No, it's becuse you are stringing yourself by constantly giving her just one more chance. You complained last week she was stringing you (she's not BTW) but you kept talking to her. Just move onto girl #2 simple.
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OP
OP
You're thinking of ranting, that implies a little butthurt.
Say nothing. Block her, forget her, leave her in the past. Don't waste energy on women who don't deserve it
If she wasn't interested in me, she would have ghosted like most. I mean, today when I cancelled the date, she asked for a reschedule! She could have just said "OK" and let it be it.
Anyway, what's done is done.
Still, I don't know if I just do a sendoff e-mail or ghost her. I hate to ghost urgh, I complain about ghosting and don't want be a hypocrite. :/
EDIT:
Fine. Feel a bit awful doing that, but fine.
Still have Girl #2.
You already blocked her on you're phone so you already ghosted. You just forgot to do the email as well. This hand-wringing is pointless.
Oh, my god.
This is exactly why women ghost. And why people, men and women included, need to understand that this text-based mating dance that occurs prior to actually meeting is a complete fucking facade that doesn't mean a damn thing.
These words are problematically entitled: "She brought this on herself." This, combined with a prior propensity for ranting, starts firing off cacophonous alarm bells. This, taken together with your earlier comments on ghosting, usually speaks of someone unwilling to let things go. (I'm glad you did!)
I'm using you as an example here, and I think it speaks to some burgeoning maturity that you've decided against blowing up this girl's inbox with a rant (about what? about how she disrespected you?). Here's what she did: she was a little bit but not a whole lot interested in you; something better came along; and you eventually had enough agency and self-respect to realize that you want someone who's more keen on meeting you.
She is, at this point, a spam message in your inbox.
To anyone else in this situation, please, just follow Miku's lead, drop things, and move on.
He just learned that he shouldn't date coworkers.
I think he's the first in any of these threads to attempt anything poly with coworkers, though.
Jesus Christ dude, she didn't murder your family, she was not particularly responsive when you would talk to her. Meet her or don't meet her but you seem crazy that you want to go off on some rant (a rant with someone you never even met, there's literally no history) because your feelings are hurt by someone you've never even met. And yes, you're absolutely butthurt whether you admit it or not if you're going to give an angry rant email to tell her off. What she did isn't serious enough for the anger and entitlement you're feeling, some people are crappy and some people aren't, live with it and move on. It's reactions like you're debating right now is the entire reason that women ghost people instead of telling them they're not interested, you're going from 0 to 100 real quick. You said you were going to block and ignore her so block and ignore her, who cares what method of communication she decides to message you with.
ok I'm just going to repost what I told you last week
Or he could just go back and read what he posted last week and how he seems to have learned nothing.
https://www.resetera.com/threads/datingera-this-isnt-like-one-of-your-animes.666/page-31
Y'know what? I was watching a few Terry Crews videos on Youtube (because of the other Crews thread) and one of his points of success was to "enjoy the process." It was then I suddenly realized that I have never, ever enjoyed dating.
Being in a relationship is great, but the process of dating -- finding a person, getting to know each other, exploring chemistry, and so on -- was something, up to this day, that I never really enjoyed.
No wonder my past relationships have been so terrible!
(The harder question is how to "enjoy the process".)
Being in a relationship is great, but the process of dating -- finding a person, getting to know each other, exploring chemistry, and so on -- was something, up to this day, that I never really enjoyed.
No wonder my past relationships have been so terrible!
(The harder question is how to "enjoy the process".)
I hate meeting new people. I really can't stand it most of the time so I guess I have that problem too. Sometimes I tell myself that the reason I don't like it is because I've yet to meet someone I genuinely want to get to know better. I think it's one of the reasons I can't stand small talk or avoid saying hi to people and make conversation. Most of the time I simply don't give a shit about how a stranger's day is going, so going up to someone and saying hi just sucks to me.
It's frustrating and at times demoralizing and rarely pays off for me, but I do enjoy the process. I learn a lot about myself during that time.
On the rare occasions (just twice) someone seemed to fall on my lap and stay there no matter how clueless I was, I could just never go with it because I know myself well enough to know I'd never take that relationship seriously.
On the rare occasions (just twice) someone seemed to fall on my lap and stay there no matter how clueless I was, I could just never go with it because I know myself well enough to know I'd never take that relationship seriously.
I guess a part of me is still stuck in my earlier years, when I could meet people organically in student groups/clubs and actually know people before actually asking them out on a date.
Now, it's dating sites, speed dating, random people I meet at coffee shops/pubs/events/etc, and so on. I suppose I could join a rec league, but that's a huge time commitment that I can't make right now.
Now, it's dating sites, speed dating, random people I meet at coffee shops/pubs/events/etc, and so on. I suppose I could join a rec league, but that's a huge time commitment that I can't make right now.
Strangely enough, the people at speed dating are actually quite different than online.
That, and speed dating is actually more effective for me because, as an ethnic minority, I have a really hard time getting a match online than in person.
Hey, first time poster here, been lurking for a few years before the Exodus and took it as a sign to join and start posting.
So I'm living in Ireland and met a girl through close friends during a trip back to the UK last week. We got along like a house on fire, sleeping together and spooning but no sex. It was so nice, it's been a long time since I've been that close to someone.
Now I'm back in Ireland and I can't stop thinking about her. I think the feelings I'm having are reciprocated but not to the same extent. We've been messaging a lot but then she just stopped. I feel stupid for allowing this to happen, especially knowing that I'd have to leave. She was like :"I'm so sad you're leaving and I was like: "yeah me too :/".
Any advice would be appreciated but I wanted to ask two things in particular:
Should I try and forget about her and find someone closer to home?
aaand
Am I overreacting at her not messaging back for 2 days?
So I'm living in Ireland and met a girl through close friends during a trip back to the UK last week. We got along like a house on fire, sleeping together and spooning but no sex. It was so nice, it's been a long time since I've been that close to someone.
Now I'm back in Ireland and I can't stop thinking about her. I think the feelings I'm having are reciprocated but not to the same extent. We've been messaging a lot but then she just stopped. I feel stupid for allowing this to happen, especially knowing that I'd have to leave. She was like :"I'm so sad you're leaving and I was like: "yeah me too :/".
Any advice would be appreciated but I wanted to ask two things in particular:
Should I try and forget about her and find someone closer to home?
aaand
Am I overreacting at her not messaging back for 2 days?
OP
OP
Yes. aaand Yes.
You departed as friends...not boyfriend/girlfriend or lovers, just friends. That is not a strong enough foundation for a long distance relationship - you barely know each other! If we're being honest, she may have just made the decision for you.
Don't call this a mistake. You felt passion, attraction, a fire within you you haven't felt ever. Knowing those feelings exist inside of you is a good thing! You'll find a girl who lights that fire in you again.
I know you miss her, but what you have will not last given the actual lack of relationship and distance between yous.
Get use to not texting, unless you plan to move back.
This seems like good advice and it felt good reading it.
It was definitely a positive thing, like it's kickstarted my desire to go out and meet someone because it was great.
Do tell
I don't plan to move back, at least for another year.
I am going back for another visit in the middle of January, I am unsure as to whether or not I should persue a relationship with her however. I don't want to set myself up for feeling like this again.
Yeah, just be wary that she's stopped texting you and you may want to take that as a sign. But if there's a serious click between you two and she knows you'll be back in a year or so, then maybe she could hold out. It's hard to know without flat out discussing this with her.
I'd just let it go, you've essentially had just a holiday romance. Those are always hot and fleeting, enjoy it for what it was.
I don't think we're at that point tbh, it's something I'd want but it'd be an awkward thing to ask, plus why should I put myself on hold for something so uncertain :S
That didn't occur to me, especially because it was in my hometown but that's totally what it was.
Anyway I bet you can easily find a girl that is equally attractive and has a good/fun personality to boot, here in Ireland anyway.
It's not all bad!
It's not all bad!
Valid. I'm not sure how to break out or that in a rational adult way though.
I've had that kind of feeling and connection with someone who was interstate. It was clearly a mutual attraction but there was no-way it was going go anywhere considering the distance so i just accepted it and moved on plenty of fish in the sea.
In his situation is was, and that's what's usually common.
Maybe you're right, I had to step in to someone else's shoes to figure it out, I did this to myself. She ghosted, gave up on her, she came back and instead of moving on, I gave her chances. I missed out on the golden standard: If a girl turns down first time to meet you for any reason, without a proper reschedule from her, move on.
I did tell you guys a week ago this is new territory for me as all girls in the past just ghost me and we both moved on from there.
I'm not going to answer her anymore. Need to stick by my decision, as I gave her chances.
Maybe "rant" was a strong word to use. Just want to advice that what she did was wrong. Maybe she has no idea what she's doing.
Also why do I have a feeling that I'm the bad guy here.
I have no problems with women ghosting me, Girl #1 is not the first girl that did this to me. However she is the first to ghost, then return.
What could I have learned from what I've posted last week? The events that happened this week, rarely matches what happened this week.
Quick summary:
Last week: Told a backstory - I messaged Girl #1, we talked for a bit, asked her out, she couldn't make it, tells me she'll get back to me on the date. Talked some more, then ghosted me for 9 days.
This week: Agreed to go on a date on Sunday, then on the day she backs down. She asked for my number, we had a chat on the phone, arranged a date for yesterday. Sent a text for reminder, she gave no response. Cancelled the date at 4pm, she responds immediately.
By the way, your posted link doesn't make sense as I was not on that page. Unless you want me to look at someone else's conversation and it's similar to mine.
That might be because I'm set to 100 posts per page. I'll look out for that in the future. Thanks.
Everyone who is staunchly anti-ghosting ends up a hypocrite. It's natural, just accept it's a part of the dating life.
Why would someone be anti-ghosting. Sometimes it is necessary.
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Lafiel
When you go back in Jan. You can always try and hit her up and she if she wants to grab a drink. At least it's time to do something fun. It's also a good way to practice being casual. Everyone in here tends to go full throttle.
try being with someone you know isn't exclusive or tied down. Build the self esteem that when you're with someone they are there for you in that moment and enjoy that.
The holidays suck. Especially getting into something serious after 2 weeks of constant attention and then they have to go back home for a couple days. In my case 10 days. I'm jonesing.
When you go back in Jan. You can always try and hit her up and she if she wants to grab a drink. At least it's time to do something fun. It's also a good way to practice being casual. Everyone in here tends to go full throttle.
try being with someone you know isn't exclusive or tied down. Build the self esteem that when you're with someone they are there for you in that moment and enjoy that.
The holidays suck. Especially getting into something serious after 2 weeks of constant attention and then they have to go back home for a couple days. In my case 10 days. I'm jonesing.
People like that usually think they deserve an answer from the other person--and of course usually they're male, and don't understand why a woman would ghost in the first place.
There is plenty of men and women in the online dating realm that are batshit crazy, and the last thing you wanna do it outright reject them, lol
Had a random thought at work now that out there right now is probably the person you will spend the rest of your life with and you might not even know each other, lol.
You don't need to pretend to teach people or they don't know better. You said you were done with her and cutting contact. Be done with her and cut contact, end of story.
Place your bets here, folks. Does Lulu have a new serious relationship or a STI?
while I personally see ghosting as just a consequence of how people date these days...
...let's just be honest. 95% of the time, if you're ghosting someone (male or female), the long and short of it is whomever you were talking to was simply not worth your time or effort to disengage from.
So you're really just being an asshole. If you complain about it you're almost certainly a hypocrite, but the root of the cause is just indifference. There are certainly some creepy ass dudes/chicks out there, but in your heart of hearts, you probably know that's almost never the real reason you ghost someone.
completely different story if you actually actively engage with someone for some time / have been intimate / whatever, you decide to break it off, but they just don't get the message. THEN you can ghost guilt free!
but that random girl/guy you were talking to, but then just put on ice for whatever reason? Bad date, decided to vanish? Smashed, and then completely lost interest? Yeah you're just an asshole lol
everyone's an asshole. IMO anyway
Strange, I was honest in my original post. I'd rather not put my well-being at risk to soothe someone's ego. End of discussion.
fair enough
we're talking about ghosting, that was kind of a broad opinion on the ordeal
I went on a date a bit ago and she was telling me about her last date that picked her up and drove her home.
She wasnt feeling it and told him that she had a good time but wasnt interested in persuing it any further. Dude started showing up at her house and banging on the door and shit. She had to call the cops.
Some people be fucking nutso.
She wasnt feeling it and told him that she had a good time but wasnt interested in persuing it any further. Dude started showing up at her house and banging on the door and shit. She had to call the cops.
Some people be fucking nutso.
Dating / relationships are very much like negotations. The one willing to leave the table always has more power, but you gotta use that card from a place of integrity / self respect. And when you remember that you're actually a person with integrity, that's usually when people are reacting.
Which in turn should also tell you that your own gut reactions about the whole of it were RIGHT since the beginning : its making you uncomfortable (as seen on this thread with your ranting), so think about the reason instead of pursuing harder which won't lead you anywhere
Now I hope you ll remember the experience and see past the possible other pits of bullshit that people will throw at you when they re not interested. Don't put people's time on a pedestal like that man. "hey I have church / manicure / my car is out of service ..." + rescheduled for weeks ? get the hint already
You have to understand, not everyone is sincere. Not everyone has integrity. People will play you because just like Gaiages said, you re going places giving some strong interest to those who truly don't give a shit but stay around for the ego boost
I have a wonderful thought from a friend about that, which I'll give it here because it's simply too good
(She's a math teacher very big in pattern recognitions and whatnot)
Essentially, enjoying the process is living in the present moment. It's clearing your mind of future endeavors. Just go with the flow
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Could've at least given her a new game. Or some Fortnite V Bucks.
Haha, well this summer I did get pretty careless but I'm good on that front last time I check.
I met a girl back in July and still been hanging. I've been hesitant to commit because or FOMO and my actual love of dating but I think Imma try this out.
You re paying for your drinks while the free ones are on the house ... I call bullshit on that one
You simply won't pay two drinks each time you'll order something. That's all. That was her suggesting that idea so you'd be spending the same amount of money. She just don't wanna feel like she owe you, who cares if you re paying ?
I mean, relationships are a place where you're supposed to give WITHOUT expectations, and its not the first time you're saying right away that people owe you based on your own investment.
Prior to that post, the one saying "if im that invested in the relationship emotionally, so should she"
heeeeh. Except it doesn't work like that
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