I've been in that situation. It's usually very, very shit. I'd never do it again.
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I've been in that situation. It's usually very, very shit. I'd never do it again.
Look, he sent her Seven Emails. That's practically a relationship in the bag, or at least a handy.
Well guys, my girlfriend and I ended up breaking up about a week ago. The stress of her job and medical issues finally got to be too much, and she decided she really needed to focus on fixing those aspects of her life, and that she didn't feel like it was fair to me to only be paying some attention to the relationship instead of the amount she would like. Honestly, I agree with her. The issues are very real and she really needs to fix them sooner rather than later (her doctor says as much too), and I could sense her kind of drifting away a bit even when we hung out together towards the end. I really didn't get the sense that it was a case of her losing interest - more like she felt that she had to look after herself right now, and it's just some bad timing. We left the door open for future possibilities and she implied that once she gets her stuff sorted she would want to try again, if we were both open to it. I told her that I wouldn't wait for her, but when she figures everything out, let me know. She cried a lot, we kissed a lot, and it was pretty dramatic.
We didn't communicate for a couple of days after that, but then she sent me texts asking about some stuff I was doing career-wise that she was already aware of, and we had some pleasant conversations. She initiated conversations twice in two days, so on the third I initiated and basically just wished her well on a trip she was going to take that day. We haven't spoken since then and I don't want to right now anyways, but I feel like we've established that there's no real hurt feelings between us and we can reach out if we want to.
Over the weekend I went out with friends and got fucking wasted, cried a lot, and threw up. Felt great and was just what I needed. Had to get that out of my system.
I decided to wait until the new year to date again. I need a week or two anyways and I'm not going to try scheduling first dates over the holidays. Unless anyone's had any good luck doing that? It just seems like a waste of time since most people will be with family.
Anyways, guess I'm back to the single scene again.
We didn't communicate for a couple of days after that, but then she sent me texts asking about some stuff I was doing career-wise that she was already aware of, and we had some pleasant conversations. She initiated conversations twice in two days, so on the third I initiated and basically just wished her well on a trip she was going to take that day. We haven't spoken since then and I don't want to right now anyways, but I feel like we've established that there's no real hurt feelings between us and we can reach out if we want to.
Over the weekend I went out with friends and got fucking wasted, cried a lot, and threw up. Felt great and was just what I needed. Had to get that out of my system.
I decided to wait until the new year to date again. I need a week or two anyways and I'm not going to try scheduling first dates over the holidays. Unless anyone's had any good luck doing that? It just seems like a waste of time since most people will be with family.
Anyways, guess I'm back to the single scene again.
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Yes, but I didn't know it at the time - she ended up doing the same thing to me.
It's not a fantasy - it's called being a shitty person who's too selfish and too much of a coward to break up with someone.
This is not someone you want to be with.
Good that you're not waiting around for her and moving on with your life. Take however much time away from dating as you want until you feel comfortable being over the breakup.
Er, hmm.... Probably not a good fantasy to have, if you're waiting for some girl to break up with her boyfriend to be with you. Something like that can easily be a red flag too--lusting after someone else but not breaking off one's current relationship doesn't speak well of their character, and makes it pretty likely they'll do the same to you. Especially if she starts cheating on the bf with you. People can change, yeah, but oftentimes they don't.
Also I thought you were asking for a friend!
Sad it didn't work out for you in the end, but it seems you are taking it well, good luck!
I like your plan too, give it a couple of weeks and relax in the holidays.
My bumble is painfully boring
Should I try to be funny with an arranged marriage joke or is that too corny
Also, I had to nuke my tinder because I super liked someone i went to highschool with by accident. Will they still see my profile or not. I want to reopen the account lol
Should I try to be funny with an arranged marriage joke or is that too corny
Also, I had to nuke my tinder because I super liked someone i went to highschool with by accident. Will they still see my profile or not. I want to reopen the account lol
Ah man, really sorry to hear that. You're doing the right thing and taking a break and time for yourself. Start again in mid January, you found one girl and you'll find another.
That's my experience too. Usually someone who breaks up their relationship to "be with you", just looks for the new cool thing in order to replace thing that got boring. Eventually you're gonna become thing that got boring and the cycle continues.
Thanks everyone. It was a bit rough, and I still have feelings for her, but at the same time we weren't together all that long and I really do think she's got bigger fish to fry right now. Not much to be done about it.
In the meantime I can try and wrangle people to take new pictures of me.
In the meantime I can try and wrangle people to take new pictures of me.
I would have loved to see how that went.
I swear Bumble and Tinder are working together
What jerk changes the swiping direction. On bumble its up to go through pics. And out of everybody I see, I just had to swipe on her
Yeah, she's gonna see your profile and she's gonna see you superliked. However, she may not use Tinder anymore so maybe you're good. Don't make a too big a deal out of it.
It's happened to me. Bumble trains you to accidentally super like people on Tinder. I think it's a conspiracy. If you use Bumble and Tinder, you embarrass yourself by Super Liking and delete Tinder, leaving only Bumble...
It's an excellent strategy on Bumble's part.
Signed up for a few dating websites to see what the situation is in my local area. The phrase 'desolate wasteland' came to mind after a few minutes on them. Plenty of profiles, most havent been signed into in a month or more. The rest of obvious fake accounts, or women that scream bad news/baggage/desperate to not be an overweight cat lady in 5 years time.
This is gonna take a lot of work. And a relocation.
This is gonna take a lot of work. And a relocation.
Without getting too specific, what is your "local area", if you don't mind me asking?
Rural minnesota. I live about an hour more from any real city.
*start chatting with someone who seems cool on okc for first time in a while*
*about to ask on date when I finish work*
*this user has disabled their account*
goddamn was I really that bad? :p
*about to ask on date when I finish work*
*this user has disabled their account*
goddamn was I really that bad? :p
Probably wasn't about you. People disable their accounts all the time when they get overwhelmed, bored with it, found someone, or just want to take a break.
These sites were tempting. I know it's trial and error, but I can't take that kind of stuff happening that frequently. Shit was hurting my feelings.
On a biweekly basis, I can be indifferent toward rejection.
I know, just using these sites can be mentally exhausting at times. Suppose she wouldn't have wanted the date if she deleted the account that afternoon anyway I suppose
Sorry for I'm repeating myself but I think I got buried on the last page. I'm currently dating two people, I have a 4th and 3rd date set up respectively for them. Since I've never dated more than one person at a time, I'm a little uncertain how to handle it. The first person, I've been seeing for 3 weeks and the second, only a week. No talk of exclusivity has been made between either one but I feel like I need to talk about it before going on more and more dates with them. I just don't know how I should talk about it. Like, I don't think telling them I'm also dating someone else is the tactful thing to say. With the first person, she did briefly mention she was single and looking to date and I told her while I wasn't looking to get into something serious immediately, I was open to it. We didn't really specifically say we were dating other people though, since I figured that was assumed. But I don't think I should just assume? I mainly just want to avoid hurting anyone.
Haha this happens to me all the time. Great conversation and then as soon as I ask for a date they vanish. Looking back, it probably has nothing to do with you. Sometimes people just want validation and have no intention of going out with someone. So they'll have a conversation and then bail the moment a meeting is suggested even if they enjoyed the conversation.
So online dating profiles: what kind of photos and how many do I need? I'm still rocking the same crap photos from a couple years ago, and I probably need to do a complete overhaul of my profiles. I guess one activity shot (I'm gonna go snowboarding for the first time soon), one dressy shot (I bought a couple new suits), and one fun shot?
Yeah, I'm sorry man, that's gonna be slim pickins on dating sites. Good luck!
Do you know if there are things you can do and/or place you can go to meet single people other than dating sites?
Just seems like dating sites aren't the best options for your location.
Oof, flattering and honest... gonna need to figure that out.
The town I live in has 6 bars, and I don't drink anymore. After that..... you have dating sites. Unless you meet someone through work (not an option for me) you're essentially shit out of luck.
Maybe try to just hang out at a bar, drink a non-alcoholic drink, and just hang and get to know the people there, if they're friendly enough.
Try that a couple times at a couple places that seem to have the type of people you best relate with and see how that feels and go from there.
Think of it this way, I took some great pictures of myself my last two years of college, but I've gained at 50 lbs since then, so I can't keep using those pictures for everything. Some people will leave if you don't look like your profile picture. So in my case, layers would be my friend in my pictures and I'd be sure to mention that I go to gym a few times a week on that first date and hope for the best.
Hey, not posted here before but I've lurked on occasion and could use some advice. Anyway, I've been talking to two girls pretty much non-stop for the last 3-4 days and I'm just wondering when people think the appropriate time to ask someone out on a first date would be? I normally give it at a least week or two but I'm tempted to just cut to the chase
Did you meet them through online dating? I don't see any issue in asking after a couple of days of chatting, especially since getting together is the ultimate point. If they don't want to meet that soon they'll let you know. I personally prefer to meet guys quickly rather than spend a lot of time chatting, but not everyone feels that way.
I met one of them on Tinder and the other at a party last Saturday. It's the one that I met on Tinder that I'm thinking more about asking though tbh. She's really into Star Wars so I thought I'd ask her to go see it.
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Like right now. Ask them out. If I had to guess, they're probably waiting for you to ask them out.
Yeah, I've lost nearly a hundred pounds in the last few years, but I'm obviously still a solid 30-40 lbs over the ideal, so I'm pretty self-conscious about that. In person, apparently I look good (I wear well fitting clothes and I have a modicum of style) but in photos.... nah, I don't look good.
The answer was yesterday. The world moves fast. I know you don't want to seem eager, but when the opportunity is right in front of you, take it.
I'm sure at least one will say yes, if it's going that well.
A movie that people can see as early as tomorrow night and she may have already made plans for, better get on that ASAP.
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As soon as you want to. Don't be hesitant to pursue what you want if what you want is a date, just get in there and ask. Earlier the better, imo.
I was thinking maybe I shouldn't ask her out on a date the same day that she gave me her number, but now I'm a little shook that she might make plans (or already has) to go and watch the movie. Fuck it I'l ask her tonight. And If she's made plans to see it I'll just ask her if she's up for going for drinks instead.
There's always the second or third viewing. I mean, it's Star Wars.
If there's an actual transition (nice and clean breakup), then it's all good.
If there's no transition and the girl is like "i don't want him to know, i'm afraid of him etc" then ... don't. That's all. Because one day she might just bail on you out of the blue too
of course if the guy is an abuser and more than just her can prove it, then yeah. circumstances, circumstances
No you don't. Let them bring that up, until then you have one goal : being your most authentic self while dating them. Have fun, have good times, be genuine - secure - charming - reliable - respectful. Be a good man.
You don't bring up the "so where are we at ?" question because that's a little bit pushy. Instead you let events disclose by themselves. Let them associate you in their mind and heart, to somebody they feel good, secure with. And at the moment the relationship question appear (if its ever going to), or the subtle hints for something more serious, you inquire in depth about what she means, how she feels etc. If you feel like your vision of the relationship is matching her desire of something deeper, then you simply walk the talk and become her boyfriend
Let time to time man. This stuff usually happens around the 6th - 8th week of doing everything right. Aka the above. Keep dating her / them too. Meanwhile don't forget to have your own world spinning
Just to clarify I wasn't just talking about you here. It's quite common that other people in this thread behave pretty poorly too.
What dating site was that? Sounds like junk. Personally I would always push for a number, but I've only moved conversations from Tinder or OKC to whatsapp/texts/calls.
Just something to bare in mind: religious beliefs are a common turn off so turning a girl down for Church has potential to be received poorly unless she aligns with your relgious beliefs. I guess it depends how important that side of your life is for you, and if you've already clarified that with her.
I stopped dating the other girl I was seeing after the 4th date or so with the other girl. I think you owe it your partners to let them know if you're involved in multiple sexual relationships - so that was a big factor for me, when I started sleeping with girl A, I told girl B that I wasn't really sure I was ready for a relationship, and asked if we could just be friends. I've kept hanging out with the 'just friends' girl, we watch movies and play video games together.
The girl I'm actively seeing romantically. I've not really talked about exclusivity with. I'm just guessing she isn't seeing other people based on the fact that she tends to give me an account of her day, every day. She tends to call me, or I her, etc, just doesn't seem all that likely that she's with someone else - though of course I could be wrong, so I'll approach it explicitly sometime.
At some point I'll tell her, 'I want you to be my girlfriend'. If she asks what that means then I'll explain I'm talking about exclusivity. I've vaguely told her that already though. We had a conversation at a restaurant along the lines of:
Me: I like you, I want us to hang out more often
Her: You want me all to yourself?
I smiled
Her: Hmm... you usually get what you want, don't you?
Me: Well... yeah.
Her: Let's go to yours, after the meal
She's also used the term boyfriend / girlfriend a few times, saying stuff like 'if you're going to be my boyfriend, then x', but like I say, I'll bring it up more explicitly at some point.
This isn't advice, this has just been my experience over the past few weeks. Take what you want from it, even if that's nothing at all.
I usually move the conversation to whatsapp within 3 messages
Then I usually ask a little about their interests, generic shit, then ask them for a date, within perhaps 20 messages.
Sometimes I let the conversation drag and in those cases the women usually either case me out, or just stop messaging back. I only let the conversation drag if I'm not that interested in dating, usually because I don't have enough time / have other dates lined up.
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I just had 3, and they were selfies. No issues getting a few matches every time I swiped a few women.
I don't think it matters that much what type of photos they are. Just make them genuine.
Ask them out within like 10 messages, if you can.
Don't go to a movie for your first date. Terrible idea. Meet up for coffee or a drink, so you can chat in person casually, and can escape easily if you're not enjoying yourself. Maybe then you suggest grabbing something to eat, or a movie, if you two hit it off.
I agree with this, especially that movies are bad first dates because you can't talk and get to know each other and what if the movie is bad?
Makes a lot of sense. Thanks! Yeah I'm just letting my mind get ahead of myself.
That's about right. Though I have 6 pictures on tinder. 3 isn't enough imo. I'd want at least one pic of you in a social setting with friends. You doing something you enjoy. Any travel pictures if you have them and any pictures with pets if you have them. One selfie is good but only one just for a clear shot of your face. Also make sure you're smiling in most of those pictures. You want to look like you're fun, that you're doing interesting things and that you're friendly and people want to be around you. Ask your friends to take pictures of you one night or something but not to stage it. Just take natural shots throughout.