When they follow the advice they no longer need to post here, so your unlikely to get an answer. Some guys do post to say thanks that the advice helped them.
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I mean I learned most of what I know about dating from this thread and through experience. It's helped a lot.
He might been posting one thing here and done something completely different in reality.
Do you believe someone would make stuff up and lie on the internet.
I started posting here in November since I had been using a few dating apps with no luck since May. Since then I've been on my first tinder date, dated two girls at once and am now happily in an exclusive relationship.
So the results were pretty alright. I'd give it 5 stars.
Dating Age. Only 4 easy payments of $19.99.
I guess? Not really any reason not to believe him though.
Anyone have any specific books about dating, women and proper mindsets that helped them?
I'm looking for books mostly about dating, etiquette, reading and understanding emotions, not being clingy, maintaining relationships, etc.
Not looking for books giving advice on picking up girls or getting numbers... but about what comes after
I'm looking for books mostly about dating, etiquette, reading and understanding emotions, not being clingy, maintaining relationships, etc.
Not looking for books giving advice on picking up girls or getting numbers... but about what comes after
There are some books listed in the OT. Not sure if they would be helpful. I haven't read them, myself.
Yup, one of them seems to be what I'm looking for. I had an audible credit so I got it and will give it a listen tonight. Still, recommendations are always better than just googling for books I've found.
I've been dating a girl for a few months now, about a date a week. It was the best first date I've had and I liked her a lot. I always have a good time with her. But my feelings haven't really grown past "really like her." I'm not really excited to see her more than once a week, and I don't get that "she's the only one in the room" feeling when we're together. I've felt it before and it's...absent.
I've been trying to give this as much time as possible because I really want that feeling to be there. She makes sense for me in a lot of ways. But I can tell she's getting frustrated lately that things aren't escalating. I think I'll just be honest with her and tell her I'm unsure, couched in less hurtful words. At least she'll know why I'm aloof when we're not together.
More frustrated at myself than anything, but I guess I'm realizing that when you feel it, you feel it early. At least for me.
I've been trying to give this as much time as possible because I really want that feeling to be there. She makes sense for me in a lot of ways. But I can tell she's getting frustrated lately that things aren't escalating. I think I'll just be honest with her and tell her I'm unsure, couched in less hurtful words. At least she'll know why I'm aloof when we're not together.
More frustrated at myself than anything, but I guess I'm realizing that when you feel it, you feel it early. At least for me.
Why would I lie about this in a thread whose sole purpose is giving, recieving advice and helping people out, what would my benefit be? Internet points? Internet fame? Lol
Hey did you go on the trip to Germany yet? Or is that still sometime in the future?
I dunno man. You could be an Alien. Or Trump. Or from Narnia. We just like, can't know man, its the internet (puts on tinfoil hat)
I've been in your position and my advice is to let go of your uncertainty and just give it an honest shot. You might find your aloofness fades with time when you aren't holding yourself back.
Bravo. Most dudes here would be too thirsty and not catch the red flags.
Anybody got any two cents on Coffee Meets Bagel?
I feel like a dating app mood again but at the same time, Tinder just feels mind numbing hence why I deleted it a long time ago.
Also tried Bumble at some point back then but almost nothing ever happened on there from my experience, and whenever a date did happen, they became remarkably awkward.
I feel like a dating app mood again but at the same time, Tinder just feels mind numbing hence why I deleted it a long time ago.
Also tried Bumble at some point back then but almost nothing ever happened on there from my experience, and whenever a date did happen, they became remarkably awkward.
What kind of men clothing should I wear for my first casual lunch with a girl at a college campus?
Another crazy date night:
I went to a cafe to see a girl I met through Tinder. She seemed kind of new ageish but conservative, so I wasn't really prepped for anything else than a couple of hours of conversation over a cup of tea. At the time I had only eaten one light lunch, and had both went to the gym and wrestling earlier that day.
We ordered coffee and tea, and she started telling me a very extended story of how she ended up in my city. At some point she asked whether I had the time to listen all this and I replied that I didn't have anything else planned for the rest of the evening. Her eyes lit up and she asked if we should just order a bottle of wine before we continue. Against my better judgement, I agreed. :D
The last stuff I remember well was that she was drinking the wine at a really fast pace and I was trying to keep up. She said that she was highly skeptical of vaccines which is a huge red flag but I didn't care for some reason. I lost my memory after ordering the second bottle, and judging by my bank account log, we (I) ordered a third one as well.
Again based solely on the information on my bank account, we proceeded to drive around the city with taxis to different establishments ordering so much alcohol that I actually hope that I paid for her as well (because if I only paid for mine I'm lucky to be alive). I only have one flashback of this phase of the night, where she had asked me if I can guess which kind of car she'd want. I think I guessed right and that really upset her, and she started running away from me on a big street. No idea what happened afterwards.
The next flashback I have is from my home, we were leaning against a wall and very close to each other, and she said something along the lines of "we don't have any romantic tension between us". I guess I was quite OK with that, but no idea what I replied.
And the last image I have is waking up at god knows what time on my couch, looking to my right and seeing a person sleeping there which I couldn't connect to any memories at all. I told myself that surely there's a good reason for all this and passed out again.
In the morning she was really happy and cheerful which I couldn't understand at all. I was so drunk & hung over at the same time that it didn't even come to my mind to ask for clarifications regarding last nights events.
And then I went to work. She's still my match on Tinder, I'm on the fence between asking her what the hell happened or just letting it be.
I went to a cafe to see a girl I met through Tinder. She seemed kind of new ageish but conservative, so I wasn't really prepped for anything else than a couple of hours of conversation over a cup of tea. At the time I had only eaten one light lunch, and had both went to the gym and wrestling earlier that day.
We ordered coffee and tea, and she started telling me a very extended story of how she ended up in my city. At some point she asked whether I had the time to listen all this and I replied that I didn't have anything else planned for the rest of the evening. Her eyes lit up and she asked if we should just order a bottle of wine before we continue. Against my better judgement, I agreed. :D
The last stuff I remember well was that she was drinking the wine at a really fast pace and I was trying to keep up. She said that she was highly skeptical of vaccines which is a huge red flag but I didn't care for some reason. I lost my memory after ordering the second bottle, and judging by my bank account log, we (I) ordered a third one as well.
Again based solely on the information on my bank account, we proceeded to drive around the city with taxis to different establishments ordering so much alcohol that I actually hope that I paid for her as well (because if I only paid for mine I'm lucky to be alive). I only have one flashback of this phase of the night, where she had asked me if I can guess which kind of car she'd want. I think I guessed right and that really upset her, and she started running away from me on a big street. No idea what happened afterwards.
The next flashback I have is from my home, we were leaning against a wall and very close to each other, and she said something along the lines of "we don't have any romantic tension between us". I guess I was quite OK with that, but no idea what I replied.
And the last image I have is waking up at god knows what time on my couch, looking to my right and seeing a person sleeping there which I couldn't connect to any memories at all. I told myself that surely there's a good reason for all this and passed out again.
In the morning she was really happy and cheerful which I couldn't understand at all. I was so drunk & hung over at the same time that it didn't even come to my mind to ask for clarifications regarding last nights events.
And then I went to work. She's still my match on Tinder, I'm on the fence between asking her what the hell happened or just letting it be.
LMAO I'm glad I've never been on a drunk date. I'd stay away from an anti-vaxxer. Ask her what happened, of course. And if she meant the no romance thing then you can go your separate ways.
My situation:
On the doorstep of middle age, never married, no children. Had a series of short-lived relationships that sputtered out for vague reasons. Had plenty of first dates but very few beyond that. Overall, very unlucky in the love department.
One thing that really frustrates me is the so-called "advice" I see in articles aimed at women about dating middle-aged men. Many seem to lean in the direction of being suspicious of if not outright avoiding men of my age group who fit the criteria I just listed above. Specifically, they are accused of being either perpetual players who will use you and lose you, or self-absorbed forever bachelors who are still stuck to their moms. I am neither, and it starts to get really discouraging. On top of that, I see other articles saying the exact opposite, which sends mixed messages. And the articles by men aimed at men aren't much better as they essentially repeat the same old tired PUA mentality.
Some specific catching points for me: I'm not religious and I live in a religious are (no, I can't just up and move); I cannot have children and truth be told, I do not want them, however as you get to my age group, many women have or want them.
Other guys' viewpoints are of course welcome, but would really love to hear some of the female ETC members' viewpoints on this.
On the doorstep of middle age, never married, no children. Had a series of short-lived relationships that sputtered out for vague reasons. Had plenty of first dates but very few beyond that. Overall, very unlucky in the love department.
One thing that really frustrates me is the so-called "advice" I see in articles aimed at women about dating middle-aged men. Many seem to lean in the direction of being suspicious of if not outright avoiding men of my age group who fit the criteria I just listed above. Specifically, they are accused of being either perpetual players who will use you and lose you, or self-absorbed forever bachelors who are still stuck to their moms. I am neither, and it starts to get really discouraging. On top of that, I see other articles saying the exact opposite, which sends mixed messages. And the articles by men aimed at men aren't much better as they essentially repeat the same old tired PUA mentality.
Some specific catching points for me: I'm not religious and I live in a religious are (no, I can't just up and move); I cannot have children and truth be told, I do not want them, however as you get to my age group, many women have or want them.
Other guys' viewpoints are of course welcome, but would really love to hear some of the female ETC members' viewpoints on this.
Welcome to dating Era. Real life advice from people who are not paid to write clickbait articles or articles written to appeal to a perceived readership of a publication.
Step one, rewrite your introduction about you. Not what you've read and not what you perceive but who you are, what you have done and what you want. Just like most members do that post here.
What Bacon said above. People love honesty/vulnerability - at least the people you'd want to be with.
I'm kinda in the same boat as you; middle aged, no kids, though divorced, and looking for a meaningful, long-term relationship. And honestly, there's no shortage of women that want that as well, especially in our age range. But it is kind of a numbers game - as big a pain in the ass as it can be, you have to put yourself out there, meet at many women as you can, however you can, until you find one that clicks. Try to get to the root of why you don't get beyond the first date - it could just be that you *think* you want a relationship, but deep down, you actually *don't*, and women can pick up on that. Of course I can't answer that for you, but if it's something you can afford, some simple therapy sessions could work well for you.
Wow, come in here looking for actual advice and get rude sarcasm instead. Bravo.
Most of it.
"Real life advice from people who are not paid to write clickbait articles or articles written to appeal to a perceived readership of a publication."
Incredibly condescending. Even if they are pandering, there are real women who read and follow this advice. Despite being clickbait, there are still people who put what is said into real world practice.
"Step one, rewrite your introduction about you. Not what you've read and not what you perceive but who you are, what you have done and what you want. Just like most members do that post here."
Why would I have to re-write anything? I made it clear that I was looking for a relationship and expressing frustration at the mixed messages I received from my research as well as my relationship situation in the past. And that last sentence of his also reads as very condescending.
Let it go.
Anyway, your entire first post talks less about you and your relationships than about articles -- whether it's Cosmo, PUA trash, or whatever. However, the only common denominator in all of your failed first dates is you. Set aside the articles. Why did your last first date not progress to a second? Were you interested, only she wasn't? Was the interest on both ends rather tepid? Where did you meet this person?
You mentioned the limited dating pool in your area, but can you tell us more about it? Further, what are you trying to do to actually meet someone? Whether that's Tinder or Meetups in your area, there's got to be something.
Ultimately, I want you to realize something: dating age-appropriate women, at some point, and many of us are in that age bracket, may involve children from a previous relationship. Just because you're dating someone doesn't make you Dad. If you're adamant about finding a child-free atheist within an acceptable age range, but you're completely unwilling to move from -- I'm guessing -- a rural area, the deck is going to be stacked against you.
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Relationships will involve compromises (but dont settle). Some things you might say you dont want are not deal breakers if she's the right person. Being middle aged is the secret best time for dating, if you've got your life together you're quite desirable and should have no problem getting dates. But if your not getting 2nd dates you need to self reflect as to why that might be.
My date last night went very well! We went for a hike and kissed a bit while watching th sunset, and as we headed back down she wanted to hold hands. That's pretty intimate in my mind but I went with it. Then we went out to dinner and had a few drinks and it was just a lot of fun talking to her. We make each other laugh and have lots things in common, but not everything, which I think is a good thing. We kissed a bit more and called it a night right there. She didn't want to do anything else that night and that was okay with me. She added that she is interested in me romantically and hoped that she didn't make things awkward between us. I said nope I'm good and we parted. I asked for a third date today and she said yes and we're already making plans for Thursday- it was my suggestion to see each other on a weekday, my thinking being that there wouldn't be any expectations for after the date and also so we didn't need to wait a week to see each other again. I feel like that was the right move here.
Anyways got the other second date tonight so we'll see how that goes. We'll have to reconnect a bit because this is the girl who has been sick for the last week and a half so we've had to postpone our second date until now. If things have cooled too much since our first date I guess that will be it.
Anyways got the other second date tonight so we'll see how that goes. We'll have to reconnect a bit because this is the girl who has been sick for the last week and a half so we've had to postpone our second date until now. If things have cooled too much since our first date I guess that will be it.
If you're not going to set aside your ego and honestly listen to the advice given here, then why are you here, exactly?
Your posts reek of a negative attitude, and random articles that are only going to cement your negative attitude aren't going to help. There are plenty of 'not in their 20s' men here that have plenty of success with dating.
Not a damn thing Ernest said was sarcastic, if you're going to immediately assume anything not positive is an attack on you you're not in the right place.
Another great update, glad to hear things are going well for you. I've got to say that you are a textbook example in the benefits of staying positive in the dating field even when things don't always work out. Looking forward to the update on this girl.
This is just me, but I wouldn't treat dating and relationships the same way you would as if you're studying for a Calculus exam or a history assignment
The best way to learn anything is through practice. Parsing through text and examining theory will only get you so far. You just gotta actually DO it to make any meaningful progress and to assess your strengths and weaknesses.
What part of the "after" part are you unsure about?
Didn't you have a bunch of matches before? Are you trying to follow through or just collecting matches?
Yeah I think you are right
I got like 20 matchs but it's with a Tinder gold account while liking every profile (basically sweeping while doing something else). Asked to a date for 2 of them and no response since then. The others just straight up don't respond so basically they are not interested.
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THANK YOU.
More than I'd think, but far less than I'd hope.
What the?
...Anyway, don't worry about the people who read Cosmo columnists and shit for dating advice. You probably don't want to date those people... because y'know... they go to a Cosmo columnist for dating advice.
Also, the "rewrite your intro" isn't criticising the way you wrote your intro, but rather, (this is how I read it) asking you to change your perspective. Being around middle-aged, never married and no children is undeniably something which is currently part of your profile, but it's not what you should be selling yourself on. It's unchangeable, and the people who won't date you because of these aspects are already a lost cause in regards to potential partners, so forget those people. I mean, some women will see the fact that you've never been married or had children as a positive, as it means you're less likely to have baggage, or a child to divert funds and attention to etc.
You gave us quite a bit of general info about you, but you only presented it in a negative light which painted you as a bad catch or something. Tell me, what about you is appealing to others? Is your job interesting or stable? Do you have a hobby, sport or other activity you regularly engage in which is interesting? Are you funny, insightful or outgoing? These are things to... advertise yourself with, for lack of a better word. They're the positives. The selling points. Tell us a bit about them!
How long did you wait for them to respond? Also, don't swipe right on everyone, pretty confident Tinder will internally mark you as a bot or something.
For me, it depends on the time and stuff. If it's 6pm on a Friday night? Sure, I'll shoot a message like 10-15 mins after matching. It makes sense for me to be checking messages and stuff during that time and I give it a 10-15 minute buffer to see if a spam message comes through or they unmatch. If it's midday on a Tuesday? Yeah, that shit can wait till after I finish at work and the gym. Not like I'd be meeting them until that weekend anyway.
3 or 4 days. And yeah I stopped to swipe right on everyone, Crazy Bacon told me