
Oct 28, 2017
8,471
Yeah I doubt this girl I was supposed to meet today is going to turn up. I messaged her yesterday to confirm we were meeting, she said yeah, 6pm sounded good, but then I messaged her again this morning and haven't heard anything back. It's now 5pm.

I guess I just shouldn't turn up either? It's out of my way, don't want to waste my time. If she can't be bothered to reply then she probably wasn't that into me. This was the girl that got sort of freaked out by the fact that I split up with my fiance 3 weeks ago.
 
Nov 17, 2017
12,864
Great to hear! Butterflies are normal and ok, keep the date plan short and you can always extend it if needed when you click.
Yeah I think I'm starting to get that. After the bar, without really thinking about it, I just invited her over to my place for another drink just because I wanted to extend the date. Normally, I would overthink how she might react to me inviting her over and probably not ask but I realize now the worst thing she could've said was no and then we would've gone somewhere else or ended the date. And she said yes anyway.
 
Oct 29, 2017
5,354
I think I'm out of the app game for good. Pretty much no matches, my college town really really does not take kindly to older graduate students in these apps.
 

Alek

Games User Researcher
Verified
Oct 28, 2017
8,471
I think I'm out of the app game for good. Pretty much no matches, my college town really really does not take kindly to older graduate students in these apps.

Not to be cruel but that rationalisation just sounds like a means of resolving cognitive dissonance. I'd try and reapproach your photos, etc. Every town has a fair number of eligible women, within your age bracket. You don't have to tell them you're an older, graduate student either. You can always tell them what you aim to do or what you were doing before, and approach getting additional qualifications to enhance your career, a little later.
 
Oct 29, 2017
5,354
Not to be cruel but that rationalisation just sounds like a means of resolving cognitive dissonance. I'd try and reapproach your photos, etc. Every town has a fair number of eligible women, within your age bracket. You don't have to tell them you're an older, graduate student either. You can always tell them what you aim to do or what you were doing before, and approach getting additional qualifications to enhance your career, a little later.

Well I'm not THAT much older, going on 29. I'd rather be upfront than have to play around with something as basic as my age.

I did actually did think about what you were saying for some time. If it's actually the town or if I was just making excuses for myself. I've stuck around with the apps for much longer than I feel I would/should have because even though there aren't very many people my age in the town there SHOULD be eligible people. And there are, but dating apps largely work off of large populations. If I look at an age range of +/-5 years or so, you're looking at a couple dozen at best. I don't do much better with undergrad-aged women. My made-up-in-my-head theory is that undergrad-aged women simply set an upper limit of like 24/25 if they're the usual age range of 18-22. Nothing explicitly against me, it's just an upper limit.

And to be completely fair, there's other factors other than my age. I'm 5ft 6, which is from my experience a "kiss of death" so to speak on dating apps due to the apps' intrinsic obsessions with "stats". I personally don't really give a shit about my height or that of a partner, but on paper a short, older non-white guy significantly narrows the "numbers". Wouldn't really be that much of an issue if the raw population was actually decent-sized.

Anyways, I'm not treating this as a setback in dating in general, just apps. I think I'm pretty affable in person, I've never really had a problem with conversation and stuff. I'm just gonna focus on the traditional way of meeting people in person. It's more time consuming for sure but at the very least there's some semblance of social interaction. With apps it's just one endless ghost town, I'd rather divert my efforts elsewhere.
 
OP
OP
Salamando

Salamando

Member
Oct 25, 2017
503
Do girls have a tell when they are flirting? How can you tell if they are?
Is this about the girl who wrote in your journal?

The only universal tell is when they say "yes" when you ask them on a date. That's it. Touching, teasing, all are typical signs of flirting that could also be done out of boredom or just for fun.

One girl I dated told me she had flirted with me for months. "You were?" "Yeah, I was paying you slightly more attention than everyone else!"
 

Xavillin

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,028
Is this about the girl who wrote in your journal?

The only universal tell is when they say "yes" when you ask them on a date. That's it. Touching, teasing, all are typical signs of flirting that could also be done out of boredom or just for fun.

One girl I dated told me she had flirted with me for months. "You were?" "Yeah, I was paying you slightly more attention than everyone else!"
Nah, just in general.
 

EssCee

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,130
Yeah I doubt this girl I was supposed to meet today is going to turn up. I messaged her yesterday to confirm we were meeting, she said yeah, 6pm sounded good, but then I messaged her again this morning and haven't heard anything back. It's now 5pm.

I guess I just shouldn't turn up either? It's out of my way, don't want to waste my time. If she can't be bothered to reply then she probably wasn't that into me. This was the girl that got sort of freaked out by the fact that I split up with my fiance 3 weeks ago.
Logical reaction on her end
 

Alek

Games User Researcher
Verified
Oct 28, 2017
8,471
Logical reaction on her end

I didn't say it wasn't. :)

I should update also, she wasn't ignoring me. She lost her jacket at her works Christmas party which contained her phone / keys / id / wallet, so she couldn't get in, or contact me on whatsapp (since you need a phone, with your number, to use whatsapp). She bought a new phone, and wants to meet up today instead.
 
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