DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

HammerFace · May 26, 2018

Coolwhip said:
5 months after the break up I still go through times where it feels I dont want to live anymore :(

My ex met her online boyfriend this weekend :( Im dying inside, how can people deal with this pain?

I second Maven's sentiment. You shouldn't be keeping up with what she is doing. Most people can deal with this pain by actually moving on. Learning to live their life without their significant other. Getting out there and being with friends, picking up new hobbies or getting back into old ones, and just meeting new people as well. If you keep watching your ex you're not going to be happy because you're not trying to move on while she is.

Jintor · May 26, 2018

EdibleKnife said:
It really annoys me how curt some people are on dating apps. 3 new chats within this past week and all three seem to be going out of their way to answer questions in the most closed off way possible. It's particularly frustrating when I have to move forward a conversation on my own and, despite a mutual like, they don't seem to want to converse and get their own questions answered or trade any banter at all. It makes it difficult to know if someone actually wants to be asked on a date when they don't seem interested in having a conversation in the first place. I mean, the first chat should be a moment when you give a glimpse of your full personality but I'm seeing so many people that just seem outright dull with how tersely they interact.

the curse of the one word answer

these days i'm rushing to meet up with peeps cos text is text and meeting a person is a totally different story

Alwayscrazybacon · May 26, 2018

EdibleKnife said:
It really annoys me how curt some people are on dating apps. 3 new chats within this past week and all three seem to be going out of their way to answer questions in the most closed off way possible. It's particularly frustrating when I have to move forward a conversation on my own and, despite a mutual like, they don't seem to want to converse and get their own questions answered or trade any banter at all. It makes it difficult to know if someone actually wants to be asked on a date when they don't seem interested in having a conversation in the first place. I mean, the first chat should be a moment when you give a glimpse of your full personality but I'm seeing so many people that just seem outright dull with how tersely they interact.

You've got to consider she could be managing more than just your text messages and she just might not want to give out too much personal information. A lot of those opening conversations are just the same and quite boring after a while. I saved time by having common questions and answers on a note on my phone that I could just cut/paste in the end to speed things up. Ultimately you want to move to setting up a date for the getting to know you part as basically the messaging is worthless.

Messofanego · May 26, 2018

Coolwhip said:
5 months after the break up I still go through times where it feels I dont want to live anymore :(

My ex met her online boyfriend this weekend :( Im dying inside, how can people deal with this pain?

Didn't we tell you to stop checking on your ex? You're doing this to yourself as some sort of punishment. Block, delete all kinds of communication so you can never see her activity again. You know exactly what to do, but because you haven't moved on to anyone else, you're obsessed. Next time we don't want to hear you're still checking up on her activity, otherwise it's pointless for us to give advice if you will never heed it.

Ernest · May 26, 2018

EdibleKnife said:
It really annoys me how curt some people are on dating apps. 3 new chats within this past week and all three seem to be going out of their way to answer questions in the most closed off way possible. It's particularly frustrating when I have to move forward a conversation on my own and, despite a mutual like, they don't seem to want to converse and get their own questions answered or trade any banter at all. It makes it difficult to know if someone actually wants to be asked on a date when they don't seem interested in having a conversation in the first place. I mean, the first chat should be a moment when you give a glimpse of your full personality but I'm seeing so many people that just seem outright dull with how tersely they interact.

You hit the nail on the head for me - this has been the lions share of my online dating interactions as well. It could be that they have 20 different conversations going on at once, compared to my 2, but, even though I try to keep chatting to a minimum and meet as soon as possible, it still happens a lot and feels lame.

Alwayscrazybacon · May 26, 2018

Messofanego said:
Didn't we tell you to stop checking on your ex? You're doing this to yourself as some sort of punishment. Block, delete all kinds of communication so you can never see her activity again. You know exactly what to do, but because you haven't moved on to anyone else, you're obsessed. Next time we don't want to hear you're still checking up on her activity, otherwise it's pointless for us to give advice if you will never heed it.

He's been told multiple times since he first posted about it. At this point he needs professional advice not a forum. It's no longer about dating in this case.

Jo-awn · May 27, 2018

Well I rekindled my relationship with an old flame. We'd been on 3 dates and had sex before she got angry that I was late to the fourth date. It crushed me because I liked her.

Fast forward a year and a half later. She texted me out of the blue last Tuesday after I had messaged her on OKC last summer and wanted to catch up. I saw her today and we had good sex again.

I still don't know what I want but I'm getting tired of first dates and FWB's are too much for me. I told her I want to see where it goes. I'm seeing her again either next weekend or quite soon.

Alwayscrazybacon · May 27, 2018

Jo-awn said:
Well I rekindled my relationship with an old flame. We'd been on 3 dates and had sex before she got angry that I was late to the fourth date. It crushed me because I liked her.

Fast forward a year and a half later. She texted me out of the blue last Tuesday after I had messaged her on OKC last summer and wanted to catch up. I saw her today and we had good sex again.

I still don't know what I want but I'm getting tired of first dates and FWB's are too much for me. I told her I want to see where it goes. I'm seeing her again either next weekend or quite soon.

Move onto soneone new, because this isnt ever going to work out for you.

SpecX · May 27, 2018

Coolwhip said:
5 months after the break up I still go through times where it feels I dont want to live anymore :(

My ex met her online boyfriend this weekend :( Im dying inside, how can people deal with this pain?

The pain sucks, but it will get better. I'm still in the depression stage from my breakup, but over missing her or wanting to try and make things work even if she wanted to try.

Best solution is to cut yourself off from her. No way u can move on if you keep seeing what she's doing, where she's going, who she's seeing. The first thing I did was delete my ex from snap, Facebook, etc. When she was packing her things I gave her all the pictures of us and any pictures with her in them. Complete removal was what I needed to help myself.

We don't talk unless it's about our kids and I prefer to do it via text rather on the phone or in person. Cut that shit out and block her out of your life so u can heal and move on.

Scarecrow · May 27, 2018

How does one overcome having a boring personality? Like, dull as dishwater. I always feel like any potential partner would have a more entertaining time just wheeling around a sack of potatoes.

Addie · May 27, 2018

Coolwhip said:
5 months after the break up I still go through times where it feels I dont want to live anymore :(

My ex met her online boyfriend this weekend :( Im dying inside, how can people deal with this pain?

By not doing stupid shit like this:

Coolwhip said:
I have a question: on my iPhone I have 4GB of iMessages. These are photos and messages with my ex. I would like to store them somewhere safely. How do I do that? I read that in iOS 11.4 iMessage is finally synced in iCloud. But how do I do it now?

Dude, we like you. Let's preface things with that. We've told you to delete everything involving your ex dozens of times now. The fuck you doing, anyway? She cheated on you. At worst, she's a terrible person; barring that, she's still not (and never was) a good match for you.

Please seek help. As Alwayscrazybacon said, this ceased to be about dating a while ago: you need to realize and accept that you're better off without her.

Addie · May 27, 2018

Scarecrow said:
How does one overcome having a boring personality? Like, dull as dishwater. I always feel like any potential partner would have a more entertaining time just wheeling around a sack of potatoes.

No emotionally healthy person is ever going to want to be in a relationship with you when you have that kind of attitude about yourself.

(Also, I seriously doubt you're that boring. You're probably just quiet and need to warm up to people.)

So, two things. First, improve your mental health. We can't help you with that, but the ultimate end state is you thinking, "Yeah, I may be quiet, but I still have loads to offer." Second, try new things, or cultivate the things you do enjoy.

SalvaPot · May 27, 2018

I confessed to this girl I have been going with as a friend for a bit now, she broke up a serious long term relationship last February and it was her first love. We have been hanging out for about a month now and I realized I had feelings for her, so I told her. She was a bit surprised that I actually told her how I felt. She said it was too son for her. We kept talking and later on I said "I'm honestly not that surprised you said no", she replied "I never said no".

I guess I'm officially in the game, going to see her next week.

Jintor · May 27, 2018

Nice mate gj.

Scarecrow · May 27, 2018

Addie said:
No emotionally healthy person is ever going to want to be in a relationship with you when you have that kind of attitude about yourself.

(Also, I seriously doubt you're that boring. You're probably just quiet and need to warm up to people.)

So, two things. First, improve your mental health. We can't help you with that, but the ultimate end state is you thinking, "Yeah, I may be quiet, but I still have loads to offer." Second, try new things, or cultivate the things you do enjoy.

In my experience, most people find quiet types off putting or weird.

Coolwhip · May 27, 2018

Addie said:
By not doing stupid shit like this:

Dude, we like you. Let's preface things with that. We've told you to delete everything involving your ex dozens of times now. The fuck you doing, anyway? She cheated on you. At worst, she's a terrible person; barring that, she's still not (and never was) a good match for you.

Please seek help. As Alwayscrazybacon said, this ceased to be about dating a while ago: you need to realize and accept that you're better off without her.

Im seeing a therapist. He told me he went through the same. Having a relationship that didnt work, didnt make me happy but because she ended it it ruined me. Its an ego thing apparantly :/ He told me the only way to truly get over someone is finding someone else, that its even scientific, something happens in your head then. And I need to, after 5 months of feeling shit. But because its so easy to look up your ex online I know too much. Like the weekend with new guy thing. And because she is basically copying our meeting story (meeting in wow, dating online and then meeting for a weekend) I know exactly how it all is playing out. Its (self)torture. I still dont understand why Im so upset at the thought of another guy having sex with her though :(

SlickShoesRUCRazy · May 27, 2018

I'm really bad at recognizing signals from woman, so I'm not sure if I should ask out my co-worker.

A bit of a age difference. She is 24 and I'm 32.

We talk a lot and have hit it off really well over the last few months.

She will Snapchat me out of the blue all the time, even when she is out with her friends and shit.

I am about to start studying for the bar and she wants to help me study for the bar, as it is not my first time taking it.

Am I reading too much into this?

Addie · May 27, 2018

SlickShoesRUCRazy said:
I'm really bad at recognizing signals from woman, so I'm not sure if I should ask out my co-worker.

A bit of a age difference. She is 24 and I'm 32.

We talk a lot and have hit it off really well over the last few months.

She will Snapchat me out of the blue all the time, even when she is out with her friends and shit.

I am about to start studying for the bar and she wants to help me study for the bar, as it is not my first time taking it.

Am I reading too much into this?

I realize this isn't what you want to hear at all, but--

Focus your efforts on studying for the bar. Spend the cash that you'd put towards dates on BarBri or an alternative.

You should not be dating now. (Flings or hookups are fine.) There is literally no way a 24-year-old coworker can help you study for this.

The bar passage rates for repeat test-takers drop off a fucking cliff.

SlickShoesRUCRazy · May 27, 2018

Addie said:
I realize this isn't what you want to hear at all, but--

Focus your efforts on studying for the bar. Spend the cash that you'd put towards dates on BarBri or an alternative.

You should not be dating now. (Flings or hookups are fine.) There is literally no way a 24-year-old coworker can help you study for this.

The bar passage rates for repeat test-takers drop off a fucking cliff.

I'm already enrolled in a bar prep course haha.

Ya, what you said has crossed my mind also.

Alwayscrazybacon · May 27, 2018

SalvaPot said:
I guess I'm officially in the game, going to see her next week.

Any answer that isnt a yes, is a no. You're not in the game.

jdstorm · May 27, 2018

Coolwhip said:
Im seeing a therapist. He told me he went through the same. Having a relationship that didnt work, didnt make me happy but because she ended it it ruined me. Its an ego thing apparantly :/ He told me the only way to truly get over someone is finding someone else, that its even scientific, something happens in your head then. And I need to, after 5 months of feeling shit. But because its so easy to look up your ex online I know too much. Like the weekend with new guy thing. And because she is basically copying our meeting story (meeting in wow, dating online and then meeting for a weekend) I know exactly how it all is playing out. Its (self)torture. I still dont understand why Im so upset at the thought of another guy having sex with her though :(

because you are being possesive of a person who doesn't give a shit about you. You are hoping its all a ploy or she will change her mind and realise that she loves you.

She won't. She dumped your ass for a reason. she doesn't want it anymore.

Now to be clear her not wanting you doesn't say anything about your worth. people are flawed, make mistakes and sometimes even want different things. If she doesn't want the good that you offer then thats her missfortune. she's missing out. Go get yourself out there and share your best qualities with someone who makes you embrace them.

Addie · May 27, 2018

Coolwhip said:
Im seeing a therapist. He told me he went through the same. Having a relationship that didnt work, didnt make me happy but because she ended it it ruined me. Its an ego thing apparantly :/ He told me the only way to truly get over someone is finding someone else, that its even scientific, something happens in your head then. And I need to, after 5 months of feeling shit. But because its so easy to look up your ex online I know too much. Like the weekend with new guy thing. And because she is basically copying our meeting story (meeting in wow, dating online and then meeting for a weekend) I know exactly how it all is playing out. Its (self)torture. I still dont understand why Im so upset at the thought of another guy having sex with her though :(

I'm glad you're seeing a therapist.

I don't understand why you're so upset either. Quite frankly, based on everything you've said here, a girl that spends her free time playing WoW and uses it as Tinder to sext and then literally fuck another dude she met on a MMORPG sounds like a trash person.

You do realize she's not thinking about you at all, right? In fact, she quit thinking about you during the relationship when she was, as noted above, being a certifiable trash person.

She could be fucking Chris Evans right now. It doesn't matter. You're never seeing her again; it's never working out, nor should you want it to work out after how she treated you; and I guarantee that all you're doing is killing yourself.

I'll add one nuance to your therapist's point. He's absolutely correct that finding someone else does ease the pangs of heartbreak. But what girl would ever want to date someone who spent yesterday stalking his ex's Insta or WoW accounts? Each time you do this, each time you cannot say "Yeah, we broke up, haven't heard about her in X months," you are making yourself a more obsessive, less desirable match.

All over a trash person.

Scarecrow said:
In my experience, most people find quiet types off putting or weird.

Your experience is not universal.

That said, it's true that striving towards being more interesting is a laudable goal.

So tell me, what are you doing about it?

Spinluck · May 27, 2018

jdstorm said:
Essentially you have to tell her that you love her, that you see a future with her. Then you need to encourage her to go find herself and hope the person she finds still has room in their new life for you.

from the sounds of it she will.

good luck.

ps. in this situation its highly likely that "I think i'm falling in love with you" really means "I'm starting to realize that i have been in love with you for 10 years and its freaking me the fuck out.

Late reply, but I told her how I felt and it's been a bit of a relief. I told her after we slept together that day, and she told me she felt this way a really long time. I asked her, "how long?" And she was too afraid to answer so I dropped it and kissed her immediately. Then we cuddled for a little while.

So from there things were good, but lately her job seems to be straining her emotionally and physically. She's a night shift ICU nurse, and just started in January so she's still kind of fresh on the scene. I feel like I've been emotionally supporting her quite well, and I'm a great listener. But all she seems to do is sleep a ton and she becomes very distant when we're apart, and often apologizes for it but I assure her that I understand why it happens. Yet when we're around each other things feel at their best, and we make a lot of our plans when we're together. I can almost always get her to laugh when she's down. She asked me the other day, "do you want to go somewhere on your birthday?" Which is the 7th of July, and I thought that was sweet of her, and said sure. But once she gets on shift she gets kind of distant. I try not to take it personal, but it's new for me.

I'm trying to give her space when needed (purely based off assumption), we did talk about this. But I'm not sure if she's just waiting for me to ask her out somewhere again. She used to initiate a lot of our interactions when we are apart, but now she just sends me stuff on Instagram. I could be over thinking this, since she almost always says yes to going out if she's available. Hell, the day before yesterday during our date, she wanted to go to the movies again Saturday night but I said, "aren't you seeing Solo with your family on Saturday? You'd be seeing two movies in a day haha." I'm a dumb fuck lol.

I know I make her happy, but outside our relationship I feel like she's still working on her own personal happiness (I am too). But I often wonder if this type of communication is normal? We have a 10yr history so it's hard to guage things.

NTGYK · May 27, 2018

I'm off to meet my girl's family so we can get official approval. Wish me luck.

HammerFace · May 27, 2018

Spinluck said:
-snip-

I mean if you guys get along while together then I would say things are pretty normal, she just happens to be stressed. At most you can keep her informed and stay aware of how it affects you. Also keep the option open for her to tell you about things going on with her. Also you say you have a 10 year history, how does that make it hard to gauge things? If anything I would figure that'd make it easier to know whether she's acting differently or unhappy.

Edit: I re-read the second to last paragraph and it sounds a little like honeymoon phase is ending as well plus adding in the work stresses, but I dont know enough about the whole relationship to really say too much. However, if thats the case then its pretty normal that things have settled down a bit. If she sends you IG stuff you can always use that as a jumping off point for a conversation, or do what I do with my girlfriend and we just send memes and shitposts to each other because sometimes we just dont have the energy to actually talk.

NTGYK said:
I'm off to meet my girl's family so we can get official approval. Wish me luck.

This is like two hours late but good luck!

Spinluck · May 27, 2018

HammerFace said:
.

I think I may just be overthinking. She just texted me and she seemed fine. Talked about a camera she wanted to get. She occasionally says she misses me and stuff, but I guess as usual, when things are well I tend to wait for the other shoe to drop.

Recap: she's my best friend of 10yrs. She called off a wedding in October after being cheated on (9yr relationship), and I had just got out of a relationship in January.

In March, we ended up sleeping together, and have been seeing each other every since. She told me during sex one day that she thinks she was falling in love with me, and I told her how I felt as well.

But we've been taking things slow because at one point it did feel like we were moving way too fast (not because of our feelings but just jumping right back into a committed relationship again). She asked off the bat that I be real with her, and that we put things out in the open (her way of wanting to build trust I suppose). So I've been as supportive as I can be, and we are usually good at talking things over. But anyway, here we are.

She is going to NY with her mom for a couple of days June 7-9. Trying to decide if I should ask her out before or after her trip.

HammerFace · May 27, 2018

Spinluck said:
I think I may just be overthinking. She just texted me and she seemed fine. Talked about a camera she wanted to get. She occasionally says she misses me and stuff, but I guess as usual, when things are well I tend to wait for the other shoe to drop.

Recap: she's my best friend of 10yrs. She called off a wedding in October after being cheated on (9yr relationship), and I had just got out of a relationship in January.

In March, we ended up sleeping together, and have been seeing each other every since. She told me during sex one day that she thinks she was falling in love with me, and I told her how I felt as well.

But we've been taking things slow because at one point it did feel like we were moving way too fast (not because of our feelings but just jumping right back into a committed relationship again). She asked off the bat that I be real with her, and that we put things out in the open (her way of wanting to build trust I suppose). So I've been as supportive as I can be, and we are usually good at talking things over. But anyway, here we are.

She is going to NY with her mom for a couple of days June 7-9. Trying to decide if I should ask her out before or after her trip.

From the sound of it things seem to be alright. It's definitely not the most typical situation but overall it sounds like things are going well and like you don't have too much to worry about.

Also I'd say ask her out before she leaves. I don't really have much justification for why, it's just what my gut is telling me I would do in that situation lol

jdstorm · May 27, 2018

Spinluck said:
Late reply, but I told her how I felt and it's been a bit of a relief. I told her after we slept together that day, and she told me she felt this way a really long time. I asked her, "how long?" And she was too afraid to answer so I dropped it and kissed her immediately. Then we cuddled for a little while.

So from there things were good, but lately her job seems to be straining her emotionally and physically. She's a night shift ICU nurse, and just started in January so she's still kind of fresh on the scene. I feel like I've been emotionally supporting her quite well, and I'm a great listener. But all she seems to do is sleep a ton and she becomes very distant when we're apart, and often apologizes for it but I assure her that I understand why it happens. Yet when we're around each other things feel at their best, and we make a lot of our plans when we're together. I can almost always get her to laugh when she's down. She asked me the other day, "do you want to go somewhere on your birthday?" Which is the 7th of July, and I thought that was sweet of her, and said sure. But once she gets on shift she gets kind of distant. I try not to take it personal, but it's new for me.

I'm trying to give her space when needed (purely based off assumption), we did talk about this. But I'm not sure if she's just waiting for me to ask her out somewhere again. She used to initiate a lot of our interactions when we are apart, but now she just sends me stuff on Instagram. I could be over thinking this, since she almost always says yes to going out if she's available. Hell, the day before yesterday during our date, she wanted to go to the movies again Saturday night but I said, "aren't you seeing Solo with your family on Saturday? You'd be seeing two movies in a day haha." I'm a dumb fuck lol.

I know I make her happy, but outside our relationship I feel like she's still working on her own personal happiness (I am too). But I often wonder if this type of communication is normal? We have a 10yr history so it's hard to guage things.

not sure about what's normal. but established relationships usually survive by both parties putting in significant effort.

In general i think its important to remember that even within a relationship an individual shouldn't lose their sense of self or automony. if your relationship is healthy she will have the space to still grow as a person and be within its boundries.

so keep putting in effort. keep asking her to do things, keep making her laugh and just do your best. reach out to someone with a history of a successful established relationship. you guys have been doing this a while and it is going places so it stands to reason that the best advice will come from people who know how to get it to where its going. if that makes sense

smisk · May 28, 2018

Been in a relationship for five months and lately my feelings just haven't been the same towards her. Things were great for the first four months, and I really felt more in love than I have with anyone else. She's truly an amazing person/partner and I can't really think of anything else I'd ask for in a girlfriend. I realize that things inevitably cool off over the early phases or a relationship, I think I'm just missing that intense connection we had at the beginning. It used to be that every time I'd see her I'd feel excited. But today she's coming over and part of me wishes I could just watch a movie alone. It might partly be that we're spending more time together lately, on Sat we hadn't seen each other in a few days and I missed her and was super excited to see her. But after spending Sat night and all of Sunday together I just don't feel as into it now.
I worry I'm starting to take the relationship for granted or something. I don't want to throw the relationship away over something that might be temporary, but I think she deserves someone who is fully enthusiastic about things. I know all new things lose their shine at some point, but I've only been in one other relationship so I'm not sure how normal this is.. Any advice?

Messofanego · May 28, 2018

SalvaPot said:
I confessed to this girl I have been going with as a friend for a bit now, she broke up a serious long term relationship last February and it was her first love. We have been hanging out for about a month now and I realized I had feelings for her, so I told her. She was a bit surprised that I actually told her how I felt. She said it was too son for her. We kept talking and later on I said "I'm honestly not that surprised you said no", she replied "I never said no".

I guess I'm officially in the game, going to see her next week.

I would still consider it as a No until she actively takes you out on a date.

Lulu · May 28, 2018

SalvaPot said:
I confessed to this girl I have been going with as a friend for a bit now, she broke up a serious long term relationship last February and it was her first love. We have been hanging out for about a month now and I realized I had feelings for her, so I told her. She was a bit surprised that I actually told her how I felt. She said it was too son for her. We kept talking and later on I said "I'm honestly not that surprised you said no", she replied "I never said no".

I guess I'm officially in the game, going to see her next week.

Ya'll need to stop with these confessions, they're awkward and no one wants to be on the other end of it. Just ask them out on a date.

Ernest · May 28, 2018

smisk said:
Been in a relationship for five months and lately my feelings just haven't been the same towards her. Things were great for the first four months, and I really felt more in love than I have with anyone else. She's truly an amazing person/partner and I can't really think of anything else I'd ask for in a girlfriend. I realize that things inevitably cool off over the early phases or a relationship, I think I'm just missing that intense connection we had at the beginning. It used to be that every time I'd see her I'd feel excited. But today she's coming over and part of me wishes I could just watch a movie alone. It might partly be that we're spending more time together lately, on Sat we hadn't seen each other in a few days and I missed her and was super excited to see her. But after spending Sat night and all of Sunday together I just don't feel as into it now.
I worry I'm starting to take the relationship for granted or something. I don't want to throw the relationship away over something that might be temporary, but I think she deserves someone who is fully enthusiastic about things. I know all new things lose their shine at some point, but I've only been in one other relationship so I'm not sure how normal this is.. Any advice?

It's pretty normal - all relationships go through peaks and valleys through time. Having said that, approaching 6 months, it's kinda time for the next step and upping your commitment to each other regarding your future together. If you're both on the same page as to continuing, great, if not talk it out as best you can.

Jokab · May 28, 2018

Randomly ran into busy/fever girl at the drug store, she went up to me. Asked this morning over Messenger how she was feeling and if she wanted to get together again but she hasn't even been online yet. She was super tanned when I saw her today and she told me she has been out boating the whole weekend. I meant to ask her out in person but she was late for a train so she suddenly had to run. Oh well.

Messofanego · May 28, 2018

Jokab said:
Randomly ran into busy/fever girl at the drug store, she went up to me. Asked this morning over Messenger how she was feeling and if she wanted to get together again but she hasn't even been online yet. She was super tanned when I saw her today and she told me she has been out boating the whole weekend. I meant to ask her out in person but she was late for a train so she suddenly had to run. Oh well.

I don't think she's into you if she's avoiding you so much.

FireSafetyBear · May 28, 2018

First date in a long time last night and I felt we really clicked and I could be myself. It was a sigh of relief.

Already talking about the next date. I had never been to a drive in theater and she told me we had to go.

Hope it keeps up.

Jokab · May 28, 2018

Messofanego said:
I don't think she's into you if she's avoiding you so much.

Sadly probably not. Really a bummer because our last date, the two-day hike, was the best date I've ever been on. Before that date I thought it would just be a fun thing that would lead nowhere, but I came out of it with hard feelings. I guess we will see when she eventually responds, but I'm not holding my breath.

Messofanego · May 28, 2018

Jokab said:
Sadly probably not. Really a bummer because our last date, the two-day hike, was the best date I've ever been on. Before that date I thought it would just be a fun thing that would lead nowhere, but I came out of it with hard feelings. I guess we will see when she eventually responds, but I'm not holding my breath.

Yeah, I would recommend moving on to someone else and if she decides to respond, see how it goes but don't make her a priority.

Deleted member 33533 · May 28, 2018

Ernest said:
It's pretty normal - all relationships go through peaks and valleys through time. Having said that, approaching 6 months, it's kinda time for the next step and upping your commitment to each other regarding your future together. If you're both on the same page as to continuing, great, if not talk it out as best you can.

What does this entail exactly? At 6 months what is the next step of commitment supposed to be like? Genuinely asking here. Never been in a relationship that long and don't know how it's supposed to be in terms of commitment at that point.

Cat Pee · May 28, 2018

SuperiorTrashTalk said:
What does this entail exactly? At 6 months what is the next step of commitment supposed to be like? Genuinely asking here. Never been in a relationship that long and don't know how it's supposed to be in terms of commitment at that point.

It's not so much that 6 months is a hugely significant milestone or anything, but rather, that's around the time where the super strong feelings of passion tends to wear off for many people in new relationships. Therefore, it's important to do some introspection and determine whether you're truly into your partner as an individual even after this puppy love wears off, and determine for yourself if a long-term relationship is truly viable. It's also important to discuss this with them and obtain their own feelings and conclusions on the matter. In all of my relationships, I've made it a point to discuss this topic with the SO at that point in time. It's worked well so far.

Deleted member 33533 · May 28, 2018

Cat Pee said:
It's not so much that 6 months is a hugely significant milestone or anything, but rather, that's around the time where the super strong feelings of passion tends to wear off for many people in new relationships. Therefore, it's important to do some introspection and determine whether you're truly into your partner as an individual even after this puppy love wears off, and determine for yourself if a long-term relationship is truly viable. It's also important to discuss this with them and obtain their own feelings and conclusions on the matter. In all of my relationships, I've made it a point to discuss this topic with the SO at that point in time. It's worked well so far.

So basically you're just asking them if they want to keep seeing you for the foreseeable future.

Cat Pee · May 28, 2018

SuperiorTrashTalk said:
So basically you're just asking them if they want to keep seeing you for the foreseeable future.

More or less, yeah, though whether the phrasing and subject matter of discussion is simple or complex is entirely up to you and your situation.

smisk · May 28, 2018

Ernest said:
It's pretty normal - all relationships go through peaks and valleys through time. Having said that, approaching 6 months, it's kinda time for the next step and upping your commitment to each other regarding your future together. If you're both on the same page as to continuing, great, if not talk it out as best you can.

Thanks! I think a lot of my worries was just me overthinking stuff, things went really well with her today.

Xavillin · May 28, 2018

Last time I replied here was like 3 weeks ago, and I said I had a date with the girl planned that coming weekend. Didn't happen, she had other stuff to do.

Called her out of nowhere today, asked if she's free this coming Sunday. She had yes, but she'll tell me if she'll have other things to do that day.

I know she said yes, but does it mean anything if she'll cancel it if she has something else to do? Or is it because I randomly called her and rushed it?

Addie · May 28, 2018

Xavillin said:
Last time I replied here was like 3 weeks ago, and I said I had a date with the girl planned that coming weekend. Didn't happen, she had other stuff to do.

Called her out of nowhere today, asked if she's free this coming Sunday. She had yes, but she'll tell me if she'll have other things to do that day.

I know she said yes, but does it mean anything if she'll cancel it if she has something else to do? Or is it because I randomly called her and rushed it?

She's not interested in you and you're not taking the hint.

Xavillin · May 28, 2018

Addie said:
She's not interested in you and you're not taking the hint.

She was the one who asked me to go out for coffee and breakfast before. Maybe it's too late and I missed my chance :(

Alwayscrazybacon · May 28, 2018

Xavillin said:
She was the one who asked me to go out for coffee and breakfast before. Maybe it's too late and I missed my chance :(

Three weeks ago when you chickened out.

Addie · May 29, 2018

Xavillin said:
She was the one who asked me to go out for coffee and breakfast before. Maybe it's too late and I missed my chance :(

Oh, wait. I forgot that you've had other posts here and that this was the classmate you were talking about. (Sorry!)

I really do think you've been less than diligent about pursuing this.

So, I'll walk back what I said earlier: she may be interested, but it's impossible to tell because you've unfortunately squandered chances at making dates happen. That's not to say it's not salvageable -- your situation's different because this isn't some rando from Tinder, but rather someone you already know in person and have a history with.

But your window of opportunity is shrinking.

Jpop · May 29, 2018

So I started dating my coworker.

I know dating coworkers and all, but damn if she does not just make me super happy all the time and put a smile on my face.

HammerFace · May 29, 2018

Jpop said:
So I started dating my coworker.

I know dating coworkers and all, but damn if she does not just make me super happy all the time and put a smile on my face.

I mean if things are working out. Power to you man. But be aware of all the potential problems. And be prepared for work to be hell if things don't go well.

Coolwhip · May 29, 2018

smisk said:
Been in a relationship for five months and lately my feelings just haven't been the same towards her. Things were great for the first four months, and I really felt more in love than I have with anyone else. She's truly an amazing person/partner and I can't really think of anything else I'd ask for in a girlfriend. I realize that things inevitably cool off over the early phases or a relationship, I think I'm just missing that intense connection we had at the beginning. It used to be that every time I'd see her I'd feel excited. But today she's coming over and part of me wishes I could just watch a movie alone. It might partly be that we're spending more time together lately, on Sat we hadn't seen each other in a few days and I missed her and was super excited to see her. But after spending Sat night and all of Sunday together I just don't feel as into it now.
I worry I'm starting to take the relationship for granted or something. I don't want to throw the relationship away over something that might be temporary, but I think she deserves someone who is fully enthusiastic about things. I know all new things lose their shine at some point, but I've only been in one other relationship so I'm not sure how normal this is.. Any advice?

Just keep your eyes open and be honest with yourself. And talk to her about things.

I made the mistake to just think "this is forever" in my previous relationship despite feelings changing pretty quickly for her. Sometimes 2 people are just not meant to be together.

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