Maybe she just needs time to open up? Sometimes I'm kinda shy about my interests early on or try and make them seem more normal.
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Maybe she just needs time to open up? Sometimes I'm kinda shy about my interests early on or try and make them seem more normal.
It's a little tricky honestly. On one hand I felt like we got along pretty well, but on the other hand there didn't seem a lot to connect over. And maybe that's just as far as it goes?
She did say that she just broke up with her boyfriend a month ago and needs to go slow. So it's possible she's just nervous and cautious. She's also a recent immigrant to this country and so her world is currently expanding (she's from Iran) and that's a huge thing. She talked a lot about how much she loves the US and how she feels so much more independent than she did in Iran and she's still exploring that aspect. As far as I can tell she's only been in the US for no more than 6 years. I regret not asking her directly about how long she's been here - it didn't seem important at the time to nail down a specific year but in retrospect that probably makes a huge difference.
Couldn't ask her to elaborate on that? Which bands? What kind of music do they play? Or did she bunker down and dismiss further inquiries?
After she said that she started talking about the differences between how people make music in the US and Europe and how in the US it's money first and in Europe it isn't (her words, not mine), and how it was more of a business in the US, and then how everything is kind of business-first in the US (healthcare, education, etc), and from there the conversation turned to art vs business. I could have circled back, but she was much more interested in talking about the push-pull between art and business, and since that's a topic I enjoy as well, I decided to follow her to the new topic. So I didn't really get an answer, but it was leading to other interesting subjects that she seemed more enthusiastic on and that was okay by me.
Keep dating others. Thats a 4 hour round trip. keep in contact with her but she doesnt need to be your main bae.
Decided to give tinder plus a go again after a month of no luck on coffee meets bagel and regular tinder. It's getting pretty annoying talking with someone at length, getting their phone number, asking them out, and then they just tune out.
I mean it's better than being catfished or stood up, but it makes you feel less because you cared more about the situation than them.
I mean it's better than being catfished or stood up, but it makes you feel less because you cared more about the situation than them.
With a pet. Doing activities. Some with other people. Include a clear face and body shot.
That's where I'm at too. A few matches that go well and I get a number. Then we chat a bit and set up a date. Then it gets moved/cancelled/whatever.
Wouldn't recommend it. I went to visit a girl I was seeing after she moved for college (San Diego to San Francisco) and when I arrived at her apartment she had just come home from fucking some random that got her drunk the night before.
The pet should be a dog, statistically it doubles your chances over using another animal. Brorrow a friends dog if you dont have one.
And then you fail to engage them as you think its an A,B,C process. Once you self reflect and stop blaming other things then this sort of stuff will stop happening to you.
It's not really going to stop it from happening. You can definitely adjust your approach to get less dead ends but sometimes people have no intention of going out with you from the get-go. No further engagement is going to change that.
"Hey where's that cute dog from your picture, that's the reason I have you a chance" haha
Just say its a friends dog, which it is. You love them but your apartment is not dog friendly. Done.
Honestly it's not a big deal as long as you're honest about it not being your dog. I've taken pictures with friend's pets simply because they're cute animals and not for getting swipes on Tinder but if it's a good picture use it! Especially since they do get people's attention. Make it your first photo.
I'm really only angry with myself, mainly because I've been feeling like it's a fuckup I couldn't "afford". But I've learned from it. Just wish I wasn't doing so at the age of 30.
Socializing is hard as shit. Stressful and draining. It definitely does not come as easy as it seems to do for the people I've been dating. They have a lot more experience than I do, even though they're a few years younger than me. So I adjusted my age span on Tinder from 25-29 to 21-26. Matched with two 22 y/os who added me on Snapchat but seem uninterested in engaging me.
Is this a bad idea? I get the feeling that younger people are big on chatting. I really don't care for it at all. I'm bad at it, it's stressful, it takes up a lot of time, you can't read the other person, and it ultimately it does not reveal whether there's any personal chemistry. I usually ask out ASAP after:
1. She's told me something about herself in response to a question
2. She's asked me a question in return
3. I'm able to crack a joke leading up to the asking out part.
Could be as little as 4 messages on my part. An ice breaker, a question, an answer, and asking out. I might make a joke about how she can call my probation officer and he'll tell her I'm completely harmless, but that's about where I cut my losses and move on. I just don't give a fuck anymore. After 4 months of dating and a ton of hurt because I invested myself in dead ends, I just can't go on doing that shit.
I feel the "angry with myself" part. I make mistakes that seem rookie and I kick myself. Only thing I can do is learn from them and move on.
Yeah. It's kinda weird since she was giving me all the signs of interest and even gave me a huge opening to ask her out. Then she started ignoring me leading up to the day I asked her out and in the days afterwards. She also didn't show up the day before V-Day when she was scheduled to work. This happened once before and she was upset about something that had nothing to do with me. I wonder what happened. She's made no attempt to initiate conversation (neither have I) with me since; no playful banter, nothing.
Due to some co-workers in my area being out all next week, there's a chance that she'll end up working in my area, to pick up the slack, maybe even tomorrow. If that happens, I plan on playing it cool and not saying anything to her unless it's work related. My pride wouldn't allow me to ask her out a second time anyway.
There's still a glimmer of hope though. I asked an older co-worker that's more experienced in these matters than myself if when a woman says "I'll let you know" or "I'll see", if it's a forgone conclusion that it means no. He said not necessarily as it's happened to him before and they ended up getting back to him months later. =)
Oh well. At least my crypto-portfolio is currently mooning for the first time since the crash/correction.
Yeah, it would be great if we knew what we know now at a much younger age. I'm what you might call a late bloomer too. It's tough dating with less experience at an older age. You have to figure out all the shit people figured out when everyone else they dated was also inexperienced. That immediately puts you at a disadvantage because you are basically a sprout in a field of trees.
Unfortunately, we can't turn back time and change our dating lives so we have to make due with what we can. You have to work 10 times harder than people who have been doing this since high school basically. It's hard and yeah it sucks but if you want change, it's the only way forward. At the same time though, don't hesitate to take breaks. Sometimes you get so frustrated that trying to make any further effort at the time is just not healthy for you. Destress and regain your social energy before jumping back in.
I think you're fine in regards to how you lead up to asking for a date. Maybe it's the jokes you're making. The probation officer joke isn't really the best imo. It kind of focuses on you and in a way that could be perceived negatively even though you meant it as a joke. It also sits on the edge of self-deprecative humor which isn't good in dating from my experience.
Dude. Move on from her. Please.
Try to meet other people. Online dating, go out with friends, etc. She was a bad situation for you to begin with
He just said he's not going to ask her out again and keep it work related.
OP
OP
No. No. No.
There is no glimmer of hope. None. THIS GIRL DOES NOT LIKE YOU. She sexually harassed you, teased you, and declined your date. Do you want to know how to tell if a girl is into you? The truest way? She willingly sacrifices her time to spend it with you. That's it! All of those other "signs of interest" could be flirting purely out of boredom.
Move on from her.
He's asked a co-worker about whether "it's a forgone conclusion that it means no", and found some hope in the reply. He hasn't divested from this girl as much as he needs to.
It's not kinda weird. We all told you she was just playing you. Now she's putting distance because trying to ask her out made it too real. No glimmer of hope. She's not interested.
Why do you keep asking co-workers for advice about this? It's super weird. Your co-worker's anecdote is pretty bad for general advice - I doubt his experience had all the problems yours has. Are you gonna wait months for her to get back to you?
Also, nothing about this situation is weird. It's pretty straight forward. She wasn't giving you signs of interests or openings.
Please tell me you're like 20 cause this seems immature. You should find someone else. You're not exclusive with this girl after just one date. Enjoy your trip to Germany by yourself. Do not use shotgun weddings as an example to strive for. There's spontaneity and there's crazy.
I don't know why you post in this thread. You learned nothing. And you're either unwilling or unable to read and appreciate what literally exeryone here has told you repeatedly.
Considering a bunch of people here gave him advice not to pursue this and move on yet one co-worker told him it might work out and he's clinging to that says a lot. Whether intentionally or not, he knows what he wants and wants people to justify it by backing him up. Sometimes people just want validation.
way to come out as an ass. I am going to germany regardless for lifeimportant medical treatment. Even if I go alone it is necessary.
Yup, totally.
I paraphrased myself, but I get your point. You're right in that it focuses on me. That's deliberate. I don't feel like I should make that situation about her. As if it's on her that I just speed-asked her out and she wasn't ready for it. By making it about me in an over-the-top fashion, it relieves the tension of the moment in general, and for her in particular. Or at least that's my theory.
I dunno, otherwise that's just my style of humor. Exaggerative ("His name is Steve btw. Say hi from me"), often in a dark and/or dry way. I don't have the sharp mind of Conan O'Brien, but it's generally that kind of humor I naturally gravitate towards. And you can't pull it off without a modicum of self-deprecation. Unless the point of the skit is to be a jerk.
I get that it can be a turn-off for some, but at the same time it's who I am. Ultimately, I want to convey that I'm a guy who is open to being the joke if it gets people cracking. Without using buzzwords like "easy-going". My idea is also that it if I initially keep it in the realm of things not about my person, I can come across as confident when in reality I'm not. Something like "You might recognize my haircut from No Country for Old Men" is on the other side of the edge, and I don't think I can pull that off.
Or am I way off base here?
Don't make jokes about being a criminal, especially maybe a rapey criminal ("I'm harmless, trust me"), on dating sites. Or anywhere.
Women actually have to be worried about rapey criminals. And they can't and shouldn't take some rando's word that he's harmless.
Sure, ask someone out early on. Suggest drinks in a public place. Do that and you're fine.
Women actually have to be worried about rapey criminals. And they can't and shouldn't take some rando's word that he's harmless.
Sure, ask someone out early on. Suggest drinks in a public place. Do that and you're fine.
I get where you're coming from. I don't think you shouldn't use that humor at all. I just think that in the initial phases when you barely know someone and you make a joke like that; you don't have facial expression or tone of voice to it so it might not come off the way you planned.
But honestly I was just looking for a possible reason why things might not work for you based on what you said.
This too. Like if you know someone well this joke can work but for a stranger it's potentially awkward or creepy. It's like if you were to invite your date over and make some joke about her being alone with you. You might make it to dispel tension but bringing attention to it just makes it worse because she's probably actually worried about that.
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Huh? Why are you resorting to insults? I said enjoy your trip to Germany, and don't expect a girl to go along with you. Relax, man.
Dont pull out the medical treatment card as a way to deflect feedback you don't like hearing.
That's actually being an arse.
That's called "being the backup." Don't rely on this, it's degrading to your self worth. Make sure you pursue other options, because this girl sucks.
Yeah, that poster totally knew that. *eyerolls*
I'm sorry that you have medical issues, but don't pull the "I actually have medical issues you never knew about, so you're magically now an asshole" card, it's in poor taste.
Speaking about that, now it's even weirder to me that you're taking a girl you've met once to Germany for 3 days when a portion of that time is getting serious medical treatments done. That's really odd.
But shes so unpredictable and doesnt follow the rules. 3 days in a hospital waitng room instead of going outside? Crazy right guyz!? But thats what I love about her, logic goes out the window, she's such a free spirit.
Damn it, I was going to get some new pics and remake my dating profiles this weekend after a 3 month break, but looks like that's gone to shit. The Bluetooth tripod thing I ordered got lost in the post and won't get here until next week now. Annoying, considering it had a "2 day shipping" option that I selected. I'm not being charged for that, at least. Guess it'll have to wait until next week.
Looks like the ladies will have to hang on another week till your ready to go get em. Does volume up on Bluetooth headphones still operate the camera shutter when the camera app is open? Might be a quick solution.
I don't have any Bluetooth headphones lol. It's fiiine, I don't really mind waiting the extra week. I got rostered on Sunday anyway, so I would've had to run around and get changed too many times, plus I wouldn't be able to grab shots out at a bar/club or something Saturday night, because I still have a zero BAC limit on my bike for another week or so. Stupid new laws.
I'll grab some new clothes next Thursday and take the shots next weekend. I'll throw the photos up in the secure and active Dating Era Discord, which anyone who's looking for honest photo or dating profile opinions can use. Link in the OP guys. (Just a reminder)
I'll grab some new clothes next Thursday and take the shots next weekend. I'll throw the photos up in the secure and active Dating Era Discord, which anyone who's looking for honest photo or dating profile opinions can use. Link in the OP guys. (Just a reminder)
Plot twist ! The girl I asked on a date 2 weeks ago told me that finally, she cannot go on the date. However she wanted to see next friday. I really cannot understand her, on one hand she didn't seem too sold on the idea and on the other hand she asked for another date, maybe she's actually interested...
Gekkouga did she confirm that she'd be up for a date next Friday, or just say maybe? Let her confirm the time and date. She'll do that if she's actually interested.
And yeah, what's the story with this?
And yeah, what's the story with this?
It is an ABC process. To get to the date it's always the same thing via online dating
That's lame. Don't borrow somebody's pet people. If you're at a zoo, go right ahead and borrow the animals