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Does anyone here ever have post date anxiety or worries? Like for instance a date went really well you feel. You and her had fun, your date and you touched a bit, she seemed to be going through some positive emotions, it was dynamic, etc. But then after you wonder or worry if you missed any signs to escalate, made a mistake, or you are worried you could have done even better?
Ask her out on a date. Make sure she knows it is A DATE. Have a good time, maybe try to kiss her. If she rejects the date (or the kiss), you move on. There's really not much to it.
Dating a mom is much more complicated than dating an unattached girl. On the one hand, they tend to be less selfish and more mature than their counterparts. If she allows you into her circle then you are lucky. On the other hand, her priorities will always be divided. As far as looking for another baby daddy, get over yourself. She's been there and bought the t-shirt. If you can't appreciate her for being into you, and super awesome, than move on, you don't deserve her. There are plenty of other men that would.
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The first couple times, sure , the idea of rejection can be scary. But the more you go through it, the easier it gets, as you begin to understand that it's really not about you.. I mean, it's not like you're getting rejected by someone who knows you, like getting rejected by a wife, so no reason to take it too personally. Their loss, right?
Alright, so, I'm gonna attempt to do this truthfully but in a way that doesn't make me seem so shallow because honestly I've given then tons of thought and it's been agony.
She and I click really well. Like really well. The first date went on far longer than either of us anticipated because we didn't want to leave and go home. At the time I knew that I wasn't deeply physically attracted to her, like she's cute, but the personality matching made up for that.
However as time has gone on and we've gotten more and more comfortable and intimate with each other, that matching hasn't made up for some new stuff that has made her less attractive to me. The biggest thing is hygiene. She seems to always have this slightly sweaty smell to her, especially bad around her genitals, and it's just such a turn-off. And it's been worse as summer kicks up here and the days are getting hotter, and it's present even after she takes a shower. And I've talked to her about it and told her that it makes it hard to do things like go down on her which sucks because I really enjoy doing that, and she understood and we had a surprisingly positive conversation out of the whole thing, but nothing has changed and with the heat it's gotten even worse. There are times when she's wearing a dress that I swear I can just smell her junk by standing next to her.
Okay so that diatribe went on way longer than I expected, but even if all that were to magically disappear, she still feels like we have this awesome future together and has already told me she loves me and like.... I don't, and I don't see that changing as time goes on. If anything my interest has noticeably decreased during this time, for the above reasons and also just feeling like a general lack of drive from her, in life, which is something that's really important to me as I'm someone who has been working on keeping my levels of motivation up and to have her not have much kind of drags me down to a place I don't want to be.
So that's it, that's my thought process. So weird what you type on the internet when no one knows your name.
What does it mean when a girl don't want to date you but gets super jealous Everytime there's another girl. Even if I mention just talking to other girls she gets jealous. To the point she won't even talk to me properly anymore. Am I being played?
Hmm. I think the physical chemistry might be lacking. Which is important.
Ask yourself, if she was out of your life completely, would you miss her? And are there things you want to try with her to improve the relationship first?
I kinda was in your spot before. A girl I had a great click with, when she put in effort she was really pretty. But something was missing. And little things started bothering me. In your case, the hygiene thing is more a sympton than the cause I think.
My ex had a lack of drive for life in general too. Its not great to live with and probably the biggest problem of things you listed.
Yes, it seems like a combo of both those things, lack of physical chemistry and the lack of drive. I agree that the hygiene is likely a symptom of the lack of physical chemistry that's already present. And like you, little things have started to bother me.
If she were gone, I would miss the connection with another person, but I don't know if I would mis her. But that's pretty normal with me and breakups.
Yep, I think I know where I land on this. Gonna try and meet up with her tonight.
Yes, she wants your attention for an ego boost. Ignore her, talk to other girls and be glad someone like that did not want to date you.
Yes. Not only do I do this with dates, I also do this with a lot of things.
It's doubt, and it's strictly an internal situation going on with yourself, and for me, it happens when I'm left alone by myself and the positive experience is already over which sounds like that might be what's happening with you too. The thing to really keep in mind is that if you only feel that way afterwards (or maybe even a bit beforehand) and feel great during whatever's happening and can't find anything really wrong afterwards, is that this feeling of yours is probably invisible to the other person. If you want them to know or not is up to you and how you want to handle it.
I've had a lot of confidence issues and still have some, so that's where those feelings you described come from within me. To counter them I try and work on myself and be honest with myself about why I'm feeling that way. The usual answer is that I need to relax and let go of things better. Hopefully you discover what works best for you.
It means you just ignore her. If she doesn't want to talk to you properly just don't engage her then.
Welp I'm seeing another red flag with chick B.
We were talking about how would we be as parents and she said she would be ok with hitting her childs to teach them a lesson...
Apparently her parents hitted her when she was a child and she said that it helped her realize that what she was doing was very bad. I told her that for me violence against a child isn't acceptable at all but she rationalizes it through her experience that in some cases (idk which cases) is fine to do so. It was very late and I had to sleep so I didn't ask much but will do so today later.
This, in conjunction with "cheating isn't that bad", makes me really doubt about a future with her.
I will try to not demonize her and bring my point of view more clearly to her today and see what she thinks.
Anyway, another worrying thing is that her sister read her her tarot like a month and some weeks ago (back when we were starting to date). Now, I usually don't believe in this kind of stuff but she told me that what it told her so far has been all true, my mother also believes that it's really something because when she has done it what it was said to her always ended up being true (which were non obvious things at times, like when they told her that she would not "cross the sea" even though my mom had a overseas travel already scheduled, and it ended up being true she didn't travel).
So what's the problem with this? Well.. she at one point asked about me, how my personality was, if we would have a relationship and how it would be etc..
She says that the personality part ended up being right. What worries me though is that it said that we would have a child and that our relationship wouldn't last long... Also she asked about love in general and it said that she would find someone and would finally "fall in love" for real and she would be happy (it doesn't say who though it could be me or someone else). All of this she saw it as something positive, even the "have a child" and "relationship won't last long" parts, for her everything was in a positive tone to her so she is happy with that.
Well... I don't want to have a child at this age at all and it worries me that it said that we wouldn't last together and that she sees this in such a positive light.
If I have a child the last thing I would want is the relationship with the mother to be short, this combination for me is horrible and makes me doubt about the relationship even more, I think for myself "why even try with her if we aren't gonna last and we will end up with a child?". Now I feel like it would be better if I stop pursuing her and try elsewhere due to this "prediction", which sucks because I like her.
Like I said I usually don't believe in this stuff but the fact that she has said that all has been true so far +my mom experience makes me take this with caution.
She told me that what the tarot said to her made her feel confident about trying something with me, that everything what was said was in a positive tone for her but well... For me the combo "child+short relationship" doesn't give me confidence at all since for me Parenthood is something really important and I wouldn't want that at this point in my life.
Im kind of venting, do you guys have any experience with tarot readings? Also what do you guys think about this "violence against my child is ok in some cases" red flag?
Thanks for reading my wall of text lol, have a nice day
We were talking about how would we be as parents and she said she would be ok with hitting her childs to teach them a lesson...
Apparently her parents hitted her when she was a child and she said that it helped her realize that what she was doing was very bad. I told her that for me violence against a child isn't acceptable at all but she rationalizes it through her experience that in some cases (idk which cases) is fine to do so. It was very late and I had to sleep so I didn't ask much but will do so today later.
This, in conjunction with "cheating isn't that bad", makes me really doubt about a future with her.
I will try to not demonize her and bring my point of view more clearly to her today and see what she thinks.
Anyway, another worrying thing is that her sister read her her tarot like a month and some weeks ago (back when we were starting to date). Now, I usually don't believe in this kind of stuff but she told me that what it told her so far has been all true, my mother also believes that it's really something because when she has done it what it was said to her always ended up being true (which were non obvious things at times, like when they told her that she would not "cross the sea" even though my mom had a overseas travel already scheduled, and it ended up being true she didn't travel).
So what's the problem with this? Well.. she at one point asked about me, how my personality was, if we would have a relationship and how it would be etc..
She says that the personality part ended up being right. What worries me though is that it said that we would have a child and that our relationship wouldn't last long... Also she asked about love in general and it said that she would find someone and would finally "fall in love" for real and she would be happy (it doesn't say who though it could be me or someone else). All of this she saw it as something positive, even the "have a child" and "relationship won't last long" parts, for her everything was in a positive tone to her so she is happy with that.
Well... I don't want to have a child at this age at all and it worries me that it said that we wouldn't last together and that she sees this in such a positive light.
If I have a child the last thing I would want is the relationship with the mother to be short, this combination for me is horrible and makes me doubt about the relationship even more, I think for myself "why even try with her if we aren't gonna last and we will end up with a child?". Now I feel like it would be better if I stop pursuing her and try elsewhere due to this "prediction", which sucks because I like her.
Like I said I usually don't believe in this stuff but the fact that she has said that all has been true so far +my mom experience makes me take this with caution.
She told me that what the tarot said to her made her feel confident about trying something with me, that everything what was said was in a positive tone for her but well... For me the combo "child+short relationship" doesn't give me confidence at all since for me Parenthood is something really important and I wouldn't want that at this point in my life.
Im kind of venting, do you guys have any experience with tarot readings? Also what do you guys think about this "violence against my child is ok in some cases" red flag?
Thanks for reading my wall of text lol, have a nice day
Yes, she's playing you. Let her be jealous. You enjoy your time with other girls. Don't bother with her.
Shal You might wanna start looking for other girls and it's about time you break up with chick B. So many red flags for you, not worth pursuing. If there's a chick B, what happened to chick A? I'm not all caught up with the origins of your saga :P Is there any chick C you can move on with after B?
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When I was a child my parents hit me when I was being bad. Different culture and it wasn't uncommon for children and parents to have that relationship. I however would never hit a child because I just dont feel its productive or necessary. That said, I'm desensitized to it and know that in a lot of places in the world its just not a big deal.
Why do I say this? Just to highlight that the POV is really reflective of upbringing and culture. So if it's a deal breaker for you that's cool but I wouldn't go down the path of pressing her about it. You know you cant deal so just move on.
This is rather weird on her part imo. I think you are overthinking it though. I'd just chalk this up to "she is weird in ways I cant deal with" and cut the relationship loose.
The card stuff is weird. The kid stuff is more a deal breaker than anything really. Cut the girl loose. You have way too many issues.
This makes me sad ><, I see the red flags and I understand that looking elsewhere is going to be better for me but I like her a lot, she's awesome really (besides those 2 thoughts that she has...) But well
And lol about the saga, I just got used to call her chick B here since when I met her I had met another girl (A) but I didn't like her so moved on there.
There's no chick C right now besides the chick that treated me like an object like 2 months ago (chick O?), she messaged me on Saturday out of the blue, probably she got bored and wants someone to entertain her.
Right now I'm responding to her but being cold, I only answered her because I have been feeling down because of this issues with Chick B and so "feeling wanted" (even though is probably out of boredom from her) makes me feel a bit better right now lol, but I don't want anything serious with Chick O so there's nothing there.
Edit: how do you quote a username? Mmm
But yes Gotdatmoney I think is better to cut loose with her I guess but I'm going to keep it casual for now, I still don't want to lose hope that I can get over her POV and just accept it, I will talk more with her about it but I won't force anything and depending on how those talks develops I will decide.
The card stuff has me worried though lol
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Yeah, you can always approach it if you wanna get serious with her I suppose. Some of this stuff can be talked about.
The card stuff is weird. Dont really have advice beyond shit is weird.
Btw use @ and then the person's username to tag them
Gotdatmoney thanks.
And yeah the card stuff is weird indeed, I will try to come to terms with it because it left me a bit paranoid.
And yeah the card stuff is weird indeed, I will try to come to terms with it because it left me a bit paranoid.
Nope. You're overthinking it.
Just do what feels natural and respect boundaries when articulated. No need to think about "how to escalate" or whatever.
I got over it with time and experience. They dig me or they don't, and I've got plenty of other stuff going on in my life such that getting invested early on is a waste of time.
Update
I asked again, she'll be free next week during Finals Week, so we'll be going then (though not a specific day yet, just during that week).
I'm really happy that my friend caught up with us too and invited us to go eat out with him and a female friend of his. So that's another chance to hang out with her. Hopefully the plans do work out.
I asked again, she'll be free next week during Finals Week, so we'll be going then (though not a specific day yet, just during that week).
I'm really happy that my friend caught up with us too and invited us to go eat out with him and a female friend of his. So that's another chance to hang out with her. Hopefully the plans do work out.
I've popped in this thread a few times but now I'll be posting/ranting. These past few months I have been stood up by people I have both met online and in person. Its happened at least 10 times. Today, I received a complete teardown of my personality from some dude I had been chatting. I'm apparently an ice queen, an ass, overbearing, know-it-all. I am a POC non-binary gay person, but I cannot get along with "my people" at all. For some reason I can get along with straight guys very well, they always chat me up and invite me over to enjoy music, play games, or do crazy cool shit, but they are always taken (ie. married or engaged). I have no clue what to do, as summer approaches I'm not trying to be that last one out.
I'm assuming anyone "tearing" you down after a couple online interactions or one date doesn't really know you, at all. I know it can still be hurtful, but understanding how that sort of reaction is more about them and their issues instead of about you might help you deal with such instances.
I was off the dating wagon for a bit, but back in the saddle now. Matched with a lady yesterday, texted eachother while laying in bed this morning and she's a lovely and very extrovert girl. A couple of texts later, she wanted to talk by phone and I asked her if she wanted to meet up today during our first call, why waste time. She was more than up for it, and I just came back from a walk and some coffe with her. It went well, we both wanted to meet again, and she invited me home to her place this weekend to hang around until she's done fixing herself up for a night out, haha. How could I say no to that?
People, as mentioned again and again in this thread. Do not get a text friend, just ask the girl out as soon as possibly.
People, as mentioned again and again in this thread. Do not get a text friend, just ask the girl out as soon as possibly.
You are right, I can't get too down over it. It just hurts because it's like something is wrong with me. I wouldn't say I am gq but I'm not bad looking either. I am approached by many people men and women and it's just like....it never works out anymore.
Was there any reason the person said these insults or just bring it out of thin air? Obviously you're dodging bullets by not bothering anymore.
We were just chatting, a little jesting but playful. And then out of nowhere it got serious and I was like wow... this is someone I met in person first then started texting. We were making plans to go see a movie together and then it just devolved. And now they won't even respond to me.
Congrats! You were a fairly regular poster on GAF, right? How long were you dating, and how did you meet?
Thank you! And yes, I've been around a long time.
Frequented the dating thread over the years after getting out of a long relationship and met my fiancé in October 2016. We moved into together a year later and now we're engaged :)
Pretty surreal!
Well not right now, but yes, this is literally what she said during the end of our date "Come over, hang around with me until Im done preparing myself for a night out on saturday if you want", but she could of said that in a jokingly manner of course. Guess I'll find out.
Dude.... thats the simping path to the friend zone. Now unless sexy times were implied your literlly there to give her attention, show you'll come running when she wants, then she shows herself off all dressed up to keep you interested before she goes to hang out with other people.
Unless its a clearly defined date you should not be keeping her company while she puts on her makeup. This is how people end up in "not sure if we're a couple" dating situations.
Recover it by saying your busy, something came up and setup a real date.
A few weeks ago, I told her I went to another female friend's house. Today, she randomly asked why I went to her house. Thought that was weird. Just told her the truth, and she didn't inquire more.
She's also been doing a suggestive "come here" hand motion to me for the past two days. It's not the typical motion that uses only the pointer finger, but all her fingers. I think it's hot.
She's also been doing a suggestive "come here" hand motion to me for the past two days. It's not the typical motion that uses only the pointer finger, but all her fingers. I think it's hot.
I hear what you saying, and I agree about the part of her wanting to have my attention since she is a very extrovert girl. I never did accept that specific invitation since it felt more like her joking. I agreed to a second date on saturday though and what we will do that day is not set in stone. Im also confident that she's clearly not looking for friendship.
None of her business but hey if you think getting her in a jealous state gets you to bang her and that's your goal, good luck. It just seems like a game.
Too soon for that. I guess it did kind of make me happy a little bit since that was the first time any girl's noticed me enough to question things i've done. But then again, she's already told me a few months ago that she really didn't like that person anyway.
Yeah I respect boundaries but what I've realized is that I actually am not reading signs or something because I never kiss on the first date or second or really even touch or look for signs of interest and try to build on them. Like I think I need to be more flirty, touch more, read signs obviously and if they are there try to kiss on dates. I feel like I friend zone myself because I am really good at conversation and I've been told I'm really interesting and a great person to be around and attractive in many ways but I need to get out of my comfort zone because my expression of interest is sort of a flatline. My touching and being vulnerable with this aspect of showing attraction and building it is an ice bucket and it is really losing me a potentially really rewarding and warm relationship. What feels natural to me is being sort of cold and distant. I think it is an aspect of a lack of some confidence. anyone have any advice here or a book or youtube video that helped them?
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Honestly, never hesitate to kiss a girl if the date is going well. There's no reason not to lean in for the kiss. If she pushes you away, respect her boundaries, but always go for it if you're feeling it.
Can someone please tell me that dating is actually different if you live in a city?
I live in a town and it's pretty terrible, a lot of ghosting and people who don't know what they want.
I'd like to hope that women in a city actually like going on dates, more different I hope
I live in a town and it's pretty terrible, a lot of ghosting and people who don't know what they want.
I'd like to hope that women in a city actually like going on dates, more different I hope
Ghosting and conversations that lead nowhere are part of online dating anywhere. A city only gives you potentially more matches and more dating opportunities. Work on yourself and roll with the punches.
I've been on 3 dates with a girl. I think we have really hit it off but I'll go on OkCupid and see that she's on there at least once a day or so. Does this mean she's not into me? Is it ridiculous of me to be jealous of this? I'm not showing my hand when we talk, playing it cool but shit is bothering me.