Better you're honest early and see what she makes of it rather than leading someone on that you can't give your all to.
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Look, you've got too many questionable attitudes about life. I don't even think your looking for advice you just want to come into this topic and complain about how hard it is, how it's everybody else, anime, experience, being brown, your friends. Self pity is a great woman repellant and until you get therapy to correct that you will remain forever alone and complaining about it.
I fucked up.
I was setting up a date with a girl for a play at my CEOs theatre, she was being flaky so I invited another girl.
Other girl makes plans and says yes, and right after that the first girl came back and said she'd be able to make it now.
My only choice is to try to reschedule on date for a different day and see the play twice.
I was setting up a date with a girl for a play at my CEOs theatre, she was being flaky so I invited another girl.
Other girl makes plans and says yes, and right after that the first girl came back and said she'd be able to make it now.
My only choice is to try to reschedule on date for a different day and see the play twice.
I'm Southeastern Asian dude of fairly average looks, living in a small city in the Midwest in the US (population: white as fuck) who had no dating experience until I was around 21, watched unhealthy amounts of Rom-Com anime in my teenage years, and I don't have a Facebook account. Unlike you, I do not have problems getting second dates and beyond or not having someone be interested in me. We're quite similar in some ways, so why is this the case?
It's attitude.
You have a severely toxic mindset about a bunch of things, as already highlighted by other posters above. Paying for their food/drink on a date does not mean that they're "prostituting" themselves and then not allowing physical intimacy. Christ, just mention the topic of splitting the bill if you don't want to pay for all of it. The whole point of food or drink being there is that it's something that's keeping the both of you occupied as you talk and try to figure out whether or not the other person is sane. If you have issues in breaking the physical contact barrier, then your behavior on the date is broadcasting so many red flags that they do not want to initiate or reciprocate physical contact because you're making them uncomfortable. Are you saying shit that's as stupid as what you've posted so far? Are you coming on too strong? Do you talk about nothing except how you have no experience with women? You claim that you "can talk" (I don't even think this is true, considering that you don't even have the courage to bring up splitting the bill), but what the hell are you saying on the date that's turning off women every time? Re-evaluate yourself and consider the things you've said to women in the past who have rejected you.
Also, your friends are not dicks for not helping you. They have no responsibility to help you with finding a date or picking up women. The fact that they listen to you whine about it means that they've already done more than they need to. They are individuals with their own life to take charge of. Furthermore, they probably stopped hanging out with you because of your bad attitude and shitty views, such as going to the gym only for picking up women and being talked to instead of, y'know, just being there to work out and improve yourself. You think that everything you do has to lead to a woman wanting to be with you, instead of just for your own personal benefit or enjoyment. That's a fucking shitty mindset to have and you need to drop it immediately.
TL;DR: Stop whining and change your attitude.
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Still new to tinder. So I've been messaging a girl I matched with, but she told me she wasn't looking for anything after I asked her what she wants out of tinder.
We've exchanged snapchats and have been talking on there. Offered to play two truths and a lie at some point once I told her I was genuinely interested in wanting to get to know her.
She left me read after a few rounds. Obvious answer to me seems no, but should I even bother messaging her again?
We've exchanged snapchats and have been talking on there. Offered to play two truths and a lie at some point once I told her I was genuinely interested in wanting to get to know her.
She left me read after a few rounds. Obvious answer to me seems no, but should I even bother messaging her again?
You're messaging too much. Just ask her out already.
For myself, I'm deciding to go with the girl that moved away for three months. Kind of batshit maybe but it feels right at the moment. I even went back to the girl that I originally blew off for the move-girl (and I told her that's the reason) but in the end I don't think we click past one night stands, so I dropped her again lol. I feel kind of terrible for it but she took it well, at least over text.
I promised to go visit the girl that moved and I will. Should be good!
I had a feeling this was it. So just message her again asking her out after dropping the convo?
Lmao
Good luck man. If you need help with bios or pics, let us know.
Bomi-Chan Go find people to hang out with and chat with, so that you can develop some social skills that aren't derived from anime.
Also, what country are you from and where are you currently living?
Just shoot a message asking if she'd like to go out on Friday or Saturday or whatevs. After you do, just move on from it and don't worry about a response. If you get a yes, awesome, if not, that's just what happens.
Remember: don't invest too much time and effort into people who you haven't met or barely know.
Pretty much. If she doesn't respond then you know she's not interested and you can move on.
Tell girl one you've found someone else to go with, she didn't respect your time and thought you would wait around for her while she no doubt looked for other options. Girl two sounds much better, no messing around and accepted your offer. Set up another date with girl one but it does not need to be the theatre, this sends the message that you are in demand and won't have your time wasted. Show respect and confidence in yourself otherwise you'll be inviting a lot of drama into your life.
Get better pictures and work on your profile, you can also try other dating apps as some work better than others depending on your location.
It's the right thing to do and one day it will be filled up with pictures of someone who really does love you.
Honestly my heart stung a bit when I noticed my ex wasn't following me on neither instagram nor snapchat anymore. Still friends on facebook tho, and her sister is still following me everywhere lol. I like to think I'm over her at this point but not 100% apparently.
No. You don't have to see the play twice. Prioritize the one who seem interested in you by not flaking.
You can do something else with girl1 assuming she doesn't flake out. But focus on girl 2, she seemed to care enough to respond quickly.
A flaky girl probably doesn't respect you or your time. If she wanted to go, she would have prioritize this.
Don't ignore what you might have for the possibility of another.
Nothing wrong with anime unless you replace your whole identity with it or use it as a guide for real life interactions. Unfortunatley that's something too many people do.
Don't make me activate my ninjitsu on you, b-baka!
You didn't fuck up.
You did the right thing. She was being flaky and not respecting your time so you found someone who wouldn't do that. Second Girl sounds much better.
Don't bend over backwards for Girl 1. Just tell her you made other plans and offer an alternative.
Never watched any. I was forced made to watch Natuto season one, apparently it gets better many episodes later. Does Akira count?
Same reason people get absorbed into video games or cars or sports, etc.
What do you guys generally do about social media stuff when you break up with someone? I only have one ex, but she posted a lot of pictures of us on fb. We broke up about four years ago, in a fairly mutual and agreeable way, and neither of us took the pictures down (I didn't really have the heart to at the time, and felt like I wanted to be able to remember our time together). Fast forward a few years and I'm seriously dating someone else for the first time. She mentioned the other day that she was looking thru my facebook pics and was surprised I still had so many with my ex. I don't necessarily think she wants me to take them down, but I can see why it'd make her feel weird.
My ex and I are still friends on fb but don't talk at all, I dunno if it'd be weird for me to abruptly untag myself from them years later..
Akira counts. I think you'd be into the more psychological or adult ones like Paranoia Agent (best anime ever), Welcome to the NHK (which is all about putting up a mirror to overzealous/lonely/desperate anime fans), Serial Experiments Lain (more grounded cyberpunk loneliness), or The Flowers Of Evil (teenage angst).
On Netflix there is Devilman's Crybaby if you like intense and unique and the classic Black Lagoon if a gun-toting lady protagonist are up your alley.
So I have a date scheduled for tomorrow night. It's my first date since my gf dumped me 6 months ago, so I'm kind of nervous. The thing is that I don't really know what to talk with this girl, I met her in Tinder and the only thing that I know that we have in common is that we both are studying psychology in the university, but I don't think talking about studies is a good idea.
Also, we still haven't decided where to go, I think I prefer to go to have a coffee, since I find going to a bar on the first date a bit weird.
Also, we still haven't decided where to go, I think I prefer to go to have a coffee, since I find going to a bar on the first date a bit weird.
I've been to bars on a first date before. It's really not bad. Sometimes it can be even better than a coffee date. You have a drink or two and have a nice conversation.
If you do go to a bar, I recommend sitting at the actual bar instead of the table.
The question game, what she did that day, what she's binge watching or reading etc it'll go fine from there
Just a quick glance in OT:
Barbara Streisand cloned her dog, twice
Zaxby's is doing a poll for their next sauce
Tokyo 2020 Olympics Mascots Revealed
Dick Hygiene 101: An Introduction to a Pleasant Penis
My first Hemorrhoid: A tale of a fiery arse hole
STI/STD Scares: Ever have one?
So many possible topics.
Date last night went very well.
3 breweries in one night, lively conversation, and some heavy making out when she dropped me off (because Uber prices were ridiculous)
And then today, we went out for lunch since I had the day off and it was nice as well.
She's really cool but I'm still gonna try to date other girls, still need to plan with the other girl I was talking to.
But yeah, DatingEra, I'm feeling pretty fantastic.
3 breweries in one night, lively conversation, and some heavy making out when she dropped me off (because Uber prices were ridiculous)
And then today, we went out for lunch since I had the day off and it was nice as well.
She's really cool but I'm still gonna try to date other girls, still need to plan with the other girl I was talking to.
But yeah, DatingEra, I'm feeling pretty fantastic.
If you have them in your area, try a wine bar, or a brewery (depending on which your date likes better; wine or beer).
They can be far more interesting places for a first date than a coffee shop, more comfortable than a typical bar, and less pressure than a full on restaurant.
They can be far more interesting places for a first date than a coffee shop, more comfortable than a typical bar, and less pressure than a full on restaurant.
I can see where they're coming from. One of my friends says she won't go on a first date with a guy if he invites her to a bar at night. She says because it's usually at a bar she doesn't know in the guy's neighborhood and the guy will try to get her to drink and try to lead it on late since it's night and try and make it a hook up. Because of that, she only will go out with a guy for the first date if he suggests coffee during the daylight. This is all from Tinder dates. That kind of made me think about how it might be from a woman's perspective when a guy invites her to a bar at night when they're still strangers. The last first date I was on, I did coffee during the day partly because I thought she might feel safer about meeting me that way.
That said, I have gone on bar first dates at night before that. Never actually got drunk (2- 3 drinks tops) and we always ended the date at the bar. So it's definitely not a weird first date.
Aside from that, most bars in my zone have very loud music, so it's difficult to have a steady conversation with someone you don't already know.
This is true. That's why I would only go to a bar that I know doesn't blast music.
It's also one of a few reasons why I think you should sit at the bar if you're on a bar date. You don't have to yell across the table.
Asked her out and she hit me with "maybe I'll let you know". Responded by saying Alright. Going to take that as a no despite the maybe.
Move on for sure. Don't wait doing to set up dates in the future.
iam from germany, iam born here, but as some might know, we still got issues about the whereabouts of one individual. my skincolour reveals, that my parents are from southern asia.
and yes, i really seek happiness, because i hate being alone. in fact i desperately try to find something not to stay glued all day in my basement on my computer. everyone suggesting me going to a gym: i really feel odd going there. i am 65kg/175cm, iam fit. i dont need any more gym. i would have loved to go to the gym as how my friends did it in the past, hitting up girls and enjoying life and stuff… but it never turned out that way for me.
well i have a hobby but its just a loner-hobby. i need something to interact with people. i also travel a lot, but i never get into any decent conversations with people. last year i travelled across asia with my backpack, but i barely got in touch with anyone. mostly in buses i got some random small talk and no exchange of information or… well greater contact. maybe 1-3 days of hanging out in bars… but that was it.
i dont feel that having a fitter body will eventually lead to more self-confidence: i do 200 situps a day, i jog every second day and i cycle 30-50km on the weekend. i dont feel happy or any self-discipline and i dont feel being fit being any sort of advantage in this whole thing.
well, i think i am, i dont know what else can describe this phenomena?
why a girl should date me:
-i look passable
-i am smart
-i am funny
-i know a lot of stuff
-i would love to spend my time with this person to get to know more of her.
thanks for the advice but i mean… more than 200 have rejected me. not once did i hold hands, got a kiss or got a… well hug where the person was willingly hugging me. it felt more like a shibboleth…
i dont know what a therapist would do in this case. i think i am already a closed case.
this is what i want to believe and think. but i sort of got into this kind of cage of thoughts where i cant free myself of getting depressed by everyone around me. everyone is nailing their goals while i feel behind, not achieving anything.
well, i am sorry, that i give you these bad vibes. everyone around me has achieved something already in their lives. i feel left behind. i get told by everyone what a fucking loser i am, not living on my own, fucking up my college degree, not being married or in a relationship in general everything just sucks. i would love to have someone showing me something new and better in this miserable life i live now.
yes, my language may sound juvenile. this might because i hang out a lot on the internet same as my friends when we write on whatsapp.
well, i see it as a mental handicap if you are not even close at getting a girl with 30. people around me told me the same. some said it as a joke, some good friends, but if strangers or some acquaintances say that, i feel very offended by that which is why i wont talk to these kind of people anymore.
WHY IS EVERYONE COMING AROUND THE CORNER WITH A THERAPIST???
i only wanted a suggestion where to find a nice and easy place to chat up girls without appearing too weird/creepy/smudgy.
… thanks for your advice, see above.
hi thanks for your honest opinion as well as sharing your experience.
no, i have the courage of bringing up splitting the bill but beforehand: i have drink with a girl, i never said that i "invite" her. so after having a drink, she stands up, goes to the desk and says, my nice company pays the bill. what kind of behaviour is that? this happened quite a lot of times to me(each time with another girl). i think the third or fourth time i actually said, we're splitting the bill, which lead to a very surprised and sort of angry (i guess?) face and saying a weird good bye to me. i have also suggested going to a park, playing mini golf or something. most of the times, girls are not interested in engaging in physical activities. since the refugee crisis, going out in the evening seems like a no-go too…. so here i am trying to arrange a date during daytime. mostly girls are very picky about time and place where i already lose confidence and interest, when i have to take care about everything instead of finding something together which we are both interested in.
i never talk about my experience with women with my date. i talk about myself, i ask a lot of questions and i listen.
i think i explained it in a bad way, but i'll explain it for you again: i was never the person initially wanting to go to the gym. i registered because one of my friends suggested it. i really thought this was, because they were interested in getting buffed. instead they let me down after 2-3 months, when they hooked up with girls from the gym. i ended up hanging out there alone for another month and gave up, because i felt uncomfortable there. i never hooked up there, i never spoke there with anyone nor did anyone engage into talks with me. so please stop accusing me of something i have never done. i dont know what kind of shitty view it is: to NOT slap women on the ass, or treat them like sex objects where you have to fucking pamper them with money or goods so they are going out with you or are interested in you. because this is what my friends suggested me and i said i will not engage in something like this. it worked for my friends, but i can never imagine that these methods would work for me.
and yes, you are right: my friends have no obligation or responsibility to help me. that is true. but i think as friends, you should help each other out in life. and i think you might be also right, that my bitchin and whining sort of stopped hanging out with me. except the fact that they only are living in their couple world, which is, i assume, the main reason quitting on me.
i dont know how to handle this situation and i really struggle. i know that online dating is not working for me. but it fails in real life…. what else is there for me?
again thanks everyone for your honest and straight answers, because i want to work on myself to solve this problem.
Because of this:
We simply can't help you in this thread.