DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

valentine said:

For you Tinder guys looking for something casual

My favorite opener "Apparently tinder thinks we find each other hot"

To turn a convo sexual via text ask her what she looks for in a guy, she most likely will say good heart, funny, respectful etc. Respond with "I'm a simple guy I like someone interested in traveling, funny and maybe a nice butt (interchangeable, use a feature you can tell she proud of) lol" if she responds back and talks about that third thing, you probably in. Get her WhatsApp or IG. Proceed with the pics.

If you want to recieve nudes. Start off with a normal picture of yourself, then wait for her to send one in return. For the next pic exchange, send one of you doing an activity, watching TV, anything really, but show a bit of skin such as abs, legs, whatever, just nothing overly sexual. If she mentions the skin on the pic in a good way and doesn't mention the activity you doing. You in boy, just don't go immediately overboard and send a throbbing cock pic lol. Also in this scenario I'm assuming you already made some head way in your texts

Congrats on the nudes/future sex.

Not sure if we have a thread about casual hookups and not sure the demand so I just posted here. If anyone is interested in other tips on this let me know. Doesn't matter the setting, bar, club, mall or via text. I've got some experiences to share and have been fortunate enough to live in various major cities to have fun :)

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Casual Hookup Era |OT| We Be Fuckbois Now

Messofanego said:

Casual Hookup Era |OT| We Be Fuckbois Now

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It has a ring to it. You be surprised that girls are just like guys in this department, they just don't flaunt it as much because they don't want to look promiscuous.

valentine said:

It has a ring to it. You be surprised that girls are just like guys in this department, they just don't flaunt it as much because they don't want to look promiscuous.

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That's true, I should've been more gender inclusive :P

MMarston said:

I'm totally understanding if she thinks it wasn't working because there were signs that it wasn't panning out as I'd hoped. But after all that time we spent together and how much I opened myself to her, I don't get why she had to do what she did.

She didn't just ghost me; she made the extra effort to shut out all avenues of possible contact whatsoever without saying a damn thing and make that known.

It really makes me feel worthless and embarrassed.

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That's such a shitty thing she did to you. At the very least, you can at least say it's a good thing she did it now and not later when you got more emotionally invested in her. She did you a favor by showing you her true colors.

Reckoner said:

Girl I've been dating is going away for two months. We're not frequent texters. Any advise on this? Feeling like it's too long as I was feeling good about this.

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The vibe I've been getting looking around at advice from my own situation (she's only going away for a week lol) but if she cares/is interested, she'll come back and it'll be the same as before.

If she doesn't text/respond I guess that's that.

It's hard communicating with somebody who doesn't text often but is lively in person. Throws me off.

FireSafetyBear said:

The vibe I've been getting looking around at advice from my own situation (she's only going away for a week lol) but if she cares/is interested, she'll come back and it'll be the same as before.

If she doesn't text/respond I guess that's that.

It's hard communicating with somebody who doesn't text often but is lively in person. Throws me off.

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I'm like that too, so there's a match. ahah

But yeah, we'll see. I'll send a text sometimes. My worry is really two months being kinda long, as we've only been seeing each other for three months.

Reckoner said:

I'm like that too, so there's a match. ahah

But yeah, we'll see. I'll send a text sometimes. My worry is really two months being kinda long, as we've only been seeing each other for three months.

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People gotta step it up, communication is nice haha

Has she said anything about it before she leaves?

valentine said:

For you Tinder guys looking for something casual

My favorite opener "Apparently tinder thinks we find each other hot"

To turn a convo sexual via text ask her what she looks for in a guy, she most likely will say good heart, funny, respectful etc. Respond with "I'm a simple guy I like someone interested in traveling, funny and maybe a nice butt (interchangeable, use a feature you can tell she proud of) lol" if she responds back and talks about that third thing, you probably in. Get her WhatsApp or IG. Proceed with the pics.

If you want to recieve nudes. Start off with a normal picture of yourself, then wait for her to send one in return. For the next pic exchange, send one of you doing an activity, watching TV, anything really, but show a bit of skin such as abs, legs, whatever, just nothing overly sexual. If she mentions the skin on the pic in a good way and doesn't mention the activity you doing. You in boy, just don't go immediately overboard and send a throbbing cock pic lol. Also in this scenario I'm assuming you already made some head way in your texts

Congrats on the nudes/future sex.

Not sure if we have a thread about casual hookups and not sure the demand so I just posted here. If anyone is interested in other tips on this let me know. Doesn't matter the setting, bar, club, mall or via text. I've got some experiences to share and have been fortunate enough to live in various major cities to have fun :)

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Lol what is this. Just ask her for a drink.

FireSafetyBear said:

People gotta step it up, communication is nice haha

Has she said anything about it before she leaves?

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yeah. we exchanged a couple texts last night.

Lulu said:

Lol what is this. Just ask her for a drink.

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It's toxic masculinity in action where you have to game a woman to get attention.

Alwayscrazybacon said:

It's toxic masculinity in action where you have to game a woman to get attention.

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What? No. valentine doesn't claim that this is the only way, it's just one way. Apparently it works. Other ways may work as well.

Need to vent about my first relationship, which ended yesterday.

I am 22 years old and my first relationship, if you can even call it that, ended yesterday.
We saw each other 6 times since march 21st. Every date went pretty ok I'd say, we walked a lot, we laughed and so on. It was only during the last date that I had the courage to hold her hand while walking in the park and at the end I kissed her.

I started to have feelings for her but it turned out that she didn't. That's why she broke up with me via phone yesterday. She gave me the ol' "you're a super nice guy and I'm sure you'll find someone out there". I didn't even know what to say honestly, but I did have a feeling she didn't have feelings for me, mainly based on the way we texted. They were mostly boring texts like how was your day stuff, there was no flirting at all, because I don't even know how to and I think she was the shy type too. Maybe it was also the fact that sometimes days went by without either of us texting each other?

Yesterday I was surprised that i wasn't as sad as I expected, but today it's hitting me pretty hard...
It's also the fact that she was the one who originally messaged me, so I don't feel a lot more confident about engaging other women.

Cokesouls said:

Need to vent about my first relationship, which ended yesterday.

I am 22 years old and my first relationship, if you can even call it that, ended yesterday.
We saw each other 6 times since march 21st. Every date went pretty ok I'd say, we walked a lot, we laughed and so on. It was only during the last date that I had the courage to hold her hand while walking in the park and at the end I kissed her.

I started to have feelings for her but it turned out that she didn't. That's why she broke up with me via phone yesterday. She gave me the ol' "you're a super nice guy and I'm sure you'll find someone out there". I didn't even know what to say honestly, but I did have a feeling she didn't have feelings for me, mainly based on the way we texted. They were mostly boring texts like how was your day stuff, there was no flirting at all, because I don't even know how to and I think she was the shy type too. Maybe it was also the fact that sometimes days went by without either of us texting each other?

Yesterday I was surprised that i wasn't as sad as I expected, but today it's hitting me pretty hard...
It's also the fact that she was the one who originally messaged me, so I don't feel a lot more confident about engaging other women.

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To be fair that doesnt seem like a relationship, but more like you went on a date with a friend.

Chairmanchuck said:

To be fair that doesnt seem like a relationship, but more like you went on a date with a friend.

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That's what it felt like for sure. Still bummed about it.

Cokesouls said:

Need to vent about my first relationship, which ended yesterday.

I am 22 years old and my first relationship, if you can even call it that, ended yesterday.
We saw each other 6 times since march 21st. Every date went pretty ok I'd say, we walked a lot, we laughed and so on. It was only during the last date that I had the courage to hold her hand while walking in the park and at the end I kissed her.

I started to have feelings for her but it turned out that she didn't. That's why she broke up with me via phone yesterday. She gave me the ol' "you're a super nice guy and I'm sure you'll find someone out there". I didn't even know what to say honestly, but I did have a feeling she didn't have feelings for me, mainly based on the way we texted. They were mostly boring texts like how was your day stuff, there was no flirting at all, because I don't even know how to and I think she was the shy type too. Maybe it was also the fact that sometimes days went by without either of us texting each other?

Yesterday I was surprised that i wasn't as sad as I expected, but today it's hitting me pretty hard...
It's also the fact that she was the one who originally messaged me, so I don't feel a lot more confident about engaging other women.

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What's that once every two weeks? Sounds like you were over invested in the relationship when she was casual about it. You'll bounce back, now you have some relationship experience and breakup experience so your more prepared for your next relationship. Do t give up.

Cokesouls said:

Need to vent about my first relationship, which ended yesterday.

I am 22 years old and my first relationship, if you can even call it that, ended yesterday.
We saw each other 6 times since march 21st. Every date went pretty ok I'd say, we walked a lot, we laughed and so on. It was only during the last date that I had the courage to hold her hand while walking in the park and at the end I kissed her.

I started to have feelings for her but it turned out that she didn't. That's why she broke up with me via phone yesterday. She gave me the ol' "you're a super nice guy and I'm sure you'll find someone out there". I didn't even know what to say honestly, but I did have a feeling she didn't have feelings for me, mainly based on the way we texted. They were mostly boring texts like how was your day stuff, there was no flirting at all, because I don't even know how to and I think she was the shy type too. Maybe it was also the fact that sometimes days went by without either of us texting each other?

Yesterday I was surprised that i wasn't as sad as I expected, but today it's hitting me pretty hard...
It's also the fact that she was the one who originally messaged me, so I don't feel a lot more confident about engaging other women.

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Well done on your first go. There will be more opportunities, believe me, where the girl likes you back.

Thanks for your help guys. Just writing about it makes me feel a bit better.

jdstorm said:

that text was definitely not saying "I'm not ready" it was saying I've been hurt and i need someone who is willing to help with some emotional rehab.

things you should say in this situation. although it doesn't have to be in this order

that you are best friends. that she won't lose you, that she can't fail you. that you want the best for her and you think its you. that you will support her in any way you can because her happiness is whats important to you. ect.

she doesn't need time. she seems to somehow hold some guilt towards her own actions from her past breakup and needs to rebuild her confidence in what she is like in a relationship.

just reassure her that she isn't a/the problem

edit: PS those scars aren't forever. they are just fresh and you guys have a 10 year long relationship of your own. So essentially she sees this as Deja Vu and she's terrified of you leaving her and breaking her heart just as badly as her former fiance.

It will be challenging at first but you have a great foundation. this isn't a normal dating situation but its 100% worth following through

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Yeah, I feel she cares about me a ton, but I think her anxiety constantly gets the best of her. So sometimes she rather be alone. She's absolutely gorgeous, and is one of the smartest people I know, but I'm still sort of getting a feel for how much her former relationship damaged her. She said she felt all of these incredible moments we've had but that some of it felt dulled down and that she wanted to experience them fully instead of being on autopilot. She said that's her problem to figure out.

After that, I pretty much said most of what you recommended and she responded with, "ugh that was perfect." And sent me a bunch of emojis and hearts. She then texted me , "I really love you..." My heart just like instantly melted in that moment. And I just went with my gut and told her that I knew, and that I loved her too.

Following morning after she got off her night shift she tried calling while I was at work, and I wasn't able to answer. Tried calling her later but I'm pretty sure she was sleeping after getting off work. She texted me that she just wanted to chat earlier but was already back at work, so I just told her, "good luck tonight <3." Then went to bed.

Communication has been kind of low but I'm less worried now. I'm trying to give her some time and space, and just letting her come around at her own pace. You're right about this not being a typical dating situation at all, and I feel that if I'm going to make this work I need to put myself out there.

Edit: also jdstorm, I just wanted to throw a huge thank you your way for pretty much guiding me through this lol, and being on point for most of it. This entire situation has been crazy, and also scary. Often times in dating I've grown accustomed to not showing my hand first, and always having my guard up. I would never want to ghost this person, but that's what my dating 101 handbook tells me to do in times of uncertainty. So when I found out my amazing and beautiful friend that I never thought I'd end up with in this life time was in love with me. I legit had no idea how to move forward. Of course, it had to come with us both leaving a previous relationship and her breakup of course being far more severe than mine. But I care about her enough to be resilient in withstanding the baggage. I sometimes have my doubts but I think that's normal at times, but I'm gonna follow through as much as I can and whatever happens, happens.

ShadowKingpin said:

Been dating this lady who is absolutely incredible. After 9 years of marriage and plenty of time to think things over, I went back into dating, and though the start was incredibly rocky, it all led me to her and I am honestly way happier than the majority of my marriage from before, so all is well. :)

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How long after your marriage did it take you to start dating again? Just curious.

Spinluck said:

Yeah, I feel she cares about me a ton, but I think her anxiety constantly gets the best of her. So sometimes she rather be alone. She's absolutely gorgeous, and is one of the smartest people I know, but I'm still sort of getting a feel for how much her former relationship damaged her. She said she felt all of these incredible moments we've had but that some of it felt dulled down and that she wanted to experience them fully instead of being on autopilot. She said that's her problem to figure out.

After that, I pretty much said most of what you recommended and she responded with, "ugh that was perfect." And sent me a bunch of emojis and hearts. She then texted me , "I really love you..." My heart just like instantly melted in that moment. And I just went with my gut and told her that I knew, and that I loved her too.

Following morning after she got off her night shift she tried calling while I was at work, and I wasn't able to answer. Tried calling her later but I'm pretty sure she was sleeping after getting off work. She texted me that she just wanted to chat earlier but was already back at work, so I just told her, "good luck tonight <3." Then went to bed.

Communication has been kind of low but I'm less worried now. I'm trying to give her some time and space, and just letting her come around at her own pace. You're right about this not being a typical dating situation at all, and I feel that if I'm going to make this work I need to put myself out there.

Edit: also jdstorm, I just wanted to throw a huge thank you your way for pretty much guiding me through this lol, and being on point for most of it. This entire situation has been crazy, and also scary. Often times in dating I've grown accustomed to not showing my hand first, and always having my guard up. I would never want to ghost this person, but that's what my dating 101 handbook tells me to do in times of uncertainty. So when I found out my amazing and beautiful friend that I never thought I'd end up with in this life time was in love with me. I legit had no idea how to move forward. Of course, it had to come with us both leaving a previous relationship and her breakup of course being far more severe than mine. But I care about her enough to be resilient in withstanding the baggage. I sometimes have my doubts but I think that's normal at times, but I'm gonna follow through as much as I can and whatever happens, happens.



How long after your marriage did it take you to start dating again? Just curious.

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I was officially divorced as of early August last year and just started dating about a month ago, so 9 months. It was incredibly difficult to do, as my trust with people is insanely low, but I am truly glad that I jumped and took the risk.

Peltz said:

Dating is so boring for me right now. I find myself just completely not into anyone.

Any time I get excited about someone, it is very fleeting and goes away within a day or so.

I've been been single since October after being involved with someone for like 10 months or so. I feel like I'm ready to date again (I really do want to), but no one is making me care much more than just a hookup here and there. And those hookups are really unfulfilling.

Is it just a numbers thing?

I have a date tomorrow with a very attractive girl. She's in great shape, plays video games, and just has been really cool and communicative on the phone over the past week. But in my heart, I'm like "meh." And I don't really know why.

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Well that girl didn't do it for me, but I have an update on this...

Today I was hanging with a friend and we went into a restaurant/bar and immediately upon entering the place, a totally stunning woman looks in my direction from the bar and smiled. I was completely floored by her. When I say stunning, I really mean it. Beyond gorgeous. In fact... she was so attractive that she actually made me nervous by just looking at me.

She was with some people including someone who I thought might be her boyfriend, so I decided to grab a table near the bar she was sitting in case she did it again.

She did... fully turned around 180 degrees to look in my direction and made serious eye contact and gave me the biggest smile. It was so intense it damn near knocked me out of my seat. I went up to her and introduced myself - still nervous as all hell which never happens to me.

We ended up chatting for about 20 minutes then I got her number. Not once did I feel composed throughout the entire conversation. I felt like a bumbling jackass. I haven't felt butterflies like that in a very long time. She gave me the biggest hug when I came over to say goodbye (her body pressed against me and is just insane) and kissed me on the cheek too. I honestly felt like I could have kissed her right on the spot but held off.

Hours later, I'm still kind of reeling from the experience. What a rare moment.

Even if this doesn't work out... I really don't care. It just feels good just to feel something again. It's good to know I still have that capability. I felt so uncomfortable and alive.

What's the best, non-asshole way to say smoking cigarettes is a deal breaker?

"cigarette smoking is a deal breaker for me"

Ernest said:

"cigarette smoking is a deal breaker for me"

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Aye, frankly its for their own good. If they lose a potentially good relationship over smoking and that gets them to quit, you're doing them a favor even if it torches your relationship in the short term.

Scarecrow said:

What's the best, non-asshole way to say smoking cigarettes is a deal breaker?

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"Sorry it's nothing personal, but smoking is a deal breaker for me."

There's nothing asshole-ish about that. You really don't even owe anyone an explanation.

It's totally good to have reasonable standards for what you want, and then stick to them. And smoking is not something superficial. It's about quality of life, health, and sharing the same values, really.

What's the best way to talk to a friend of a friend? She stopped by the house briefly and he told me she's single when I asked who she was. Can I ask him to give her my number if she's interested?

Mr. X said:

What's the best way to talk to a friend of a friend? She stopped by the house briefly and he told me she's single when I asked who she was. Can I ask him to give her my number if she's interested?

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Are you guys in high school?

This does not have anything to do with dating but since I can't make threads yet I need some advice about something that just happened to me and this is the closest thread I can ask about it.

Backstory

I moved from my country to the States in 2001 leaving a great deal of amazing friends behind. I was 16 at the time and social media was not a thing yet and the only ways to kept contact with some friends were email and messenger and most of my friends didn't have a computer at the time so I lost contact with them until 2008 or so when Facebook was taking off.

Fast forward to 2018

Over all these years I re-established contact with most of my friends thanks to Facebook and Instagram. The were 2 of them that I couldn't find anywhere on social media until about a month ago I found them on Facebook. These two friends were a brother and a sister that I knew from early childhood and the last time I saw them we were like 14/15 years old and we are now in our 30s.

Now to the point

I added and messaged the them on Facebook, they responded and we start talking about our childhoods, what we did in all this time and all that stuff. The girl added me of whatsapp and we have been texting almost everyday. On the first days of texting I noticed she was kinda being flirty with me but I shrugged it off thinking that maybe she is just like this, after all, I haven't seen her for almost 19 years. Then today she sends me a picture with letters that said something like "I'm dying wanting to tell you what I feel but I'm afraid that you'll reject me" and I asked her what's that about and the she tells me she is confused about her feelings toward me and that she is a single mother because her relationship failed and because I told her I'm single right know because my last relationship didn't go as planned she felt like maybe there was a connection. She ended the message saying that she is sorry for telling me that. I told her that is ok and don't worry. I also told her that failed relationships is part of life and the best way to overcome it is to be at peace with oneself and that I don't let those things affect me in my everyday life

I wasn't sure what to tell her on the last message and I didn't want to be an asshole. Anyway, after the last message she hasn't text back and I feel kinda bad. I don't have any romantic feelings for her, she is just my friend that I lost contact almost 19 years ago. We used to play in the streets when we were little kids and had a ton of fun. That's why when I found her I was excited to message her.

Reckoner said:

Girl I've been dating is going away for two months. We're not frequent texters. Any advise on this? Feeling like it's too long as I was feeling good about this.

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I'm in the middle of the same situation. After some time apart we both started naturally texting and calling each other more and more frequently.

Try not to stress over it, if you miss each other, messaging starts to feel more normal.

Slipknot666 said:

This does not have anything to do with dating but since I can't make threads yet I need some advice about something that just happened to me and this is the closest thread I can ask about it.

Backstory

I moved from my country to the States in 2001 leaving a great deal of amazing friends behind. I was 16 at the time and social media was not a thing yet and the only ways to kept contact with some friends were email and messenger and most of my friends didn't have a computer at the time so I lost contact with them until 2008 or so when Facebook was taking off.

Fast forward to 2018

Over all these years I re-established contact with most of my friends thanks to Facebook and Instagram. The were 2 of them that I couldn't find anywhere on social media until about a month ago I found them on Facebook. These two friends were a brother and a sister that I knew from early childhood and the last time I saw them we were like 14/15 years old and we are now in our 30s.

Now to the point

I added and messaged the them on Facebook, they responded and we start talking about our childhoods, what we did in all this time and all that stuff. The girl added me of whatsapp and we have been texting almost everyday. On the first days of texting I noticed she was kinda being flirty with me but I shrugged it off thinking that maybe she is just like this, after all, I haven't seen her for almost 19 years. Then today she sends me a picture with letters that said something like "I'm dying wanting to tell you what I feel but I'm afraid that you'll reject me" and I asked her what's that about and the she tells me she is confused about her feelings toward me and that she is a single mother because her relationship failed and because I told her I'm single right know because my last relationship didn't go as planned she felt like maybe there was a connection. She ended the message saying that she is sorry for telling me that. I told her that is ok and don't worry. I also told her that failed relationships is part of life and the best way to overcome it is to be at peace with oneself and that I don't let those things affect me in my everyday life

I wasn't sure what to tell her on the last message and I didn't want to be an asshole. Anyway, after the last message she hasn't text back and I feel kinda bad. I don't have any romantic feelings for her, she is just my friend that I lost contact almost 19 years ago. We used to play in the streets when we were little kids and had a ton of fun. That's why when I found her I was excited to message her.

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Did you tell her you see her as just a friend? Just thank her for opening up about her feelings towards you but you're sorry you can't reciprocate back. Give her best wishes in finding someone.

Fuckit. I'm getting off Snapchat and no longer accepting that as a medium of contact. Sucks to hook up with someone the night before, add yourself to her Snapchat on her phone, see her in your friends list in the morning, but when you try to send her a message later that day, it says that she "won't see the message until she adds you as her friend".

Mr. X said:

What's the best way to talk to a friend of a friend? She stopped by the house briefly and he told me she's single when I asked who she was. Can I ask him to give her my number if she's interested?

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Don't do that. If she hasn't even shown any interest and only stopped by briefly, it would be weird if you suddenly had her number and was talking to her.

Instead, ask your friend to invite her out next time you guys go out in a group setting and then try to talk to her and get her number during that.

How do you guys feel about putting pictures of your pets in the dating app profile? See it with women a lot but not sure whether guys do it.

Birdseye said:

Girlfriend just broke up with me. She was my first relationship and we were together for one year and a half. I feel horrible, like I took a brick to the face. Didn't see it coming and I'm all tears.

I want to get better and get over it eventually but I need some time to realize what just happened. I thought our relationship was serious and I could totally see myself with her for the rest of my life.

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I have some advice, I did it all wrong myself, so I know what doesn't work at least.

1. Accept that it's final, there is an extremely small chance you get back together and even then a super small chance of that working out.
2. Don't look her up online. <- I failed hard at that. If you can't stop looking her up, take extreme measures. Give up your smartphone/tablet for a month for example. I did that and it worked.
3. Talk to friends and family
4. Live in the now

Knight in Shining Armani said:

How do you guys feel about putting pictures of your pets in the dating app profile? See it with women a lot but not sure whether guys do it.

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Women like cute animals so it works to have a picture of you with your pet. It's not really guaranteed to elevate your matches or anything though, the rest of your profile still needs to be really good.

Man, that "Fuck Yes or No." article in the OP is fucking me up. I've never had a mutual "Fuck yes" situation in regards to romance probably ever. Dates, sure. I can get a first date without much trouble. Sex, yeah. If I'm in the right head space and feeling myself I can turn a girl on pretty thoroughly. But romance? Extended fondness? Falling in love? That shit I've never been able to get mutually. If a girl is super into me I'm typically not into her, or if I'm super into somebody I usually wear out my welcome and drive them away.

Even with this girl I've been seeing on and off for a year and a half or so. We're not together, we're not a couple, but we're not just fuck buddies either. There's attachment and intimacy and a lot of shared history, even if one of the primary foundations of our interpersonal relationship is a strong attraction and sexual chemistry. But it's always been "Fuck yeah we're both down for grabbing a drink!" "Fuck yeah we can get a hotel room tonight!" "Fuck yeah you can come over, my folks are out of town!" (We both live with our parents) But where I would gladly take it further and say we're together, or wanna take things further, or make extended future plans, she's not feeling it. She says she doesn't love me like I love her, although she does make me feel loved fairly often. But it's just not a fuck yes for her. It's not even a yes in regards to that. And it's not like she's regularly going out with other guys and playing the field. When things are going good for us, we're exclusive to each other cause we both have busy lives and do a pretty good job of scratching that itch for each other. There have been a few times where we've "broke up" and she's gone out on dates and on one occasion she even slept with another guy, and I've slept with a few other girls in such times, but we always end up back with each other. I'd like to think it's out of more than just a habit, but maybe it's just because she hasn't found anyone that's better than me yet.

Anyhow, the article just confirms what my friends tell me and what I know, that I need to walk away and let her know I'm not just gonna be a fallback plan and try and find somebody that enthusiastically wants me. But that's so hard to do cause I'm in love with this girl, and she's more attractive and more captivating and more of everything I want than anyone else I've been with. But it's like she doesn't even wanna be in a relationship unless it's someone she feels as though she could potentially marry. And that's not me. And that fucking kills me. But I don't know if I got it in me to walk away, as satisfying as that would be on some level.

Sorry for the rant, in a weird depressed headspace today and typing it all out was some level of catharsis.

Social media sucks.

I really gotta get away from it or don't add people lol

Text somebody - they post online a few times - no text back

Feels bad. I've done it, but it was intentional. So it's fuckin with me.

FireSafetyBear said:

Social media sucks.

I really gotta get away from it or don't add people lol

Text somebody - they post online a few times - no text back

Feels bad. I've done it, but it was intentional. So it's fuckin with me.

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This shit has literally kept me up at night on more occasions than I'm comfortable admitting. Starting to feel like you shouldn't even add someone on Facebook or Instagram until you're actively together in a relationship.

FireSafetyBear said:

Social media sucks.

I really gotta get away from it or don't add people lol

Text somebody - they post online a few times - no text back

Feels bad. I've done it, but it was intentional. So it's fuckin with me.

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Don't add anyone you're dating to FB.

Not until you're serious, at least.

Knight in Shining Armani said:

How do you guys feel about putting pictures of your pets in the dating app profile? See it with women a lot but not sure whether guys do it.

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Only if you are in it

vrcsix said:

Fuckit. I'm getting off Snapchat and no longer accepting that as a medium of contact. Sucks to hook up with someone the night before, add yourself to her Snapchat on her phone, see her in your friends list in the morning, but when you try to send her a message later that day, it says that she "won't see the message until she adds you as her friend".

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Why do you need another medium to contact her? You already have whatever you're using.

In the future, in this same scenario, just let the woman add you

Cokesouls said:

Thanks for your help guys. Just writing about it makes me feel a bit better.

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You will be fine. I will say in the future do not wait 2 months/6 dates to finally make a move. That's too long

justjim89 said:

Starting to feel like you shouldn't even add someone on Facebook or Instagram until you're actively together in a relationship.

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Yup! This is exactly what I've been doing for years, and it's worked out great - don't add anyone you're dating, only after you're in a committed relationship, and then delete after the relationship is over - depending... there's always exceptions, but they're rare.

Addie said:

Don't add anyone you're dating to FB.

Not until you're serious, at least.

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Yeah I was drunk (which still isn't an excuse)

I realize my mistake now. Though again, I should probably get off of it entirely.

nvm

Maven said:

In the future, in this same scenario, just let the woman add you

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That's what happened. She asked me for my snapchat so we could get in touch afterwards, and she had me add myself on her phone right there. She must've just deleted me the next day.

Maven said:

Why do you need another medium to contact her? You already have whatever you're using.

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I have not been given any other way of contacting her. Not that I care now. If she expected me to move faster, it's her problem. If your patience is less than 24 hours after a late night, you're being unreasonable.

Snapchat in general is garbage. UI is a bloated mess, and it's pretty annoying how you have to be careful and manually save everything you type. And for what? Fuck if I'll remember what I sent two days ago.

Peltz said:

Should I just "let go" and allow myself to enjoy the ride or should I sort of slow things down?

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Definitely slow down. Always, I'd say. At best you'll drive her away, and at worst you'll hurt yourself. I've done both, and so have probably you at some point. But a reminder is always good.

vrcsix said:

That's what happened. She asked me for my snapchat so we could get in touch afterwards, and she had me add myself on her phone right there. She must've just deleted me the next day.



I have not been given any other way of contacting her. Not that I care now. If she expected me to move faster, it's her problem. If your patience is less than 24 hours after a late night, you're being unreasonable.

Snapchat in general is garbage. UI is a bloated mess, and it's pretty annoying how you have to be careful and manually save everything you type. And for what? Fuck if I'll remember what I sent two days ago.[/QUOTE]

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That is interesting. So now you are a "subscriber" and when she snaps you get the beautiful opportunity to see her snaps(if her settings are open vs friends only). I would definitely delete her as a friend(if you haven't).

Laughing at your description of snap. Yes, it sucks these days and prefer IG.

I'm sure you have, but if not, I wouldn't reach out and wait for her if you care to continue this

Maven said:

That is interesting. So now you are a "subscriber" and when she snaps you get the beautiful opportunity to see her snaps(if her settings are open vs friends only). I would definitely delete her as a friend(if you haven't).

Laughing at your description of snap. Yes, it sucks these days and prefer IG.

I'm sure you have, but if not, I wouldn't reach out and wait for her if you care to continue this

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She didn't strike me as "one of those". But I encountered the kind of girl on Tinder who are like "I'm not really social on here, but add me on Snapchat". Then I add her on Snapchat and she proceeds to ignore my messages while posting pictures of cats. "Lady, I hate to break it to you, but you ain't social on here either".

I deleted my entire Snapchat account haha. I would have loved to have been able to tell her how much fun I had and that I would have liked to gotten to know her better when I wasn't three beers too drunk and the music not two Skrillex albums too loud, but hey. Her loss.

Instagram? Isn't that like the ultimate "subscriber" platform?

vrcsix said:

Definitely slow down. Always, I'd say. At best you'll drive her away, and at worst you'll hurt yourself. I've done both, and so have probably you at some point. But a reminder is always good.

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Yep. I realized that's the right approach as I submitted that post. But thank you for chiming in. I do appreciate the advice.

I never swipe right on girls who have "add me on snap or ig to talk".

99% of the time, it's a ploy for more followers.

The worst are those on bumble who message first because they have to as the girl and the never respond or it's like getting blood from a stone.

Between tinder and bumble I get a steady supply though.

justjim89 said:

Man, that "Fuck Yes or No." article in the OP is fucking me up. I've never had a mutual "Fuck yes" situation in regards to romance probably ever. Dates, sure. I can get a first date without much trouble. Sex, yeah. If I'm in the right head space and feeling myself I can turn a girl on pretty thoroughly. But romance? Extended fondness? Falling in love? That shit I've never been able to get mutually. If a girl is super into me I'm typically not into her, or if I'm super into somebody I usually wear out my welcome and drive them away.

Even with this girl I've been seeing on and off for a year and a half or so. We're not together, we're not a couple, but we're not just fuck buddies either. There's attachment and intimacy and a lot of shared history, even if one of the primary foundations of our interpersonal relationship is a strong attraction and sexual chemistry. But it's always been "Fuck yeah we're both down for grabbing a drink!" "Fuck yeah we can get a hotel room tonight!" "Fuck yeah you can come over, my folks are out of town!" (We both live with our parents) But where I would gladly take it further and say we're together, or wanna take things further, or make extended future plans, she's not feeling it. She says she doesn't love me like I love her, although she does make me feel loved fairly often. But it's just not a fuck yes for her. It's not even a yes in regards to that. And it's not like she's regularly going out with other guys and playing the field. When things are going good for us, we're exclusive to each other cause we both have busy lives and do a pretty good job of scratching that itch for each other. There have been a few times where we've "broke up" and she's gone out on dates and on one occasion she even slept with another guy, and I've slept with a few other girls in such times, but we always end up back with each other. I'd like to think it's out of more than just a habit, but maybe it's just because she hasn't found anyone that's better than me yet.

Anyhow, the article just confirms what my friends tell me and what I know, that I need to walk away and let her know I'm not just gonna be a fallback plan and try and find somebody that enthusiastically wants me. But that's so hard to do cause I'm in love with this girl, and she's more attractive and more captivating and more of everything I want than anyone else I've been with. But it's like she doesn't even wanna be in a relationship unless it's someone she feels as though she could potentially marry. And that's not me. And that fucking kills me. But I don't know if I got it in me to walk away, as satisfying as that would be on some level.

Sorry for the rant, in a weird depressed headspace today and typing it all out was some level of catharsis.

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So to clarify, the conditions for her to be in a relationship is the guy has to be ready for the long haul commitment? But you're not ready for that, yet you love her? Any commitment issues? Maybe some distance will help so she knows you're not always there for when she wants to hook up or feels lonely. Best wishes.

Don't know if it's me, or my profile, but I barely get matches on Tinder or Bumble.