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Why do People use Virginity as an Insult?
- Thread starter OfficerRaichu15
- Start date
Yeah I mean, I definitely enjoy being single and don't really have any temptation to want a partner. I never really feel "lonely" like that.
Losing my virginity is not something that bothers me anymore either. I guess I want to try it eventually, but it's far from a priority.
True. Right now I don't really care about having a gf or having regular sex, but I'll be honest and say it bothers me a bit to still be a virgin.
I'm not sure about Arabic countries but virgin shaming and bullying exist in Turkey, similar to western fashion. There is no slang for "virgin" in Turkish but there is for non-virgins, "milli", meaning national or official. It means you're not officially a man if you have never done it. Most of the bullying and hazing occur during 6 month army duty, where you have to lie about your sexual past to evade bullying.
These days? lol..Come on, gramps. This virgin shit has been going on since before some user's grandpas went to fight the koooreans.
To expand on this, consider that in each of these games, it isn't just checking a box, it's literally getting into an arena where you're always climbing ladders.
It's not enough to have a job, but now it needs to be X job with Y perk. It's not enough to have a sexual experience that's "canonical" but now it needs to be X amount of times with Y amount of people. There's always a pull for more, and this is always a trick to imply what people have at present is never enough, that they lack, and that the answer is in future actions.
As I stated earlier, the problem isn't even this empty game, but that this game will produce deep pain for people playing it. Why do people engage in plastic surgery for example? Because they feel they lack, not so much for the loss of facial structures due to disease and illness, but because they despise what they see. I bring this up because in this very thread, we have one user who has bought into this feeling of lack so severely, so seriously, that he argued to lobby for plastic surgery so that he can become a "better" and then "get the goods" a thread like this compounds upon. And people here are assuming his established sorrows and identified "less-than-ness" is a parody. I'm sure all of us know someone who is caught in some problem of a "trance of unworthiness," to quote one of my teachers.
This shit is profusely violent. People in this thread don't even realize how they're contributing to this division.
Only if you think you are.
Why would you find sex or a relationship important? Not on what anybody else has to say, think, or project onto you; what do you think?
Honestly it would be nice to have an intimate relationship with someone without the expectation that we would have sex in the future. I just want a cuddle buddy to watch movies and play games with.
Being a virgin shouldn't affect someone's self-esteem but unfortunately it does. I wish kids were taught that it's okay to only have sex if they are completely comfortable with it, not just to check it off the list.
Being a virgin shouldn't affect someone's self-esteem but unfortunately it does. I wish kids were taught that it's okay to only have sex if they are completely comfortable with it, not just to check it off the list.
Maybe because it's a super nasty feedback loop.
Virgin gets insulted->gets self-conscious about being a virgin->becomes self-conscious about other things->sees self as undesirable, so doesn't pursue a means of losing virginity->gets insulted for being a virgin->repeat.
The fact that the first step is an acceptable form of bullying against potentially vulnerable people is why stuff like this happens. Saying "I don't know, they seem insecure" isn't an answer to the question. Damn right they'll be insecure when society shits on them and it gets worse with each year they age as if they become a little bit more of a loser as time passes.
Interesting. I thought Turkey being a Muslim majority country wouldn't have this but here we are.
But yeah, I m mostly talking about the Arabic countries.
I'll make a confession here. I don't care, it's a forum, I'm anonymous, and it seems many are mature and understanding.
I'm male, 40, am still a virgin, and I'm deeply ashamed of it. This doesn't mean I'm entirely inexperienced with women. At 19 I was a lifeguard, around tons of girls, making prospects, messing around, but I didn't want to go all the way until I found someone I cared for. Then a situation came at 20 that ripped me out of all social circles, literally, within weeks. School, work, the entirety of it. Networks were severed. I was in treatment most of the time and recovery the rest. This exacerbated existing depression, and combined with fighting this, which pulled me back in throughout the years until a few years ago, made social connections very difficult.
People say sex isn't everything......I think this comes 99% from those who've had it. When you haven't, it's not everything, it's the only thing, especially when you see threads about it, on TV, movies, everywhere. My every waking moment is consumed with it. It makes it hard to interact with those who I know can grant it, because while I do not view them in objectification, part of who they are has been objectified and put on that pedestal and hammered throughout the years by society of its importance to the point you're a fundamental failure as a human if you cannot attain it. Perhaps I do partly view them in objectification, but that's not how I treat them. I believe both men and women size each other up sexually when they first meet (I'd wager more men than women do this, however), I would say this is the extent that I do, and I don't think that's necessarily unnatural with us being sexual by nature. When I speak to someone of whom I'm attracted of the opposite sex, I speak to them as I do anyone else, but whenever it starts to enter territory that involves sexuality, it feels like society is a scrutinizing eye over every action that I make. I wouldn't feel like this if I were 20, but I'm 40. The older I become and the more failures I get (ironically, because I feel this eye and this expectation), the greater it becomes. It's a self-propagating idea.
Sometimes I think the only way I'm going to be able to break this cycle is to hire a hooker, penetrate, hoorah!, but I literally cannot get aroused when I know the only reason someone's laying down with me is because they're getting paid. The psychological aspect needs to be there, otherwise the equipment just does not work. But again, I don't know how to get this immense weight of society off of my shoulders so I can feel that I can act like myself instead of how society thinks I should act to get what they approve of. I don't even think I should be worrying about this at 40, I think it demonstrates severe stunted development, I find it pathetic, but that's where I'm at.
I think I need a sex therapist, or a glock will be the ultimate solution.
I'm male, 40, am still a virgin, and I'm deeply ashamed of it. This doesn't mean I'm entirely inexperienced with women. At 19 I was a lifeguard, around tons of girls, making prospects, messing around, but I didn't want to go all the way until I found someone I cared for. Then a situation came at 20 that ripped me out of all social circles, literally, within weeks. School, work, the entirety of it. Networks were severed. I was in treatment most of the time and recovery the rest. This exacerbated existing depression, and combined with fighting this, which pulled me back in throughout the years until a few years ago, made social connections very difficult.
People say sex isn't everything......I think this comes 99% from those who've had it. When you haven't, it's not everything, it's the only thing, especially when you see threads about it, on TV, movies, everywhere. My every waking moment is consumed with it. It makes it hard to interact with those who I know can grant it, because while I do not view them in objectification, part of who they are has been objectified and put on that pedestal and hammered throughout the years by society of its importance to the point you're a fundamental failure as a human if you cannot attain it. Perhaps I do partly view them in objectification, but that's not how I treat them. I believe both men and women size each other up sexually when they first meet (I'd wager more men than women do this, however), I would say this is the extent that I do, and I don't think that's necessarily unnatural with us being sexual by nature. When I speak to someone of whom I'm attracted of the opposite sex, I speak to them as I do anyone else, but whenever it starts to enter territory that involves sexuality, it feels like society is a scrutinizing eye over every action that I make. I wouldn't feel like this if I were 20, but I'm 40. The older I become and the more failures I get (ironically, because I feel this eye and this expectation), the greater it becomes. It's a self-propagating idea.
Sometimes I think the only way I'm going to be able to break this cycle is to hire a hooker, penetrate, hoorah!, but I literally cannot get aroused when I know the only reason someone's laying down with me is because they're getting paid. The psychological aspect needs to be there, otherwise the equipment just does not work. But again, I don't know how to get this immense weight of society off of my shoulders so I can feel that I can act like myself instead of how society thinks I should act to get what they approve of. I don't even think I should be worrying about this at 40, I think it demonstrates severe stunted development, I find it pathetic, but that's where I'm at.
I think I need a sex therapist, or a glock will be the ultimate solution.
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It's dumb imo and yes i had sex already.
Nothing wrong with losing it later tho, actually i know a few casual peeps that did lose it in their early 20s even.
Personally i lost it when i was 13 or so had sex with a male neighboorhood friend.
Nothing wrong with losing it later tho, actually i know a few casual peeps that did lose it in their early 20s even.
Personally i lost it when i was 13 or so had sex with a male neighboorhood friend.
Yes there was penetration lol, my ass hurt for a few days too even. We also sucked each other off. Personally i loved it. Was ashamed of it first but not anymore (male on male sex is kinda looked down upon in the village i live sadly), i am fully Bi sexual now or well accepted it personally atleast that i am into males too. He was cute/hot btw. Actually had a threesome with him and another male friend too later that year. So i can't complain really. One took me other sucked me off, after i sucked em off.
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Check out the dating thread. People can offer tips and help you out
While i'm not a virgin, i still feel like one at 30... The only two experience i had were bad so i still don't know what enjoyable sex really is
With the years passing, i learned how to let go, i just don't need this to feel happy! In fact i'm more happy now than when i was actively trying to find a girlfriend, trying to be different and desirable... the amount of effort i put in this and still being rejected made me feel miserable...
now i don't even care anymore, i enjoy the things i have, i have my family, i have my two best friends, i have my passions, and that's all i need to be happy!
Sure i get frustated from time to time, but it never last long! If i ever find someone, it will be a cool bonus, not something necessary anymore!
People mocking virgins just either want to hurt you and so are assholes, or are just dumb ignorant who think it's the most important thing ever!
With the years passing, i learned how to let go, i just don't need this to feel happy! In fact i'm more happy now than when i was actively trying to find a girlfriend, trying to be different and desirable... the amount of effort i put in this and still being rejected made me feel miserable...
now i don't even care anymore, i enjoy the things i have, i have my family, i have my two best friends, i have my passions, and that's all i need to be happy!
Sure i get frustated from time to time, but it never last long! If i ever find someone, it will be a cool bonus, not something necessary anymore!
People mocking virgins just either want to hurt you and so are assholes, or are just dumb ignorant who think it's the most important thing ever!
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I'd like to challenge some of this.
What do you think would happen when you penetrate someone? Do you think something "of" you dissolves, that some hole in you is metaphorically filled? What would prevent you from even being dissatisfied with penetration? What if it "didn't go the way I thought" which is the central reason for human dissatisfaction? Then you pivot; "I haven't had sex" becomes "I haven't had the type of sex I want" or it becomes "I haven't had good sex" and then you stumble on what good even is, or it becomes "I need to have sex with more people to make up for lost time/progress". The mind will always, always, always, always, fuckin' always find an escape hatch from contentment by chasing the future for one to be complete. And that's the real killer of society: it instills a false nation of secular original sin, that we're all lacking, all broken, all flawed, and have to come up with some bullshit to fill us, and it's almost always something of consumption. If not an iPhone, it's a vagina. If not a higher bank statement, it's another car. This fuckin' circus is bathed in destruction the more you try to adhere to it, so I ask you: why are you doing so? What of you, right now, is truly "impure" and incomplete? I can already answer this for you; it's likely not a thing you lack, but what you think you lack.
You may cling to this feeling of it being the only thing you fixate on, but I would argue it's because you have given it that power with your thoughts. You've bought into this idea that somehow you are incomplete on some serious level that putting your penis inside someone would somehow complete you. There's a hint of when people say it's no big deal: for some of these people, they've seen the sham. They've found that the act wasn't as fulfilling as it's propped up to be, that it's not this transformative act of self-actualization or anything of the kind. It was propped up and overinflated, especially on the aspect of "becoming a man" or "truly living".
I'd like to share a quote here, that I think lends some weight to my point.
"Memories are thoughts that arise. They're not realities. Only when you believe that they are real, then they have the power over you. But when you realize it's just another thought arising about the past, then you can have a spacious relationship with that thought. The thought no longer has you in its grip." - Eckhart Tolle
While the above quote may seem focused on the past, I'd like to point it it's also emphasizing the problem of identifying with thoughts. So long as you think "I lack" this becomes your inner narrative. Have compassion here: I'm sure literally every user on this entire forum has fallen into this problem. The key, of course, is to see how hollow that thought and identification really is, and all I can offer there is to examine that idea.
As an aside, so long as you're even entertaining acceptance from society, you're on the defense. This is the same society that believe in personally intervening deities, Reaganomics, climate denial, and free will. This is what you're looking to get accepted by? Culture isn't your friend, friend.
Having sex won't make you happier. At the end of the day, I'm still miserable and depressed about my job in the financial industry and where my life is currently. Sex for me is a temporary satisfaction.
Hmm I don't know if I can agree with that. It goes beyond masculinity or femininity to me, and at its core are kids rushing to not be seen as kids. Making that particular problem something about masculinity only ends upgrading the real core of the problem, which is the race to not be seen as a kid.
In high school, Boys and girls can be vicious in that race.
A lot of frogboy shitheads are co-opting the computer nerd image these days instead of shaving their heads and looking tough, so it's becoming more common to associate GG/alt right/red pill with every awkward sexless white dude and I fucking hate it lol.
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Man, I can't imagine how that feels. I'm so sorry.
I wish I had good advice, but I really don't. I guess try expanding your social circle, just keep meeting new people, eventually hoping you'll meet someone who wants to be with you. And definitely seek out some form of therapy if you can. Therapy has helped myself in the past, and it may help you.
I have a couple of virgin friends and m6 Gof is it hard to talk about sex when they're in the room. They're all lovely people, but yes they have a problem with social relationships. Two confessed to me they feel shame and hurt for it, one literally never talks about it and we suspect he actually is asexual, but who knows.
To the people saying sex is not important, I ask: you truly never felt better about yourself, your life and everything in general after a good, healthy fuck? Come on.
I never was either the attacker nor the victim of this kind of insult (lost my virginity at 18) but I do become sad when I don't have sex for a long time. I now have a girlfriend so I'm satisfied, but I can't imagine going back to occasional, maybe even rare sex.
To the people saying sex is not important, I ask: you truly never felt better about yourself, your life and everything in general after a good, healthy fuck? Come on.
I never was either the attacker nor the victim of this kind of insult (lost my virginity at 18) but I do become sad when I don't have sex for a long time. I now have a girlfriend so I'm satisfied, but I can't imagine going back to occasional, maybe even rare sex.
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No it doesn't. If you make zero attempts to have a sexual relationship with anyone, then it's pretty easy to not have sex, and doesn't imply anything else about you. I don't see any shame in that, nor do I see any shame in making attempts and being rejected. I probably wouldn't be friends with someone who used virginity as an insult as our personalities would not be compatible.
"Sex isn't important" and "I need an emotional connection" or whatever reason they have come up with rather than actually addressing the underlying issue I bet most of these guys have no problem wanking off to porn. But it's not important right?
We men must measure ourselves by our partner counts. It's the only way to know that we are worthy.
But fr it's a stupid bit of toxic masculinity that's been pervasive for a long time and was made worse via the media.
But fr it's a stupid bit of toxic masculinity that's been pervasive for a long time and was made worse via the media.
The irony and lack of self-awareness between the first and second sentence in this post...I CAN'T.
I don't know I just have this weird impulse from time to time ;)
Seriously though I'm married and I do enjoy it a bit but I just don't overhype it as it is not better than other parts of my relationship.
Pretty much
I agree. As someone who's had more than their fair share in the past year or so(I thought a lot about a way to not make that sound braggy, it's hard, sorry) Sure the sensation is good but I find it complicated a lot of things and often presented a dynamic I didn't love. I also get this weird depression that lingers on afterwards that really made this first semester of the year weird for me, I'm at a point where most the time I'd rather just masturbate. I see it as this urge that I need to get out of my system more often than not. If I could kill my libido I think I would. Sorry I went on a little rant there but I felt like getting it out just now
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It makes sense. People in high school are children, of course there will be a bunch of virgins.
Grown ass adults who are virgins obviously have some physical flaws, or mental ones. Not saying it's right to make fun of those people, but that's why people use it as an insult.
....Or they haven't been seeking sex for *insert a whole multitude of reasons*.
Seriously bud, without me getting too inflammatory here, do some self-reflection, because it's ironic that the post calling out people for being assholes is the most assholish one in this thread.
The thread is asking why people use virginity as an insult. For adults, that's the reason.
Bruh aren't you the same dude that brags about threesomes and older women?
I actually remember reading your threads on the other place...
I think you should sit this conversation out.
I get why there will always be some reasonable stigma. Not having sex makes you less relatable and being sexually active tends to ingrain itself in your humor and lifestyle, just like being sexually inexperienced might. I feel like there should be less negativity around it though because there are understandable reasons why someone might not be having sex. Asexuality, negative personalities, smelling bad, body type preferences. Tall guys with athletic builds, for example, are a statistically preferred bodytype, so it's a fair thing to be bummed out about as long as you're not bitter and resentful. I think everyone should be more honest about this. Just admit you might be shallow in whatever way you are, be nice about it and save someone showing interest in you some self-esteem and time.
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