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Have You Ever Dated a Friend's Ex or be Around When a Friend Dated Your Ex?

Deleted member 4034

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
26,560


Not quite the situation in the video, but I thought it was a funny look at men's pride over this kind of thing.

It's EASY to say, be an adult about it, but adults aren't always rational about this thing. Seeing someone you were with on a friend isn't exactly fun. So my question is, have you dated a friend's ex after the fact or maybe someone saw your ex after y'all were done.

How did you handle it?

I've never been in that position, but I've seen friendships end over this kind of thing. Walked with a friend to pick up some stuff from his old roommate in college and I had no idea that's why he moved out in the first place, so I unknowingly put myself in that awkward situation.
 
ElectricBlanketFire

ElectricBlanketFire

What year is this?
Member
Oct 25, 2017
31,881
Yes, I've both dated the ex of a friend and have had a friend date an ex of mine.

Both were great guys so there weren't any issues.
 
Jintor

Jintor

Saw the truth behind the copied door
Member
Oct 25, 2017
32,464
i was thinking about it vaguely because i get along super well with my friend's ex, but

a) my friend is an emotional dumbass who was way more hurt by their break up than he lets on
b) i am an emotional dumbass who probably wouldn't be able to handle dealing with them in that state
c) my friend's ex is an emotional dumbass who hasn't dated anyone for longer than six months for the past six years and keeps declaring herself so in love only to lose all passion within about two weeks

any single one of these factors would sink that and all three combined create a powerful nexus from which there is no escape
 
Based0ne

Based0ne

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
1,258
USA
Had a friend who had their friend get with their ex right after they had broken up, messy situation to the point where they don't talk to one another and aren't friends anymore.
 
HardTimesFamilyPride

HardTimesFamilyPride

Member
Oct 26, 2017
8,055
Appalachia
One of my best friends is engaged to a girl I was fooling around with. It was kind of a messy situation and feelings got hurt and we didn't talk to each other for about a year but I knew they were a great match, everyone did, and I was determined to let it go.

That was 5 years ago and we're as close as ever. She's part of the family like anyone else in that friend group. Really happy for them.
 
melikefishnchips

melikefishnchips

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,677
Nah I don't play that shit.

I've never had my social circle overlap with my gf in such a way that they'd even have the opportunity to take a liking to a friend of mine.
 
Buttzerker

Buttzerker

Powerhouse Protector / Self-requested ban
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
4,017
I can do one better, I dated my brother's ex. With his blessing.

Basically, when I was 17, they dated for like two years but wound up not getting along in the end as a couple. They became platonic best friends, and are still on great terms.

When I was 24, she kissed me one night and told me she had a thing for me for a year or so, but felt weird bringing it up considering she was my brother's ex. We agreed to talk to him about it, and he was like "lol I don't care, it'd be nice to see my brother wind up with someone I know is a good person."

We only dated for like two months after that - she wound up going to another ex because he had free drugs for her, which is, uh, yeah. Bullet dodged, lmao.

But still. Weird time.
 
yado

yado

Member
Oct 25, 2017
477
melikefishnchips said:
Nah I don't play that shit.

I've never had my social circle overlap with my gf in such a way that they'd even have the opportunity to take a liking to a friend of mine.
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This.
I have no interest in developing a personal relationship/friendship with the people my friends date and I've never dated anyone who was around my friends like that.
 
Sowrong

Sowrong

Banned
Oct 29, 2017
1,442
no, but Ive hooked up with ex's younger sisters twice after breakups. i actually had a best friend's ex sleepover in my bed twice after hanging out drinking with them, but didnt smash and she hated me for it. I probably would date someone though, only if my friend had already found someone else before hand.
 
kubev

kubev

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,533
California
I don't think I could ever bring myself to date a friend's ex. I've been tempted a couple of times, but never went through with it (probably only because of some incredible self-control on my part in the second case). Not that they weren't great people, but I hated how they went about certain things from a relationship perspective, and I think being able to see that from the outside helped me to make the right decision.
 
Zeshile

Zeshile

Prophet of Regret
Avenger
Dec 22, 2017
438
Kansas
Yes, my best friend dated my ex and they even ended up having a kid. No hard feelings though, it was a mutual break up between me and her and she even asked if it was cool before she dated him.

She even ended up introducing me to wife long after they started dating.
 
dejay

dejay

Member
Nov 5, 2017
4,086
Yep lost a friend and a social group. Lost another social group when she and I split up. I don't regret it but wouldn't do it again.
 
Maven

Maven

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,076
Earth

Bleepey

Banned
Nov 11, 2017
1,152
I thought guy code dictated that shit's verboten. That said, I know friendship circles where it's ridiculously incestuous. It still surprises me
 
Lost

Lost

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,108
A real friend would never date one of your serious Ex's.

It's just not guy/girl code, it's human code.
 

Talka

Member
Oct 29, 2017
233
This is the kind of thing I would've gotten riled up over when I was younger. Now I just want to be happy, and I want the people I care about to be happy.

I had a friend briefly date an ex last year. I remember being shocked for a moment once I heard about it, and then thinking it was a relief that two people I cared about were enjoying themselves. It was awkward a couple of times but never unbearable.

Haven't ever dated a friend's ex myself, but I'm not opposed to the idea. Life's too short. Do what makes you happy.
 
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DigitalOp

DigitalOp

Member
Nov 16, 2017
9,292
My friend circle rules is that we dont fuck each others exes.

Thats pretty much rudimentary guy code.

I dont know how yall do it, but It sounds really cheeky to be able to say "I fucked your wife before" to a friend.
 

CanUKlehead

Member
Oct 30, 2017
3,415
Shin Bobo Dakes said:
That was high school for me. Less so in college. Non existent now since people are playing for keeps in their relationships.
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While it didn't happen to me, in high school, this was definitely the case, and led to people leaving friendship groups, etc.

Something similar at work as an adult, I suppose.



Closest I came to OP's situation is I had an ex date someone else at work (after we broke up, obvs), someone I didn't know outside of name previously. Everyone wondered if it was awkward for me, but I was over her and he's got nothing to do with what happened (in fact, he arrived at the company after we broke up), so.

Still taught me dating at work was a no-go for me though!

Oh, but when the guy and my ex broke up years later, I slept with her again. And also...when my boss left his wife (and by this point, he left the company and we weren't really friends), and the wife was a mainstay at company outings, I ran into said wife at a club one time (this is how I found out what happened), we exchanged numbers and hooked up eventually, but my boss didn't know.
 
OP
OP

Deleted member 4034

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
26,560
CanUKlehead said:
While it didn't happen to me, in high school, this was definitely the case, and led to people leaving friendship groups, etc.

Something similar at work as an adult, I suppose.



Closest I came to OP's situation is I had an ex date someone else at work (after we broke up, obvs), someone I didn't know outside of name previously. Everyone wondered if it was awkward for me, but I was over her and he's got nothing to do with what happened (in fact, he arrived at the company after we broke up), so.

Still taught me dating at work was a no-go for me though!

Oh, but when the guy and my ex broke up years later, I slept with her again. And also...when my boss left his wife (and by this point, he left the company and we weren't really friends), and the wife was a mainstay at company outings, I ran into said wife at a club one time (this is how I found out what happened), we exchanged numbers and hooked up eventually, but my boss didn't know.
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Someone's got a pair on them.
 
deimosmasque

deimosmasque

Ugly, Queer, Gender-Fluid, Drive-In Mutant, yes?
Moderator
Apr 22, 2018
14,252
Tampa, Fl
It really bothers me that some of the replies on this thread are basically:

"Never happened because I don't let my girlfriends near my real friends."

You want to know why she's your ex? It's because you didn't trust her around anyone else.

I mean, damn. If you married that ex would you inform her how your "man cave" was off limits and to not touch your collectables?

Share your life with your partner. Don't partition them off like they'll infect you with coodies or cheat on you the second they see another person.
 
CryptoBoy

CryptoBoy

Alt-Account
Banned
Jun 30, 2018
28
London Town
In uni I threewayed with an ex friends GF , at the time he never minded then we started fucking on a casual after that without him knowing. He clocked on but it was some of the best sex I'd had in years.
 
Wackamole

Wackamole

Member
Oct 27, 2017
16,943
Yeah a friend of mine dated my ex. Didn't like it.
I never dated an ex of one of my friends and will never do so.
Reasons enough:
- it's something you don't do because it might hurt your friend's feelings and the friendship in general (trust me, most men don't care as long as they get some pussy)
- my friends had sex with them and imagining my friends having sex with them is a bit disgusting to me.
- i'm more picky than some of them (some of my friends will basically fuck anything with a heartbeat)
- different taste in women

Sowrong said:
no, but Ive hooked up with ex's younger sisters twice after breakups. i actually had a best friend's ex sleepover in my bed twice after hanging out drinking with them, but didnt smash and she hated me for it. I probably would date someone though, only if my friend had already found someone else before hand.
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And how did that work out?
 
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Aarglefarg

Aarglefarg

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,068
Not friends, but I dated an ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend. Afterwards, a friend of those exes tried to set me up with a girl who dated that first ex's sister before she (not the sister) transitioned but that felt it was getting too insular.
 

Deleted member 198

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
12,319
Never happened to me or have done so. I've considered it briefly until I remembered that both his ex and him are fucking crazy and didn't want to deal with it, even if they're both just acquaintances.
 
Kurita

Kurita

Member
Oct 26, 2017
12,759
La France
Nope, I avoid dating people in the same social circle at all costs. It can quickly become a headache from what I've seen.
 
SuperBanana

SuperBanana

Member
Oct 28, 2017
3,745
If they were in a relationship then hell no. That would be shitty and probably ruin the friendship.
 
Bromancer

Bromancer

Member
Oct 30, 2017
181
deimosmasque said:
It really bothers me that some of the replies on this thread are basically:

"Never happened because I don't let my girlfriends near my real friends."

You want to know why she's your ex? It's because you didn't trust her around anyone else.

I mean, damn. If you married that ex would you inform her how your "man cave" was off limits and to not touch your collectables?

Share your life with your partner. Don't partition them off like they'll infect you with coodies or cheat on you the second they see another person.
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It shouldn't be this way, but I've had two GFs in a row end up with my best friend (one left me, the other I left myself but feelings were difficult) and I never want that shit to happen again. The thing is that both girls kind of lacked a social network of their own, so they'd spend a lot of time with my friends to the point where once breakup happened, the only friends who could comfort those girls were my friends.

But I needed their support too. Not being able to really be open about relationship frustrations with my friends in general (because I didn't want to make the girls look bad) also really didn't help.

So yeah, I want my next GF to have her own base, and to not mingle to that extent. It's not about trust, I just want my own friends.
 
Kayo Police

Kayo Police

Member
Nov 4, 2017
2,284
Nah my friends and I don't play that, also we're the type of guys that if we break up with an ex, we completely cut that ex out of our lives, they don't exist, or matter to us at all. Cold-Hearted but life goes on, I can always do better.
 
Strax

Strax

Member
Oct 28, 2017
2,281
Depends on so many things.

If they were dating for something like 4 months in high school (and we are almost 30 now) I expect my friends not to have a problem with it. Also depends on how good friends we are, have we've been at each other birthday party or something like that in the last 5 years? If not I wouldn't even consider it breaking some code.

Just do what feels right.
 
noyram23

noyram23

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
9,372
Nah man, shit's too complicated. I rather keep my friends than introduce a problem, real friends are really hard to find.
 

Deleted member 4346

User requested account closure
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Oct 25, 2017
8,976
It's totally against my beliefs as far as actual relationships. I've had casual flings where me and other friends all hit and that's fine because those don't mean anything. My ex-wife fucked one of my friends before we got together (I didn't know about it until after we were already serious so whatever) then she was involved with another friend of mine when we were separated heading for divorce, both of these dudes caused major fucking problems and reinforced my zero tolerance policy with this shit.
 
Azraes

Azraes

Member
Oct 28, 2017
997
London
Hasn't happened yet. I seriously doubt it would either. I've so far never been interested in any friend's partners - it mostly works out that way because most of my friends are of the opposite sex and straight I suppose. I wouldn't have a problem if they dated my exes but that's never happened either. Some of them they've found attractive but not attractive enough to want to date. But seriously it's the least likely thing to happen given how they are. I have on the other hand moved from dating to being close friends with some of them once the relationship/initial attraction was over.
 
OP
OP

Deleted member 4034

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
26,560
Apharmd said:
It's totally against my beliefs as far as actual relationships. I've had casual flings where me and other friends all hit and that's fine because those don't mean anything. My ex-wife fucked one of my friends before we got together (I didn't know about it until after we were already serious so whatever) then she was involved with another friend of mine when we were separated heading for divorce, both of these dudes caused major fucking problems and reinforced my zero tolerance policy with this shit.
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Oh God, I totally want to make a thread about what goes down during "separations", but that might be a little too niche.
 
Truly Gargantuan

Truly Gargantuan

Still doesn't have a tag :'(
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
8,034
Whew. It would have to be YEARS after the fact. It takes me a minute to get over residual feelings, so if it were to happen months afterwards or so i probably would have to drop my friend for a bit.

Honestly I'm against the idea altogether. Just thinking about it sends a shiver down my spine. No thanks.
 
TelluricTokoro

TelluricTokoro

Banned
Apr 16, 2018
1,760
Y'all niggas funny to me.

I don't have rules on who to date, whether it's a friends ex or a friend dating my ex.

Y'all don't own anybody.
 
THErest

THErest

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,119
One of my newer good friends at the time took a fancy to my girlfriend of a few years. He had never had a girlfriend before.

She found out. The possibilities sank in. He was actually attractive too, just awkward, weird, inexperienced. She left me. Immediately started dating him.

I was crushed. Didn't talk to them for about six months.

Then she tired of him, got onto some other dude, and dumped him.

He and I became friends again, because I know he was being a damned fool and regretted it. I was also an idiot in my relationship with her. So that worked out. Phew.
 
Eidan

Eidan

Avenger
Oct 30, 2017
8,578
Yes. One of my best friend's girlfriends would flirt with me a lot when they were dating. When they broke up, we had sex repeatedly over a period of years.
 
Tribal_Cult

Tribal_Cult

Banned
Nov 1, 2017
3,548
Better to avoid it. One of my friends is with the ex of another member of our group, and even though that member removed himself before they got together, there were bad moments. Now, apparently another member of our group is in love with the same girl (surprisingly enough, she really is not that great of a girl to be honest), and sometimes we have awkward silences.
Too weird, also I prefer to keep separate my girl and my group of friends for this very same reason. Not a jealous person, but want to avoid the drama.
 
Hollywood Duo

Hollywood Duo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
42,092
I've never done it but someone did it to me. We are no longer friends and basically everyone in our circle of friends dropped him.
TelluricTokoro said:
Y'all niggas funny to me.

I don't have rules on who to date, whether it's a friends ex or a friend dating my ex.

Y'all don't own anybody.
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It's true I don't "own" any of my ex's but I also choose who my friends are and while they are free to date whoever they want I am free not to be their friend anymore.
 
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