Being harassed by a tech company hiring manager and I don't know what to do.

nib95 · Feb 9, 2018

hardcastlemccormick said:
Here's my abridged summary AFAIK:

Hiring Manager: *job pitch*
OP: I'm doing fine and don't really need this but go ahead then, let's see this.
HM: *more info*
OP: [detailed critical breakdown of the pitch including accusing the company of a bait and switch]
HM: LOL ok buddy, snark snark
OP: Never talk to me again
HM: *accidentally or intentionally sends internal recruitment feedback to OP*
OP: Stop harassing me
HM: Sorry wasn't intended for you, snark snark
OP: Stop harassing me!!!!!

And that's it.

Yea, to me at least this seems like a non issue, and as if the OP is one of those people who is muddying the waters around what actually constitutes as harassment.

I mean Christ, a couple of emails? Just ignore them and move on. If the guy was continuously emailing over and over, I might understand, but 3 emails when you yourself are also being condescending and blunt? Come on.

Also, in future all you have to do is politely decline a job, not get in to it and give it a holier than thou.

RossC · Feb 9, 2018

Mammoth Jones said:
You didn't even cross the bridge before you burned it.

Never heard that phrase before, that's a good one.

nib95 · Feb 9, 2018

Mammoth Jones said:
Where you fucked up was accusing him of a bait and switch. That's insulting as shit and shows a lack of interpersonal conflict resolution skills.

All you had to do was politely ask for clarification because you were under the impression the job was for "X". That's all you had to do. And then if he confirms it's a position you do or don't want then you go from there.

You didn't even cross the bridge before you burned it. And depending on the industry people know people and one bad comment about you can taint your reputation.

Never do this again. If you want to decline a job just do so with tact. No matter what snide bullshit gets thrown your way. Always be like "I understand, thank you for your time."

Stress is no excuse. Grow up. Is that what you're going to say at work when someone is snide or passive-aggressive? Don't let your emotions fuck up your bread.

You're the one looking for a job. Cut the tough guy bullshit and learn the game. Once you in there and have solidified your position then you can start swinging your big sense of entitlement around.

It's not a binary choice. It's not "be a pushover" or "be an asshole". There's a happy middle. Go there. Stay there.

Harsh, but I like this post lol.

Rendering... · Feb 9, 2018

Dan · Feb 9, 2018

nib95 said:
Harsh, but I like this post lol.

Likewise.

Job agencies are terrible. But always take the higher ground. Be professional no matter what shit you get.

X1 Two · Feb 9, 2018

thistooshallpass said:
I had a call scheduled this morning to discuss an opportunity with this man. He knows I am employed and not really eager to leave, just exploring opportunities. I found out last night, that some of the requirements for this job are not acceptable to me. The job requirements sent to me last night were different than the ones sent to me when we first initiated contact a week back. It felt very bait and switch and I backed out immediately after realizing this.

This morning, he has been sending me nasty emails mocking my level of experience, technical aptitude, and just being an ass in general. Eventually I told him to stop contacting me and made it clear I have no interest whatsoever in the job.

This is insane and I have never dealt with anything like this before. It has been stressing me out all day. Here's a snippet:

The "vitriol" that he is referring to is this statement, which I gave him after he started becoming belligerent with me.

What else was I supposed to do? The guy was being an ass and I didn't want to deal with him anymore. How is this "vitriol" ?

I tried to find HR contact information for his company, but I was unable to find any. They are a small tech startup, however they are backed by big investors. Should I contact HR in the investing companies? Should I even do anything?

Advice please.

Just publicly shame them on Reddit, Facebook and Twitter and hope it goes viral. And block their email.

Dynamite Shikoku · Feb 9, 2018

When assholes meet

Black_Stride · Feb 9, 2018

thistooshallpass said:
I know, but I don't think I should be harassed for it. I would consider my dickishness a cultural thing more than anything.

Is this what we are doing now?
Being a dick is a cultural thing.
IF so why are you so hurt...its the culture grow up.

High dickery then you are asking a videogame forum for help on what to do?

Ignore and stop being a dick.

Mammoth Jones said:
Where you fucked up was accusing him of a bait and switch. That's insulting as shit and shows a lack of interpersonal conflict resolution skills.

All you had to do was politely ask for clarification because you were under the impression the job was for "X". That's all you had to do. And then if he confirms it's a position you do or don't want then you go from there.

You didn't even cross the bridge before you burned it. And depending on the industry people know people and one bad comment about you can taint your reputation.

Never do this again. If you want to decline a job just do so with tact. No matter what snide bullshit gets thrown your way. Always be like "I understand, thank you for your time."

Stress is no excuse. Grow up. Is that what you're going to say at work when someone is snide or passive-aggressive? Don't let your emotions fuck up your bread.

You're the one looking for a job. Cut the tough guy bullshit and learn the game. Once you in there and have solidified your position then you can start swinging your big sense of entitlement around.

It's not a binary choice. It's not "be a pushover" or "be an asshole". There's a happy middle. Go there. Stay there.

ZackieChan · Feb 9, 2018

One Eyed Willy said:
You created a spam rule, then checked the spam, then replied to the guy twice, then took screen shots, then hosted those images online, and then posted online to talk about it all?

My response to it all is, your actions clearly show you maybe didn't invite his comments but you willingly engaged in the process then went above and beyond to get outraged by a couple emails. I'm not sure if you're screen shotting my reponses here to post on another forum, but might I suggest drinking a beer and going outside to take a break from it all.

Why don't they just bang already and get it over with!

Black_Stride · Feb 9, 2018

X1 Two said:
Just publicly shame them on Reddit, Facebook and Twitter and hope it goes viral. And block their email.

What horrible advice.
Im guessing you didnt read the thread?
He tried to shame the recruiter here but as you can see the thread has backfired on reddit, FB and/or twitter the outcome will be the same if not worse....OP admitted to being a dick..nobody likes a dick, when a dick meets another dick and cries about it....no sympathy is found.

iapetus · Feb 9, 2018

Don't report him to his company. It's a small tech startup - he's probably a personal friend of the CEO. Best advice is just to take the moral high ground, ignore him, don't let it eat at you.

Edit: And work on the being a dick thing.

Kingpin Rogers · Feb 9, 2018

thistooshallpass said:
So you're saying being a dick is a reason to harass someone? Okaaay.

I'm not seeing the difference between harassment and being a dick in this situation.

If his replies can be considered harassment then your replies can also be considered harassment in this situation. You didn't just let it drop and you had to keep biting at him. Stop harassing him op, you harasser.

Creation_Scapes · Feb 9, 2018

Op you sound to blame here honestly. Sounds like you were egging him on to a certain degree.

EndlessNever · Feb 9, 2018

I'd take it further and contact his company and get him known for this type of shitty behaviour. He will obviously act like this with others too.

CaviarMeths · Feb 9, 2018

When my brother and I were small children and we got in a fight, one of us would yell at the other "STOP TALKING TO ME!" The other would say "okay," repeat loop until mom stepped in and whupped us both.

Grown ass dude, you need to tag your mom into the email chain to settle it for good.

That aside, this guy got in some sick burns and I guess you'll have to live with having a shittier smack talk game than him forever.

Triggerhappytel · Feb 9, 2018

thistooshallpass said:
You also have to know who you're fucking with. If this guy was from a company that was worth a shit I'd have to adapt a more humble demeanor. He's not though.

Good grief your tone is so obnoxious and self-important. Just climb out of your own arsehole for two goddamn minutes. If you really think this guy isn't worth a damn then don't even entertain him in the first place.

PorcoLighto · Feb 9, 2018

OP acts like a dick because of culture, having job offers lined up and used to people kissing his ass. Then came a wild hiring director who decided to appropriate OP's culture and gave him a taste of his medicine.

OP went on to post on forum and have his thread backfire.

Man, this is entertaining every time.

bruhh · Feb 9, 2018

lol

block them. this is too dumb.

hell, don't even reply. no need to block them

spindoctor · Feb 9, 2018

What a brilliant thread this turned out to be.

How low is the bar for harassment these days? An accidental email in your spam folder that you couldn't ignore counts as harassment now?

How is it possible for the OP to be so full of himself and so touchy at the same time? You are a self proclaimed dick because of your "culture" but you get upset when people dish it back to you?

I bet the OP is holding back emails which would justify that recruiter calling him out for his vitriol too.

Deleted member 9100 · Feb 9, 2018

thistooshallpass said:
I wasn't insulting him though. My replies were short and simple, basically stop emailing/harassing me - I repeated the exact same thing over and over. He came up with new insults in every email. I remained consistent. Stop emailing me, stop harassing me. Never added anything more to it than that.

Where are these insults? It seems like a lot of emails are missing.

BarryFishFinger · Feb 9, 2018

Mammoth Jones said:
Where you fucked up was accusing him of a bait and switch. That's insulting as shit and shows a lack of interpersonal conflict resolution skills.

All you had to do was politely ask for clarification because you were under the impression the job was for "X". That's all you had to do. And then if he confirms it's a position you do or don't want then you go from there.

You didn't even cross the bridge before you burned it. And depending on the industry people know people and one bad comment about you can taint your reputation.

Never do this again. If you want to decline a job just do so with tact. No matter what snide bullshit gets thrown your way. Always be like "I understand, thank you for your time."

Stress is no excuse. Grow up. Is that what you're going to say at work when someone is snide or passive-aggressive? Don't let your emotions fuck up your bread.

You're the one looking for a job. Cut the tough guy bullshit and learn the game. Once you in there and have solidified your position then you can start swinging your big sense of entitlement around.

It's not a binary choice. It's not "be a pushover" or "be an asshole". There's a happy middle. Go there. Stay there.

Boom. I agree with all of this.

Are a lot of emails missing from the OP? I'm not seeing any evidence of the guy sending repeated insulting emails, but maybe I've missed something.

deepFlaw · Feb 9, 2018

Huh. Jumped to the end of the thread on a whim and this really did go a different direction.

Dennis8K · Feb 9, 2018

What is this about culture?

For the love of god, tell me about the culture!

bluie_ · Feb 9, 2018

I have a feeling this will backfire on the OP, not just ITT, but in his career as well. He clearly pissed off a customer of his handler, and i'm thinking he probably values his paying customers more than he values the OP, no matter how mad his skillz are.

Indy in the Fridge · Feb 9, 2018

This ain't harassment. If this is harassment, then I'm harassed on this forum every single day lol.

Learn to ignore shit instead of engaging in it, OP. If it bugs you, ignore it. You're not going to change someone's interaction with you by accusing them of harassment.

Arkeband · Feb 9, 2018

My current job offered me a position in a completely different state than I had applied for, but it ended up being a mistake and they had me re-apply for a new listing and then offered me the correct job.

Sometimes you have to give the benefit of the doubt.

bemusedchunk · Feb 9, 2018

Why is this thread still open? I want nothing to do with this bad topic. Stop harassing me.
Please do not post in this thread again. I don't want this discussion to continue, we're done here. It's over. Bye.

Guile On A Tricycle · Feb 9, 2018

bemusedchunk said:
Why is this thread still open? I want nothing to do with this bad topic. Stop harassing me.
Please do not post in this thread again. I don't want this discussion to continue, we're done here. It's over. Bye.

Easy there tiger.

bemusedchunk · Feb 9, 2018

Guile On A Tricycle said:
Easy there tiger.

You just posted again.
Stop posting in this thread. Stop harassing me

NineConsonants · Feb 9, 2018

thistooshallpass said:
You also have to know who you're fucking with. If this guy was from a company that was worth a shit I'd have to adapt a more humble demeanor. He's not though.

Jesus Christ. I'm in the process of interviewing with a couple of the top tech companies right now. If I land the job, I hope I don't become like this.

thistooshallpass · Feb 9, 2018

NineConsonants said:
Jesus Christ. I'm in the process of interviewing with a couple of the top tech companies right now. If I land the job, I hope I don't become like this.

You will.

LionPride · Feb 9, 2018

Grow the fuck up

bawjaws · Feb 9, 2018

The older I get and the further I progress in my career, the more I realise the fundamental, vital importance of personal relationships. It's all about your network game - professional and technical skills will get you so far, but it really is about who you know.

For that reason, I make it a rule not to burn bridges, ever. You work with, or for, someone who's an arsehole, and are tempted to badmouth then or fuck up their shit? Nah, don't do that because you never know who they'll talk to about you or your work and one day that could come back to bite your arse.

OP sounds like he has zero interpersonal skills: he has a good job and valuable technical skills but is, by the looks of it, a bit of an arse when it comes to dealing with people who he doesn't consider to currently offer him any benefit. But you never know who they'll speak to or where they'll end up...

And if this holds true for hiring managers, it holds even more so for recruiters.

NineConsonants · Feb 9, 2018

thistooshallpass said:
You will.

I highly doubt it. I am a pretty humble guy. I spent nearly a decade working retail before I started to get back into school seriously. I've worked several internships at good companies and I've seen a lot of work cultures in this industry. I am confident I won't be an adshole because I don't think being treated like shit means it's okay to treat others like shit.

Dragoon · Feb 9, 2018

Lopez said:
OP you sound like you get stressed way too easily

Seriously. I read the title and then when I read the first post, my reaction was "that's it?.." Ignore and move on.

Also laughing my ass off at a few emails being harassment. I can tell OP's been living a hard life so far.

Deleted member 11093 · Feb 9, 2018

Forsaken82 said:
What was so important about continually responding to this guy?

Can't let 'em have the last word.

Guile On A Tricycle · Feb 9, 2018

thistooshallpass said:
You will.

How do you know? He might be a stable adult and be fine.

JrBaconCheeseburger · Feb 9, 2018

OP making this a bigger deal than it really is.

thistooshallpass · Feb 9, 2018

NineConsonants said:
I highly doubt it. I am a pretty humble guy. I spent nearly a decade working retail before I started to get back into school seriously. I've worked several internships at good companies and I've seen a lot of work cultures in this industry. I am confident I won't be an adshole because I don't think being treated like shit means it's okay to treat others like shit.

You'll get annoyed with the headhunters for sure.

And obviously you can't be a dick on the actual job site. Like right now I'm helping close a deal on an automation service for a big client. Alot of money on the line, you have to treat the client like they are gods because we can't risk losing them to the competition.

But people you don't even work with? They can fuck off.

regenhuber · Feb 9, 2018

spindoctor said:
How low is the bar for harassment these days?

bawjaws · Feb 9, 2018

thistooshallpass said:
But people you don't even work with? They can fuck off.

Totally the wrong attitude, my man.

NineConsonants · Feb 9, 2018

thistooshallpass said:
You'll get annoyed with the headhunters for sure.

And obviously you can't be a dick on the actual job site. Like right now I'm helping close a deal on an automation service for a big client. Alot of money on the line, you have to treat the client like they are gods because we can't risk losing them to the competition.

But people you don't even work with? They can fuck off.

You and I have very different mindsets. Honestly, you come across as a person who only has his job going well in his life for him.

To be clear, I can't say that is your case. I don't know you. But I have known many people who had a good job but boing else good really. And you have many of the same tells as they did.

Ikuu · Feb 9, 2018

You do know you can just ignore recruiters, you don't have to respond to them lol

ginger ninja · Feb 9, 2018

Guile On A Tricycle said:
How do you know? He might be a stable adult and be fine.

Mihos · Feb 9, 2018

I have been in my current company for 21 years, and I will tell you, this attitude:

thistooshallpass said:
But people you don't even work with? They can fuck off.

....is going to screw you. Industries run in small circles, and you will see the same people in many different capacities through the years.

RionaaM · Feb 9, 2018

thistooshallpass said:
I did say maybe it was an honest mistake. You're selectively reading.

And also, I actually spent a few hours reviewing material relevant to this company's technical leads. For nothing, he wasted more of my time than I did his because he isn't competent enough to send an accurate job description. I got like 5 other competent guys/companies in line, so whatever.

This is the smuggest thing I've read on the internet in a long time. Congratulations, I guess.

Saganator · Feb 9, 2018

thistooshallpass said:
But people you don't even work with? They can fuck off.

For someone who's supposed to be intelligent, this is really short sighted and not the right attitude. What about 10 years from now, when you're trying to land a senior role, but someone you were an asshole to 5 years prior is one of the people who decides your fate? People with in-demand skills but bad attitudes end up in corners of the office with a thick glass ceiling over their head.

Deleted member 2595 · Feb 9, 2018

bemusedchunk said:
Why is this thread still open? I want nothing to do with this bad topic. Stop harassing me.
Please do not post in this thread again. I don't want this discussion to continue, we're done here. It's over. Bye.

thistooshallpass · Feb 9, 2018

NineConsonants said:
You and I have very different mindsets. Honestly, you come across as a person who only has his job going well in his life for him.

To be clear, I can't say that is your case. I don't know you. But I have known many people who had a good job but boing else good really. And you have many of the same tells as they did.

Well what else is there to have besides a meaningful career and happy marriage? Kids is the next step for me, we'll see how that goes.

Mad Max · Feb 9, 2018

I don't understand this thread, maybe I've missed something because I didn't read all the pages, but I don't see why you didn't just ignore his initial email? If you've already declined the offer and told him why on the phone, then there's really nothing more to discuss here. If you're going to reply to his passive-agressive emails with your own passive-agressive comments it's just going to escalate the situation.

Being harassed by a tech company hiring manager and I don't know what to do.

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