ERA Anonymous Confessions 2017 - New Location, New Administration, Same Old D-Pics

My best friend was raped by her brother a few months ago. I was her primary support. Her family knows, but it's he said she said to them. She's getting through it and we're both doing all the things you're supposed to do, but I'm tired and angry and feel guilty for how traumatised I am by her experience. It hasn't affected my ability to be there for her, but I'm far more fucked up than I should be. I'm embarrassed by how fucked up I feel. Nightmares, mood swings, deep depression and new anxiety. I get hit by frustration and sadness at her situation out of nowhere and nothing seems to help. I have plenty of support (friends, counselor, doctors, meds) but I keep getting hit by bouts of anger at her brother and frustration at her family and feel flat much of the rest of the time. Also exhaustion. Sometimes I sleep for 36, 48 hours with nothing but bathroom breaks. Usually about twice a week. Lost my job. Don't eat some days. She's doing great thankfully. I feel like I should be doing so much better. I know proxy trauma exists, but the extent of it seems unreasonable and like it must look like I'm trying to get attention. I hate feeling so needy and useless.

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So this is something I never expected to happen. So let's start the story from the beginning. At the start of the year I started to have a crush on my boss. I thought at the time nothing will ever happen because she is engaged and she is waaaaaaay out of my league so I never tried to make a move or anything.

So a few months pass by and I'm at PAX east the first night. I get a snapchat from her. Her in a bath showing her legs. Text said something about relaxing. So i joked shocked your fiance isn't joining you. She messaged back saying no he is out. I said well that's stupid of him. Now she sends me a text message asking how pax was going. I said it's going good and what no. She mentioned she wish she was there too. I said I do too it's a fun time she would enjoy. Then she said plus I would be with you. That caught me off guard and I thought to myself there is no way this is happening right now. I said aww thanks. Then she starts sending emojis...

This is where I honestly should have stopped. But I didn't. I sent one back. After I sent one back I get the snapchat notification of her typing. Once I say that I knew what was gonna happen. She said she had a sex dream about me.... So that weekend me and her snapchated each other all weekend. The Monday I got back to work it was ok I guess we acted normal. After work that day she asked me if I wanted it. I said of course. So the next morning I went to work at 5:30 and had sex with her in her office.

Now after we did that I felt like shit. Why? I just slept with someone getting married. Someone in a relationship. I felt like the worse human in the world. I tried my whole life to not be like the men I heard about from my mom or sisters. I thought i was better than this. But I'm not. I should add she slept with another coworker that same night and actually ended up leaving her fiance and moving in with another coworker different from the one she slept with that same day. But that doesn't change how i still feel about myself how shitty I am.

You know what is worse about all of this? I moved to a different location with her and I still get jealous of her. Why? I get attached to the last person to give me attention like that because not many do. I know this is long and all over the place but I have been waiting for this thread since it happen. I wish I wasn't such a shitty, needy, pathetic human.

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Hi everyone, hopefully the popcorn is still handy. SparkWorkDude here. Has a bit of a ring to it-- that'll work. Thanks CoH. We're going to do all this in chronological order to the best of my ability and even so I'll probably miss out on details here and there. It's been a trip. So away we go:

Wednesday:
Going to start a day before the trip and a mea culpa for not including it earlier. So by this point, neoak had posted the first couple chapters of this whole thing and I found myself of course centered on the idea that my other co-workers have to at least have some kind of inkling of what's going on.

One is a 24 year old single dude-- has way more potential than probably anyone I've ever worked with. If he's just some mid-level manager kicking around an affair with his assistant in another 10 years, I'll hunt him down and kick his ass. He's also naive. Very, very naive.

So with the "your employees know" thought running around in my head and a trip coming up, I figured it was time for a pulse check. Now we will often walk a mile or so together to our train stations on the nicer days. Gives me a chance to mentor a bit and be able to discuss things that he wouldn't feel comfortable with in the office. On Wednesday, we were hashing out the logistics of Thursday's trip and he had some personal stuff going on in his life, so we stopped by a bar for a drink.

So we're having a beer and I immediately notice there's two women at the bar that are captivated by him. Again, since his naivety knows no bounds, he's completely oblivious. I quietly mention this and as I'm saying it, they buy us shots. Or, more accurately, they buy him a shot and include one for me in an effort to be polite. He's clearly interested but has no idea how to even move the conversation forward. So I help out a bit once they open with "you guys looked like you were having a serious conversation and could use a drink." So I stand up and walk a couple feet over to be right between them. My co-worker is maybe 2 feet away.

"Sorry if we looked serious. It's completely not fair, but I just took my co-worker here to the bar to let him know that I've been having an affair with my assistant. I figure if anyone ever has to either deal with the reality or even the mental image, they should be entitled to a beer first. You know, just to be sure he'll never end up like me."

He plays it off beautifully. "I just wanted to see you happy man." Long story short, I basically do the entire (completely true) story while he sits there thinking I'm spinning a tale. The others think I'm a colossal asshole (I know, right?) and he's just some incredibly understanding figure that's still taking the high road despite working for such a dick. After my little soliloquy, I tell our new friends that I have a train to catch and jokingly (read: completely not jokingly) tell my co-worker not to be a dick like I've been when I leave. He follows me out.

"Dude! How did you manage to come up with THAT good of a story on demand? Like I've seen you with customers and I know you're good at this, but SHIT!"
"I'm an asshole. Just good at it. Now go back in the bar. See you tomorrow."

As of the time of this e-mail (Saturday afternoon), he's supposed to be going out for coffee with one of them tonight.

And that was only Wednesday.

How's the popcorn?

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First of all, a little disclaimer: english it's not my first language and I don't usually write this much so there a
re probably some grammar errors here and there. Sorry about that!

Anyway... ok, so this is my first time confessing. I've never shared this story with anyone sooo I'm a little bit nervous but also relieved to being finally able to tell someone, even though it's anonymously

Anyway, I'm really good friends with a couple. I met her through mutual friends and then she introduced me to her boyfriend. We became really good friends and used to see each other like 3-4 times a week, sometimes only the three of us and other times with other friends. The problem is that, as time passed, I developed a big crush on him (he's reeeeeally attractive), but of course I kept it to myself because I really cared for her as a friend and they were a great couple.

So, I used to live in a really big house, with a huge backyard, pool and everything, so naturally from time to time I threw some parties there. One time I had this huge party and this couple of friends were there, as always. After a lot of booze and some weed, she started feeling a little bit sick so me and her boyfriend carried her to the guest bedroom, put her in bed and then she fell asleep almost immediately.

We (me and the boyfriend), instead of going back to the party, stayed in the bedroom and started talking. We were both reeeeally drunk btw. And we talked, talked, talked... and when I least expected we were kissing. And his girlfriend, my very good friend, was passed out right next to us. But we were really drunk and sparks were flying and the tension was rising... so yeah. As you guys can imagine, we ended up having sex right there. Next to her.

And oh my god it was good. It was so freaking good.

So good that after having sex right next to her, we went to my bedroom. Round two was even better.

To shorten the story, they are still together, she never discovered it and I had sex with him on three more occasions. Of course I feel guitly as hell and a really shitty friend to this day. And everyone looooves to say that I look like a good, innocent girl. Little do they know, huh. Anyway, this is probably one of my biggest secrets, lol. It's the only thing I'm reeeeally ashamed of. But at the same time I don't regret it. It's weird.

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My ex live-in girlfriend was an IV crack cocaine addict. She sobered up but fell off the wagon gradually, smoking and then ramping back up to shooting.

I took ecstasy with her once out of curiosity. At one point after being entranced with the Mario 3 overworld track for god knows how long, she mentioned cocaine and I was like "sure, whatever, if you have to!"

Over the ride I decide I should try cocaine. She taught me how to smoke it. Which is dumb because you don't smoke cocaine, you smoke crack. I SMOKED CRACK?! Yeah, I smoked crack once while rolling on ecstasy.

Later I got into anal play and used a vibrator in my butt. It was a crazy time. The vibrator had poop on it and I was mortified and high.

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