Yikes!
Yeah, that's fucked up. She's SO playing him. The way he handled it told her all she wanted to know.
Yikes!
Get her whatever you want, it depends on the relationship. I'm going into the fourth month with my girlfriend and i'm just getting her a single rose and a card (and a $65 valentines concert)Kinda anxious about Valentines day. What exactly is appropriate when you've been dating for six weeks? Thinking about getting her chocolate-covered strawberries (sounds way better to me than just chocolates) and maybe a card. And I think I'll see if she wants to cook dinner together that night.
Really resent these dumb manufactured holidays tbh.
That's just like anime.Been crushing on a coworker/good friend, been doing a pretty good job at keeping feelings put down and away. Thinking it'll be fine, nothing I haven't done before. Proceed to get drunk with a whole bunch (10+) coworkers. Spill crush on coworker to literally everyone after getting black-out drunk. Get called out on it next day. Tell them I want nothing to do with it. Assume everything will be cool - as long as she doesn't know. Lasts 4 days, before she sits next to me on lunch and we talk casually. She brings it up, and I just say simply, "it was never supposed to get out,". Essentially get shut down on something I never wanted, and now feel awkward around really cool friend and all my coworkers.
Cool. Now I hate my job a smidge more than I already did.
Alright well here goes looking for some advice.
I was in a bad relationship all through college with the exception of the last year when we broke up. I'm working full time now and basically have no chances to really meet women. I'm also 3 years out of the game as I took some time off to focus on improving myself. Which was good but my incredibly limited social skills when engaging with a member of the opposite sex ( at least ones that I'm interested in ) are 3 years worse off than they were when I was just slightly awkward.
I've tried tinder but It went nowhere with basically my only matches being bots or fizzling out before a conversation even really gets going and the whole online dating apps/sites thing in general feels way too reductive to me I really don't like it to the point frequently swing to being vehemently against it (nothing against people who it does go well for it's just not for me).
I've heard the "just get yourself out there" but there's not a lot in the area to get out to. The bar scene is mostly women almost 2x my age that I have no attraction to and the local events seem to only attract kids and parents. I'm also to be blunt shy and awkward so just chatting up someone I bump into that isn't a friend is really weird to me and the few times I've tried to start a conversation it turns awkward really fast. Finally the female friends I have who I would maybe consider dating are all in good relationships so going within my circle of friends is also a no go.
Finally, I'm a bit picky I've tried dating outside of my "standards" before and let's just say it was an insult to both me and her and I don't want to repeat it again. I at the very least want the person to be somewhat attractive and have some common interests like anime and gaming. I keep in shape and consider myself decent looking so I don't think that is unreasonable.
Alright well here goes looking for some advice.
I was in a bad relationship all through college with the exception of the last year when we broke up. I'm working full time now and basically have no chances to really meet women. I'm also 3 years out of the game as I took some time off to focus on improving myself. Which was good but my incredibly limited social skills when engaging with a member of the opposite sex ( at least ones that I'm interested in ) are 3 years worse off than they were when I was just slightly awkward.
I've tried tinder but It went nowhere with basically my only matches being bots or fizzling out before a conversation even really gets going and the whole online dating apps/sites thing in general feels way too reductive to me I really don't like it to the point frequently swing to being vehemently against it (nothing against people who it does go well for it's just not for me).
I've heard the "just get yourself out there" but there's not a lot in the area to get out to. The bar scene is mostly women almost 2x my age that I have no attraction to and the local events seem to only attract kids and parents. I'm also to be blunt shy and awkward so just chatting up someone I bump into that isn't a friend is really weird to me and the few times I've tried to start a conversation it turns awkward really fast. Finally the female friends I have who I would maybe consider dating are all in good relationships so going within my circle of friends is also a no go.
Finally, I'm a bit picky I've tried dating outside of my "standards" before and let's just say it was an insult to both me and her and I don't want to repeat it again. I at the very least want the person to be somewhat attractive and have some common interests like anime and gaming. I keep in shape and consider myself decent looking so I don't think that is unreasonable.
Ain't ever gettin drunk with coworkers again. That's some bullshit. I'm cool with the girl, but like, we were walking back from lunch and I saw the smuggest fucking look from my coworker, someone who's told me he's got my back when we got hired together. I ain't hurt about the girl, it's the absolute distrust I feel now around everyone in the entire workplace
Alright well here goes looking for some advice.
I was in a bad relationship all through college with the exception of the last year when we broke up. I'm working full time now and basically have no chances to really meet women. I'm also 3 years out of the game as I took some time off to focus on improving myself. Which was good but my incredibly limited social skills when engaging with a member of the opposite sex ( at least ones that I'm interested in ) are 3 years worse off than they were when I was just slightly awkward.
I've tried tinder but It went nowhere with basically my only matches being bots or fizzling out before a conversation even really gets going and the whole online dating apps/sites thing in general feels way too reductive to me I really don't like it to the point frequently swing to being vehemently against it (nothing against people who it does go well for it's just not for me).
I've heard the "just get yourself out there" but there's not a lot in the area to get out to. The bar scene is mostly women almost 2x my age that I have no attraction to and the local events seem to only attract kids and parents. I'm also to be blunt shy and awkward so just chatting up someone I bump into that isn't a friend is really weird to me and the few times I've tried to start a conversation it turns awkward really fast. Finally the female friends I have who I would maybe consider dating are all in good relationships so going within my circle of friends is also a no go.
Finally, I'm a bit picky I've tried dating outside of my "standards" before and let's just say it was an insult to both me and her and I don't want to repeat it again. I at the very least want the person to be somewhat attractive and have some common interests like anime and gaming. I keep in shape and consider myself decent looking so I don't think that is unreasonable.
lol what thread was this?Grats on finding something. Good contrast to the absolute train wrecks of Introvert and that thread from yesterday about a girl that was almost certainly going to cut contact immediately upon getting asked for a date.
Well so much for that. Fuck.
Something I guess I missed on her online dating profile. She's poly.
I am mad that she didn't tell me until now, though.
Can't find it. Oh well.
Alright well here goes looking for some advice.
I was in a bad relationship all through college with the exception of the last year when we broke up. I'm working full time now and basically have no chances to really meet women. I'm also 3 years out of the game as I took some time off to focus on improving myself. Which was good but my incredibly limited social skills when engaging with a member of the opposite sex ( at least ones that I'm interested in ) are 3 years worse off than they were when I was just slightly awkward.
I've tried tinder but It went nowhere with basically my only matches being bots or fizzling out before a conversation even really gets going and the whole online dating apps/sites thing in general feels way too reductive to me I really don't like it to the point frequently swing to being vehemently against it (nothing against people who it does go well for it's just not for me).
I've heard the "just get yourself out there" but there's not a lot in the area to get out to. The bar scene is mostly women almost 2x my age that I have no attraction to and the local events seem to only attract kids and parents. I'm also to be blunt shy and awkward so just chatting up someone I bump into that isn't a friend is really weird to me and the few times I've tried to start a conversation it turns awkward really fast. Finally the female friends I have who I would maybe consider dating are all in good relationships so going within my circle of friends is also a no go.
Finally, I'm a bit picky I've tried dating outside of my "standards" before and let's just say it was an insult to both me and her and I don't want to repeat it again. I at the very least want the person to be somewhat attractive and have some common interests like anime and gaming. I keep in shape and consider myself decent looking so I don't think that is unreasonable.
So what is it? it's in her profile or not? For someone that lists all the irrelevant minute about your interactions with this girl it would surprise me that you hadn't spent a long time poring every detail in her profile before messaging her. You've way over-invested running around after her being a nice guy but you haven't actually talked, as in getting to know her. You kept repeating your virtuous "I'm not sex driven" line even when she was giving clear signs she was interested in it. Again, you avoided that topic of conversation until today. Why does this type of thing always happen to you? Because you let it happen and ignore advice.
Here's what you do now;
Do not be friends with her. Forget all about her, block delete her number and remove from social media. It will make it easier for you both to move on.
Get right back onto the dating sites and try again, no delay and no dwelling on this one minor failure.
Stop being a nice guy. Go on dates and that's it until you are steady. No helping move house, fixing broken cars or buying cat food for the girl. That's relationship stuff, not dating stuff.
Best of luck, you can do this!
I may sound harsh here, but that's not a selling point. It's the bare minimum to be a decent person. No one is going to date you just because you act nice or listen to stuff. Why aren't you getting in shape? If you think you're not attractive, why aren't you making changes where you can? New haircut, new clothes, new attitude. If you're not outgoing enough to ask random girls out in the street, look for other venues where you can meet people. Go volunteer at an animal shelter. Don't actually go there for the sole purpose of meeting girls, go there, meet other volunteers, play with dogs, have fun. You will naturally interact with other people, some of whom might be women, and they might actually see you having fun doing something you enjoy and that will already make you more attractive than you are now.
Well so much for that. Fuck.
She messaged me today, and asked if it would be okay for us to go to the mall because she needed to get her phone fixed for work. I messaged her back hours later when I woke up, and said sure, and showered and got ready then picked her up. We went to one of the kiosks in the mall that her friend had recommended. They also have a store that I'd seen before, but I shop so little that I didn't remember the name of it and had mostly forgotten it until I saw it. It wasn't the one that came up with great reviews when I looked up the mall and phone repair, but it's what she wanted to go with and it's not my phone.
I tried to nudge her towards going to the other one or two cell repair places to see what they would offer, but she didn't. She told the guy she'd gotten a quote for $80, which was from a place an hour away, but she bent the truth a bit. He came back with $95 after talking to his boss, and said that's the professional rate and nobody else can do it for less. Then she threatened to go talk to another place (politely) and he asked how much she was looking to spend ($80), and would $85 be okay. I thought she'd accept it, but no, and that caused him to drop to $80 at which point she agreed and paid. It was pretty impressive. But I still felt that she should've gotten other opinions and quotes, because it was a mall kiosk and it felt a bit shady to me. He then turned around after we'd paid and said that it would be ready on Saturday after 2pm, which surprised both of us and made her wish she would've gone elsewhere, because she doesn't drive and had heard they fixed phones that day.
Then we walked around for a while until her boots made her feet hurt, sat down, she rested her head on my shoulders, and then after a bit we got up and went to the food court to get some food. She went and bought Greek, and I got Thai, then we met at a quiet area and ate at a booth. It went well. She asked if we could stop at the library, to get a book, and had mentioned Walmart to get Benadryl for she and her cat. So we did that and also got coffee, then went back to her place. This was 3.5 hours after I'd picked her up, I guess. We took a while at the library.
I had asked if I could come in and see her cat, and she said sure, also that she wouldn't mind cuddling. But she has to be up at 5am tomorrow to get ready and catch the bus for an appointment that's really only a 20 minute drive at 9am, so she said she couldn't stay up too late and would have to politely ask me to leave in half an hour or an hour. We cuddled and fooled around for a bit, and played with her cat and her roommate's, and I didn't leave until closer to 9. After we fooled around some however, she started getting slightly emotional and brought up how she really likes me and isn't leading me on, but always gets scared about labeling things because when she does the relationships tend to fail and she was trying not to screw this one up. I said it was okay, I was worried about screwing it up, and said it was okay. Then she told me she got in the habit of lying because her grandmother was hard on her and she had to because nothing was ever good enough, and that she has PTSD from that. Also that she sometimes lies without thinking about it then apologizes. And that she has a lot of baggage, and doesn't want to drag me down. I said it was okay -- I have issues too, also have baggage and am not perfect.
Then she brought up something that scared me. Something I guess I missed on her online dating profile. She's poly. Apparently she's tried monogamy, had thought she'd told me and doesn't want to hurt me/would never cheat on me but it's part of how she is. I guess it's hard for her to be with just one person, and it never works. Not only have I never been in a relationship, but I'd want that person to care about me and just me in that way and not have to share or worry or deal with any of that stuff. Let alone the constant anxiety. She asked if that was a problem, and I said yes that it unfortunately was, so we agreed to just stay friends.
It fucking sucks. As you guys had warned, I did get attached and get my hopes up, and had been close to asking her again about the relationship thing. She added me on social media yesterday and I almost changed my relationship status, and wanted to. But I'm glad she was honest with me and though it's really depressing (why does this type of thing always happen to me? I'm not a bad person) I'm not as torn up as I could be, because I guess I guarded myself a bit. Or steeled myself for the other shoe to drop. It was too good to be true.
I am mad that she didn't tell me until now, though. I spent quite a bit on dates and invested a lot. She had also asked if I would drive her to the mall on Saturday, when we were at the kiosk and before this happened, but I honestly don't want to and didn't then because it feels like I'm constantly driving places now and I'm just borrowing a vehicle. Hopefully she won't ask again and will get her roommate to do so. I was nice and paid $45 (it came to $90 after tax or whatever) for the repair and drove her to the mall.
So what is it? it's in her profile or not? For someone that lists all the irrelevant minute about your interactions with this girl it would surprise me that you hadn't spent a long time poring every detail in her profile before messaging her. You've way over-invested running around after her being a nice guy but you haven't actually talked, as in getting to know her. You kept repeating your virtuous "I'm not sex driven" line even when she was giving clear signs she was interested in it. Again, you avoided that topic of conversation until today. Why does this type of thing always happen to you? Because you let it happen and ignore advice.
Here's what you do now;
Do not be friends with her. Forget all about her, block delete her number and remove from social media. It will make it easier for you both to move on.
Get right back onto the dating sites and try again, no delay and no dwelling on this one minor failure.
Stop being a nice guy. Go on dates and that's it until you are steady. No helping move house, fixing broken cars or buying cat food for the girl. That's relationship stuff, not dating stuff.
Best of luck, you can do this!
I may sound harsh here, but that's not a selling point. It's the bare minimum to be a decent person. No one is going to date you just because you act nice or listen to stuff. Why aren't you getting in shape? If you think you're not attractive, why aren't you making changes where you can? New haircut, new clothes, new attitude. If you're not outgoing enough to ask random girls out in the street, look for other venues where you can meet people. Go volunteer at an animal shelter. Don't actually go there for the sole purpose of meeting girls, go there, meet other volunteers, play with dogs, have fun. You will naturally interact with other people, some of whom might be women, and they might actually see you having fun doing something you enjoy and that will already make you more attractive than you are now.
Sorry that happened dude. Yeah, poly ain't for everyone, and it's certainly daunting in a lot of ways, even for people who are old hat at the relationship game. I try to always make a point of being as open as possible about being poly on my dating profiles so there's no confusion at all.
Tell me how you put this in action and what makes you think that women will be attracted to you for it?
Follow this advice on point. Block, delete burn. I think you let yourself get used in way because you weren't assertive. How the fuck do you go in multiple 'dates' with someone and not know that they are poly? Learn from this and get right back into it because you can do this!
That is super shitty on her end. She knew what was going on. Ensure you don't be friends, it will be better trust me.
I thought that was a good thing to be? I've always been a good listener. I don't really know how you expect me to respond to this.
Let's not forget that she apparently pointed out on her profile that she's poly.Is that it? For someone who writes whole novellas about the minutest details about interactions with this girl a non answer is all you can muster? I guess you've got a selective problem with writing too much.
How are you a good listener? What are you listening too and why do you think that makes it one of your attractive points to women? Do you read a lot of women's profiles that state "I'm looking for a man that can listen"? Because I think your listing an attribute you don't have because fundamentally you don't understand what women are looking for. Listening can also be reading and even here and at the other place there are women sharing what they are looking for in dating. You didn't listen when multiple people here told you not to over - invest for example. I'll also pose that for "Being a nice guy" as well.
What I'm seeing is a guy that not reassessed his approach to women since he was a teenager and is just repeating the same pattern of behavior unsuccessfully and putting the blame on luck/her/life situation instead of self reflecting and making changes. If what you are doing is not working for you do something else.
It's probably best to move on or she wants to sleep with you, so maybe a hit and quit situation lol.Then she brought up something that scared me. Something I guess I missed on her online dating profile. She's poly. Apparently she's tried monogamy, had thought she'd told me and doesn't want to hurt me/would never cheat on me but it's part of how she is.
I have a question.
Girl at work. One of the assistants. We went skiing with work last weekend. Saturday night all the young adults went out to a club. Me and her end up dancing late into the night. We get a few drinks. Dance more. I walk her back to the hotel. She holds onto my arm sorta like a couple.
I text her today saying I have fun last weekend would you like to get dinner or drinks next week to get to know eachother better.
She says yeah sure why not!
Was it clear that I meant this as a date?
yep, i wasted a few months in 2016 because of making this mistake2. No it was not clear, if you want a date specifically call it a date so there is no misunderstanding.
1. Don't date coworkers
2. No it was not clear, if you want a date specifically call it a date so there is no misunderstanding.
yep, i wasted a few months in 2016 because of making this mistake
follow up text, "Just to be clear I was asking you on a date ;)"
First, consider whether you want to date this girl or not. Are you in a position of power over her at work? If so immediately hit the brake.
Actually, this is much betterfollow up text, "Just to be clear I was asking you on a date ;)"
follow up text, "Just to be clear I was asking you on a date ;)"
First, consider whether you want to date this girl or not. Are you in a position of power over her at work? If so immediately hit the brake.
If that's all good and this is what you want, just make sure to gauge her interest during the meetup. If she seems to like you, make sure to explicitly make your intentions known in a non-creepy way. If you want to pursue this, make sure she knows what you want before the evening is over.
Actually, this is much better
Where's your sense of humor man?
Bye!
Seriously, it's a fancy term for pure selfishness and emotional instability. You love someone but you want to shag around? Get out of town.