Can girls ask questions on this thread too? Because I'm really confused right now. My question is a bit non-specific though so I'm not sure if any of you can help.
So perspective. I'm turning 20 in June. Throughout most of my life I've been socially awkward, and I'm trying to get better at it but I'm still at a point where I barely have any friends, and the few that I do have i"m really bad at keeping in contact with (we talk, but it's not every single day and sometimes I take "breaks" for days-weeks on end to try and re-couperate myself). In most social situations I'm really awkward and a mute, even when I'm at work, so I just end up not talking to people, and I get frustrated easily and stressed out alot sometimes, especially when people put me down or treat me badly. I'm gradually working on my mental health and weight issues though, but I guess I'm asking if I should try to get back into dating, and if so how?
Like I said it's hard for me to really meet friends in real life. I go to a University but even when it's hard for me to make friends in the places that I'm active on campus because of who I am. I've been trying various forms of online dating, but while I got some dates I've never had an actual boyfriend before and my dates have never panned out. I mean, I've had a few good first dates, but the best date I've had was with someone who had (ironically) just accepted a job offer out of country. It was the best date ever and I felt amazing but he's not even in Canada anymore. Then I had another great date, but the guy creeped me out afterwards once I found out that he went to strip clubs (not even in a "oh I like tits" type of way, but he flat out told me that he judges the girls who work there), and he kept trying to invite me over to his house even though I wasn't comfortable with that yet. Eventually we just stopped talking.
I don't want to get political, but I also don't know how much of my dating woes is because of how others perceive me? I mean I'm already super awkward, but I'm also a tall, slightly overweight, dark skinned black woman with short hair. I once had a guy who I was into comment that he loves dark skinned women because "they'll let him do whatever he wants in bed". I've also gotten a lot of other creepy comments from guys online relating to my race/skin tone and it's the main reason why I've just "quit" dating, because I'm not looking for a hook up. Or they assume that I'm into certain things just because I'm Black. Guys also always used to push me about my sexual history, and once they find out I'm a virgin suddenly they're super interested in me and all they want to do is talk about sex. It's really frustrating and sad and it's honestly really upsetting to me. I think everyone wants sex but I'm trying to have an actual relationship with guys but nothing's panning out.
So sorry if I'm rambling but I guess to tl;dr it; What can I do? Should I wait to date until I'm in a better place emotionally/mentally/physically? Should i just stick to trying to date people in person? Should I just stop thinking about dating and focus on making friends/being a better friend? I don't know.