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X1 Two

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
3,023
This movie was pretty bad. I enjoyed it because I like movies regardless of how stupid they are (and this one takes the cake in that department), but I can also realize awful when i see it. Let's see...

1. Computer nerd really likes to scream in a high pitch tone and act very very nervous. Directors seem to not like subtlety anymore.

2. Claire went from not carinf Dinosaurs to now being Mother Teresa.

3. The "raptor" rapping his toe nail on the floor and opening door handles is played out.

4. "New" lab created dinosaurs, no one cares. We want to see a story about real dinosaurs that might have existed. Now we have to suspend our belief not only with real dinosaurs but with genetically enhanced ones too.

5. I also dislike when Jurassic park introduces military men/groups. They always seem ill prepared with weak ammunition and always cartoont bad :/

6. The cloned little girl like wtf?

7. Claire all of a sudden knows how to us a assult rifle and both her and Owen have esp and can read eachothers mind.

8. The auction is about as dumb as it can. In the basement of a house. Oh did I mention dinosaurs are caged down there.

9. The new raptor likes likes to play dead and smile. Sure buddy.

10. New raptor slowly creeps up to the little girl while she is hiding in the bed instead of just killing her.

11. Pre 1993 Jurassic Park no one new about raptors and now blue is like saving Owen all the time. Should just give eachother fist bumps.

12. Hey look a dinosaur battle on a glass rooftop and they fall right ontop of horn bones.

13. Its late, I can probably add 10 more iteam.

Movies are missing subtlety nowadays. I feel like instead of making movies and then letting the audience determine what is a cool scene, people now make movies based on set pieces and then write the story around that.

All kids love dinosaurs. There is no "played out" for anything, since there are always new watchers coming. And all about Velociraptors in all of the movies is so incredibly wrong and stupid, it really doesn't matter anymore to give them yet another stupid trait.
 

Mr. Sam

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,031
Needry is guy who needs to be charged. Nobody sues the CEO of a themepark of the lions start eating the guests and its not like the park didnt worked before Needry hacked the system.

That's fair.

As a side note, these films are now sufficiently dumb that I'd be prepared to have Wayne Knight return in the third with some light facial scars.
 
Oct 29, 2017
1,100
Their world was so impacted by dinosaurs they never bothered to deal with deflation

That's why it cost them less than a billion to deal with all the lawsuits in JW

And that's why dinosaurs seem like they sell for so little

They live in a different world where we never recovered from the 2007 economic crash
 

NealMcCauley

Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,504
Saw it yesterday.
  • I hated everyone except the girl.
  • The effects team should work more on dino eyes. They're never Wesley Snipes in Blade Trinity bad, but they often look pasted on top of the bodies.
  • Music was okayish, sometimes too loud during setpieces. It felt like the music was driving the action and I hate that.
  • All the lava crap... there was one shot where it looked like Pratt was actually touching it.
It never falls as low as the Transformers movies, but it certainly tries to.

Also I don't care what anyone says. In my head canon Franklin's last name is actually Bluth.
 
Jan 29, 2018
9,402
There's a lot of dumb shit in this movie but I'm surprised people are getting hung up on the blood transfusion. We can put a pig's heart valve in a human can't we?
 
Nov 1, 2017
3,201
I don't understand where the "dumb fun" arguments are coming from. The director seems to know what kind of movie this is and there are some fun moments where he shows some self-awareness, but the script is so unrelentingly self-serious, even though it's ludicrous, that 85% of the movie ends up being a total slog.
 

DemonCarnotaur

Community Resettler
Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,229
NYC
I don't understand where the "dumb fun" arguments are coming from. The director seems to know what kind of movie this is and there are some fun moments where he shows some self-awareness, but the script is so unrelentingly self-serious, even though it's ludicrous, that 85% of the movie ends up being a total slog.
The movie is constantly at odds with itself. It feels like three different voices are at constant battle to take the helm: Nostalgia, Trevorrow, and Bayona.

The tone takes itself seriously(kinda), but it's so absurd and all over the place it doesn't land, and makes the absurdity stand out all the more.
 

The Climaxan

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,980
NC-USA
Jurassic Park is my favorite movie of all time. I enjoyed The Lost World and Jurassic World. Jurassic Park 3 is trash and was the low bar for the series. After seeing Fallen Kingdom we have a new shit-tier champion, and it makes me sad. There is so much fertile storytelling ground for this series and it's been wasted. For fucks sake, the entire second half of the movie is spent in some retconned-low-rent-Hammond mansion watching mustache twirling villains (and dinosaur) act as cartoonily evil as possible.

And that lava scene.

Fuck that scene. The movie was over for me at the point but they continued to out-dumb themselves all the way to the finish line.
 

Tom Nook

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
15,792
The best parts in the movie were in the trailer. I enjoyed all the dinos trying to escape the volcano.

The part that got me were the dinos that were left in the island died. :(
 

Kewlmyc

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
26,731
Movie is just as dumb as the other 4 JP sequels.

Part of me appreciates them just going "fuck it" and making Resident Evil 1 with Dinos (I guess DinoCrisis) at the end with that mansion. Just pure stupidity.

The kind of movie that just falls apart if you think about any scene for too long.
 

DemonCarnotaur

Community Resettler
Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,229
NYC
For me, the worst section of the film begins right after Owen gets shot, and the movie doesn't recover til they're on the boat (it then shits the bed with the absurd blood transfusion scene though). I cannot express how much I hate that action filled segment on Nublar. It's fucking bad.
 

Deleted member 19844

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 28, 2017
3,500
United States
Random Thoughts:
  1. I enjoyed the opening sequence even if it was unrealistic that the guy wouldn't have felt the T-Rex coming
  2. Mosasaur grabbing the helicopter was awesome
  3. I like Claire turning into a dino activist
  4. Paleo-vet without having ever seen a dinosaur? hehe okay...
  5. I really enjoyed the Blue training videos
  6. Nefarious people are obviously nefarious from the moment you see buff guys with guns
  7. Some people said that Chris Pratt in the "finding Blue in the jungle" scene looked CGI - nope, I just think he was chubbier at that point in filming
  8. Why stand staring so long at a huge open tunnel with scary dinosaur sounds coming from it?
  9. When you then see the Baryonyx, why keep standing there for so damn long before running away?
  10. I like the villain having a teeth-stealing fetish
  11. Running away from the volcano in the geo-ball and sinking into the ocean was really great - some real fear conveyed there
  12. Owen has zero character development
  13. T-Rex saving the day again and giving that roar from a similar camera angle -- stop repeating yourself!
  14. Long-neck striking that iconic pose, from the same angle as JP1, as it's consumed by flames -- boo!! Way to ruin a genuinely sad scene.
  15. It was goofy to declare that Blue will be fine with such assuredness after removing the bullet - and in fact in most cases you don't have to remove bullets right away
  16. LOVE the animatronic T-Rex
  17. Little girl stuff was... okay, I guess. Boring though.
  18. Aww, someone in the lab likes Owen's training videos too
  19. I don't think that Pachy would have hit the wall 15+ times... hell, cats get bored with laser pointers after a couple of minutes...
  20. If the dumb-waiter is a safe space, why go to your room, you otherwise intelligent child???
  21. Indoraptor design was underwhelming... not sure why... maybe because it looks goofy from the front...
  22. Hey, I'm willing to forgive that this guy would open the Indoraptor's cage... he's got a teeth fetish and he thinks the animal is tranked
  23. But wait... is that dinosaur smirking at me?? Boo!!!
  24. I hated this in the Lost World when the raptors were chasing Ian and Sarah, and I hate it here: otherwise agile and lethal animals turning into clumsy rollerskating bears when chasing main characters or children - I would hate to be the animator that has to find different ways, over and over, to make the dinosaurs barely miss the people they're chasing...
  25. Why the hell are you releasing the T-Rex and other carnivores, Claire?? Owen, why aren't you trying to stop her more??? Why is no one watching the little girl???? Why are you not more concerned and trying to stop the door from opening when the girl hits the button?????
  26. Oh man... I want to see Blue go into that town hahahaha
  27. Ian Malcolm sure is great at giving extemporaneous speeches and managing to end with an on-the-nose use of the film title /s
  28. Edit: Almost forgot - the girl is a clone - cool! But wait, you don't do anything interesting with it!!
 
Jan 29, 2018
9,402
For me, the worst section of the film begins right after Owen gets shot, and the movie doesn't recover til they're on the boat (it then shits the bed with the absurd blood transfusion scene though). I cannot express how much I hate that action filled segment on Nublar. It's fucking bad.

Getting the Rex blood might have been my favorite part :(

That or the video logs with the baby raptors.
 

Bandit1

Member
Oct 30, 2017
148
As a big Jurassic Park fan I enjoyed the movie, thought it was fun, but was disappointed in quite a bit of it.

- taking all the dinos to the mansion to have an auction seemed weird to me

- Claire and Owen ended up with the little girl but the woman that raised her is still alive right?

- dinos running around freely and people act like we have to coexist with them, but they had all already been captured once, and they all still have trackers right? Doesn't seem like it would be too hard to capture them again with the right equipment.


On the plus side:

+ escaping the volcano was pretty cool, Brachiosaurus scene was heartbreaking.

+ T-Rex roaring as the volcano explodes was super epic. (T-Rex saving the day will never get old for me either)

+ cloned girl was surprising and interesting

+ Owen and baby raptors



Overall I think my ranking would be:

JP>>JW>>>>>>>>TLW/JWFK>>>JPIII
 

GreenMamba

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,326
There's a lot of dumb shit in this movie but I'm surprised people are getting hung up on the blood transfusion. We can put a pig's heart valve in a human can't we?
A pig's heart valve is a glorified tube, you don't bring the pig's blood with it. Blood transfusion is picky and precise between just us regular ass humans (you know, with blood types and all that?), blood transfusion between different species of animals is outright impossible, never mind the film's incredibly weak justification around it hinging on how many fingers the dinosaurs have. Shit, Tyrannosaurus and Velociraptor were separated by ten million years.
 

siddx

Banned
Dec 25, 2017
1,807
It was dumb fun. JW was better but it had the benefit of being the first JP movie in a long time.
The dock scene had several kids sobbing in the theater. I can't lie it kinda choked me up too.

Lol holy shit reading back through some of the posts in here. Yall really hate anything that's popular huh? Embarrassing.
 
Last edited:

ZeoVGM

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
76,219
Providence, RI
I liked that. It has super stupid parts that I really ahte and I am still not sure why, but somehow I liked it pretty much.
And I HATE HATE HATE Jurassic World.

Right, that's what I'm saying. I enjoyed both JW and FK enough. I find it so strange that anyone could think one is shit but like the other. Haha. They're both very flawed and share some of the same issues.
 
Jan 29, 2018
9,402
A pig's heart valve is a glorified tube, you don't bring the pig's blood with it. Blood transfusion is picky and precise between just us regular ass humans (you know, with blood types and all that?), blood transfusion between different species of animals is outright impossible, never mind the film's incredibly weak justification around it hinging on how many fingers the dinosaurs have. Shit, Tyrannosaurus and Velociraptor were separated by ten million years.

I mean, the wikipedia page for xenotransfusions says veterinary clinics outside the US still does transfusions between cats and dogs, as well as between different species of birds...
 

GAMEPROFF

Member
Oct 26, 2017
5,588
Germany
I mean, the wikipedia page for xenotransfusions says veterinary clinics outside the US still does transfusions between cats and dogs, as well as between different species of birds...
so these birds species are seperated by 10 million years?

Its the same level of stupidity as when the Mosasaurus, the Rex and the Raptor talked to each other in the end of the first one.
 

Kito

Member
Nov 6, 2017
3,158
I was so incredibly disappointed with this movie. For me, what I love is seeing a glorious theme park start to unravel and spiral into chaos. Seeing humans terrified and fighting for survival in a wide-open land, where anything could be creeping up or bursting out from any direction.

Aside from the opening action scene on Isla Nublar, everything that followed felt contained, safe, predictable, and low-stakes. Every scene that attempted to be high-stakes and perilous for the heroes ended up feeling lame, due to all the heroes being decked out to the nines in plot armor.

In fact, aside from the opening scene and the bedridden murder, did any good people even die in this movie? The older movies, especially The Lost World, had martyrs that we actually didn't want to see die, making the dinosaurs seem completely unbiased towards the protagonists and antagonists. The lack of a martyr made me feel no emotions whatsoever in this movie.

At this point, for the next movie, I anticipate Maisie will mutate into a dinosaur to save the T-Rex who saves Blue who saves Owen who saves Claire, and the ending will be an aerial pan out with Owen and Claire playing fetch with Blue at their newly constructed home in the middle of nowhere. This is after, of course, they get married with Blue as their ring bearer and/or officiant.

After thoroughly enjoying JW1 for being a stupidly fun thrill ride, I can't express my lack of enthusiasm enough for JW3. I'm over it.
 

GAMEPROFF

Member
Oct 26, 2017
5,588
Germany
The older movies, especially The Lost World, had martyrs that we actually didn't want to see die, making the dinosaurs seem completely unbiased towards the protagonists and antagonists.
So, who of the good guys dies? Eddie gets eaten in the first T-Rex scene and thats it. You can argue that AJ is not a complete asshole, but since he is part of the INGEN Hunters he is far from beeing a good guy. Grey character at best, like his Hunter Bro.
 
Jan 29, 2018
9,402
so these birds species are seperated by 10 million years?

Its the same level of stupidity as when the Mosasaurus, the Rex and the Raptor talked to each other in the end of the first one.

I'm just saying interspecies blood transfusions happen. It's a really weird thing to get hung up on in a movie that has a lot of other stuff to criticize.

And your interpretation that those dinosaurs spoke to each other in the last movie was not my read of the scene at all, but I'm fine with it if they were asking each other about compatible blood donors.
 

Deleted member 10060

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
959
I find the Jurassic World movies perfectly enjoyable. Both have some scenes I really love, such as theraptor chase and that fallen kingdom opening. I love the aesthetics of Fallen Kingdom, and the dino designs are vastly improved over JW.

But both movies suffer from the same problem that has killed Star Wars for me. They have no heart. They lack actual characters that you care about. Things move super fast and allthe characters feel like plastic figures in a bunch of scenes connected with a thin string.

I still enjoy them, nothing has turned me off the way the new SW movies have (yet), but I really wish some more effort was put into the story. I really do not understand how someone unproven like Trevorrow can be handed the keys to this. Just how? It would take so little to make it so much better.
 

Seductivpancakes

user requested ban
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
7,790
Brooklyn
Just saw it. Definitely not as good as the first one.

Zia is bae, and got a geniune laugh when Franklin ended up at the lab with a labcoat on.

The monologue by Malcolm felt more like a promotion for future sequels.
 

Pumpkinator

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
47
I wonder if the girl being a clone is a signal that they're going to explore human-dinosaur hybrids. Planet of the Apes, but with lizardmen riding on dinosaurs.
 

GreenMamba

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,326
Why was the Indominus's skeleton completely intact at the bottom of the harbor? Are we to believe the Mosasaur killed it and then... didn't eat it?

Why is there an extended sequence of Owen fighting mercenaries equipped with stun batons? Who pays to see humans fighting other humans in a Jurassic film?

Why were the villains so unbelievably evil? They didn't come across as actual human beings but villains that were evil for the sake of it. Mills smothering an old man to death and then selling dinosaurs for an unusually low amount of money feels like a very bizarre choice of badguy for Jurassic. Ludlow from TLW was a far more believable corrupt rich guy.

So many "why"s in this film.
 

passepied joe

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,703
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one to notice the parallels between the Jurassic Park and the Godzilla franchise. Both started as a self-contained movie with no need of a sequel, a thrilling cautionary tale about unchecked scientific progress gone wrong told with prehistoric animals returning to haunt mankind... And then it was so sucessful that it turned into silly B-Movie with hero-turned monsters and villain monsters that wrestle for the safety of the human characters.

I eagerly await 10 minute musical numbers, fairies, Mecha-Blue and a flying Rexy in the coming sequels.

And maybe we'll get a reboot that is almost as brilliant as the original in 40 years. lol
dCYHViX.jpg
 

GreenMamba

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,326
JP >>>> TLW/JPIII/JW >>>>>> FK

The more I mill on it this was easily the worst Jurassic film and it's not even close.
 

Hercule

Member
Jun 20, 2018
5,424
People putting JP3 above JW and JW2 should re-watch JP3. It's really bad, way worse than you might remember. The Spino is cool though but the Kirbys are by far the most annoying people in the entire franchise.
 

GreenMamba

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,326
I think if there was a lesser director at the helm more people would agree.

Bayona just elevated the production value so much, that for some it cuts through the issues.
There's some fun cinematography here and there but the characters, plot, and even basic premise are just unbelievably awful. I don't think I've ever seen a non-Transformers blockbuster film hurt this badly by its writing before.

People putting JP3 above JW and JW2 should re-watch JP3. It's really bad, way worse than you might remember. The Spino is cool though but the Kirbys are by far the most annoying people in the entire franchise.
JPIII is a dumb goofy rollercoaster ride that both knows exactly what it is and is mercifully short, and no set piece in FK gets anywhere close to the aviary scene in JPIII.

I guess at the very least FK's best scene is the very first one so if I ever catch it on TV in the future that's all I have to watch.
 

Hercule

Member
Jun 20, 2018
5,424
There's some fun cinematography here and there but the characters, plot, and even basic premise are just unbelievably awful. I don't think I've ever seen a non-Transformers blockbuster film hurt this badly by its writing before.


JPIII is a dumb goofy rollercoaster ride that both knows exactly what it is and is mercifully short, and no set piece in FK gets anywhere close to the aviary scene in JPIII.

I guess at the very least FK's best scene is the very first one so if I ever catch it on TV in the future that's all I have to watch.

The aviary scene is fine but the cinematography of JW2 is so much better than JP3. I recommend watching making of videos of JP3. There wasn't even a finished script when they started filming. It also has lots of plot holes if you watch JP3 and JP2 back to back
 

Deadlast

Member
Oct 27, 2017
572
This is not a Jurassic Park Movie, even though it was Jurassic Park 5, Jurassic World 2: Fallen Kingdom.
Things I noticed:
  • This was more of a thriller movie that took place in the JP universe.
  • This movie is nightmare fuel for kids, there were at least 10 kids in the screening I went to.
  • There were all kinds of moral shrugs in the movie that my wife pointed out.

This was not that bad of a movie, it was just not a JP movie.