"Where you're from?"
- Thread starter BlueOdin
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If someone doesn't know how to do something it's nice to help them but if you enjoy bathing in others ignorance then you do you
I ask people this because I actually am interested in where people grew up then get annoyed when they say something like "I'm Chinese".
I've learned to ask "where did you grow up instead."
I've learned to ask "where did you grow up instead."
I mean, I do all the time and it's been fine. But you actually have to communicate your respect toward the other person in the process, and most of the stuff mentioned in this thread sounds like people are either being lowkey judgmental/bigoted af when they ask or have no concept of other people's personal space.
I work in a spot with a lot of tourists, so I often ask this because I'm legitimately interested, it helps kill silence as I'm working the register, and I don't have money or time to do any traveling at all so it's nice to hear about different parts of the world.
Almost everyone has been happy to talk with me about that.
Don't see why some of you get so bent out of shape about it. It's called having a conversation.
Almost everyone has been happy to talk with me about that.
Don't see why some of you get so bent out of shape about it. It's called having a conversation.
I work in a hospital so there's always old people being a little bit too curious about where me or my parents are from and they won't let it go until they got the confirmation that you have an immigrant background.
For all the shit people give Southerners on era for the accent I never fail to see people's eyes light up irl when I'm traveling and they hear the twang. Especially Europeans. They seem to love that shit.
Never really bothers me, honestly. Getting called cowboy occasionally is weird but it's all in good fun.
Never really bothers me, honestly. Getting called cowboy occasionally is weird but it's all in good fun.
I haven't gotten this question a lot, though a roommate's "friend" in college did ask whether I was Mexican, not realizing I could hear their conversation. Not that I answered.
Maybe it's because most people around here are, well, from around here? New Orleans is no stranger to people like me.
Maybe it's because most people around here are, well, from around here? New Orleans is no stranger to people like me.
Blame spaghetti westerns.
A lot of famous westerns have an Italian director.
You're a true Yankee in their eyes
Tom Seguras newest special has a funny bit on this and how non important a persons lineage is from.
"Where are you from?"
"Texas."
"Oh, well where are your parents from?"
"Texas."
"Uh, grand parents?"
"Texas."
"Great grand parents?"
"Texas."
"Great great grand parents?"
"Texas."
"...k."
"Texas."
"Oh, well where are your parents from?"
"Texas."
"Uh, grand parents?"
"Texas."
"Great grand parents?"
"Texas."
"Great great grand parents?"
"Texas."
"...k."
This is why I never speak in any online game. I'm Mexican but I can't speak English correctly, so people have either guessed I'm Russian, Serbian or whatever.
that's just me, but i don't mind speaking about my origins... i just respond something like "i'm...., my father origin country is ..."
but yeah, some people can really be rude with the way they ask these things
but yeah, some people can really be rude with the way they ask these things
Maybe they got an unpleasant experience with someone who asked them that question. I'm happy that people are eager to talk to you, but once in a English interview I got asked about where I was from because I didn't sound "Mexican".
Lady, just put me on hold. Please.
Yep, I get this. I'm from and live in MN and people always think I'm from somewhere else. I'm a white dude too. People in other spots too are like where you from you don't have an accent, I tell them MN and they are even more surprised because they think I'm supposed to sound like I'm straight out of Fargo.
is a good example video on what some of the people in this thread have likely encountered irl I imagine.
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It's a vague and dumb othering question to begin with (especially when they start going "but where are you actually/really from"), so it's not on us minorities to always correct them in how to phrase questions properly. They should know it by now, it's been the topic of jokes for ages. I'll eventually go "you just want to know my ethnicity, right? Just ask that". People should have moved on by now to get rid of this common microaggression phrase "where are you from" from their vocabulary and be more honest.
The Atlantic: On Being Asked, 'Where Are You From?'
White American: So, where are you from?
Asian-American: Boston. Can't you tell from my accent?
White American: No, but where are you from?
Asian-American: GAAAH !!!
White Americans like this usually mean well, of course. The problem is
that they've never thought of, and no one has taught them, the right
words for what exactly they're asking. Those words are, "What's your
ethnic background?"
White American: So, where are you from?
Asian-American: Boston. Can't you tell from my accent?
White American: No, but where are you from?
Asian-American: You mean, what's my ethnic background?
White American: Yeah, yeah - that.
Asian-American: Japanese-American. My great-grandparents immigrated to Hawaii around 1930. What's yours?
Chances are the white American will remember "What's your ethnic
background?" the next time she wants to ask the question - and if she
doesn't, she'll remember it after being corrected like that for a
second or third time. And while Asian-Americans may get tired of being asked about their ethnic background, at least there's no implication that they don't belong here.
Oh Jesus, I had to pause that vid when he bowed. That's exactly why I said more than just the first sentence in my post. This is on a similar level to the Twitter feeds I've seen of Native Americans (is First Nations applicable to all Native Americans? I am ignorant) talking about the white people showing up to their protests and treating them like a damned museum exhibit. Absolutely no respect and comes off more a selfish desire to be seen as "cultured" than posessing any willingness to widen one's own perspective.
FAKE EDIT: Watched the rest of the vid and the subversion there is great!!
REAL EDIT: I've seen a few posts here discussing the phrasing of "where are you from?" in terms of cities (specific example I saw was LA), and I want to corroborate that perspective with my own from a tiny rural Southern U.S. area.
A friend and I were in a tattoo parlor years ago, just perusing the merchandise and not bringing any attention to ourselves, when two bikers came up and started a line of questioning because my friend had a patch vest on. "Where you from? Oh? What's your last name? You kin to x/y/z? Oh ok, you're good people then." It was intimidating as hell, and everyone involved were white hillbilly locals. I honestly felt like if my friend had answered the questions "wrong" we'd have gotten our asses beat just based on those guys' body language.
Do not use that kind of phrasing! Talk to the person as a person. If you are genuinely curious and they seem like friendly people who don't mind discussing it then respectfully ask them in a way that doesn't come off like it could be a threat. For me it's always worked as "If I may/If you don't mind me asking - what is your heritage?" after gauging their comfort with you.
JUST. BE. RESPECTFUL. FFS. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DEAL WITH IN THEIR OWN LIVES.
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I am a very pale Mexican. Going to school in an area where minority's are the overwhelming majority. And everytime I'd meet someone new it was always like
"You a white boy?"
"No"
"You look like a white boy"
"I'm not"
"What's your name?"
"Aaron"
"You a white boy"
I went through that for years.
"You a white boy?"
"No"
"You look like a white boy"
"I'm not"
"What's your name?"
"Aaron"
"You a white boy"
I went through that for years.
Is it that insensitive?
Sometimes I'm curious. I'm a foodie, a traveller, and an appreciator of many cultures. I will sometimes ask about someone's background. Usually only once I'm comfortable and get to know someone decently well. Too afraid to ask someone I barely know. Sometimes it's also interesting to hear stories of how some people immigrated and what their home country is like.
I had a doctor at the ER a few months ago. She looked possibly like a First Nations person, and she had an awesome name: Dr Eagles. I regret not asking about her background.
My girlfriend is mixed and gets it all the time. She and her brothers are used to questions. They're just offended by the way most people ask "What are you?".
Sometimes I'm curious. I'm a foodie, a traveller, and an appreciator of many cultures. I will sometimes ask about someone's background. Usually only once I'm comfortable and get to know someone decently well. Too afraid to ask someone I barely know. Sometimes it's also interesting to hear stories of how some people immigrated and what their home country is like.
I had a doctor at the ER a few months ago. She looked possibly like a First Nations person, and she had an awesome name: Dr Eagles. I regret not asking about her background.
My girlfriend is mixed and gets it all the time. She and her brothers are used to questions. They're just offended by the way most people ask "What are you?".
i think its to do with ppl dealing with an immigrant who is new and a country which is not used to it. india is very multi racial. i hear stuff like im half irish 1/4 german 1/4 polish ... no one in india would ever say that ... eh dont think much about it ... its just silly ... and in india no one would care.. i guess im 1/16 chinese 1/16 persian 1/16 south indian 1/16 something something something...
I feel like the reactions here come from the fact that many people do ask from a position of insensitivity, privilege (as in "I only care inasmuch as it makes me appear worldly"), or lowkey racism. As you put it, you ask when you feel like the person you're talking to is comfortable with the question. Many do not. In my experience in retail I have asked many people where they or their family are from, and the way I go about it must communicate that I mean no ill will because those people have always expressed gratitude that I value their culture. "Where are you from" as worded in that manner is so vague it can carry implications that us well-meaning folks don't realize until offense has already been taken.
You should have flashed a grim grin and said "I'm glad you infidels think like this"
As a rule, this question sucks. But if it does come up people should just accept the first answer that they're given.
My mom is Mexican. So I get this a lot. Even received a few "Are you adopted?" Comments from people after they meet my white father. It's like the idea of being mixed never occurs to people.
However, I don't really think anyone has ever asked the question in a negative way. People really don't know what ethnicity I am.
I live in California and you'll meet people from all over the world living here. Even in the small towns. So it probably comes up more in conversation and more normalized.
However, I don't really think anyone has ever asked the question in a negative way. People really don't know what ethnicity I am.
I live in California and you'll meet people from all over the world living here. Even in the small towns. So it probably comes up more in conversation and more normalized.
Yes, with a patient of mine. I was making her dentures.
One of many reasons I'm leaving this state.
"pale" Mexican means you are white..Spanish probably..hate to break it to you
Edit: I just noticed your name lol. It seems you do know you're white, which makes your story confusing....
I've had similar experiences due to my unusual last name, though it's on more local level, not which country I'm from but from which village in the middle of nowhere my family moved from.
Every conversation with someone older than 50 when they hear my last name:
"Where are you from?"
"Split"
"No, where are you really from?"
"Split"
"But everyone with your last name comes from Imotski"
"Noone in my extended family has ever lived in Imotski or has ancestors there"
"That can't be"
The issue isn't being curious about someones background, but refusing to accept that someone "foreign looking" has lived next to you for generations and is as much as local as you are.
Every conversation with someone older than 50 when they hear my last name:
"Where are you from?"
"Split"
"No, where are you really from?"
"Split"
"But everyone with your last name comes from Imotski"
"Noone in my extended family has ever lived in Imotski or has ancestors there"
"That can't be"
The issue isn't being curious about someones background, but refusing to accept that someone "foreign looking" has lived next to you for generations and is as much as local as you are.
Im from sweden, and so are my parents. And their parents too, many generations back.
But for some reason my dad doesnt look swedish at all; black hair and a bit dark skin tone (middle eastern-ish). He does however look a LOT like his father so I dont think there was another dad.
Then we have me, my skin is super white but my hair is dark and something with my face doesnt look very swedish because a LOT of swedes ask me where I'm from. When I say I from sweden they say they thought I was from hungary/poland or some nearby country. Personally, it doesn't annoy or offend me in any way.
But for some reason my dad doesnt look swedish at all; black hair and a bit dark skin tone (middle eastern-ish). He does however look a LOT like his father so I dont think there was another dad.
Then we have me, my skin is super white but my hair is dark and something with my face doesnt look very swedish because a LOT of swedes ask me where I'm from. When I say I from sweden they say they thought I was from hungary/poland or some nearby country. Personally, it doesn't annoy or offend me in any way.
I'm half white and half Inuit. I've haven't gotten this question in particular but I've had people tell me I look asian and that they want to know "which kind"
I hear it due to my lack of accent. Parents are from up North so I never picked up the southern accent.
I get a lot of this too since my last name is very uncommon.
I get a lot of this too since my last name is very uncommon.
When I meet someone who could have been born in another country before coming to Germany I usually (if the conversation is a casual one and bringing this topic up even makes sense) just ask "Were you born in Germany?". Cause I don't really want to know "Are you German?" what I want to know is if they have any experience living in another country as a child and maybe have some stories to share. For example my one former coworker was born in Ghana and came to Germany with her parents when she was 7. You wouldn't in any way be able to tell that she didn't live in Germany from the start, so me asking led to her telling me about it and what she remembers and such. Just little experiences and differences she remembered.
And if they answer "oh I was born in Germany" they usually will just add something like "my dad is from X" or "my mom's from Y" so you got some background on them and can move on.
I feel that is a pretty polite way of asking about someone's roots without doing the silly "where are you REALLLLYYYYYY from" stuff
And if they answer "oh I was born in Germany" they usually will just add something like "my dad is from X" or "my mom's from Y" so you got some background on them and can move on.
I feel that is a pretty polite way of asking about someone's roots without doing the silly "where are you REALLLLYYYYYY from" stuff
I had this and I am white and it was when I was born and lived in Australia until that point when they asked (a few people on different occasions). They said they asked because of my accent (I don't know why my accent would be different, had never lived abroad for a long time before then).
I imagine it would be a lot more annoying if more frequent and someone had the subtlety of Trump.
I imagine it would be a lot more annoying if more frequent and someone had the subtlety of Trump.
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Best question right there. I work with a lot of immigrant students, often easily identified as ELL students, and both I and they find it fun to discuss our cultures - similarities, differences, and everything in between - but the best way to go about things is to ask, "where did you grow up?"
It works for any situation, too. Say you have a Kenyan student who grew up in England, or a Nepali refugee who moved to the US. Both can feel comfortable with that question because it asks about the places they've been while opening a venue for ethnic heritage.
Hell, it works in reverse as someone in urban Ohio who is a mix of Italian-Dutch-Irish-English-god knows what stock. We all get a bit more acquaintes but know we aren't our blood.
I was born in Italy from Chinese parents. This is a question I get asked by every person that starts a conversation with me.
It usually goes like this
"Where are you from?"
"Venice"
"No, where are you really from?"
"Venice"
"I mean you can't be from Italy, where were you born?"
"Venice"
"But where are your parents from?"
"China"
"Yes I knew it!"
It usually goes like this
"Where are you from?"
"Venice"
"No, where are you really from?"
"Venice"
"I mean you can't be from Italy, where were you born?"
"Venice"
"But where are your parents from?"
"China"
"Yes I knew it!"
When I want to know/can't tell at all, I usually try to ask something like "Where is the non-European/non-Austrian part of your family originally from?"
It's not perfect but it works fine, and I don't think I've offended yet.
Slightly off-topic, I hate when people refer to Austria-born and raised children of immigrants by their non-Austrian (great great...) grandparents' nationality.
No, that boy isn't Turkish. No, that lady isn't Croatian. They are Austrian.
It's not perfect but it works fine, and I don't think I've offended yet.
Slightly off-topic, I hate when people refer to Austria-born and raised children of immigrants by their non-Austrian (great great...) grandparents' nationality.
No, that boy isn't Turkish. No, that lady isn't Croatian. They are Austrian.
I have a scottish surname, but I'm pretty dark, and I identify with anglo heritage but my grandma's black so I've always had a bit of confusion there.