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Yeah, I'm probably gonna have to pull the trigger aren't I? I didn't mention it earlier cos I didn't wanna come across as pushy/needy etc given I'd only mentioned it half a day before basically. The thing is now I'm gonna have to initiate and it could be forced.
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My date on Thursday won't be leading to a second one (just no spark), but I had a great first date yesterday with a girl who was lots of fun to talk to and seems similar to me on a lot of levels. And definitely lots of chemistry. I asked her out to a second date and we're going to karaoke on Thursday. I'm actually extremely shy singing in public but she said I don't have to sing. Should I try anyways? I feel like I'll stop being myself if I try that and clam up real fast, so I'm thinking I'll just enjoy the evening in the chill atmosphere and listen to the other singers. If she asks me to sing in the moment though, should I say no?
Drink a few beers then just try singing. There are enough games out there that have karaoke options for you to help practice with at home in private.
It's a nerves issue, not an ability issue. I think I might actually be pretty good at it, but for some reason I have no confidence when it's in public. And it's not a stage fright issue either - I don't get stage fright at absolutely any other time. It's just with singing. Also it will be a weeknight, so I won't be drinking much.
I'm pretty sure if it comes up I'll just need to quit whining, suck it up and do it. No guts no glory.
I'm pretty sure if it comes up I'll just need to quit whining, suck it up and do it. No guts no glory.
Oh karaoke. Have fun with it. Getting drunk definitely helps and remembering basically everyone else in the world is terrible at karaoke helps a lot too. Give it a shot, you will probably be terrified at first but after a while it's fun to get into. Plus she might want to sing with you which could be a lot of fun
So I haven't posted in here in a while but an update. I matched with a girl from Bumble and went on a date today. Went and got some coffee, she was cool. I haven't been on a date in a few months so I definitely was nervous. She was throwing signals so we went back to my place. We ended up having sex, I was having some trouble keeping it up at first but I let her know I was a bit nervous and when I got comfortable it was cool. Well later due to the excessive milk in my earlier coffee earlier combined with my anxiousness I ended up getting sick to my stomach and threw up and my stomach was fucked up. She was cool about it and I'm going to see her tomorrow. I had another Bumble date scheduled for tomorrow but I think I'm not going to go through with that
I never did karaoke but a few beers definitely helped and I had a ton of fun. Maybe try picking a duet song, so you can sing together.
Yeah, I'd just ask her. No reason to keep holding off on asking if you really want to see her again.
A date? No, it's understood that's a hookup. So if you mean "had it work" as in you get sex then yes.
Yeah, thanks. I was gonna leave it until tomorrow because there's she'll know whether she's go a job or not and I was gonna go from there.
I've never known there was a distinction between the two terms, but sure that's what I meant. Alright then.
Another thing, I managed to somehow reset my account fully I think. I keep having "10+" on waiting matches but I'm not really matching that much on my own swipes. I've tried adjusting the age and distance sliders but not getting any.
I've had that, too. 10+ likes for a while.
On a similar note, Bumble is fucking weird. I've had it uninstalled for awhile because the last few times I installed it, I didn't get any likes for a few weeks. This was really different from my previous Bumble experiences.
Well, this weekend confirmed the weirdness. Installed it Sat morning, by Sunday night I had over 50 likes in a 20 mile radius. It's kind of scary how much algorithym fuckery has power over success but oh well.
I think the dating apps will boost you when you're brand new in order to sell you on the app. "Wow, look at all these people who like me!" And then once you've been there for a few weeks they bury you under all the new people and the people who are at the top due to the algorithms.
Yeah I knew about that, but the last few times I was on Bumble, I didn't get any matches despite being a new user.
Just got me thinking about how reliant we are on things outside our control. Like, what happens if Tinder doesn't deliver a message and neither side knows it? They both think the other doesn't want to respond and dating app etiquette says don't double message and just move on. Even texting; last month I exchanged numbers and then her text confirming a date night didn't go through. I assume she lost interest and then got a text after the day asking what happened (she didn't go, just wondered why I didn't set up a time/place).
You'll have + whatever matches but Tinder isnt going to put all them in your Queue, or even most of them. For example I reset my profile on Friday night, let it set for a few hours and I had 25+ matches. Tinder put nearly all of them in Queue as well. However by last night even though I had 10+, Tinder didn't give me any of them. So it's not only you getting buried by new account but also just as artificially starving you... unless you pay up.
I been using Hinge lately and it's really great although that's mainly because they give you a free month trial of their premium sub.
I been using Hinge lately and it's really great although that's mainly because they give you a free month trial of their premium sub.
Oh yeah, if you have something like Tinder Plus or Gold where you can see who likes you, it's interesting to see who out of the people who like you never show up through regular swiping. I think it would be better for everyone if the people who liked you just were pushed up when you were swiping. But of course, then there would be no incentive to pay for the higher levels. Dating apps are tough enough; it's worse when it feels like the apps are actively working against you to keep you there and spend money. But you can still do plenty without buying the apps.
I did today, I got the kiss first and seeing how she kissed me I knew she wanted to go back to the house.
I don't think that was the question. I've had tons of dates end up back at my place, but I think the question was "have you ever invited someone over as the first date itself?"
If it's a hookup, sure. But there's no way I'd invite someone over for a first date — you gotta meet for a drink in public first to gauge each other's crazy and show that you understand dating norms.
Oh word, me neither. I smoke too much weed I would be paranoid that its a set up.
I know this is a dating thread but I gotta vent I guess. Just broke up with my girl friday. It's been rough I guess, we were dating for about 8 months.. We both decided on it because she's been pushing me away lately - she's done this to all the guys she's dated in the past "pushing people away is what i do best" is what she said. It's something that she does to people in general. I told her we could only work if she wanted to try and she told me she wouldn't try which sucks. She has a lot of stuff in her past that haunts her but I guess I couldn't make enough of a difference. I just couldn't take it anymore because of the change: her not making time for me, her not hanging out with me or talking to me because she was trying to push me away. It hurts. But it's also life I guess.
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Lol, made a post saying I was back from hiatus and then immediately went on hiatus for another week due to work and other commitments. I'm a special one...
Really sorry to hear that man, but it sounds like a situation which would've only gotten worse the longer you stayed. This seems like it's for the best, you'll find someone who wants to actually be with you and reciprocates your desire to be close. Hope you're feeling better soon and get back amongst the dating scene when you are :)
Really sorry to hear that man, but it sounds like a situation which would've only gotten worse the longer you stayed. This seems like it's for the best, you'll find someone who wants to actually be with you and reciprocates your desire to be close. Hope you're feeling better soon and get back amongst the dating scene when you are :)
Thank you man, that really means a lot to me. It hurts but I'm able to roll with the punches because this is my first break up. That's definitely what I gotta keep in mind - this one just wasn't meant to be. Even though it doesn't seem like it yet
So I recently started sleeping and going out with my on and off best friend of 10yrs.
I recently got out of a relationship a month or so ago (1yr) and she recently got out of one herself 6 months ago (9yrs, got engaged, was cheated on multiple times by guy who used to be a close friend of mine). We already addressed the whole rebound thing and we're good.
We know a lot about each others past and are pretty direct with what we want (a potential relationship). But we are sort of slow playing it and making sure we take care of ourselves before hopping into this thing like for real. So far so good, but I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop... This just seem to be going too good, she seems to think the same thing. And even offered me an out because she was still a bit scared. I told her she doesn't have to worry and that I understand.
On some occasions during sex she gets incredibly emotional, and says she wants to "say things" but refrains anytime I ask, which is fine if she doesn't want to open up yet. Our chemistry is great, we share the same ethics and views, enjoy the sex (although I have a case of mild porn induced ED, she's been supportive), and we want to travel together and bond more. Like we're very different people with a lot that connects us both, and the dynamic is awesome.
Anyone ever make a move on a friend and have it workout? For the longest time I thought I was in the friend zone, so I just never went after it (also due to her being with the same guy for all those years). But she is gorgeous and smart as fuck, we called each other our, "what if" person. So I'm guessing she's thought about being with me before. We're both happy with what this is at the moment but I'm still like taking it all in lol.
I recently got out of a relationship a month or so ago (1yr) and she recently got out of one herself 6 months ago (9yrs, got engaged, was cheated on multiple times by guy who used to be a close friend of mine). We already addressed the whole rebound thing and we're good.
We know a lot about each others past and are pretty direct with what we want (a potential relationship). But we are sort of slow playing it and making sure we take care of ourselves before hopping into this thing like for real. So far so good, but I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop... This just seem to be going too good, she seems to think the same thing. And even offered me an out because she was still a bit scared. I told her she doesn't have to worry and that I understand.
On some occasions during sex she gets incredibly emotional, and says she wants to "say things" but refrains anytime I ask, which is fine if she doesn't want to open up yet. Our chemistry is great, we share the same ethics and views, enjoy the sex (although I have a case of mild porn induced ED, she's been supportive), and we want to travel together and bond more. Like we're very different people with a lot that connects us both, and the dynamic is awesome.
Anyone ever make a move on a friend and have it workout? For the longest time I thought I was in the friend zone, so I just never went after it (also due to her being with the same guy for all those years). But she is gorgeous and smart as fuck, we called each other our, "what if" person. So I'm guessing she's thought about being with me before. We're both happy with what this is at the moment but I'm still like taking it all in lol.
I was thinkin about starting datin soon cuz my mental image is stable now but then this happened, so yeah totally unexpected.
But here goes.....
Had a twitter follower suddenly out her feelings she had for me like a month ago and we are now together (already posted about it in the Splatoon OT thread a week or so ago), funny cuz i never expected to get a relationship through there and shes a big splatoon fan aswell, so you could say i met someone through something i really like.
And certainly did not expect a girl to reach out to me like that but it was nice must have took her some courage but i was flattered, i engaged with her in public convos and dmed a bit etc before that tho but still.
Altho sadly a good friend of mine suddenly is heartbroken cuz she also was into me wich i did not know, but i love my current gf so it's sad but hopefully she can get over it and stay friends. And besides if this does not last who knows.
Not that i mind it ofcourse it's mega fine.
Altho i found it funny how quick we talked about sex stuff but idm she awesome. And damn the roleplays (a sweatin gif would fit). It's like a miracle happened, not that i believe in such things but still its neat.
Also cool she is bisexual aswell + we have lots in common so far, truly awesome.
Sorry if this post does not fit here but just wanted to share the full story on era.
But here goes.....
Had a twitter follower suddenly out her feelings she had for me like a month ago and we are now together (already posted about it in the Splatoon OT thread a week or so ago), funny cuz i never expected to get a relationship through there and shes a big splatoon fan aswell, so you could say i met someone through something i really like.
And certainly did not expect a girl to reach out to me like that but it was nice must have took her some courage but i was flattered, i engaged with her in public convos and dmed a bit etc before that tho but still.
Altho sadly a good friend of mine suddenly is heartbroken cuz she also was into me wich i did not know, but i love my current gf so it's sad but hopefully she can get over it and stay friends. And besides if this does not last who knows.
Not that i mind it ofcourse it's mega fine.
Altho i found it funny how quick we talked about sex stuff but idm she awesome. And damn the roleplays (a sweatin gif would fit). It's like a miracle happened, not that i believe in such things but still its neat.
Also cool she is bisexual aswell + we have lots in common so far, truly awesome.
Sorry if this post does not fit here but just wanted to share the full story on era.
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All good then, carry on, and congrats on your good fortune!
Yeah the first one is always super rough, but you'll get through it and be better off for it.
I was about to ask this haha
There wasn't anything you could have done. She has to change, and it's not on you to do try and get her to do that. If she wants to find happiness with someone, she'll have to do that herself.
Take some time if you need it, and get back out there when you're ready. You'll find someone who won't do that to you.
What is the appeal of meeting someone who just want have a lunch bought? I have seen a couple of profiles of women and I dont understand why someone would do this. Dont get me wrong, if the women want that, thats fine and even I would pay when I am on a date, but only under the circumstances to get used to each other and not only to buy someone a meal with nothing coming out of it.
Or is it some kind of code?
Or is it some kind of code?
I don't know what you're saying. Their profiles are literally "buy me lunch?"
Yeah, I have seen this multiple times now and heard about it a long time ago.
I mean, fair game, but I really dont know why I should do this.
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Then don't? It could be anything - my best guess is it's an attempt to be a little assertive and flirty. Like "Buy me a drink sometime?" but with less risk*.
(Risk in the form of a bad night. Meet a guy for lunch and it sucks, you can still make plans with friends for a good night out. Meet a guy for drinks at 7:00, the night would be harder to salvage. And coffee isn't for everyone)
Got engaged on April 1st, no joke! Big engagement party at her place, dozens of people. Got fed sweets and fruits, people come up to you one by one to stuff them into your mouth, they did the same later with the cakes lol you know how we south asians do. Joked with her throughout so we could be more relaxed and it not feel as formal or boring. We both made mistakes about putting on the rings. We've got the wedding venue and date set, and settled on a honeymoon in Santorini (volcano view!). We're very excited.
Couples question:
Couples question:
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Useful guide her for using messaging on dating apps. Covers a lot of advice we give here in this topic in a one shot article.
https://lifehacker.com/dating-apps-are-for-scheduling-dates-people-1824294863
https://lifehacker.com/dating-apps-are-for-scheduling-dates-people-1824294863
Anyone ever messed up and fallen for someone in a relationship you know has an expiration date?
I've known this girl for a couple years and we started dating in January. We are getting real close in spite of the fact that she is moving halfway across the country in June. We have a hard time staying away from each other and spend most days together but sometimes I get real fucking depressed that this will all come to an end soon. We don't really talk about it but I know we should. At first, we didn't want to sour the fun but now I'm getting serious feelings for her and it sucks to think about how much I like her or the future in general. I'm entertaining pointless thoughts of moving with her or maintaining a long distance relationship but I know that it's not realistic and that bums me out too.
I'm kinda trying to clear my head so I can bring this up and we can talk about it because this situation is wearing on me. So anyone deal with a similar situation? Any advice?
I've known this girl for a couple years and we started dating in January. We are getting real close in spite of the fact that she is moving halfway across the country in June. We have a hard time staying away from each other and spend most days together but sometimes I get real fucking depressed that this will all come to an end soon. We don't really talk about it but I know we should. At first, we didn't want to sour the fun but now I'm getting serious feelings for her and it sucks to think about how much I like her or the future in general. I'm entertaining pointless thoughts of moving with her or maintaining a long distance relationship but I know that it's not realistic and that bums me out too.
I'm kinda trying to clear my head so I can bring this up and we can talk about it because this situation is wearing on me. So anyone deal with a similar situation? Any advice?
What's your guys situation and reason for her moving and you not?
She is going to grad school.
As for our situation, we are in a new relationship and all of the passion that comes with it. Though we have known each other a long time I feel like it would be a giant risk to move hundreds of miles away to follow her for such a new relationship. And although we haven't really discussed it apart from a night she started crying and we just agreed to keep seeing each other for now, I feel like she wouldn't want the level of pressure that comes with someone moving to be with her when heading into grad school.
I guess if it was a more established relationship I wouldn't be so hesitant but I do plan on seeing what she thinks about the idea even if I'm quite reluctant.
You need to talk to each other & come to an understanding of what each wants/expects from thing. If you each decide you want to keep the relationship going once she moves, then you make plans from there. Don't commit to anything at this point without having a talk. Figure out if she wants to try a long-distance relationship or entertain the idea of you moving out with her (if not immediately, perhaps later in the summer), or if the fun ends the day she moves. You should probably attempt to be on the same page by early May.
I'd just agree to split and maybe later in life see if you want to start again. LDRs are hard and it's not something you really want to get into if you are young as you'l both miss out on other opportunities.
Well, I've been perpetually single for a long time. Not that I was unhappy, I wasn't, but I've found a great girl who I've been dating for about 2 months now and it's been really nice :) Didn't really happen the typical way through dating, but we just had a strong instant connection and it just kinda happened before I knew it :P
So this article is something that I've already been doing, and have been having a lot of success with.
Some of the comments by women on the article got me thinking though. It looks like there's a portion that feel that that approach is too sudden and a little aggressive and want to chat a bit first before agreeing to meet up. A couple of women I've matched with have said as much too, and I'm always down for chatting a bit, but in my experience those ones are the ones that are least likely to lead to a meetup, even the ones that ask to chat a bit first. It doesn't matter if I ask right away or actually just start with chatting about something - odds are much better if I just include asking them out to coffee in the initial message.
Is that the same for everyone else or do others do well with chatting a while beforehand? I just find that online dating is already prone to a certain amount of unresponsiveness and dropped connections already, which is fine, but chatting a bit before asking someone out just seems to increase the odds. At least for me.
Anyways went on another good first date today - I'll ask her out for a second date tomorrow. Despite the long text just above this I'm also chatting with a girl I haven't met yet. We were going to meet up last weekend but she got sick and now she's got stuff happening so it might be a while before we really meet up. We're texting each other and off the app and she seems really interested so we'll see how that goes.
You want to chat a little bit before asking for the date, but not too much. Just enough to let them know you are a normal person, not a bot or just looking for sex.