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Wait at least 2 years until you're fully hench or you have no chance.
J/k have you got a dating profile? When was the last date? You can keep on getting better in shape while you try your luck at dating.
OP
OP
Understand that dating is an iterative process. Your first profiles will suck - you need to try new approaches and use new pictures until you find the methods that work best for you.
Don't swipe "yes" on everybody. They all use algorithms in the backend to try and place you in the community where they thing you'll get the most matches. A large part of these algorithms involve one-siding liking (X likes Y, but Y doesn't like X). Liking everyone causes you to "lose" many of those match-ups, resulting in a very poor user experience for you.
Pics are everything. Get 3-5 of them, with at least one having a good shot of your face and another having a good shot of your full body. Topic-wise, consider the aspects of your character you want to advertise...hobbies, favorite foods, pets, personality, where you love to hangout - and figure out how to convey that in pictures. Selfies should be capped at 1. They're boring and tell us nothing about you (unless they're someplace damn interesting).
Don't text too long. You want to move to in-person communication ASAP, as texting extensively creates more problems than it solves.
My last relationship was a bit under 4 years. Before that I didnt date, so its all new to me. I kinda hope to run into someone but I realise those chances are slim.
So I have no profile and have no clue what people use in my country.
I mean, you say she does not know but the only reasonable explanation is that he looked her up somehow. There are so many names one could guess that it would be virtually impossible to get it on the first try without any prior knowledge. Assuming he somehow did guess it is going against all logic.
And I guess if he did somehow guess it, he has incredibly bad luck and he wouldn't know why she unmatched. Though in the actual scenario, I think we know why.
Generally in online dating, you probably don't want to do anything that will make you seem like a creep. Well, dating in general.
I used to have a bio that was a joke about how my name was hard to pronounce and then a challenge to people to guess how to say it. I just saw it as a fun way to initiate an interaction with someone on Tinder. People will either ask directly, genuinely guess or joke which is great to start off something. At the end of the day, you expect them to get it wrong. I think that's probably why she wrote that.
Guy on Tinder I matched with says that they're rarely on Tinder and people should hit him up on Snapchat. Should I really send the first message on Snapchat? Send the message on both Tinder and Snap?
I would just pick one. Though honestly, when people say "I'm barely on Tinder, add me on Snapchat/Insta/whatever" - and there are a lot - I feel like they just want followers and aren't really serious about dating people from the app.
Yes, agree. It's a topic we discussed here recently.
So, there's this girl at work that caught my interest.
My kind of work is very dynamic and staff change every shift, so although dating co-workers is usually bad, in this case it's not really.
(Basically I'm a medic that joins groups of people on their trips ranging from single day trips to sometimes 3-4 days, like school trips. We get different people on different trips depending on availability and such)
We had a 3 day trip together and in the last day it was only us, we talked a lot and our musical taste is really similar which is always a big plus for me.
Now comes the but:
- She's very shy and kind of introverted. I mean, I myself ain't the shining example of extrovert but being near her feels like I kind of have to restrain myself and become a little bit more quiet, less open and ultimately less myself.
- One of my best friends hooked up with her a few times about a year ago. I know it's kind of petty, but I do seek a relationship and not something casual/ONS, so it will be kind of weird no matter how I look at it.
I could've easily made a move while it was just the two of us at the last day of the trip, but I got cold feet and went into classic overthinking mode.
How would you guys approach this scenario?
My kind of work is very dynamic and staff change every shift, so although dating co-workers is usually bad, in this case it's not really.
(Basically I'm a medic that joins groups of people on their trips ranging from single day trips to sometimes 3-4 days, like school trips. We get different people on different trips depending on availability and such)
We had a 3 day trip together and in the last day it was only us, we talked a lot and our musical taste is really similar which is always a big plus for me.
Now comes the but:
- She's very shy and kind of introverted. I mean, I myself ain't the shining example of extrovert but being near her feels like I kind of have to restrain myself and become a little bit more quiet, less open and ultimately less myself.
- One of my best friends hooked up with her a few times about a year ago. I know it's kind of petty, but I do seek a relationship and not something casual/ONS, so it will be kind of weird no matter how I look at it.
I could've easily made a move while it was just the two of us at the last day of the trip, but I got cold feet and went into classic overthinking mode.
How would you guys approach this scenario?
If you can't be yourself, then I don't see a reason to pursue. You can be introverted and still bring plenty to the table if you really like the other person but if you're not getting that from her then seems like a waste of effort.
Sounds like you know it's not a good idea and are trying to justify it. "We like the same music" isn't the best indicator of a potential relationship and that's the only positive thing you have to say about her. Move on, next time ask a girl out when you have the opportunity.
So I've been seeing this girl. She is beautiful, smart, funny, and our dates have been great. We've also already made plans for the near future together. I think at this point we are both hoping this will turn into something more serious. Still I find myself occasionally thinking that this is pointless.
I'm pretty insecure about myself in many ways, and also was huge nerd who didn't start dating until way later than most people. My longest relationship only lasted four months, and even though I'm now over 30, I've never lived together with my girlfriend. I've been open about my dating history with her, and it doesn't bother her. Still the fact that she seems out of my league, kind of puts my insecurities on high alert. Weirdly enough when I'm actually with her I don't feel that insecure. Maybe someone here has had similar experiences, or has some advice to offer?
I'm pretty insecure about myself in many ways, and also was huge nerd who didn't start dating until way later than most people. My longest relationship only lasted four months, and even though I'm now over 30, I've never lived together with my girlfriend. I've been open about my dating history with her, and it doesn't bother her. Still the fact that she seems out of my league, kind of puts my insecurities on high alert. Weirdly enough when I'm actually with her I don't feel that insecure. Maybe someone here has had similar experiences, or has some advice to offer?
You're insecure and sabotaging yourself with those insecurities. There are no leagues and thinking so is just your insecurity. So be confident, things are going well and push those negative thoughts out of your head.
Sarek how many dates has it been? If these are early days the advice I would give is to not worry about it working or not. If she's into you and you into her then it's going to be fine, and if not then that's how it goes. I've dated girls where I've been unsure if they are into me, and normally that's because they aren't so into me, but worrying about it isn't going to change an outcome and preoccupying yourself with it is only going to have a negative effect, both on your mood and any potential.
Thanks for the advice. I recognize that I'm sabotaging myself, but being confident doesn't just happen with a press of a button. I am working on it, and I'm more confident than I was couple years year ago for example. And, yes, I understand that that leagues talk comes from my own insecurities. I don't know, fake till I make it?
It is pretty early days. Our first date was about a month ago, and we've met five more times since. Though since we met online, and chatted there first, it feels like we've known each other longer than that. I'm not worried if she's into me. Unless I'm terrible at reading people it is pretty obvious. You and alwayscrazybacon are probably right about worrying about this just increases the likelyhood of those worries becoming reality.
Let me lay some data* science on ya. To the extent that leagues exist at all, they are statistical agglomerations that provide very little information regarding any individual relationship. They're only useful if you are treating relationships as a numbers game and just hitting on randos based on superficial qualities. The evidence that she is into you vastly outweighs any prior information regarding your relative leagues.
*Note: I don't actually have any data for this data science, but it is probably true.
I feel like I'm going through something similar, though we haven't actually even dated yet. :D
I've seen this woman for literally years (she comes into my work regularly). She is strikingly beautiful. A few months back, a co-worker tried to set me up with her, saying she was going through a divorce. I asked her out, she was open about going through a divorce, said she wanted to close this chapter before starting a new one, but said if I was willing to wait a couple of months until it was finalized, she would really like that. I was excited just that she said she would like to have dinner with me, and though I already knew she was a classy lady, her spelling out that she wanted to wait until her divorce was final before starting a new potential relationship just drove that fact home.
But in two months, a lot of thoughts can creep into the mind of someone with low self esteem. I just keep trying to remind myself that, hey, even if we never actually go out, she's a nice person and she engaged me in a genuine and heart-felt way. My own mind and insecurities get in the way so much throughout every one of my days. I really wish I could shut them off sometimes, take a break, and fly on autopilot. :P
Chances of that date are slim. Specifically for two reasons. Date for the date is set too far in the future and any answer other than yes is a no. Don't wait around for her, ask out other women.
You are dating a hot cool woman. You already took home the W. Why are you searching for the L? Whatever happens happens in the end, but for now you're winning. Can't you just enjoy winning?
Like, how many matches?
I try not to have dates scheduled with any more than three women at a time. My fumble rate increases dramatically after #2, in part because I kind of disengage from planning, or lowered my bar / ignored flags that they would end up flaking themselves.
There's an inherent swinginess to things, due to the time lag. Sometimes, I end up with more active chats than I had intended a few hours after I did a good deal of swiping, and I'm not going to let potential good matches flake away.
So, this real life picking up stuff. We head in late to a club, a lot of people already leaving. A girl in the exit line eyes me sort of intensely as I pass. I produce a smile, walk past, stop, turn around and see that she's also turned around, still looking at me like that. But our eyes meet only for like a second, and then she abruptly looks away and turns back around.
Ugh, I don't know how to handle situations like that. Certainly took my confidence in approaching her away with that turn, and they were all leaving so no time to regroup.
I've been out four weekends in a row, and that's the furthest I've gotten with a girl. But at least it's progress.
Ugh, I don't know how to handle situations like that. Certainly took my confidence in approaching her away with that turn, and they were all leaving so no time to regroup.
I've been out four weekends in a row, and that's the furthest I've gotten with a girl. But at least it's progress.
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Depends. Window of car? Fixable. Window of house? You're screwed.
Depends on the reason she broke up with you. Of course it wasnt the window incident.
Sorry dude, it's over. Time to move on! But for real, she broke up over that or that this isn't the first drunk incident?
Well, we had known each other for 3 years and just started "dating" over the past month. She freaked out and made it seem like this incident was unforgivable but, of course, we had just fought right before and she had been distant for the past ~24 hours. It was an easy way out IMO as she mentioned she was going to tell me to slow it down before this night happened, I also pretty much gave up cause it was 4AM and I had had a rough night (obviously).
But, good to know that peeing on someones window is not the end of the world.
Never know what to do in situations like this: Mutual match on Tinder. Add him as a friend on Snapchat (his preference per profile info) & Send the first message on Friday, the day after the match. Nothing on Friday but added as a friend by him on Saturday with still no reply. Now I'm stuck wondering if I was just used to bolster someone's Snapchat follower size, or if I should still expect a reply, or if I should send a second message. This was much easier when I could write someone off if I didn't hear a reply after 2 days.
I think when you're around her, you probably pick up those cues from her that anything else just doesn't matter. She likes you and you like her and you trust that. You can just feel it, in the chemistry and the conversation and whatever else you've got going on.
Try to trust that when she's not there. Notice it when you're together, and remember it when you're apart.
I'm no ladykiller but there's a subset of women who like me a whole hell of a lot and I bank on that. I don't make the rules, I just benefit happily from them. And I trust that the status quo won't shift dramatically all of a sudden.
I swipe left at any mention of Snapchat, Instagram, or whatever. They're just using those apps for advertising.
But yeah no response after like a day on any of these apps is a write-off (with the exception of OKC, in my experience). A friend add or a follow means nothing.
Don't expect them to respond to you. Don't send another message.
I know. I've been telling myself the same, but I'm too damn slow when it comes down to it. It's a small town, so maybe I'll see her at the club again some time.
First time I was out, something similar happened. I was in the bathroom, having washed my hands and was checking on my hair before I left. The girl standing next to me says "It looks great". And I'm like "well, as good as it's ever going to look anyway", and then leave without looking at her.
Perhaps 30 seconds later I start thinking "hey, maybe she was coming onto me?"
At least this time I picked up on it.
Honestly, you should be asking her and not us. If you would like to date, you gotta tell her that.
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Started talking to an old school aquaintence over text, asked her to dinner to catch up. Didn't call it a date or anything. She follows up with wanting to do more, like a local activity, and later suggests a zoo as well, so it's become like an all day thing. I may be overthinking it because I used to have a big crush on her but...sign? Or just friendly?
Then what did you say?
btw I hate when people ask you to tell you a joke. Either they want you to come up with a joke on the spot with no context or material, or they want you to regurgitate a joke from some joke book or other hundreds of outdated jokes and I'm just guessing it's a joke they haven't already heard. I'm not a court jester here to create entertainment for you on demand. I'm not even a comedian who has a cache of jokes at hand from being experienced in stand-up.
I just said "Oooookay"
I get what you mean, I just said it because it was pretty clear she wasn't interested so I thought I would challenge her
I would have just said "looks like this isn't going anywhere, bye" lol, delete the contact number and move on.
Met for a second time, went well, had a laugh and generally good company. Texted after we left saying I had a good time and wanna hang out again soon - she said similar. Asked availability and didn't get a response to that, though she texted me this morning and we chatted for a bit but didn't say anything re when she is available. Where do I go from here?
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