It's more about complimentary personalities and attitudes rather that having things in common you like. Sure that helps at the start of a relationship as an in, but after that a personality mismatch will be a disaster.
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I don't you really need to share hobbies or whatever, unless you are super deep into something and absolutely must have your partner participating in it (which they can do even if not seriously).
I agree that a complementary personality is way more important.
I agree that a complementary personality is way more important.
This. Although it helps to have your significant other be supportive of your hobbies, or at least not have them be in a position where they are just tolerating the fact that you like them. In my freshman year of college I had met my ex and we were together for 5 months and apparently during that time she only tolerated my gaming because I was a game design major at the time. We used to butt heads a lot.
Props at not trying to hook up with drunk girls, bound to get messy. What I don't get is why people don't know their limits by now. Why can't people have fun while sober or at least within their limits? lol
This is what I keep trying to tell my friend I talked about earlier in the thread. He's obsessed with finding a hot blonde girl with double D's who likes hiking and board games and won't settle for someone who can be interesting and with different interests (he won't even settle for someone who has one of those two!).
I consider him a fucking idiot.
Also, his girlfriend dumped him, and now is dating one of his best friends, and both promised not to be official until he finds a girlfriend, but come the fuck on hahahahahahahaha. He still hangs out with them cause he'd rather hang out with someone than be alone even tho I know for sure it's eating him up inside.
You made the right choice. I've been in that situation before, but I straight up just told her she was too fucked up and put her to bed (but not before she started crying cause she thought I was rejecting her).
We talked it out awkwardly the next morning and no, I did not end up hooking up with her after that haha.
Personally I won't date someone unless we have both complimentary personalities and hobbies in common.
When I was chatting with girls on tinder, some of them would say things like 'I don't really like films', and I just dropped the conversation there and then. They might have been lovely but I see watching movies, and playing games to be a pretty big part of my life and I'd want to share that with a partner.
I'm used to long term relationships where most evenings would involve doing something with my partner, like watching a film, or playing a video game. The girl I'm dating at the moment, we've played through What Remains of Edith Finch, Life is Strange, and Uncharted: The Lost Legacy together. I think if she wasn't into the same things, I'd just get a little bored with her company over time, and my hobbies would become a divide in our relationship - especially if I go on a binge of a new video game or something like that.
My sister is the same, she doesn't date guys that don't play video games. Her current boyfriend hooked up with her after he offered to let her play the FFXV demo (she didn't have access to it at the time, for whatever reason).
With all of this said, I don't have any aesthetic criteria for a woman. Like the guy above was saying his friend was looking for a hot blonde with double Ds (though that description does, incidentally fit the girl I'm seeing at the moment). In general I would say that I find most women attractive and I tend to fall for their personality and shared interests.
When I was chatting with girls on tinder, some of them would say things like 'I don't really like films', and I just dropped the conversation there and then. They might have been lovely but I see watching movies, and playing games to be a pretty big part of my life and I'd want to share that with a partner.
I'm used to long term relationships where most evenings would involve doing something with my partner, like watching a film, or playing a video game. The girl I'm dating at the moment, we've played through What Remains of Edith Finch, Life is Strange, and Uncharted: The Lost Legacy together. I think if she wasn't into the same things, I'd just get a little bored with her company over time, and my hobbies would become a divide in our relationship - especially if I go on a binge of a new video game or something like that.
My sister is the same, she doesn't date guys that don't play video games. Her current boyfriend hooked up with her after he offered to let her play the FFXV demo (she didn't have access to it at the time, for whatever reason).
With all of this said, I don't have any aesthetic criteria for a woman. Like the guy above was saying his friend was looking for a hot blonde with double Ds (though that description does, incidentally fit the girl I'm seeing at the moment). In general I would say that I find most women attractive and I tend to fall for their personality and shared interests.
I don't know, a partner is eventually bound to get interested in your hobbies and maybe share the activity with you. Just like you would if they have a hobby that you've never tried but want to know more about. Doesn't seem like a dealbreaker imo. Unless if they have a religious reason or severe hatred so they are never watching films or playing games.
Well, that's what I told my buddy. I said "Well, if she's not interested in your obscure board games, maybe you can actually get her interested in it, but you won't know one way or another unless you actually take a shot in the dark and ask someone out."
He keeps throwing the quantity of women he's dated at me like he knows better than me, but then I point out what I lack in numbers of women, I make up for in more satisfying times with the women that I spend time with. Plus, I keep my standards where I want them, I don't just date anyone that shows me some attention in fear of being alone like he does. That's how he spent three years with someone he never was in love with, but they had common interests and she was in love with him while he was desperate to not be alone.
And now she's with his best friend in what looks to be a much more fulfilling relationship (the best friend is really into her) and he's alone trying to desperately to date girls that fit his weird specifications on OKC and POF (with his terrible profile lol).
When it comes to stuff like video games, I really just need the person to be ok with the fact that I play them and not think I'm childish or something for doing it. I remember my ex telling me they didn't get why I played games because they were for kids. She thought it was really funny. That was one of many red flags.
For me though, video games are usually something I enjoy on my own. Honestly it would be a little annoying to me to have an SO always involved in my play time. Not that they can't watch, but I don't need it to be a shared activity between us.
Personally I think there are ways to have something in common with someone beyond having the same hobbies. There are girls I had tried to pursue because they big into gaming like me but then I found I couldn't relate to them in any other way and found their personality annoying or we were just incompatible. Back in college, I guess I was looking for that "gamer girl" but I've realized the people I've successfully dated have all not been into video games and I still found ways to relate to them and enjoy their company.
For me though, video games are usually something I enjoy on my own. Honestly it would be a little annoying to me to have an SO always involved in my play time. Not that they can't watch, but I don't need it to be a shared activity between us.
Personally I think there are ways to have something in common with someone beyond having the same hobbies. There are girls I had tried to pursue because they big into gaming like me but then I found I couldn't relate to them in any other way and found their personality annoying or we were just incompatible. Back in college, I guess I was looking for that "gamer girl" but I've realized the people I've successfully dated have all not been into video games and I still found ways to relate to them and enjoy their company.
Ah, so that's why they've been making all these changes. Makes sense.
Although from speaking to women, the main thing they like about tinder which okc doesn't have is power over who gets to interact with you.
Wow, thank you for sharing!
Glad you got through that!
I think I would be destroyed if something like that happened to me. Just thinking about it terrifies me...
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Excited for the two dates I have this week.
First with a young 18 year old who's been a joy to talk with on tinder and texting. She's a bit thicc but really curvy and has a beautiful face. She goes to a art school in New York so it'll probably just be a hookup.
Second date is with an adventurous woman who set her CmB profile as a joke. She's been a bit distant but we talk everyday. She's letting me take her out for lunch on her 24th birthday this Thursday. NO PRESSURE
Still haven't decided if I should drop my boost in Europe or where I live.
First with a young 18 year old who's been a joy to talk with on tinder and texting. She's a bit thicc but really curvy and has a beautiful face. She goes to a art school in New York so it'll probably just be a hookup.
Second date is with an adventurous woman who set her CmB profile as a joke. She's been a bit distant but we talk everyday. She's letting me take her out for lunch on her 24th birthday this Thursday. NO PRESSURE
Still haven't decided if I should drop my boost in Europe or where I live.
I think people hoping their partners might become interested in their hobbies might become disappointed. It's easy for them to accept those hobbies in the short term, start of a relationship, but in the long-term it's easy for those activities, particularly if it pulls them away from the partner, to become irritations.
I know a lot of guys, who's girlfriends explicitly dislike them playing games. For me, at least, that's not a pleasant situation to be in.
I know a lot of guys, who's girlfriends explicitly dislike them playing games. For me, at least, that's not a pleasant situation to be in.
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I wouldn't want to be in that situation either but to be fair, disliking that someone plays games and not being interested in games are different things. If you're actively upset that your S.O. plays games in general that's a problem.
I think even in a long term relationship, it's good for the people involved to have things to their own that are separate. Obviously if you're spending all your time playing games and neglecting your S.O. that's a whole different issue.
The problem is it's not something a lot of girls are open with at the start of a relationship. Like they might accept that you play games, and just shrug it off, but a couple years down the line they're complaining because you want to spend a day playing a video game, etc. And it's easy for that to go from a minor, to a major irritation.
Ultimately, the guys I know have to settle for not playing games very often when they're at home. Fitting their gaming time around their partners schedule. I think it's much better if you can guarantee early on that that's an experience you can share with them. I guess it depends how important your hobbies are to you though, and how much of your time they take. I don't spend a huge amount of time playing games at the moment, but I appreciate having the freedom to do that when I want to.
So uh.. What do ya'll think about an early Saturday first date? (12 noon-ish)
Only chance to meet and it's been long overdue :(
Only chance to meet and it's been long overdue :(
I wouldn't turn it down. It's not ideal though, I think evenings add to the atmosphere and also if they're busy later then it means the date can't really lead anywhere.
With that said, I don't think it would make much difference. Either you connect or you don't.
First date? That's pretty decent actually. It's during the daylight which is good since you don't really know each other I'm assuming?
Just use it as a general chance to scope each other out. An hour or two tops and then set up a longer second date for an evening before the end of that date if you vibe well.
I think there are a lot of sides to this. For one, if your partner says they accept something but really don't then there's a huge issue of communication and understanding there. I also think it would show that your partner lacks a general respect of your own personal time and space which goes beyond them just not liking games and shows a deeper issue at hand.
On the other hand, if you're in a long term relationship, especially if you're living with the person it's not exactly unreasonable to fit some of your schedule around them. After all it is a relationship. Not because you fear them getting angry at you for partaking in your hobby but because you love them and don't want to neglect them. I think there is a general flow of bonding time and personal time you should have with your partner and the irritation you mention can occur when one thoughtlessly takes their personal time when you should be bonding. Like say your partner comes home from a rough day and you decide you really need to play a game right then and there.
One of the couples I know has a dynamic where one is really into games and the other isn't. They have other things in common and get along super well. One doesn't have an issue sitting and watching the other play or just going off and doing her own thing. But they also make sure to give time to spend time with each other. I don't really get the sense that the guy lacks freedom in the relationship and has to sneak games around her. He plays games more than me sometimes and I'm single.
So I've been single since June and have had an extreme lack of desire to date since then. I went to California to visit relatives for Christmas (I live in Georgia, so the exact opposite side of the US). My grandpa, who I only see once every few years, is here with his relatively new girlfriend and her grandaughter. Turns out we have a lot in common and immediately hit it off. Not sure if it's weird or not but we aren't related so whatever, but that's besides the point. I fly back tomorrow morning, and she lives here
I finally meet a girl who gets me to break out of the shell ive been in since June and I have to leave shortly after and I live on the opposite side of the country :/
I finally meet a girl who gets me to break out of the shell ive been in since June and I have to leave shortly after and I live on the opposite side of the country :/
Went for a Christmas walk by myself this afternoon and I went to the park I used to go with my ex and well... imadeahugemistake.gif. Now I cannot stop having this pain on my chest because I'm starting to think about her again and now all my Christmas afternoon/night went to shit because of this. It hurts because I'm not even thinking about the cute times I spend with her, but rather all the months she ignored me despite being in a relationship and all the pain she caused me because of that. She completely destroyed me on every aspect and it's the least shit I needed in my life now after years of suffering with anxiety and depression. Just when I was having mentally ok days because I wasn't thinking about her and started minding my business again but now I went downhill again...
Totally agree with this. I'm into gaming, my bf not so much. He'll play a few things but it's not that important to him. His main passion is music, so when he wants to make music, I'll go play games. Works well for us.
Another good idea is to cultivate a hobby together. Before we met, I enjoyed boardgames but didn't own a huge number, and he hadn't played much outside Catan. But I introduced him to a few and now it's something we both love and do regularly, together and with friends.
Although having similar hobbies is good and all, I think it's way more important for your partner to have a willingness to want to participate in things you like/enjoy and for them to try these new things.
You do not want to have the exact same hobbies and be on top of each other 24/7 - you need seperate lives from one another.
You do not want to have the exact same hobbies and be on top of each other 24/7 - you need seperate lives from one another.
I was talking about before they're your 'partner' really. In at least my experience in the past, when a girl has fallen for me it's not been uncommon that she will overrepresent / lie about things that she likes / is interested in. I remember when I was younger one of the girls I got together with pretended she liked Street Fighter IV just to get closer to me. She talked about video games that she liked, and things I could relate to, at the time, just for the sake of being able to relate to me. A few months down the line it became apparent that she wasn't genuinely all that interested in that stuff, and playing video games became a barrier.
I agree with it being important to have separate lives though - though for me that's my work (and related social life), skateboarding, gym and fighting game tournaments. Video gaming is a more passive activity that's not something I just pick up here and there, but something that's closely interrelated with my sense of identity. I feel that if you don't like gaming then that's a big part of me that you don't like.
I'm still trying to get my 10 month girlfriend to at least play some freaking Mario Kart with me.
People are against dates in the afternoon? The vast majority have been that and I've never had a problem, especially for early dates.
Try a different game with a strong narrative that she can enjoy passively and work up to Mariokart. If she's not into it don't force her.
Is there a solid way to slide the topic of going back to your place on the first date? Do you just have to read the situation?
The birthday girl I'm meeting this Thursday is a real charmer and I would like to spend more time with her if possible that day. I was planning on asking her out to the Udvar-Hazy center, maybe anything more than that would be too much.
Up to 3 dates this week now, if I doesn't work with anyone I always have the red light district.
The birthday girl I'm meeting this Thursday is a real charmer and I would like to spend more time with her if possible that day. I was planning on asking her out to the Udvar-Hazy center, maybe anything more than that would be too much.
Up to 3 dates this week now, if I doesn't work with anyone I always have the red light district.
That is an extremely tricky topic to bring up. I would only ask if she is giving off serious vibes that she would like to spend more time with you after the date (whatever you're planning to do). Where did you meet her? That's pretty important too. But you honestly just have to see where the date goes really, and how well you both hit it off.
Personally, I don't even attempt to bring someone to my place on a first date but I'm not looking for just a hookup. Inviting someone over like that is always implying you want a hookup so you do need to read the situation. There isn't much of a slide though, you just ask.
In general though, it's good to have something interesting at your place to have a reason to go there. A friend of mine has a garden and he'll offer to show it if the girl shows interest in it. I dated an artist once and showing her my own art was a good reason to invite her over. Maybe you have a pet or play an instrument. One time it was snowing and I offered hot chocolate at my place. I've even just straight up said I was enjoying someone's company and wanted to continue the date with drinks at my place. And I always make sure the date location is nearby my place if I plan to do this. It's just easier in my opinion to ask someone over if it takes minimum time and effort to get there.
Even when you have got a good reason like you explained here, I still believe that no matter how you ask your date and whatever reason (on a first date) you have to ask them back, it will nearly always come off as you wanting a hookup and that can really sour someone's opinion of you if you want more than just a hookup. If you want more than just that, I'd honestly play the waiting game.
It's extremely hard to tackle that subject.
We only started talking last week on Coffee meets bagel, so yea, I'm going really fast with things. I'm leaving a week from today to London so I just wanted to squeeze in as much as possible
The date I have tonight was cool coming over from the get go, wanting to look at the paintings and try the wine I own. I guess case by case is my answer but usually don't risk it. Thanks you guys.
Recently reconnected with a girl I went to high school with via facebook. I had no romantic intentions originally but now I'm crushing on her hard. We've hung out a few times both alone and with other friends, I haven't made a move yet but we've exchanged some flirty (at least in my pov) texts. It's been almost four years since I've had any kind of relationship so I'm not used to these feelings and it's really scary. Sometimes I feel like I just want to remain unattached but this girl is really cool and I think I should take a chance on her. Though a part of me wonders how much of my feelings for her are just coming from a place of desperation/horniness..
Oh yeah, that's exactly why I said I don't invite someone over on the first date.
For me it's more like a "first time I invite them over" thing, which is second date or beyond.
This is good advice. I love boardgames but don't play very regularly (especially since the couple in my regular group had kids), but I've gotten into coop boardgames in a big way to play with my SO.
We actually both play videogames, but go our separate ways there. She's mostly singleplayer console (still only has a 360!), whereas I mostly play PC/online. We've actually only played a few session of NSMB and SF2 in over 2 years. I just don't feel like I need to make her get into the same games to play with me even though gaming is a big part of my leisure time, so her playing videogames or not doesn't even actually matter. I'd rather just play boardgames (which is the new hobby we're cultivating together) with her! Time away from the screen.
So, I've been seeing this girl for the past few months. We've been intimate on more than one occasion. The other night after we exchanged gifts thinks got a bit hot and heavy. While she was going down on me I asked if she would eat my ass. A look of pure discust came across her face and she just up and left.
Did I do something wrong? She hasn't replied to my calls or texts since. Any way I can salvage this?
Did I do something wrong? She hasn't replied to my calls or texts since. Any way I can salvage this?
Really strange reaction on her part. It usually goes down a treat when I ask a girl to do it.
What did you text her after?
Congrats on the hot and heaviness btw.
I asked if she would come over so we could discuss and play some Okami HD.
Okay, so when you're playing - after she unlocks the paintbrush power (pretty early on), tell her "Y'know I've got a cursed, toxic wasteland that needs flowering"
If that doesn't get you where you wanna be, then I'll Venmo you $10.
let her know you'll do the same to her. Tell her its an out of body experience
If your entire identity is based on the things you consume. You kind of have to date someone who has things in common. Its better to have a personality that give each other something or something you can always learn from. Try and find something physical to do with each other thats not fucking. Jogging, Hiking, Going for walks, rock climbing, biking. That stuff, is binding and will keep both of you healthy later in life if you start now.
go for it.
If you are touchy feely during that date, you can totally go back to your place. Always have some wine or something you can drink back at your place. "want to grab a drink at my place" or if you have an animal like a cat "omg, you have to see fluffy"
People always want to come over and see my corgi. lol he was a great wingman.
You should have brought up you like to get your ass hole played with before. Asking someone on the spot is fucked up. It puts a ton of pressure on someone during sex to drop kinks on them. Maybe she will come around, but i doubt it.
I have had many dates that ended up day drinking and hanging out all day on saturday from 1pm until the next day. It can be a great time.
go for it.
If you are touchy feely during that date, you can totally go back to your place. Always have some wine or something you can drink back at your place. "want to grab a drink at my place" or if you have an animal like a cat "omg, you have to see fluffy"
People always want to come over and see my corgi. lol he was a great wingman.
You should have brought up you like to get your ass hole played with before. Asking someone on the spot is fucked up. It puts a ton of pressure on someone during sex to drop kinks on them. Maybe she will come around, but i doubt it.
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Girls I date have to match only two criteria, they have to play video games and they have to eat ass. If a girl tells me she doesn't eat ass and play video games (simultaneously) I drop the conversation immediately.
The girl I'm dating now eats my ass while we play Rocket League together. We just communicate with each other with the "Thanks!" and the occasional "Whoops..." when i fart in her mouth.
See y'all next on page 78
The girl I'm dating now eats my ass while we play Rocket League together. We just communicate with each other with the "Thanks!" and the occasional "Whoops..." when i fart in her mouth.
See y'all next on page 78
