Cost of a drink is a small price to pay if a girl is interested in you. Why can't any of you fuckers just be normal?
-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
They also weren't wearing any bracelet and it was so loud that it was impossible to really even talk. I just hesitated a little too long and they walked off. It was a lot to take in at the time considering it was my first club lol. But yeah, I thought the same thing at the time.
Only people who wear bracelets are DTF. Get with the times.
Bracelets show that they showed ID to be able to drink.
Or at least I never saw a bracelet (wristband that's what I was thinking of my bad) on them. I was scared they might be using me to get drinks since they might not have been able to themselves. This place was absolutely filled with college girls and plenty of cops outside making sure no one drove drunk so I was pretty paranoid (And drunk) at the time.
In my experience if they are interested then you don't even need to buy her anything she will still stay with u anyway. The ones that asks for drinks and stuff (in my experience) are most likely women that want to take advantage of a "nice guy" and for me they aren't even worth it to go after so I just ignore them. Well that's just my ego talking tho, I wouldn't like anyone taking advantage of me. Granted I could have more success if I do that but meh at least I remain proud of myself lol
And well today I couldn't hook up with anyone, bad night for me romqntic wise but is their loss ;) I am awesome even if I'm insecure :))) lmao, I still had fun dancing anyway.
I think I'm not assertive enough tho, I tend to take too much time to try to ask someone out.and by the time that I try is most likely too late or I go with the wrong mindset, I guess I need to work on that and just "go with the flow".
Last edited:
a
Aight. This is the plan. I'll keep you guys posted
Yea you look 17. Definitely grow a beard, if you can't use minoxidil
I'm in the process right now of using minoxidil. My brother couldn't grow full scruff until he was 27.
I'm about a month in right now and I'm already noticing a huge difference. In a few months I'll likely have way more black hairs because this just made all my white ones grow in super quick.
You're good-looking, foxxsoxx. Don't worry about a beard, that's not going to make it or break it in terms of attractiveness. It's more down to how you carry yourself, your confidence.
This girl, shoe0nhead, was very pro-gamergate and is predictably anti-SJW/ultraconservative, so I wouldn't recommend watching her other videos if anyone else is curious lol
If you really need a female Youtuber's perspective on "nice guys", Jenna Marbles is a better example.
the1janitor's video on "nice guys" is still great: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rZu-tBi7DM
Last edited:
Thank you I appreciate all you guys for the feedback, I really do.
So a girl wanted to hook up off Tinder tonight (which absolutely never happens) and I fell asleep on accident so that's pretty much my life in a nutshell.
Should I stop concluding my first dates with "so you'd say we're at about level 3 in our social link, yeah?"
Awesome perspective and great advice, this is something that a lot of people should utilise.
Why is it normal exactly to buy a drink for a girl just because she asks you? If you want to buy them a drink then more power to you but it's not weird if you don't for the simple fact that she approached you. You make it sound like you're some weirdo just because you don't want to spend money on a stranger for the simple fact that they're a women offering the "priceless gift" of possibly being interested in you.
I get approaching someone and offering to buy them a drink as a way to start talking them. But that's up to the person approaching to decide they want to buy that drink and offer it. What's not normal is approaching someone you're interested in and telling them to buy you a drink. There's no reason a woman can't buy a guy a drink if she is interested in him. If they're so interested in a guy, they would just talk to him - they wouldn't even have to buy anything. Most guys would probably offer to buy them a drink after a bit anyway if they were also interested.
But coming up to someone and immediately trying to get them to buy you a drink shows where your priorities likely are. The other posters are right not to want to be used. That's probably exactly what would have happened.
The cynicism you preach cuts off a lot of opertunity for an opening. It's one drink and if the cost of that is too much for someone that woman dodged a cheapskate.
You ignored most of what I said to repeat the same thing. So because I don't want to buy a drink for any woman that simply walks up and asks for one, I'm a cheapskate? It has nothing to do with being able to afford it or not - you're a complete stranger. Even if I'm interested in you I don't need to buy you anything.
What about the women asking for the drink? Wouldn't the guy have dodged a cheapskate then by your logic? If she's approaching someone because she's interested she can offer them a drink if she really wants to. There's no reason for her to ask the guy to buy her something except for some dumb gender/dating role that not everyone needs to subscribe to.
I'm not even being cynical. I didn't say never buy a woman a drink because they'll take advantage of you or something. Like I said, if you want to buy them a drink, more power to you. But if you don't, you're not a weirdo or a cheapskate for refusing simply because they asked.
You don't realise that your whole position on being "used" is worryingly nice guy that feels he's owed something.
The whole "the man has to buy drinks" thing comes from another time where men worked and made money and women where objects to be conquered. In a world where everybody should be free to choose which traditional role model they want to fall in (or if they want something inbetween) all those asymmetric dating rules (man always takes initiative would be another one) just feel silly and archaic to me.
I dunno. It's a nice gesture to offer to pay if I'm interested but if we hit off well I kind of expect you to pay for the next round or at least go for split after that. Exception is if I make way more money than you. And I also think that if you approach me and want to get a drink with me you shouldn't expect me to pay for it. We're all equal human beings.
I dunno. It's a nice gesture to offer to pay if I'm interested but if we hit off well I kind of expect you to pay for the next round or at least go for split after that. Exception is if I make way more money than you. And I also think that if you approach me and want to get a drink with me you shouldn't expect me to pay for it. We're all equal human beings.
Congrats on the (almost) sex. /s
*looks at tinder and 0 matches, single tear rolls down cheek*
Tinder and dating apps still has quite the stigma attached to it which surprised me. I was at a party last week (solo and forever alone) and a few couples I met there met via a dating app but they were embarrassed to admit it (one of the partners would come "clean" about it but I wasn't judging either way), I figured in 2018 it wasn't an issue anymore
It isn't as much dating apps as it is Tinder specifically. Even on ResetERA, there's a lot of "Tinder? Isn't that just a hookup app?" whenever it gets mentioned. Their view of internet dating and which apps people use is like 5 years out of date.
On the "buy me a drink thing," I think it's down to a number of things. From the perspective of a woman, she thinks, "ok how can I probe for a guy having enough of an interest in me that he won't ditch me in an hour, and also what's a socially acceptable, not too skeezy way for me to approach a man in a bar."
So she walks up to the guy and gives him That Look and says "buy me a drink" and hopefully good things happen.
Now, so from the perspective of dudes, we can read into the drink thing as the ladies just trying to pull the dollars out of our wallet (which, alright sure it happens), or we can accept that in a bar people just buy each other drinks and that's kind of a weird primitive way of calling dibs on someone's attention for ten minutes. I would recommend, in the interest of meeting new people, that you lean towards optimism here.
I say this as a frugal guy: dating is expensive, bars are too, and you really should just get over it.
So she walks up to the guy and gives him That Look and says "buy me a drink" and hopefully good things happen.
Now, so from the perspective of dudes, we can read into the drink thing as the ladies just trying to pull the dollars out of our wallet (which, alright sure it happens), or we can accept that in a bar people just buy each other drinks and that's kind of a weird primitive way of calling dibs on someone's attention for ten minutes. I would recommend, in the interest of meeting new people, that you lean towards optimism here.
I say this as a frugal guy: dating is expensive, bars are too, and you really should just get over it.
You're trying to twist this into me being some "nice guy" stereotype because you seemingly don't have a counter to my actual points judging by the way you keep ignoring them. Never at any point did I say something about being owed. Come on, we don't have to do this just because I disagree with you.
If a woman asks a man to buy him a drink, he's not a weirdo or a cheapskate for turning her down. That was my point. If you don't want to buy someone a drink for any reason at all that is ok.
You say the woman dodged a cheapskate, like it's wrong for a man to turn down her request. Yet the woman isn't entitled for expecting him to buy her a drink. Don't you see how this is problematic?
Exactly. It's completely archaic and it's dumb to expect everyone to follow those gender roles or else they're fuckers who can't be normal.
If a woman approaches a man she's interested in at a club, she can offer to buy him a drink if she wants to have drinks with him. Or he can buy her a drink if he wants. Or they can get their own drinks. Or no drinks.
Rule of thumb, if anyone approaches you for a free drink and walks away after you turn them down, they weren't interested in talking with you in the first place. Cause if they were interested they would, you know, come over to actually talk to you. None of this "Oh she offered to let you buy her a drink! You're an idiot for passing up this opportunity!" It's a person you can talk to or buy a drink for if you want to, not an opportunity.
No, but it does send the message that you're not interested in that person. Maybe your reason is because you don't want to be throwing money everywhere at anyone who asks. Fine. That's not going to be the signal that's sent, though, so be aware of that. Most people would take that as a rejection of them, not of the "free drink" proposition.
I am amused by the image of some guy explaining why he's not giving into gender expectations when he doesn't buy them a drink. LOL
Absolutely not. At least, not in every case. I've explained the more charitable thought process above.
But alright, let's assume that say, half of the women who walk up to you in a bar and ask you for a free drink are trying to scam you out of a drink. Well, gosh, still seems worth it for the other half? Isn't that the whole frickin point of going out to mingle?
I kind of agree with Bacon here. Like, a ~$5 drink isnt gonna make or break you bros. Is it a lil obnoxious to ask a random to buy you a drink? Yes. Can you transform it into a positive? Yes.
Be a little witty and playful and you have a conversation out of it. You can tell when you're being used pretty easy.
For example I went to a bar and was talking to a girl and it was going fine. Her super drunk friend comes and goes
"Its my birthday. You should buy me a drink."
I reply: "I dunno, if it was your birthday where is your birthday girl ribbon? How can I be sure?"
Her: "They ran out!! I swear its my bday!!"
Her friend: "Its true!!!"
Me: "You sound convincing and yall seem pretty nice but I dunno. Do you have a name to go along with this so called birthday"
"Oh I'm ________!!!"
From there the conversation had already become friendly enough to where I didn't even really need to buy the drink. But I did because it was not a big deal. And I got that girls number in the end.
If I had waved her off I would have got no where.
That's like 1 of 3 times I bought a girl a drink based on her asking. Other times I pull something like, "you know what would be hot? If you bought me a drink instead. So I know its real"
And I've gotten a few drinks outta that as well.
Like sometimes you gotta roll the dice fellas. Its 5 bucks. You dont just "give" it away. You make em work for it because it shows you arent a push over but you also arent so uptight when the goal is a night out.
Be a little witty and playful and you have a conversation out of it. You can tell when you're being used pretty easy.
For example I went to a bar and was talking to a girl and it was going fine. Her super drunk friend comes and goes
"Its my birthday. You should buy me a drink."
I reply: "I dunno, if it was your birthday where is your birthday girl ribbon? How can I be sure?"
Her: "They ran out!! I swear its my bday!!"
Her friend: "Its true!!!"
Me: "You sound convincing and yall seem pretty nice but I dunno. Do you have a name to go along with this so called birthday"
"Oh I'm ________!!!"
From there the conversation had already become friendly enough to where I didn't even really need to buy the drink. But I did because it was not a big deal. And I got that girls number in the end.
If I had waved her off I would have got no where.
That's like 1 of 3 times I bought a girl a drink based on her asking. Other times I pull something like, "you know what would be hot? If you bought me a drink instead. So I know its real"
And I've gotten a few drinks outta that as well.
Like sometimes you gotta roll the dice fellas. Its 5 bucks. You dont just "give" it away. You make em work for it because it shows you arent a push over but you also arent so uptight when the goal is a night out.
I've got a dating question based on a discussion I had with a friend today.
I asked her how she would feel if a guy asked her but told her she had to pay for her half. She said she would feel offended and turn him down. However she went on to say, that on dates, she usually offers to pay for half anyway/ asks for separate cheques. She calls it one of her little tests to see how much a guy likes her.
I said she's being unreasonable, because if her intention is to pay for her own meal, then why is it an issue if the guy make that clear beforehand? I don't think I'm seeing her point, so what do you guys think. I just don't think a person's willingness to spend money on you (which he might not even have), should be a deal breaker.
I asked her how she would feel if a guy asked her but told her she had to pay for her half. She said she would feel offended and turn him down. However she went on to say, that on dates, she usually offers to pay for half anyway/ asks for separate cheques. She calls it one of her little tests to see how much a guy likes her.
I said she's being unreasonable, because if her intention is to pay for her own meal, then why is it an issue if the guy make that clear beforehand? I don't think I'm seeing her point, so what do you guys think. I just don't think a person's willingness to spend money on you (which he might not even have), should be a deal breaker.
Hahaha now I definitely wouldn't suggest going into a monologue about gender roles.
Now what I think is weird is this reliance on a man having to buy a woman a drink to signal that he's interested in her.
What happened to talking to people to see if there's interest? The last time I got a number from a woman at a bar, we had a conversation. I never bought her a drink. It was a nice chat and she seemed interested so I asked for her number. We went out on two dates; didn't work out but like the whole buying drinks thing didn't need to happen?
"Hi, my name is ___." is a start.
Like I said, a conversation.
A lot of the advice in this thread is about how to approach someone, show interest and ask for a date. I don't see why this advice should only be applicable to men.
I said it a few times already but if you want to buy someone a drink - buy them a drink. I'm not saying every person who asks you to buy them a drink is out to scam a drink out of you. What I'm saying is that you don't have to buy a drink for anyone you don't want to and that's OK. There's nothing wrong with you for refusing.
Why would you bring up paying for your part of a date before someone has even agreed to actually go on the date with you? It sours the mood from the jump. If you dont wanna pay for dinner (which is understandable, that can add up) you should just not propose dinner for the first date. (Dinner is a shitty first date anyway)
Generally speaking women are willing to pay for their own meals. That isn't the point though. If you arent willing to take a loss on a date it implies you aren't really all that interested or invested in the outcome of the date. That's why she wants the dude to offer.
That said yeah its dumb. But sometimes I dont get yall broskis. You want the date to be receieved positively or make a good impression. Is some dollars saved worth gettimg no where?
She had sent me a poster for a valentines dinner special at a restaurant so that's why we were discussing dinners and dates. I was thinking more that after the date is finalized and settled, he outlines the whole payment thing before the actual date itself. I agree dinner is a bad first date, my preference would be coffee. We were really just spitballing because that question shouldn't ever really come up because you shouldn't take someone out to a place you can't afford.
Just to clarify, I'm talking about dancing clubs and not bars, maybe in bars the game is different idk (I never go there), anyway:
I disagree with the whole "if you buy them a drink you show interest/ you can have an opportunity", you can show interest in people without buying them stuff and if they are interested in you that should be enough. I see regularly men that buy drinks to women in clubs just for them to get dumped 10 min later and I just don't feel like being played like that lol, dont get me wrong though I'm not saying that they are "owed" anything for buying them drinks but to me is clear there that it's normal to see people being taken advantage of like that (at least in my experience in clubs). Sure you might strike 1 out of 2-3 that way but you can do that with just talking so I don't see the point. Granted I'm a uni student and I'm a cheapskate right now as bacon said truth is I'm pretty poor lol, but even if I had money to spare I doubt I would buy drinks to a woman just to "have an opportunity" with a stranger.
Now if you want to buy drinks to strangers just because you feel like it or you see an opportunity in that then that's cool, more power to you, in my mind that shouldn't be necessary if there's already interest though.
Now, changing topic, I'm wondering if I should try out tinder or something like that, meeting someone cool from clubs alone is very difficult/rare for me so maybe online dating could make things smoother with more opportunities, problem is I would have to actually take decent/good pictures of myself and man that would be hard I'm not photogenic at all lol. I don't think I'm bad looking considering that random strangers (both genders) on clubs have gave me really good compliments in the past without me even asking and I've been approached/asked out by women before so I guess I'm fine enough but man do I hate how I look in photos, this sucks. I'm actually scared of making a profile and then don't get any matches that would be a bomb to my self steem lol
I disagree with the whole "if you buy them a drink you show interest/ you can have an opportunity", you can show interest in people without buying them stuff and if they are interested in you that should be enough. I see regularly men that buy drinks to women in clubs just for them to get dumped 10 min later and I just don't feel like being played like that lol, dont get me wrong though I'm not saying that they are "owed" anything for buying them drinks but to me is clear there that it's normal to see people being taken advantage of like that (at least in my experience in clubs). Sure you might strike 1 out of 2-3 that way but you can do that with just talking so I don't see the point. Granted I'm a uni student and I'm a cheapskate right now as bacon said truth is I'm pretty poor lol, but even if I had money to spare I doubt I would buy drinks to a woman just to "have an opportunity" with a stranger.
Now if you want to buy drinks to strangers just because you feel like it or you see an opportunity in that then that's cool, more power to you, in my mind that shouldn't be necessary if there's already interest though.
Now, changing topic, I'm wondering if I should try out tinder or something like that, meeting someone cool from clubs alone is very difficult/rare for me so maybe online dating could make things smoother with more opportunities, problem is I would have to actually take decent/good pictures of myself and man that would be hard I'm not photogenic at all lol. I don't think I'm bad looking considering that random strangers (both genders) on clubs have gave me really good compliments in the past without me even asking and I've been approached/asked out by women before so I guess I'm fine enough but man do I hate how I look in photos, this sucks. I'm actually scared of making a profile and then don't get any matches that would be a bomb to my self steem lol
Last edited:
I don't particularly agree with Superior here but I mean Jesus, women can and do initiate conversations that don't start with "Buy me shit".
If someone is starting a convo like that it is not normal or on the basis of "how else could I approach this guy?" Which is fine, it doesnt have to be. But it really is a stretch to say that this is how they show interest. Eh, maybe once in a while if they are socially inept I suppose.
If this was how a dude outlined a date to me I'd refuse too. What the fuck is that? If my friend told me this was his plan I would be like "dude are you fucking kidding me. Sounds like you think she is using you".
If it was me and it was a first date I would just straight up be like, people are kinda too intense about valentines day and I really am not. Wanna just go to a bar and get some drinks? We can feel out the rest?
Like there are ways around this stuff.
If you offer to buy the drink before you have even established if this person has some interest in you you're definitely wasting your money. But like, buying the drink is just a way to further extend a convo and show "yo, you're interesting, lets keep talking". Its not a determination of you having an opportunity. Reality is, its a bar or club. People drink, people talk, people dance. If you arent willing to engage in those activities what the fuck are you there for?
Yes you should make one.
Last edited:
Reliance? It's just a common thing that happens.
Agreed on all counts. Of course it's preferable when the woman is not being cagey by hiding her interest behind a request for a drink. Because, I think as we've established here, it's a very unclear message, despite its commonness.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. I'm just saying, some people will take that as a rejection beyond the drink and people should be aware of that. And painting a broad brush of "she wasn't into you anyway if she doesn't stick around" might not be as absolute as it may seem on the surface.
I would also never say, "don't refuse free drinks" either. Sometimes you're in the mood to be a little riskier. Sometimes not.
Obviously women start conversations in other ways...?
But I firmly, 100% do believe that some women do ask guys for drinks as a way to approach a guy, and that it is totally normal.
You're right, it's not going to break my bank account for a cheap drink. It's really not about that for me. Like you said, it is annoying for someone to approach you asking for a free drink. Sure you can transform it into a positive... if you want to. There's also nothing wrong with being turned off by that. Sometimes you get turned down for having a lame opener, it happens.
For men and women, there are a lot of annoying ways to be approached that can be spinned into a positive by playing along but it's ok if we don't always take those opportunities, yeah?
The first time my girlfriend and I had a dinner date, we split the bill. The date was well received by her because of my personality and the conversations we had. It never really had anything to do with whether or not I insisted on paying for the whole meal or not.
When we go out, sometimes I pay for her, sometimes she pays for me and sometimes we split. It's not exactly important. We can both afford it. That's why I don't get this "why can't you fuckers be normal" stuff.
John Doe It's pretty weird to give a disclaimer about who's paying before the date. Makes it sound like you expect to be taken advantage of or something. Suggesting to split when the check comes is fine.
As for offering to pay as a little test to see if they like you enough to refuse and pay for you - that's a dumb game. I wouldn't want to date anyone like that. Only offer to pay if you mean it.
I think I have gotten the most dates out of Coffee Meets Bagel.
You don't need to spend money on a person to get their attention. I've never spent money, food, drink, or anything to get the attention of someone I was interested in.
Not sure if anyone will have advice for this situation, but guess I'll give it a try. My gf found out that she has HPV a few months ago (before we got together) and thinks we should use condoms until she's clear of it (could be a year or more). My thought is since we're exclusive and men are asymptomatic it's not a big deal if I get it, plus there's a good chance I have it already through oral/skin contact etc. Plus I got the vaccine a few years ago which makes it even less of a risk..
I should probably just talk to my doctor about it, but really I just want someone to agree with me that it's ok for us to fuck without a condom, those things suck. (She's on hormonal BC FWIW).
I should probably just talk to my doctor about it, but really I just want someone to agree with me that it's ok for us to fuck without a condom, those things suck. (She's on hormonal BC FWIW).
I just want to state that despite a lot of people stating that OKC and Tinder premium services weren't worth it, I tried it out this month for the hell out of it. They were right, it isn't really worth it. It was fun though to have the option for setting different locations. I set mine to Chicago for when I move back in a few years.
That's probably the only useful feature. If you're traveling somewhere, you can use it to try to set up something with someone before you get there.
It's really not normal. But okay.
I mean, this isn't really about you specifically though. This is about in general. The issue is "Do we need to turn it into a big ethical discussion because some girl (who you may or may not even wanna talk to) asked you to buy her a $5 drink"? I feel like the answer to this question is really not that hard. If you get good vibes do, if she doesn't interest you don't. But don't let the ethics of a 5er be the determination here. Like fuck, if you pay the 5er and it works out you just saved lots of money not having to do any of that shit again lol.
If you wanna turn it down by all means. But if people are bitching about how hard it is to talk to women and I never have an opening and blah blah blah (which is a lot of people here) then how the fuck is buying her a drink the limit of "I won't do it"? That's what Bacon is saying. Girl comes up to you, starts a convo (no matter how weird it can be), you can either say fuck it and turn it to a positive or you can really overblow how big a deal it is. A lot of people here wanna make it a big thing. But I contend it really is not.
Well yeah, but that only applies if you also aren't complaining about not having opportunities. Like, I will not buy someone a drink if I don't feel like it. But I will also not complain that I never have openings
This is similar to the point I've been getting at. Yeah, its great if yall can split a bill. But if you are here looking for dating advice and you finally get a date and paying for all of it is gonna be the shit where you put your foot down its like, "are yall so fucking into the ethics of dating that you are going to ignore opportunity smacking you right in the face?"
It really isn't about this being your gf and how you decide to split stuff. It's, are you going to draw the line at a $5 drink like in the grand scheme it matters? The amount of people stuck on this is why it's weird. Buy the drink, don't buy the drink, it's w/e but man, it's not a big enough deal that all these "She aint worth it", "you don't want that type of girl" comments hold bearing. She asked for a $5 drink for reasons, she aint ask you to donate a liver.
The test is dumb. Calling for a split is fine, but you have to accept that it can go over poorly. the whole gender roles man pays stuff is dumb but it hasn't disappeared so falling into "she's bad if she expects this" is just unhelpful.
I have memory issues as well, but this might be something you seriously might want to consider talking to a doctor about. While of course you're not going to remember everything, this sounds a bit extreme.
Really dude?? You're a sucker if you think she's really interested in you after asking that.
I mean, at the end of the day you have your own set of standards. Even people who are upset about not having opportunities don't mean they would literally go for any person who would approach them. Really the crux of my point here is just that you can make that choice. No reason to force it and you aren't a weirdo for not doing it.
I don't really think it's overblowing anything. It's kind of just the nature of a debate on the internet that we have these long back and forth posts but in practice this sort of thing wouldn't even be on your mind for the rest of the night. At least it shouldn't be. There's plenty of people out there that it's not a big deal whether you spend the $5 or keep it. Again my only issue was the insistence that you had to do things one way or you were wrong.
I agree, it should be used as a conversation starter, but really shouldn't be expected of anyone, and if it is then usually they weren't worth it anyway.
When I was asked to buy her friend a drink, I said I'm not sure, then I turned to her friend and asked if she wanted me to buy her a drink trying to be flirty. They then giggled and walked off after a few seconds because I didn't follow up or even know how to after saying that, but I'll be totally honest I'm not even sure they heard me right considering how ridiculously loud that club was.
