I've been working to get Lookatmego to raise his standards for a few months now. Dont undo all my hard work.
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I've been working to get Lookatmego to raise his standards for a few months now. Dont undo all my hard work.
if you are only messaging the hot girls and its not working then you have to go down a peg and you arent as attractive as you think you are thats reality.
going on dates and talking to girls even if you arent that attracted to them is good for confidence and a good learning wxcperience. he could take that and apply it to trying to meet more attractive people. and who knows maybe true love prevails and he falls for the girl who didnt look so good.
To be honest, this common phrase is really starting to irk me.
If someone is really picky with random things that make them drop a potential date, sure. Alright. Lowering those "standards" makes sense.
But when it comes to looks and general personality/interests, if you "lower your standards", you're more likely to end up with someone you're not really THAT attracted to and have little in common with. That might still result in a relationship because one or both are desperately lonely enough to try it, but it's likely going to be a bad experience in the long run, isn't it?
I hope you didn't use that word in your profile - I'm assuming you didn't but I only bring it up because it's in quotes.
Actually, pretty good idea to never use that word.
i had to spend a year courting here. it took a year for us to meet. i would of been told she is playing me i am wasteing my time move on etc...
while i was courting here i had othet options and was using the apps i wasnt under any illusions but we just kept talking all the time and eventually we created a really strong bond and fell in love. now i am so happy to be with her.
but i know my situation is unique and dateing era advice would of been spot on just in my situation waiting it out and working on courting her actually did work out.
How do you know he's just messaging "hot" girls? Your advising people to just settle and be thankfull they have got someone who's "beautiful on the inside". Your advice seems to be coming from a lot of presumptions and projection.
all i mean is dont only message the hottest girld out there. take it down a peg because you arent that good looking. i am not going to message that fitness model with big boobs and perfect butt because i know she gets tons of messages from model buff guys that she can chose from.
as i said in another post i think practice dates and coverstions are good for people. even if you go on a date with a girl who you arent atteacred to its a good learning excperience and it can still be fun.
it doesn't work like that. if you're not attracted to the person you're interested in, and you "settle" to to speak, you begin to resent that person and it becomes unfair for both parties. being "attractive" is 100% subjective as two people can look at the same person, one sees them as hot, and the other could see them as being ugly. It's not about standards, it's about your perception of the individual. ultimately, you need to find someone that you think is attractive and hopefully your personality matches with that person. i understand "settling" in a FWB or one night stand situation, but never do that in a relationship because I'm telling you it won't last.
girls (above age 25 or so) care more about your confidence, financial situation, hygiene, and personality over looks. At this point in their life, they are thinking about marriage and the future and they want stability, not some muscular guy who is going to make them feel insecure and jealous. I'm not saying being attractive holds no weight, but it's certaintly not on the forefront of most womens' minds like it is for men around this same age, who generally put "attractiveness" as their number 1 criteria for finding a woman
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Put it this way: Me "not being attracted to someone" has virtually never been a limiting factor in who I message and/or respond to.
Sure, you seem like your messaging everyone. You've taken "Its a numbers game" to the extreme and thats not whats wrong.
again dont get me wrong i am not saying marry the ugliest girl out there.
but to get the ball rolling you maybe have to start at level 1 not level 10.
get some replies. get some convos. get some dates. it builds confidence. its a good excperience.
but i have a different view on these apps. to me they are a numbers game. if you use the app to only find the one you are wasting your time. you should be talking and dateing as many people as you can because there is a such a low sucsess rate.
but thats my view and excperience. maybe others out there are pulling tons of super attractive girls all day long with these apps and my view is colored by being lower on the totem pole in the online dating world.
This is actually me. Though sometimes I just don't wanna go, feeling lazy, etc. Terrible behavior, I'm aware of it.
im advising to be realistic on who you pursue and to build your cofidence and to have some fun excperiences by talking to and dateing as much ad you can.
go on a date with an unatractive girl so what. it will be some fun and you can gain excperience and learn how to approach the next girl.
Yeeeah, don't do this. Go out with girls you like not girls that you aren't attracted to for the "experience."
well all i can tell you what worked for me. which was messaging a ton of girls and not only just the perfect hot ones. most didnt reply and the ones that did often lead nowhere. a few did lead to dates and even with a date i still was messaging because i knew that a ghosting could be around the corner.
but there is no key to sucsess and everyone is different so even take my advice with a grain of salt. exvept for stop paying for these apps and save the money i think evetyone agrees on that.
and how do you know you like this girl from a few picks and a few messages on an app? or are you saying its not possible to create a connection with someone 100 % based on photos?
Sometimes online just doesn't work, try offline. Try enjoying or improving your life more in other aspects. Sounds like BS and I thought it was BS but it helped me a lot.
You give the worst advice. Are unattractive girls so so thankful they are getting attention? But you make the assumption they are just for practice so it does not matter, they only exist to make the man more confident? I think it might be best for you to duck out of this conversation because you are not making yourself look good here.
There's nothing to take, because:
As someone in a relationship I can tell you from my experience "offline" is much easier than "online". Online dating sets up unrealistic expectations, and doesn't give you a chance to show much of yourself beyond a few choice photos and a witty quote. Online conversations are slower, harder to interpret while offline you can "read" the mood and make a move. Depending on your age (I'm early 20's) it may or may not be realistic for you to do this (ie. much much easier for me to talk to people at University as opposed to if I were working a job with minimal going out or something).
34, finished my Master's 8 years ago (incidentally the year after I got married).
I have tried asking people out in person as well, though.
I agree with this wholeheartedly, (and I'm in my early 40s).
Another thing online dating fosters is the idea of "the grass is always greener", and I've been guilty of this too, but it's where someone you're interested in is fine, but then you run across someone who seems a little better, maybe a bit more attractive, a bit more interesting. So then you go for that second person and then that doesn't work out, but then you brushed off the fist one, so now you have to start all over. This happens offline too, obviously, but not nearly as much.
If you want to be in a relationship with someone you aren't attracted to then don't even bother. It is completely unfair to them as they would be much better off with someone who does find them attractive. Be considerate of others, and don't waste their time.
My god, fucking this.
Just some deranged chatter going back and forth here. Why would you waste your time and someone else's?
Yeah, I'm not even sure who half these comments are directed to. Seems like a set of soliloquies more than anything else.
Online dating for me was basically recently seperated women after my hog..
Its also how I met my current LTR
I signed up for Match and was flooded with messages from women around my age (35 then) who said they were divorced. 99% of them werent but recently seperated from their husbands and wanted new penis asap.
My GF was liking one of my pics every 2 days as a sign of "hey, message me!" She was the only normal girl out of the maybe 150 I talked to/met over a 6 month period.
I dont know, I think online dating has REALLY reversed the power struggle in dating for men.
Its like 'sex on demand' where as before a woman had the 'keys to the castle' and we would hold onto them for dear life so we didnt lose our access to sex.
Now, I can fire up an app or go online and find sex pretty easily. Women are just GIVING it away now! I only wish I was in my 20's again!
Downside is..
Where it once was men who were doing most of the cheating now women are waaay more inclined cause they are under a constant barrage of oppurtunity.
That pretty girl you just started seeing prob has 20 messages in her Fb inbox, 15 in her IG, 10 in her snapchat, etc..
I would SUPER worried about dating under 30. I could only imagine what a 24 year old half decent looking girls social media messages look like...
Its also how I met my current LTR
I signed up for Match and was flooded with messages from women around my age (35 then) who said they were divorced. 99% of them werent but recently seperated from their husbands and wanted new penis asap.
My GF was liking one of my pics every 2 days as a sign of "hey, message me!" She was the only normal girl out of the maybe 150 I talked to/met over a 6 month period.
I dont know, I think online dating has REALLY reversed the power struggle in dating for men.
Its like 'sex on demand' where as before a woman had the 'keys to the castle' and we would hold onto them for dear life so we didnt lose our access to sex.
Now, I can fire up an app or go online and find sex pretty easily. Women are just GIVING it away now! I only wish I was in my 20's again!
Downside is..
Where it once was men who were doing most of the cheating now women are waaay more inclined cause they are under a constant barrage of oppurtunity.
That pretty girl you just started seeing prob has 20 messages in her Fb inbox, 15 in her IG, 10 in her snapchat, etc..
I would SUPER worried about dating under 30. I could only imagine what a 24 year old half decent looking girls social media messages look like...
I know it's been called out a ton already but please don't listen to scrubadams advice. Don't date "unattractive" girls because (insert shite reasons here), date who you want to date and don't waste yours or anyone else's time, that's seriously not cool.
We dont perpetuate stereotypes here. We try and help each other navigate the world we live in now and finding others. Gloating about all the sex you have isnt helpful to people struggling.
Lol no. Pretty much any statistical analysis of behaviour on dating sites/apps will tell you that it has simply become more extreme on all ends. Attractive (that doesn't only mean looks but that's a huge part of it) men and average to attractive women have a much easier time finding someone, everyone else has to mass-fire to have a chance at even getting a response, let alone a date. This self-amplifies because women have so much to choose from exactly because so many men spam interest.
For what it's worth, at least for me personally, people talking "about all the sex [they] have" doesn't really mean anything.
I'm a member of AsexualEra for a reason.
Because obviously women can't help themselves, right?
What a gross post, please don't come in here with this.
This thread is to help anyone and everyone that wants help navigating the dating world and making sense of it. It's 100% not here to come in and boast of all the women you could have or how women now cheat more often than men because of social media [citation needed on that by the way] and how any man under 30 should be worried.
What I figured. Thanks.
Anyway, I'd like to get some feedback on my pictures. I'm doing fairly well with matches comparatively, but my game is a bit off still. Still, take a look at my pictures here: (in order of appearance on my profile)
https://imgur.com/a/0GOD4
A note is that on the second image I'm actually just as tall as the guy on the right, but because I'm slouching I look a bit shorter. Cropped him out on my profile tho ;)
I'll post my description here too for any feedback. It's in Swedish but I'll translate to the best of my ability.
Real question, then: if you don't want sex (or maybe you're a demisexual perhaps), do you really think that Tinder is going to work, ever?
Please correct me if my assumptions are off-base, but in addition to your list of qualifying criteria posted above, you've also gotta add "doesn't want a sexual relationship," right?
Isn't the venn diagram of asexuals and Tinder users kinda fully diverged?
I identify as demisexual. Touch-positive sex-neutral. So it's not that I'm opposed to a sexual relationship, it's that it would take much more for me to get to that point (and isn't a goal or purpose for me at all). I would really need to get to know someone and feel comfortable with them and for us to have an emotional connection.
Yes, I realize that means Tinder isn't all that useful (although plenty of women on there claim "Not looking for a hookup / want a serious relationship"), it's obviously at the bottom of my list as far as expectations go.
But, yes, being demisexual (which I do identify as on OKCupid) is sure to be another mark against me. C'est la vie.
There is a lot of information here without any citations. Not that I'm an expert, and kind of out of the loop in general, but I'm quite certain women were never just "giving it away".
I wasn't looking for a hookup when I started dating my ex-girlfriend but that didn't stop us having sex after our second date. Sometimes being asexual/demisexual is just gonna be a no for some people even if they are looking for a serious relationship.
I don't know if there's apps or forums or local groups or something for asexual/demisexual people that might be more tailored to yourself than the usual fare of dating apps.
And, I mean, it can be a part of one for me as well. Just that it's not the goal or focus, and not something that would happen quickly.
Well f***
(Or not f***, as the case may be)
And that's completely fine and I have no issues with that. I'm up-front about it all, and it is what it is.
There are, and I've tried them, but I've found I don't really fit in well on them (there's a strong undercurrent of "demisexuals not being 'real' asexuals," and needing to be sex-repulsed in order to "count").
Yeah, it's shorthand for saying that they're not (at least overtly) using Tinder just for hookups. It has little to no correlation with what they'd enjoy on dates.
Tbh, it's a pretty shitty mechanism to guard against terrible, misogynistic messages. (But joke's on those poor girls: they'll get them anyway.)
you dont seem to be doing anything, in your pictures. We see you have friends and like a sports team. What else do you do with your life. do you have a career or travel or hobbies? What can someone looking at your pictures grab onto and comment on? think about that when taking more pictures or sifting through what you have.
Boo. Well, that's disheartening.
But then, Tinder's not really anything I've ever given serious thought to. It's just something to click on during downtime.
Your profile looks good. The description is funny imo
Couple of points:
I prefer to write my profile in English rather than Swedish because I like meeting people of other nationalities. But I live in Stockholm which is quite international. If you live somewhere else, writing your profile in English probably wouldn't make much sense.
More importantly, are you sure that a football supporter picture is a good idea? Might just be my Stockholm snobbery talking here, but most of the people I associate with find super-commited sports supporters to be among the least interesting people. It would be a minus for most people I know to put it on their Tinder. To add to this point: the stereotype about the typical football supporter is that they waste a lot of time watching games and drinking, and just generally being useless. (Sort of like the stereotype about people playing video games.) If being a football supporter is a big part of your life, you should probably not hide it. But if it's not, the stereotype I described above is what a football supporter picture would project. Do you want that? Displaying your cooking skills or guitar-playing skills sounds like a wiser idea. Or a picture of you playing football rather than watching.
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There's a whole film about these kind of men who date "unattractive" or lowered standard women as a game. Aaron Eckhart is a misogynist in the film. Not the kind of company of men you want to be associated with...Great film, though.
EarthBound64 Sounds like it's your pictures then, dude. You don't even have one of you standing? Family Xmas photos just aren't exciting.
Women who have to resort to online dating are just like men who have to resort to online dating. Most are just reclusive homebodies looking for someone to give them that sense of adventure. Have your profile and pictures imply that you can provide that.
Women who have to resort to online dating are just like men who have to resort to online dating. Most are just reclusive homebodies looking for someone to give them that sense of adventure. Have your profile and pictures imply that you can provide that.