DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

Just ranting about myself a bit before I go to sleep in a sobering stupor. Aka talking into the void.

Fuck almighty I'm a goddamn slowpoke. This happens all the time you'd think I'd realize I just need to make a move. Just saw Black Panther with a group of friends and I was hanging out with the most promiscuous of my female friends the entire day. A movie, bottle of wine, and flirting later, I don't close the deal. Don't even go for a kiss. Despite so many go ahead signs. I honestly just wanted to hang out and cuddle more but I just go for it in the most passive of ways and the opportunity for anything slips through the cracks. Similar situations with the same person has happened at least twice. So maybe one day I'll learn and remember how this feels and not make the same mistake.

Honestly I just want to cuddle and watch stuff with someome I have some kind of comfort level and emotional connection with. Which I guess I get on a weekly basis when I watch OWL games with my ex. Except this week is the break between Stage 1 and 2 and some part of me really really really doesn't want to ask to do something non-OWL related just to get cuddles and attention. I need the physical attention more than she does so I guess I wanted to put myself in this situation to enforce my own arbitrary boundaries.

Thanks for entertaining me.
Goddamn I'm slow.

Theres nothing wrong with sex or wanting sex. Too many men on Era are just interested in cuddles or claim to be. Cuddles are foreplay for sex or to relax when you are in a relationship. If you want cuddles get a relationship, or go ask your mum. Got a girl that just gives you cuddles already chances are your just a cuddle bitch.

Alwayscrazybacon said:

Theres nothing wrong with sex or wanting sex. Too many men on Era are just interested in cuddles or claim to be. Cuddles are foreplay for sex or to relax when you are in a relationship. If you want cuddles get a relationship, or go ask your mum. Got a girl that just gives you cuddles already chances are your just a cuddle bitch.

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Nah man, sex is fun but after it I just wanna cuddle and hang out. Cuddle bitch sounds like a great position to me.

More than cuddles is a lot of work and investments. Cuddles are comforting and low effort and low risk. Besides this girl is poly and nooooooooo thank you. Not interested. I'm good with cuddle bitch.

Cuddling is more intimate than sex IMO. I have to at least like you to want to cuddle.

coolasj19 said:

More than cuddles is a lot of work and investments. Cuddles are comforting and low effort

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Good luck with that. You're going to further limit your range of dating opportunities with this attitude.

coolasj19 said:

Just ranting about myself a bit before I go to sleep in a sobering stupor. Aka talking into the void.

Fuck almighty I'm a goddamn slowpoke. This happens all the time you'd think I'd realize I just need to make a move. Just saw Black Panther with a group of friends and I was hanging out with the most promiscuous of my female friends the entire day. A movie, bottle of wine, and flirting later, I don't close the deal. Don't even go for a kiss. Despite so many go ahead signs. I honestly just wanted to hang out and cuddle more but I just go for it in the most passive of ways and the opportunity for anything slips through the cracks. Similar situations with the same person has happened at least twice. So maybe one day I'll learn and remember how this feels and not make the same mistake.

Honestly I just want to cuddle and watch stuff with someome I have some kind of comfort level and emotional connection with. Which I guess I get on a weekly basis when I watch OWL games with my ex. Except this week is the break between Stage 1 and 2 and some part of me really really really doesn't want to ask to do something non-OWL related just to get cuddles and attention. I need the physical attention more than she does so I guess I wanted to put myself in this situation to enforce my own arbitrary boundaries.

Thanks for entertaining me.
Goddamn I'm slow.

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What is OWL?

coolasj19 said:

Nah man, sex is fun but after it I just wanna cuddle and hang out. Cuddle bitch sounds like a great position to me.

More than cuddles is a lot of work and investments. Cuddles are comforting and low effort and low risk. Besides this girl is poly and nooooooooo thank you. Not interested. I'm good with cuddle bitch.

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Do you actually want to date someone? Presumably that's why you posted in this thread.

If so, you're not going to get "cuddles" out of it. As ACB mentioned, that's either foreplay or for showing intimacy with a partner. I simply don't see how you'd pursue someone and draw the line at "cuddles." It's perplexing.

You probably should also stop having weekly online dates with your ex.

Messofanego said:

What is OWL?

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Overwatch League

Addie said:

If so, you're not going to get "cuddles" out of it.

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Maybe with someone who's asexual? Idk. Even then, some people are more comfortable with touching than others.

Subpar Scrub said:

Overwatch League

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That might be worse than a TV show I assumed it might have been.

Subpar Scrub said:

Overwatch League

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Yikes. Watching some e-sports thing with your ex on a weekly basis? Double yikes.

E-sports isn't the problem, the problem is that watching competitive Overwatch is awful. At least with Mobas or whatever most of the characters in a fight seem to be on screen, whilst I would need three sets of eyes and a professional analyst to even guess what the fuck that Genji main is doing. I'll stick to my fighting games. Easier to know what's happening in most of them.

Looks like I've ingrained myself.

Subpar Scrub said:

Good luck with that. You're going to further limit your range of dating opportunities with this attitude.

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Not looking to date seriously right now. Got a job change coming up, finishing school, enjoying being relatively freshly single for just a bit longer. I've got a couple of female friends that I have zero interest in dating and I can cuddle with and that's what I want right now.

I'm not dismissing more than cuddles as too much work, I'm saying it's far more emotional energy than I want to put in right now. It wasn't too long ago I go out of my last relationship. Sex requires maintaining more ties than I have energy to give to right now. And for me, sex without those ties is really meh.

Beyond that, and referencing this girl in particular, I really don't want to have sex with my roommates sex buddy, or the person I play DnD with every other week. I don't want to date any of my friends. That's why they're my friends. I go outside my friends group to look for people to date.

There's context to give here. When I posted, I just wanted to yell that my personality is too slow and passive. Hell, I've confided this with her, myself. Honestly, she may have been trying to egg me on to act. I'll ask her next time we hangout and drink.

Messofanego said:

Yikes. Watching some e-sports thing with your ex on a weekly basis? Double yikes.

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We ended it because I wanted more emotional support than she was truly capable of giving. I was always a wreck because she wouldn't talk to me about it and she was always anxious cause I wanted to talk to her about it. We're both much happier now that we're not dating. Truly one of those, "better as friends" deals.

Overwatch is the thing we bonded over and OWL was the thing we were most excited about. I was actually going to take us to the pre-season in December before we broke up.

Is DatingERA some completely different faction of ResetERA?

Already got 4 matchs on Tinder which is quite nice since I haven't got any the last time I was there

But tbh I don't know what to say as the first time especially when the profile does not say a lot. Any ideas ?

coolasj19 said:

We ended it because I wanted more emotional support than she was truly capable of giving. I was always a wreck because she wouldn't talk to me about it and she was always anxious cause I wanted to talk to her about it. We're both much happier now that we're not dating. Truly one of those, "better as friends" deals.

Overwatch is the thing we bonded over and OWL was the thing we were most excited about. I was actually going to take us to the pre-season in December before we broke up.

Is DatingERA some completely different faction of ResetERA?

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If you ever got in a relationship, do you think a new partner would be cool with your weekly ex OWL watching sessions?

coolasj19 said:

Is DatingERA some completely different faction of ResetERA?

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What makes you say that?

Addie said:

Do you actually want to date someone? Presumably that's why you posted in this thread.
If so, you're not going to get "cuddles" out of it. As ACB mentioned, that's either foreplay or for showing intimacy with a partner. I simply don't see how you'd pursue someone and draw the line at "cuddles." It's perplexing.
You probably should also stop having weekly online dates with your ex.

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I think I misunderstood the purpose of the thread before posting. I'll own up to that one.

Nah, she's a good friend that I literally never want to date again.

There might be a reply to your middle question somewhere up there in a different post.

I'm gonna bow out now since my ordeal has nothing to do with the purpose of the thread. Sorry for stirring the pot and misunderstanding. Next time I'll post in DrunkERA.

Gekkouga said:

But tbh I don't know what to say as the first time especially when the profile does not say a lot. Any ideas ?

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Comment on something in the pictures if you can. Otherwise I usually just open with a question. "Just got back from Black Panther, it was awesome. Seen it yet?" stuff like that. Honestly, other people probably have better openers than me haha

Messofanego said:

If you ever got in a relationship, do you think a new partner would be cool with your weekly ex OWL watching sessions?

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Nope! And when I start a new relationship that's a conversation I'll have to have with my ex.

Subpar Scrub said:

What makes you say that?

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Hmmmm. Just the OWL thing was an odd chord. But ResetERA is bigger than I think it is.

coolasj19 said:

Hmmmm. Just the OWL thing was an odd chord. But ResetERA is bigger than I think it is.

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Ah. I mean, I only know about it because it was mentioned on a podcast I listen to last week. It's for a somewhat niche subset of OW fans, so it's not going to be on the radars of a lot of gamers. I played OW for hundreds of hours but stopped just before the robo-centaur thing showed up. Didn't hear anything about the OWL before the aforementioned podcast.

coolasj19 said:

Nope! And when I start a new relationship that's a conversation I'll have to have with my ex.

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It's really good that you've already come to this conclusion.

coolasj19 said:

Is DatingERA some completely different faction of ResetERA?

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If you've got a dating problem and no one else can help you, maybe you can post in Dating Era.

Not really into dating yet, as i will sort/balance out my mental issues first wich while take a while, therapy etc.

But after i will be open to it, as i came out as bi recently personally atleast (why not both yay!). i rather keep it a secret for family and friends for the time being. Reason is i live in a more close minded village so being gay or bi is still seen as weird if you are male sadly :(

Anyway i don't think it will be to hard to find someone since i don't look bad and quite cute. Even had a young adult male teacher that was into/hit on me in college >.> always told me how good i looked and gave me tens for english while i sucked at it, ok he was hot but i was like 17 and just 18 lol. So yeah i just shrugged it all off.

I did have sex with a few close male neighboor friends as a early teen years and lost virginity that way, i thought it was all for experimentation sake but now i realize and accepted i just like both males and females. I should not force myself into just liking one side while my mind is attracted to both. It's how i am.

Anyway when i will get to it i will probably use badoo my best friend had good succes there and tinder feels more like a swipe fest. On badoo you can start chattin with people easier and make friends or relationships. Or well that is what i have seen at my friend he had more succes there. So thats why i will try that out first once all said is done mental issue wise.

Cheers.

Squiddo said:

always told me how good i looked and gave me tens for english while i sucked at it,

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Uh Huh, that's one way to get your grades up I guess.

Alwayscrazybacon said:

Uh Huh, that's one way to get your grades up I guess.

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I did not even ask for it.... lol it was really random. Nothing happened besides that.

Honestly i would not even risk it. And besides i was still too anxious in those years so probably would not even dared it :P if it came to such things.

Squiddo said:

I did not even ask for it.... lol it was really random. Nothing happened besides that.

Honestly i would not even risk it. And besides i was still too anxious in those years so probably would not even dared it :P if it came to such things.

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Teaching English as foreign language right?

Alwayscrazybacon said:

Teaching English as foreign language right?

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Yup.
Edit:
Well yeah i'm dutch so we got english at college as a second language to learn, we also get it in high school and even primary school but due to my adhd i had am quite bad at learning new languages tho so that's why i am can be quite bad at it.

No way i could have gotten those scores fairly myself at that time.

Where was the teacher from?

Okay, this isn't a comment about race, but rather how I'm perceived by races while dating, so it's anecdotal.
I'm mixed race (dad's white/English, mom's Aramaic/Babylonian), so I look a bit middle-eastern, but culturally, I'm about as white as they come; born in London, grew up in Southern California.
While I'm open to dating all races, I've mostly ever dated white women, not because I'm opposed to other races, but that's just how it's always shaken out. Although, it is partly because in person, white women seem to like me more and are more receptive to my advances, etc. Where as non-white women (Asian, Latino, black, etc) seem to not be as interested in me, not in person anyways.
But online, that's reversed! I can't seem to get a "like" or a message back from white women, where as almost all "likes", right-swipes and messages leading to meetups are from non-white women.
That's weird, right? It's almost as if I come across different, perhaps more "ethnic" online than I do person. I actually don't really know why, but it's just something I've noticed more and more as I do more online dating and am able to compare it to in-person dating.
But like I said, this isn't meant to be a comment on race, but rather differences in perception between online and in person.
(but for the record, white girls here in Orange County can be insidiously racist - more than a few of them, after they've gotten comfortable enough with me, let their racist flag fly, after which I nope right out)

There's nothing wrong with having casual cuddle buddies. Just make it clear that's what it is. I've known others who only look for that and don't really have any issues unless one party misunderstands the type of relationship it is.

Wrong thread lol

PoF/OKC stalker is back... 5 or 6 accounts blocked and reported (and that's only when I started blocking them, there were probably twice as many before I started), and about two years now? Maybe longer, I don't recall when this started.

At least the message was an innocuous "hey, how are you". :/

So I was dating two girls at the same time and decided to go with one of them. Told the other the truth and that she's great but I was dating the other girl first. Now the one I went with moved away for three months so I might want to start something casual with the other girl.

If I reach out to her, should I mention what happened with the girl that moved away? Or just "hey, you wanna meet up?" straight up? I mean I assume she'll wonder what hauppened.

She said in our final messages that "too bad this happened, but we'll see what happens in the future" so I took that as her being positive to a continuation.

Leeness said:

PoF/OKC stalker is back... 5 or 6 accounts blocked and reported (and that's only when I started blocking them, there were probably twice as many before I started), and about two years now? Maybe longer, I don't recall when this started.

At least the message was an innocuous "hey, how are you". :/

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Might it be time to contact the po po?

LookAtMeGo said:

Might it be time to contact the po po?

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Do po po really do anything about online people like that? I mean...he's never going to pose a threat to me and doesn't know where I live (just the general area), but it's annoying and creepy every time I get a message. :/

I wouldn't even be able to really fill out a police report because I don't even remember his name.

Leeness said:

Do po po really do anything about online people like that? I mean...he's never going to pose a threat to me and doesn't know where I live (just the general area), but it's annoying and creepy every time I get a message. :/

I wouldn't even be able to really fill out a police report because I don't even remember his name.

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Ah I see. I figured there would be some sort of harassment or stalking laws or some shit for things like that? I have no idea. But holy shit that dude is persistent. After so much time I'd personally probably get a little worried he'd be driving around that general area slowly in a big black van on the lookout.

Addie said:

This is why you need therapy.

Doing the same things over and over and expecting a different outcome isn't going to work. There's no shame here; everyone should attend some kind of therapy.

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I will really think about this but I don't know if I would be able to be so personal with strange person that is being paid for it.

ReBirFh said:

I will really think about this but I don't know if I would be able to be so personal with strange person that is being paid for it.

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You pay them quite literally because it's their job: that's the perk. They're trained to do it. And they're legally and ethically bound to keep things private.

They're like lawyers, for feelings.

Jesus, the birth control shot sucks ass. My girlfriend's libido completely tanked since she started taking it, she used to be the one whipping my dick out all the time. Well at least she agreed to not take it anymore, she's been tired and moody with super headaches for no reason too.

LookAtMeGo said:

Ah I see. I figured there would be some sort of harassment or stalking laws or some shit for things like that? I have no idea. But holy shit that dude is persistent. After so much time I'd personally probably get a little worried he'd be driving around that general area slowly in a big black van on the lookout.

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I don't think there's much regarding internet stalking/harassment.

But yeah...if he had my number or address, I would have been at the police a while ago. As is, it's just creepy and a bit disturbing. :/

So now I got a response on tinder I wonder how a conversation should evolve to eventually asking for a date, any ideas ?

I guess it's time to make some new profiles and try again.

Gekkouga said:

So now I got a response on tinder I wonder how a conversation should evolve to eventually asking for a date, any ideas ?

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Ask a few questions. Then just say "you seem cool, wanna get a drink at place X and time Y?"

TheBeardedOne said:

I guess it's time to make some new profiles and try again.

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Gekkouga said:

So now I got a response on tinder I wonder how a conversation should evolve to eventually asking for a date, any ideas ?

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Well it's hard to say because it needs to be organic but don't think of it as evolving into you eventually asking them out. You don't want to dance around the subject hoping for the perfect opportunity to smoothly ask them out.

I think the first thing you really want to do is get them off the app and get their number. There's probably a ton of matches she has on the app so you don't really stand out. So have a brief exchange of messages -2-4 depending on the vibe - then cut the convo short and tell them in relevant words that you'd like to continue the conversation in person and leave your number, telling them to text you so you know it's them.

I always left my number as I think opening yourself up first with the number is better than trying to get them to give theirs up. It's less pressure on them and I think it appears more confident because while it's direct, you're leaving it up to them to take initiative if they want. Once you leave your number you can just continue doing your own thing. You'll know if they're really interested if they text you.

At that point, you can set up the date.

Personally I don't take nunbers anymore. I just ended up with a bunch of random numbers in my contacts. I ask for her number after the first date if it goes well. I agree with the general strategy though

Ernest said:

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Hmm?

Jokab said:

Personally I don't take nunbers anymore. I just ended up with a bunch of random numbers in my contacts. I ask for her number after the first date if it goes well. I agree with the general strategy though

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That's an interesting approach. Can't knock it if it works for you though! Personally I don't like talking to people through the app when I'm at the he stage where I'm going to meet them.

Alwayscrazybacon said:

If you've got a dating problem and no one else can help you, maybe you can post in Dating Era.

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Why does this sound like the start of a TV series from the 80s?

Messofanego said:

Why does this sound like the start of a TV series from the 80s?

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The D-Team

Leeness said:

PoF/OKC stalker is back... 5 or 6 accounts blocked and reported (and that's only when I started blocking them, there were probably twice as many before I started), and about two years now? Maybe longer, I don't recall when this started.

At least the message was an innocuous "hey, how are you". :/

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Dude is begging for a restraining order and a police visit.

SuperiorTrashTalk said:

The D-Team

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That's the one! Haha