I had the same feeling. You really just have to do it, after swiping/talking to a few people it gets easier.
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I had the same feeling. You really just have to do it, after swiping/talking to a few people it gets easier.
I remember the first person I saw on Tinder. Mainly because I stared at the screen, going through her pictures and reading her bio over, closing the app and putting the phone down and over thinking if I wanted to swipe right on her or not and feeling all stressed out about it.
Then I swipe right and we didn't match anyway. I remember a few weeks after that, I was just swiping right and left so quickly, I would go through like 100 people a day.
Same for me. It gets way easier if you do it for a while
We are influenced by society whether we like it or not. Women will always be less assertive than men in dating, that's just the way it is for several reasons. Taking that into account is not fulfilling old-school gender norms.
I mean, I get that. It's very true that women are less assertive than men in dating because of gender norms in our society but I mean, if you're a woman and a guy you really want to date tells you "hey, let me know the next time you're free so we can reschedule the date" are you really gonna be like "Well I really like him and I want to go out with him but he asked me to tell him when I'm free to go out and doing that is just way to assertive for a woman like me. I think I just won't respond."
Yes, I do believe that. Obviously there is a limit to when you call it quits, but one flake is not enough for me to dismiss someone like that.
I just never went for women like that. Maybe it's an age thing. In my age range of 25-30, women were more sure of who and what they wanted.
For me, it's simply a matter of interest. My interest in dating you tanks as soon as you demonstrate that I'm not interesting to you. Even worse is if you disrespect my time by cancelling in the eleventh hour (or if you stand me up), and/or insult my intelligence with a lame-ass cover story. I'm not going to reach out to someone I've lost interest in. But unless you've managed to piss me off (like the girl who straight up told me she had forgotten about the plans we made two days ago, and had gone ahead and made other plans instead), I will put the ball in your court because I WANT to become interested in you again. And I've just implied that all you have to do for that to happen is show some interest in me by texting "I'm free at X time, how about we grab that drink?". I feel it's the absolute minimum social effort you could expect from a person.
The woman's assertiveness can also vary depending on how assertive the men are; your comment reminded me of a Conan O'Brien interview called "Alice Eve Explains Differences Between American & UK Dating":
Welp I'm almost settled in a new job in a new city. Time to start dating again after being laid off....
I don't know if anyone else has used the app Hinge, but it has been amazing for me as a mid-20s guy in a bigger city. It connects you to people that are friends of friends on Facebook primarily. The quality of person on it seems really high and I've met a number of really cool women through it. It allows you to naturally show off your personality a bit more than most apps too.
Well shit...I told myself to not end up in a friends with benefits (mostly just benefits) relationship, yet here I am again, meeting her on wednesday during lunch. She made it as clear as I made it to her, sex and nothing else and to break up the arrangement the moment we meet someone else. It's summer, need that summer sex dammit!
Also out of the blue a girl I matched long time ago on Tinder texted and wanted to meetup tonight after I updated my profile picture. I'm too tired to go out tonight though.
Also out of the blue a girl I matched long time ago on Tinder texted and wanted to meetup tonight after I updated my profile picture. I'm too tired to go out tonight though.
See it as a positive that you gave it another shot. And now you are certain. Time to talk to her about it now, she deserves to know so she can move on.
With my ex I asked for a second chance, but she didnt give it to me. Im 99.9% sure it would have failed, but it would have been so nice to be sure.
You are sure now, I envy that!
Generally going back to failed relationship does not work out and after a short time the reasons for the breakup resurface. Don't guilt trip yourself over this, if your not happy then you need to end it. You'll both find someone else that you are happy with and have those magical feelings. Just do it.
Here are some tips.
Avoid group photos. No sunglasses. Have pics where you occupy most of the frame. Simple background so eye doesn't have to search for you. Have one where it shows your fun side. One where you look happy. One where you look confident. Just needs to be a variety, not mostly selfies so ones where others have taken photos of you.
I believe people are overthinking the type of photos that should be on a dating app/webpage. Sure there are some basic rules, but just a normal picture of you. Meaning your face facing towards camera and preferably smiling and one full body of you (with clothes) should be enough. If the person is attracted to you and like you and your sense of fashion (meaning that you care how you dress), the angle, the environment in which the picture is taken wont matter in the end.
That's my opinion and experience though.
By the way, why wait to next month? Just enable it now and start swiping. And good luck!
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I kind of just wanted to vent but about 3 or 4 weeks ago I matched with this girl and right away we hit it off. We were chatting a ton and eventually swapped numbers after a few days. We flirted a lot and found out we liked all the same sexual stuff. And as much as I hate calling people I did anyway and we spoke for over an hour. The first date was short but sweet. We had a drink and chatted while holding hands for 2 hours. We finished by making out next to her car. We kept texting all night and she told me she had told her friends about the date already since it went so well and she'd love another. She even started sending sexual photos on snapchat and last Wednesday she asked if I wanted to come over to fuck her. Unfortunately, I was at work so I couldn't but Friday night we were meeting up so she asked if she could stay at mine. Obviously I said yes. She was telling me the things she wants to do to me and I did the same.
So Friday night comes and she cancels last minute. I feel a bit hurt cause she was literally up for it up until about 7pm and bailed because she got too drunk with coworkers. She did however ask if we could do Sunday night. I met her tonight for dinner and a few drinks. We chatted till the bar was empty and left. Afterwards I told her I'd really like to make time this weekend where we can sleep over at one of our places. Then get the "I had a fun night and you're a great guy but..."
It really threw me off this time. We've chatted non-stop for nearly 4 weeks including multiple phone calls. She was very obviously into me. We had even spoken about future dates like going to mini-golf. Last Thursday she even jokingly said I seem like such a perfect guy for her she wants to marry me right now. And both our dates seemed to go well. Then suddenly I get the "I don't think we're suited for each other" message. I have no idea what changed or why. We spoke mostly about travel which we both love and listening to her rant about her job a bit so I never had a chance to say anything bad or that might turn her off. I really thought this was headed into becoming a serious relationship. :(
I think I might be done with dating for a while. Even when they go well, they still end up the same.
So Friday night comes and she cancels last minute. I feel a bit hurt cause she was literally up for it up until about 7pm and bailed because she got too drunk with coworkers. She did however ask if we could do Sunday night. I met her tonight for dinner and a few drinks. We chatted till the bar was empty and left. Afterwards I told her I'd really like to make time this weekend where we can sleep over at one of our places. Then get the "I had a fun night and you're a great guy but..."
It really threw me off this time. We've chatted non-stop for nearly 4 weeks including multiple phone calls. She was very obviously into me. We had even spoken about future dates like going to mini-golf. Last Thursday she even jokingly said I seem like such a perfect guy for her she wants to marry me right now. And both our dates seemed to go well. Then suddenly I get the "I don't think we're suited for each other" message. I have no idea what changed or why. We spoke mostly about travel which we both love and listening to her rant about her job a bit so I never had a chance to say anything bad or that might turn her off. I really thought this was headed into becoming a serious relationship. :(
I think I might be done with dating for a while. Even when they go well, they still end up the same.
She may have gone on another date in between your dates and hit it off super well and wanted to let you down easy instead of ghosting you.
I feel ya! Been trying bumble/tinder more now, and the usual things happen. We talk and they're actually cute or whatever and seem to hit it off. And at first I would wait a bit before scheduling a date and made sure to keep talking to them before asking them out a few days later. They cancel day of or right before. So, the scientist that I am, started trying to ask them out after hitting it off the day of. That also results in a cancel right before or the day of. I should also mention that I have also varied the times I set the date for. The weekend, the middle of the week, etc. It honestly doesn't matter what I do, the result is the same. So, back to just not caring about women I guess unless anyone has some way around this?
Probably found someone else who was more to her liking and doesn't want to date multiple people at the same time. It happens. It seems you had a relatively good experience but because it didn't end up in sex, you're throwing the baby out with the bath water. At least you flirted, made out, and were made to feel desirable. Move on to the next person and hope it continues to something more.
The important thing is that you're getting matches. There's only so much you can do after that. I recommend you stick to asking them out early on, so as to not waste too much time on potential dead ends. Other than that, you've gotta play the numbers game and eventually you'll come across someone who is genuine about going on a date with you. It's really unfortunate, but some people are just in it for attention.
Oh yeah, I definitely believe it. I just wish there was a better way (or a way at all really) to just filter people like that. As for them clicking with someone else, definitely. Especially because they probably get a billion messages a day from guys.
That *is* true. I am thankful I've been getting matches. I have been using photofeeler to pick the photos, etc I use. I still don't get many, but enough a week to keep me using it. I'll definitely do what you recommend with asking them out early. I feel like even though the end result has been the same, it makes more sense. People lose interest really easily with these things.
Thanks for the replies guys! I do appreciate it :)
I'm not scared, just feel a bit old. I'm 29. I feel like current dating apps are for younger people who just wanna fuck around or merely boost their ego and self confidence. They have little or no intention in actually meeting new people or making an attempt to have a somewhat meaningful conversation.
Luckily, one of my lady friends randomly asked me out on a date. We've hung out but never been on a "date". She flat out said that she wanted to go out on a date and not just hang out as friends. She's incredibly excited. I'm taking her to one of my favorite Asian/ fusion joints. Great food and atmosphere.
This is my first date in like 6 years or so...holy fuck. Feels good to be back in the game.
Thats just online dating for you. I looked at it this way, they just eliminated themselves from my inquiries and I didnt waste time on them that could be used on someone who is actually interested.
SuperBanana I'd echo the sentiments of the other guys. It mostly is that they met someone else in the time period. It's summer in the Northern Hemisphere, people have opportunities like crazy at this point and it isn't 'cuffing season'. This is the one time when the person who makes the moves the fastest gets the person because you're showing initiative and you're showing the person gives a damn and unless you're someone they are beyond ridiculously attracted to then there's always going to be another person. However just because you didn't consummate the relationship doesn't mean you should swear off women/relationships/etc.
ameleco Once again it's the summer months, you need to balance out online dating with social dating. If you're a guy remember that online dating is roughly 4:1 men to women (as per numerous surveys) in big cities even. You're getting matches and getting interest but it isn't progressing much. I would just say to try and go out a little bit and balance it out. Relying purely on online dating robs you of the wider pool especially of the people who are sick/tired of online dating. And the ones who bailed right before - honestly that's a save. You didn't waste time/money on someone who's just not that into you.
-PXG- 29 is in no way old. Hopefully you can shake that feeling in a year or two (30 is amazing btw). Dating apps aren't for any age group but the rest of it is true-ish. It's just that for most people they're down for meaningful conversation but if you ask most people they are wary of 'long conversations' because dating apps are full of people who talk for weeks on end and never meet. Often people are tired of wasting their time on someone like that only to find there's no chemistry, being ghosted, it was a total waste of time, etc. So people are only down for the conversation after the meet. However congratulations on the date and sounds like it should work out well :).
General Note: Summer is the easiest to meet people for friendship and dates. I absolutely dislike summer yet the amount of interest out there is crazy. It's the one season I suggest, that if you really don't want to be single, to go out and put yourself out there. Socials, events, travel, world cup, people really really want to be out and it's just so ridiculously easy.
ameleco Once again it's the summer months, you need to balance out online dating with social dating. If you're a guy remember that online dating is roughly 4:1 men to women (as per numerous surveys) in big cities even. You're getting matches and getting interest but it isn't progressing much. I would just say to try and go out a little bit and balance it out. Relying purely on online dating robs you of the wider pool especially of the people who are sick/tired of online dating. And the ones who bailed right before - honestly that's a save. You didn't waste time/money on someone who's just not that into you.
-PXG- 29 is in no way old. Hopefully you can shake that feeling in a year or two (30 is amazing btw). Dating apps aren't for any age group but the rest of it is true-ish. It's just that for most people they're down for meaningful conversation but if you ask most people they are wary of 'long conversations' because dating apps are full of people who talk for weeks on end and never meet. Often people are tired of wasting their time on someone like that only to find there's no chemistry, being ghosted, it was a total waste of time, etc. So people are only down for the conversation after the meet. However congratulations on the date and sounds like it should work out well :).
General Note: Summer is the easiest to meet people for friendship and dates. I absolutely dislike summer yet the amount of interest out there is crazy. It's the one season I suggest, that if you really don't want to be single, to go out and put yourself out there. Socials, events, travel, world cup, people really really want to be out and it's just so ridiculously easy.
I used OKC and POF a lot back in my early twenties. Had a lot of great success with it. There's definitely a technique and etiquette to it all. But no matter what, it's always a numbers game. So to an extent, how much you put towards it determines what you get out of it.
Online dating 8-10 years ago and online dating today are quite different though. It was still seen as oh you're dating online even as recently as 2012/13. These days it's more of the norm and it's been made into a game and an addictive platform with most of the trappings of social media. The kind of people on it were more experimental and willing to try new things but those declined over the years and now everyone's more or less 'I want what I want yesterday' and 'well if you're not the one, there's always another new one coming by'. I think most of the first movers and experimental types have moved on to other experiments for dating. Speed dating is back in a big way here, online to offline events and things, mixers not so much. It is a numbers game, but there's definitely a shift in audience and attitude of people using it. I mean OKCupid used to have quizzes, personality tests, and other things and people submitted questions. In the UK POF used to be more non-city, hookup platform, etc (prior to the match.com acquisition. It's strange to realise they've been active since 1993). It still isn't that difficult to be successful online but the attitudes, mindsets, and approach has changed.
Ill ask again ......
Anyone had experience with zoosk... I've been on pof, and okcupid and match before, but zoosk keeps giving me matches and I think they are bullshit. is there any site thats worth going through and paying for, or is sticking to pof and okcupid my best bet, since they are free.
I tried tinder a long time ago, and had almost no success ...... girls that would show some interest seemed to flake out alot and i never know if i should be messaging them like i would someone who i wanted to date or someone i wanted to have sex with, since both kind of show up on that site
Anyone had experience with zoosk... I've been on pof, and okcupid and match before, but zoosk keeps giving me matches and I think they are bullshit. is there any site thats worth going through and paying for, or is sticking to pof and okcupid my best bet, since they are free.
I tried tinder a long time ago, and had almost no success ...... girls that would show some interest seemed to flake out alot and i never know if i should be messaging them like i would someone who i wanted to date or someone i wanted to have sex with, since both kind of show up on that site
Did something change about Tinder recently?
Started using it again recently and I've just realized that I haven't been matched with anyone at all for the last two weeks, which is unusual even when you take into account it's algorithm shenanigans.
Started using it again recently and I've just realized that I haven't been matched with anyone at all for the last two weeks, which is unusual even when you take into account it's algorithm shenanigans.
So uh, anyone got any bio options? Honestly I'm not entirely sure what to put on mine so I just leave it blank tbh.
Just write a brief summary about what you're currently doing in life and what you like to do. Language should reflect your temperament and disposition.
For the record i've done speed dating like 4 times ...... and its never seemed to work for me ..... and that's with girls showing "interest in me" I've never had any success with it as far as meeting someone who i actually went out on a date with.
Its normally only 12 girls and about 2 are hot, 2 are cute and the rest you wouldn't really find attractive, but you kind of bond with but you don't really view as someone that you'd find yourself attractive to, and even the people who did say they liked me, i found once outside of that environment they ghosted me pretty quickly as far as messaging you back goes
Its normally only 12 girls and about 2 are hot, 2 are cute and the rest you wouldn't really find attractive, but you kind of bond with but you don't really view as someone that you'd find yourself attractive to, and even the people who did say they liked me, i found once outside of that environment they ghosted me pretty quickly as far as messaging you back goes
I
I went once in a "I'll give it a try" way. My experiance was exatly the same except there was another category of ladies there "the support girls" who were only there to support a hopeless friend ane would tell me how great she was before I got to her table. These support girls you would date BUT they all had boyfriends anyway. The girl they were supporting was overweight anyway.
I made plans a few days ago to see someone tonight, but we never got down to picking time or place. I haven't heard from them all day and I'm honestly kind of tired and not in the mood for the implied sex tonight. Should I kick off the texting for today and ask what the plan is for tonight or do I assume no texting means no plan and just relax? I'd ideally like it if they forgot or something and that's why they haven't texted. We're not trying to get into a relationship.
Talking with three women at the moment through dating apps initially and now texting. Woman 1 is a ex drug addict who's really down to earth but has some lowkey anger issues judging by her messages. Woman 2 is a successful accountant at the age of 20 somehow and is currently in the process of buying a house somehow. Woman 3 is really kind, but a bit lacking in experience at 19. She also doesn't drive but is supposedly going for her license exam on the 14th.
Matched with all these women yesterday and we're planning on meeting in the next few days.
I'm really excited to meet woman 3 since we get along and crack jokes. 1 is seriously a bit crazy but she has something always interesting to say. And 2 I have no idea how she'll be in person.
Haven't ever been on three dates in a week, feeling really good about the progress I made since gaf.
Matched with all these women yesterday and we're planning on meeting in the next few days.
I'm really excited to meet woman 3 since we get along and crack jokes. 1 is seriously a bit crazy but she has something always interesting to say. And 2 I have no idea how she'll be in person.
Haven't ever been on three dates in a week, feeling really good about the progress I made since gaf.
Same here. I've had one match in the last month or so. I've never been a huge catch but I usually averaged at least a match a week. My profile isn't that different than it used to be, and if anything it's better now, so I'm not really sure what's going on.
At this stage you really want to be avoiding any hints of red flags from the off. If your picking up issues when she's presenting herself at her best, when the brakes are off it could be a very different story.
Oh true. I'm a pretty open guy so I think I could walk away easily. She just talks with little self awareness so that has me worried. Excitiedly worried.
Sooo I accidentally typed the wrong name in a first message to a Tinder match, lol. She was just so similar in looks to someone I know, and since my acquaintance was in my head I just blurted out her name instead. Tried to repair it but it's probably a lost cause haha