DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

GeekyDad · Apr 14, 2018

Shal said:
Yeah I have been thinking on something long term with her, but this is such a bummer to be honest. I dont know how frecuent it is in her though, will ask.

Hmm...well, the only reason I even suggest that is, well, you would probably want to assume that you could or would contract it yourself. And of course, that's a lifelong condition from what I understand. I don't think it's anything that isn't manageable, but it's also not something you would want to pass on to someone else (at least not casually and without their knowledge, etc.) At least you can take from your current situation the positive notion that she has been up front with you about it. That, to me, says a lot in terms of what kind of person she is.

I don't know...probably something you will want to research on your own, and consider seriously before possibly moving forward with her. And maybe discussing with her at length as well. ;)

Shal · Apr 14, 2018

GeekyDad said:
Hmm...well, the only reason I even suggest that is, well, you would probably want to assume that you could or would contract it yourself. And of course, that's a lifelong condition from what I understand. I don't think it's anything that isn't manageable, but it's also not something you would want to pass on to someone else (at least not casually and without their knowledge, etc.) At least you can take from your current situation the positive notion that she has been up front with you about it. That, to me, says a lot in terms of what kind of person she is.

I don't know...probably something you will want to research on your own, and consider seriously before possibly moving forward with her. And maybe discussing with her at length as well. ;)

Mmm yeah well Im still getting to know her and she seems cool for a relationship, Im not thinking on marriage nor anything that serious yet of course so Im not thinking on a MAJOR commitment yet which leaves me with some doubts because I dont want to contract this but at the same time I really enjoy her company.

I will inform myself more and decide I guess, such a bummer :(

Addie · Apr 14, 2018

You will contract it. It's only a matter of time.

gaiages · Apr 14, 2018

Herpes must come up biannually in this thread or something.

Additionally, you can usually only contract it when there's an outbreak. So if you're really worried about it, just don't have sex during that period.

Shal · Apr 14, 2018

In this case is labial so no kisses I guess (besides oral ofc), Im still scared though lol

gaiages · Apr 14, 2018

Shal said:
In this case is labial so no kisses I guess (besides oral ofc), Im still scared though lol

*looks at timestamps*

Maybe you should watch the video I posted, if you haven't seen it before :P

Most of us already have a strain of herpes anyway.

Shal · Apr 14, 2018

I watched it but still im in doubt, the doctor there almost seemed like she was sweeping it under the rug as a trivial matter but that doesnt match with some of the superficial info that I have now read about it from random websites through google lol

Its not dangerous indeed but it still seems unpleasant :v

Messofanego · Apr 14, 2018

If it's herpes like we all get with cold sores on the lip, doesn't seem like a big deal. If it's worse, then I would have a deep think.

gaiages · Apr 15, 2018

Well there's not much us we can tell you. If you're not okay with it, you're not okay with it.

You seem to be purposely psyching yourself out about it so

Jo-awn · Apr 15, 2018

Went out on 2 dates in one day yesterday. Both went solid. One of the girls I went out with-- a Chinese 24 year old chick-- revealed that she was a virgin and wants to take it slow. We were more or less all over each other. Now I'm starting to reconsider if I should continue seeing her because the idea of deflowering her gives me pause. This is no case would be my future wife.

I lost my virginity at 26 for reference but never revealed it to my partner (she got the sense that I was inexperienced though). I know it would be a game of patience and awkwardness.

SuperEpicMan · Apr 15, 2018

SuperEpicMan said:
Thanks for all your advice, this feels really hard tbh. I honestly keep flip flopping between keeping it going, and just ending it. She really is lovely and I feel like a really care about her. So I am a little paranoid im making the wrong decision. But i'm just not sure if we have sexual chemistry.

To follow on from this, I called up today with some things typed up on my laptop to say, but I couldn't do it. Speaking to her over the phone just makes me think I am making a mistake. Plus I kinda struggled to bring it up :|

Shal · Apr 15, 2018

Well I went out with chick B yesterday anyway, we went to a park first then for some coffee and then to her house. We had a lot of contact there to say the least (no kisses though), it was very fun, now I just hope I don't wake up with random red spots in the next days lel

Im liking her more and more, let's see how it goes.

And about the labial herpes thing I don't know what to think about it, I'm kinda hoping that I already have the virus and that I'm lucky enough that my body is not do affected by it and I don't get those superficial symptoms.

Juj · Apr 15, 2018

Hey I need some tips on this situation:

Met this girl, really sweet and cute, and been going out with her for about 2 months now. We've gone to like 6-7 dates. I've enjoyed every single time. We've kissed, but haven't had sex. I'm 24, she's 20.

The thing is, that after my last date with her a couple of days ago I just had a kind of immediate feeling of no connection with her; I think because of some awkward body language from her when I was kissing her goodbye. It seemed so forced. Kinda turned me off immediately

It's sparked some thought in me about the "kindling of the spark" between us and how it's just not there right now.

At the same time I've been going through some family problems lately and I've felt stressed out and I'm thinking that might be the reason for some mood fluctuations, or on the other hand I'm thinking that I'm holding on to the idea that there will be some kind of romantic kindling down the line just because I don't want to start from scratch and find another girl to date.

What do you guys think? Does this post even make any sense?

Thanks

Ernest · Apr 15, 2018

Talk to her about it - be as open and honest as you can.

Valkerion · Apr 15, 2018

Jo-awn said:
Went out on 2 dates in one day yesterday. Both went solid. One of the girls I went out with-- a Chinese 24 year old chick-- revealed that she was a virgin and wants to take it slow. We were more or less all over each other. Now I'm starting to reconsider if I should continue seeing her because the idea of deflowering her gives me pause. This is no case would be my future wife.

I lost my virginity at 26 for reference but never revealed it to my partner (she got the sense that I was inexperienced though). I know it would be a game of patience and awkwardness.

I wouldn't write it off simply because shes never done anything before. If you are into her and shes into you, she might eventually want you to be that dude. It might be weird for you but once again, if there is something there between you, don't be afraid about it. If your just dating around too get laid, then yeah I'd back away from her before you hurt her feelings or if your one of those guys who creepily puts virgins on some pedestal.

Juj said:
Hey I need some tips on this situation:

The thing is, that after my last date with her a couple of days ago I just had a kind of immediate feeling of no connection with her; I think because of some awkward body language from her when I was kissing her goodbye. It seemed so forced. Kinda turned me off immediately

What do you guys think? Does this post even make any sense?

It happens, it could be temporary and will come back when your less stressed or something. In general though it might just be you got bored with the current situation and need to try something else to make things exciting (does not need to be sexual)

------

As for me~

This Saturday I hung out with the girl who confessed to me but I turned her down, as we planned before. Did not talk about me turning her down or anything just went out all day to see how things went. I admit I did this out of guilt, I had a feeling she was into me while I was losing interest so for whatever reason I just went along with it. I was also curious to see if that spark would come out of this which never came before.

For her efforts it was a great date day. Went to the big shopping mall and wandered a bit, did some light shopping, went to the circus (don't ask my why the circus visiting our small city is set up in the parking lot of a shopping mall #japan), got some ingredients for food and cooked dinner at my place, watched a movie. The last thing was an idea I wanted to do with her when we were still friends but she refused thinking I was going to try something maybe lol. Anyway since I told her she never expressed interest, so I thought of us just as friends when I said no to being her boyfriend, this time she wanted to show that it was a date so to speak. Meaning she held onto my hand and arm the whole day...

Like I said, great day, but yeah still nothing. She just don't do it for me and it re-re-RE affirmed that. Fun time with a friend, and thats all sadly. It sucks since a lot of people are apparently rooting for this relationship to blossom but seriously terrible at trying to make her understand this won't be anything.

Messofanego · Apr 16, 2018

Valkerion said:
------

As for me~

This Saturday I hung out with the girl who confessed to me but I turned her down, as we planned before. Did not talk about me turning her down or anything just went out all day to see how things went. I admit I did this out of guilt, I had a feeling she was into me while I was losing interest so for whatever reason I just went along with it. I was also curious to see if that spark would come out of this which never came before.

For her efforts it was a great date day. Went to the big shopping mall and wandered a bit, did some light shopping, went to the circus (don't ask my why the circus visiting our small city is set up in the parking lot of a shopping mall #japan), got some ingredients for food and cooked dinner at my place, watched a movie. The last thing was an idea I wanted to do with her when we were still friends but she refused thinking I was going to try something maybe lol. Anyway since I told her she never expressed interest, so I thought of us just as friends when I said no to being her boyfriend, this time she wanted to show that it was a date so to speak. Meaning she held onto my hand and arm the whole day...

Like I said, great day, but yeah still nothing. She just don't do it for me and it re-re-RE affirmed that. Fun time with a friend, and thats all sadly. It sucks since a lot of people are apparently rooting for this relationship to blossom but seriously terrible at trying to make her understand this won't be anything.

That's the next step, right? Letting her down easy, telling her you don't feel the spark. You're gonna have to move on, or at least if you're fine with it just stay as friends.

Valkerion · Apr 16, 2018

Messofanego said:
That's the next step, right? Letting her down easy, telling her you don't feel the spark. You're gonna have to move on, or at least if you're fine with it just stay as friends.

Yeah I've told her, and others since Saturday I'm just not down for a relationship but it gets met with "just try it, your feelings might change if you date seriously and what not." It's strange getting kinda ignored when you say your not interested in someone haha.

That said I have not, not been looking at other people. I just don't feel like dating in general at the moment is my bigger take away from this situation. Something that I admitted I took time away from for almost a year after my last gf. Even now I just need more me time.

Azraes · Apr 16, 2018

Juj said:
Hey I need some tips on this situation:

Met this girl, really sweet and cute, and been going out with her for about 2 months now. We've gone to like 6-7 dates. I've enjoyed every single time. We've kissed, but haven't had sex. I'm 24, she's 20.

The thing is, that after my last date with her a couple of days ago I just had a kind of immediate feeling of no connection with her; I think because of some awkward body language from her when I was kissing her goodbye. It seemed so forced. Kinda turned me off immediately

It's sparked some thought in me about the "kindling of the spark" between us and how it's just not there right now.

At the same time I've been going through some family problems lately and I've felt stressed out and I'm thinking that might be the reason for some mood fluctuations, or on the other hand I'm thinking that I'm holding on to the idea that there will be some kind of romantic kindling down the line just because I don't want to start from scratch and find another girl to date.

What do you guys think? Does this post even make any sense?

Thanks

Go with your gut. I've been on many amazing first dates followed by meh second ones. When I was younger I'd ignore and continue when I got older I knew what it was and pretty much left. There's always an initial attraction and it often declines but a rapid decline over a date means it's pretty much often dead. On the other hand going from bad to better is a much better indicator. sometimes a bad first date can lead to an amazing relationship too. People are quite stressed on first dates is often why you shouldn't really care about every nitty gritty on date 1. However a lot of connection followed by meh means you sort of blew your emotional connectivity load prematurely and it's hard to rejuvenate

Messofanego · Apr 16, 2018

Valkerion said:
Yeah I've told her, and others since Saturday I'm just not down for a relationship but it gets met with "just try it, your feelings might change if you date seriously and what not." It's strange getting kinda ignored when you say your not interested in someone haha.

That said I have not, not been looking at other people. I just don't feel like dating in general at the moment is my bigger take away from this situation. Something that I admitted I took time away from for almost a year after my last gf. Even now I just need more me time.

That's fine, more me time is good too. As long as she's got the message that you're not looking for a relationship, she will eventually back down.

Alwayscrazybacon · Apr 16, 2018

Alwayscrazybacon said:
Seems that she thinks a boyfriend is something you just get and negotiate for and does not understand attractions and relationship building. Put her in the friend zone or stop hanging out with her before she gets potentially obsessed. (´･ω･`)

Messofanego said:
That's fine, more me time is good too. As long as she's got the message that you're not looking for a relationship, she will eventually back down.

This girl isn't going to back down. Cut contact.

Messofanego · Apr 16, 2018

Alwayscrazybacon said:
This girl isn't going to back down. Cut contact.

True. A final message and deleting her contact should be done. If she contacts again, block.

hydrophilic attack · Apr 16, 2018

labial herpes is a non-issue

Juj · Apr 16, 2018

Thanks for the response guys. So I messaged the girl wanting to just have a cup of coffee. Tried to write the message as neutral as possible no smileys or anything.

Purpose was to set up a last meeting where I could get a feeling of myself meeting her,and then just ending it the same day if I didn't have a positive reaction emotionally, but she replied wanting to go to a concert with me after a beer or a cup of coffee, and that kind of threw me off.

I don't know, I'm confused. I'm making this concert date the last one to kinda gauge where this is going.

Is it weird if I bring this subject up on the date? Can it be done in a subtle way? If yes, do you have examples?

jdstorm · Apr 16, 2018

Juj said:
Thanks for the response guys. So I messaged the girl wanting to just have a cup of coffee. Tried to write the message as neutral as possible no smileys or anything.

Purpose was to set up a last meeting where I could get a feeling of myself meeting her,and then just ending it the same day if I didn't have a positive reaction emotionally, but she replied wanting to go to a concert with me after a beer or a cup of coffee, and that kind of threw me off.

I don't know, I'm confused. I'm making this concert date the last one to kinda gauge where this is going.

Is it weird if I bring this subject up on the date? Can it be done in a subtle way? If yes, do you have examples?

Honestly. It sounds like you are over thinking it. She's into you. You think she's cute. You probably just missred an akward interaction due to stress.

Just be honest and upfront. ask her about that moment tactfully. "I felt a bit akward. How do you feel about our relationship?" or whatever you were feeling. She how she responds. If its positive then ask her about having sex. If not ask questions about if you are better off dating or just friends. This doesn't seem like a reason to cut this girl out of your life so be honest and see where it goes

Deleted member 9306 · Apr 16, 2018

Can girls ask questions on this thread too? Because I'm really confused right now. My question is a bit non-specific though so I'm not sure if any of you can help.

So perspective. I'm turning 20 in June. Throughout most of my life I've been socially awkward, and I'm trying to get better at it but I'm still at a point where I barely have any friends, and the few that I do have i"m really bad at keeping in contact with (we talk, but it's not every single day and sometimes I take "breaks" for days-weeks on end to try and re-couperate myself). In most social situations I'm really awkward and a mute, even when I'm at work, so I just end up not talking to people, and I get frustrated easily and stressed out alot sometimes, especially when people put me down or treat me badly. I'm gradually working on my mental health and weight issues though, but I guess I'm asking if I should try to get back into dating, and if so how?

Like I said it's hard for me to really meet friends in real life. I go to a University but even when it's hard for me to make friends in the places that I'm active on campus because of who I am. I've been trying various forms of online dating, but while I got some dates I've never had an actual boyfriend before and my dates have never panned out. I mean, I've had a few good first dates, but the best date I've had was with someone who had (ironically) just accepted a job offer out of country. It was the best date ever and I felt amazing but he's not even in Canada anymore. Then I had another great date, but the guy creeped me out afterwards once I found out that he went to strip clubs (not even in a "oh I like tits" type of way, but he flat out told me that he judges the girls who work there), and he kept trying to invite me over to his house even though I wasn't comfortable with that yet. Eventually we just stopped talking.

I don't want to get political, but I also don't know how much of my dating woes is because of how others perceive me? I mean I'm already super awkward, but I'm also a tall, slightly overweight, dark skinned black woman with short hair. I once had a guy who I was into comment that he loves dark skinned women because "they'll let him do whatever he wants in bed". I've also gotten a lot of other creepy comments from guys online relating to my race/skin tone and it's the main reason why I've just "quit" dating, because I'm not looking for a hook up. Or they assume that I'm into certain things just because I'm Black. Guys also always used to push me about my sexual history, and once they find out I'm a virgin suddenly they're super interested in me and all they want to do is talk about sex. It's really frustrating and sad and it's honestly really upsetting to me. I think everyone wants sex but I'm trying to have an actual relationship with guys but nothing's panning out.

So sorry if I'm rambling but I guess to tl;dr it; What can I do? Should I wait to date until I'm in a better place emotionally/mentally/physically? Should i just stick to trying to date people in person? Should I just stop thinking about dating and focus on making friends/being a better friend? I don't know.

Ernest · Apr 16, 2018

Aw jeeze,.. I have a date coming up in a couple of days with a woman who, going by her facebook page (I looked only to see if we had any friends in common), is a Fox News-watching trump-supporter. I have two options; let her know how liberal I am (I am VERY liberal), and let her run away. Or try to keep politics out of it and see how we like each other. Right now, I'm leaning towards former.

jdstorm · Apr 16, 2018

SaturdayAwe said:
Can girls ask questions on this thread too? Because I'm really confused right now. My question is a bit non-specific though so I'm not sure if any of you can help.

So perspective. I'm turning 20 in June. Throughout most of my life I've been socially awkward, and I'm trying to get better at it but I'm still at a point where I barely have any friends, and the few that I do have i"m really bad at keeping in contact with (we talk, but it's not every single day and sometimes I take "breaks" for days-weeks on end to try and re-couperate myself). In most social situations I'm really awkward and a mute, even when I'm at work, so I just end up not talking to people, and I get frustrated easily and stressed out alot sometimes, especially when people put me down or treat me badly. I'm gradually working on my mental health and weight issues though, but I guess I'm asking if I should try to get back into dating, and if so how?

Like I said it's hard for me to really meet friends in real life. I go to a University but even when it's hard for me to make friends in the places that I'm active on campus because of who I am. I've been trying various forms of online dating, but while I got some dates I've never had an actual boyfriend before and my dates have never panned out. I mean, I've had a few good first dates, but the best date I've had was with someone who had (ironically) just accepted a job offer out of country. It was the best date ever and I felt amazing but he's not even in Canada anymore. Then I had another great date, but the guy creeped me out afterwards once I found out that he went to strip clubs (not even in a "oh I like tits" type of way, but he flat out told me that he judges the girls who work there), and he kept trying to invite me over to his house even though I wasn't comfortable with that yet. Eventually we just stopped talking.

I don't want to get political, but I also don't know how much of my dating woes is because of how others perceive me? I mean I'm already super awkward, but I'm also a tall, slightly overweight, dark skinned black woman with short hair. I once had a guy who I was into comment that he loves dark skinned women because "they'll let him do whatever he wants in bed". I've also gotten a lot of other creepy comments from guys online relating to my race/skin tone and it's the main reason why I've just "quit" dating, because I'm not looking for a hook up. Or they assume that I'm into certain things just because I'm Black. Guys also always used to push me about my sexual history, and once they find out I'm a virgin suddenly they're super interested in me and all they want to do is talk about sex. It's really frustrating and sad and it's honestly really upsetting to me. I think everyone wants sex but I'm trying to have an actual relationship with guys but nothing's panning out.

So sorry if I'm rambling but I guess to tl;dr it; What can I do? Should I wait to date until I'm in a better place emotionally/mentally/physically? Should i just stick to trying to date people in person? Should I just stop thinking about dating and focus on making friends/being a better friend? I don't know.

Yes. Girls are very much welcome in this thread. Welcome.

I'm also quite shy. I recieved some good advice about it. Quantity time is better then quality time. If you keep surrounding yourself with people eventually you will get more comfortable around them. So keep focusing on building real friend connections. Keep getting around people who make you feel like you could be the best version of yourself and go from there.

As far as dating goes. Everyone is bad at it at first. I'd be focusing more on friendship but if someone you would like to go out with asks you out then say yes and have fun.

Edit: PS. It sucks that you have had to deal with a lot of asshole guys being shitty to you. I hear that is unfortunately reasonably normal for girls to experience. However its definitely not something you need to accept or let get you down. You are someone worth a guy who values and respects you. They are out there.

Juj · Apr 16, 2018

jdstorm said:
Honestly. It sounds like you are over thinking it. She's into you. You think she's cute. You probably just missred an akward interaction due to stress.

Just be honest and upfront. ask her about that moment tactfully. "I felt a bit akward. How do you feel about our relationship?" or whatever you were feeling. She how she responds. If its positive then ask her about having sex. If not ask questions about if you are better off dating or just friends. This doesn't seem like a reason to cut this girl out of your life so be honest and see where it goes

Hey thanks. I felt like I needed that 'stop overthinking everything'-wake up slap.

With regards to your examples of questions then it's not even a question of having sex right now, but for me a question is do we have emotional prerequisites that will lead the relationship in a natural way towards that and towards something stable and long term.

I think I will go Friday and get a feeling. Maybe ask about it in a subtle way as you recommended, not nessecarily with that moment in mind, but just the subject in mind, because I feel like I really need to or else I'm wasting my time. And having a dating relationship with someone where instead of just being happy, you're always thinking about if you actually like someone is just bad.

Thanks for the tips.

Deleted member 9986 · Apr 16, 2018

SaturdayAwe said:
So sorry if I'm rambling but I guess to tl;dr it; What can I do? Should I wait to date until I'm in a better place emotionally/mentally/physically? Should i just stick to trying to date people in person? Should I just stop thinking about dating and focus on making friends/being a better friend? I don't know.

Don't want to be harsh but it doesn't sound like you are ready for a relationship (!), learn to discover the right people by being casual first. Make friends, improve your confidence, learn to handle negative thought loops and so on.

Then again, I personally dread the idea of commitment so having a relationship while I don't feel good about myself sounds like a straight road to mental torture/obsessive dependence ending in pain.

Kumquat · Apr 16, 2018

I don't have anything to ask but I'd like to say I've been dating this Isaraeli woman for one month and so far everything is going really well. Fingers crossed it continues.

Shal · Apr 16, 2018

Its not good to post photos of other people on the internet without their consent, you should take it down.

Cool that everything it going well though.

Spinluck · Apr 16, 2018

Kumquat said:
I don't have anything to ask but I'd like to say I've been dating this Isaraeli woman for one month and so far everything is going really well. Fingers crossed it continues.

Best wishes for ya, you both look great!

Kumquat · Apr 16, 2018

Shal said:
Its not good to post photos of other people on the internet without their consent, you should take it down.

Cool that everything it going well though.

Or my girlfriend doesn't mind me posting pictures of us. You assumed I don't have consent to share pictures.

Kumquat · Apr 16, 2018

Spinluck said:
Best wishes for ya, you both look great!

I appreciate it man. It took a lot of work for me to get here to this weight but man, it's great not being fat finally. I've lost a total of 192 pounds now.

Ralemont · Apr 16, 2018

Kumquat said:
I appreciate it man. It took a lot of work for me to get here to this weight but man, it's great not being fat finally. I've lost a total of 192 pounds now.

Damn dude, congrats.

Kumquat · Apr 16, 2018

Ralemont said:
Damn dude, congrats.

Once I get to 300 posts I'm going to post a thread all about my weight loss journey. Me being a lurker is working against me, especially having already been a regular member of GAF

GeekyDad · Apr 16, 2018

Juj said:
...Is it weird if I bring this subject up on the date? Can it be done in a subtle way? If yes, do you have examples?

Juj said:
...I think I will go Friday and get a feeling. Maybe ask about it in a subtle way as you recommended, not nessecarily with that moment in mind, but just the subject in mind, because I feel like I really need to or else I'm wasting my time. And having a dating relationship with someone where instead of just being happy, you're always thinking about if you actually like someone is just bad.

I wouldn't say it's weird, but is it necessary? Body language says a lot, but you don't necessarily know what it's saying a lot about. It could have something to do with something she's thinking about that has nothing to do with you, something that has her anxious or just her mind greatly preoccupied by something else. Or it could be something you're thinking about from work or whatever. It means something, but you don't know what. You like her? She likes you? Maybe consider just going with it and not rushing to uncover some mystery.

Deleted member 9306 · Apr 16, 2018

jdstorm said:
Keep getting around people who make you feel like you could be the best version of yourself and go from there.

As far as dating goes. Everyone is bad at it at first. I'd be focusing more on friendship but if someone you would like to go out with asks you out then say yes and have fun.

Edit: PS. It sucks that you have had to deal with a lot of asshole guys being shitty to you. I hear that is unfortunately reasonably normal for girls to experience. However its definitely not something you need to accept or let get you down. You are someone worth a guy who values and respects you. They are out there.

Condom said:
Don't want to be harsh but it doesn't sound like you are ready for a relationship (!), learn to discover the right people by being casual first. Make friends, improve your confidence, learn to handle negative thought loops and so on.

Thanks for your advice guys. I guess I'll just continue working on myself then and focus on making meaningful friends before I get serious with someone else. It's just been super hard to get to know people in general. Like even when I'm talking to friends it's hard to calm down sometimes and just be "myself" because I'm scared that I'm going to piss someone off or be too 'extra'. And even when I'm meeting new people, it's hard to for me to really open up just because I've been let down so many times in the past.

Okay nevermind. Me complaining about this isn't going to help me. I'm just going to have to keep trying.

Messofanego · Apr 16, 2018

Ernest said:
Aw jeeze,.. I have a date coming up in a couple of days with a woman who, going by her facebook page (I looked only to see if we had any friends in common), is a Fox News-watching trump-supporter. I have two options; let her know how liberal I am (I am VERY liberal), and let her run away. Or try to keep politics out of it and see how we like each other. Right now, I'm leaning towards former.

Is it wrong that I want you to entertain a very liberal vs Trumper date? Politics are going to come up at some point so might as well see where you lie right away instead of delaying the inevitable. Just want to see if it turns out to be entertaining lol.

Ernest · Apr 16, 2018

Messofanego said:
Is it wrong that I want you to entertain a very liberal vs Trumper date? Politics are going to come up at some point so might as well see where you lie right away instead of delaying the inevitable. Just want to see if it turns out to be entertaining lol.

Yeah, I meant let her know during the date - I'm still gonna meet with her (she's WAY hot - it's a weakness of mine...)

I just miss the time (not too long ago for us old folks), where you could literally go months without talking about or paying attention to politics, and who you voted for didn't define you as a person.

jdstorm · Apr 16, 2018

SaturdayAwe said:
Thanks for your advice guys. I guess I'll just continue working on myself then and focus on making meaningful friends before I get serious with someone else. It's just been super hard to get to know people in general. Like even when I'm talking to friends it's hard to calm down sometimes and just be "myself" because I'm scared that I'm going to piss someone off or be too 'extra'. And even when I'm meeting new people, it's hard to for me to really open up just because I've been let down so many times in the past.

Okay nevermind. Me complaining about this isn't going to help me. I'm just going to have to keep trying.

When meeting new people you shouldn't open up fully. You don't know these strangers. You just want to share an authentic surface/shallow version of yourself. Ie

1. My name is X
2. Im studying Y at Z
3. I work at W
4. I like activity A, B and C ect
5. My favourite food is X ect

Then stick to talking about current events ie interesting things that you have done/seen recently.

Its like doing a presentation but about yourself. You have your talking points/script and you just repeat it. As you get to know people better you will share more, but for your average stranger/new friend interaction try that.

Also try and find a few regular activities. A regular coffee shop, exercise class, other group activity. The more time you spend around the same people the easier it will get talking to them.

Good luck

Edit: PS with real friends its ok to show them the less polished side of yourself. If you piss them off one day just make it up to them the next. A real friend will stick buy you through some annoyances, and if a person doesn't then at least you know where you stand.

Juj · Apr 16, 2018

GeekyDad said:
I wouldn't say it's weird, but is it necessary? Body language says a lot, but you don't necessarily know what it's saying a lot about. It could have something to do with something she's thinking about that has nothing to do with you, something that has her anxious or just her mind greatly preoccupied by something else. Or it could be something you're thinking about from work or whatever. It means something, but you don't know what. You like her? She likes you? Maybe consider just going with it and not rushing to uncover some mystery.

Hey dude, you're right.

I've just been going through some things with the family that have kinda thrown me off in a time where I was genuinely without any worry, and I think it's affecting my feelings in different ways.

Thinking about it today it also happened a year ago or so when I went into a hard time because of the loss of a family member of mine. I reacted to a relationship I had at the time in the exact same way. And handled it bad in hindsight.

It's weird, I've always thought of myself as being in control or in some regards knowing the reasons for my feelings at any time, analyzing my feelings and the reasons for them to control them in a way and whatnot, but it gets out of control some time, and I feel inexplainably sad. Since the passing of this family member I feel.

I think I need a therapist really and not this thread haha.

I think I'm going to chill a bit, take a deep breath, and just enjoy my time with this girl, because I truly do enjoy hanging out with her.

Thanks for all the comments guys

Messofanego · Apr 16, 2018

Ernest said:
Yeah, I meant let her know during the date - I'm still gonna meet with her (she's WAY hot - it's a weakness of mine...)

I just miss the time (not too long ago for us old folks), where you could literally go months without talking about or paying attention to politics, and who you voted for didn't define you as a person.

Hope the date is at least fun haha

Tribal_Cult · Apr 17, 2018

So me and my girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up a couple of weeks ago and after like one or two days of sadness I feel alive more than ever, we argued badly yesterday because she knows me and knows in her heart I'm already dating people (I denied it to be honest, no reason for her to know). She ended up blocking me and I didn't feel nothing, just disgust for the things she told me and for how stupid the whole situation seems to me.
Is it normal? It's been two weeks and something and I honestly am not desperate the relationship ended. It's my first serious breakup, so I ask, from your experience, will it hit me bad down the line, or am I off of it?
Anyway, I'm bisex so I'm currently rekindled with one of my ex male partners. I'm also having a date Thursday with a very cute girl that heard about me from a friend and seems interested. I don't know if this is a coping mechanism or I truly cannot wait to fall into someone else's bed. Maybe I'm just an asshole.

Gotdatmoney · Apr 17, 2018

Tribal_Cult said:
So me and my girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up a couple of weeks ago and after like one or two days of sadness I feel alive more than ever, we argued badly yesterday because she knows me and knows in her heart I'm already dating people (I denied it to be honest, no reason for her to know). She ended up blocking me and I didn't feel nothing, just disgust for the things she told me and for how stupid the whole situation seems to me.
Is it normal? It's been two weeks and something and I honestly am not desperate the relationship ended. It's my first serious breakup, so I ask, from your experience, will it hit me bad down the line, or am I off of it?
Anyway, I'm bisex so I'm currently rekindled with one of my ex male partners. I'm also having a date Thursday with a very cute girl that heard about me from a friend and seems interested. I don't know if this is a coping mechanism or I truly cannot wait to fall into someone else's bed. Maybe I'm just an asshole.

Yall broke up. You can do whatever the fuck you want. She can stay bitter lol.

Otherwise, just do you man. If you aint sad you aint sad. Shit is what it is.

massoluk · Apr 17, 2018

That escalated quickly

It was a dinner date, the first with her. She asked me if I was seeing any girls, I told her I have been texting with two girls from dating apps for months since we parted. Just texting. The dinner ended nicely.

Been texting her since, just now she asked me to call. She said she want to hear my voice. "Don't you want to talk to me?" Then stated she don't feel comfortable with me still texting with other girls. Ask me to stop texting. I.... told her I'm not sure yet... We decided one more date to get to know each others before I make my peace with the others.

I don't come off as too much of a dick, am I? I feel like a dick.

massoluk said:
A "Let's just be friend" girl I have failed to keep in touch for months just texted me if I'm still interested in that dinner we talked about months ago...

I said Yes. Emojis exchanged. She told me to pick her up and choose a restaurant.

Am I clear of friend zone? Or am I reading too much into this? -_-

Cat Pee · Apr 17, 2018

massoluk said:
That escalated quickly

It was a dinner date, the first with her. She asked me if I was seeing any girls, I told her I have been texting with two girls from dating apps for months since we parted. Just texting. The dinner ended nicely.

Been texting her since, just now she asked me to call. She said she want to hear my voice. "Don't you want to talk to me?" Then stated she don't feel comfortable with me still texting with other girls. Ask me to stop texting. I.... told her I'm not sure yet... We decided one more date to get to know each others before I make my peace with the others.

I don't come off as too much of a dick, am I? I feel like a dick.

This all sounds like a giant red flag.

Not much more needs to be said than this, I don't think.

Addie · Apr 17, 2018

Huge red flag. Super clingy and demanding.

Messofanego · Apr 17, 2018

massoluk said:
That escalated quickly

It was a dinner date, the first with her. She asked me if I was seeing any girls, I told her I have been texting with two girls from dating apps for months since we parted. Just texting. The dinner ended nicely.

Been texting her since, just now she asked me to call. She said she want to hear my voice. "Don't you want to talk to me?" Then stated she don't feel comfortable with me still texting with other girls. Ask me to stop texting. I.... told her I'm not sure yet... We decided one more date to get to know each others before I make my peace with the others.

I don't come off as too much of a dick, am I? I feel like a dick.

This is after one date? If so, red flag. She sounds clingy and jealous you got options while she got no one else (if she's got other dates then she's a hypocrite). All this level of contact and telling you to stop seeing others is not on. If this was five dates, then I understand. I'm glad I dodged these bullets with 2 girls who were like this. If she can't handle you being casual after a first date, call it off.

Ralemont · Apr 17, 2018

massoluk said:
I don't come off as too much of a dick, am I? I feel like a dick.

No you're not. There's no reason for you to trust this girl at this point and someone being so demanding on a first or second date would be very off-putting. Just tell her you'd like to get to know her better before making a commitment like that. She'll either understand or she won't.

Obviously some people do decide to go exclusive early but it's always enthusiastic and not because of pressure. If you aren't interested in seeing anyone else after this next date, then make it so. If you still want to look around, be honest about that.

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