A good friend might lose his job because he was caught motioning for me to look at a woman at work, which made her uncomfortable

[BlackFyre]

First off, I'm all for #metoo. And I don't condone sexual violence or unwanted advances regardless of race and sex.

What happened to my friend was simply bullshit.

We work in a small office. This new girl walks in to get Coffee at the cafeteria. She's a complete 10. He motions to me to look at her. She catches him doing it.
Seemed uncomfortable and went about her business to get the coffee.
My friend got embarrassed and I muttered to him "nice going dude, she saw you"

That's all it was. 2 days later He's called to the HR office. Nothing happened but everyone now knows because That's just the culture here.

So here's my friend who may lose his job or be forced to quit because he pointed out someone he found attractive.

I don't know what to say. I'm really angry right now because He's just a guy whose name is being thrown around like he raped her.

 

[Jindrax]

Your friend is a noob. Unless you guys are 16, how do you even get caught doing this? You've been doing this all your life man.
Anywho, being fired for this would be a bit extreme.

 

[BlackFyre]

And people keep asking me what he did. So now I have to explain to them.

 

[Deleted member 46493]

I think his behavior absolutely deserves a warning. Being checked out and pointed at (even indirectly) is very uncomfortable. Do that at a bar, not work. (Edit: Don't do it at a bar or in general either).

 

[gdt]

I mean it doesn't seem like any of that is going to happen by your last part of the story.

Maybe HR told him to chill and not be super obvious about it and that's it?

Seems like you guys are going overboard with anxiety after a reasonable warning.

 

[deimosmasque]

Yeah. Sorry it sucks but what he did is extremely inappropriate. Even if she is a "10"

 

[Knight613]

Doubt he gets fired, but honestly that was pretty unprofessional of him to do it right in front of her at work.

 

[Deleted member 13798]

You really shouldn't be explaining anything to anybody, let HR handle that. I know you want to support and defend your friend but that complicates the situation a lot.

All HR is probably going to do is some kind of talking to him or perhaps course on appropriate office conduct; it would be surprising to fire him over something like this. At the same time it can constitute an uncomfortable work environment for her and is a form of harrassment so they need to take action.

 

[pants]

Thats textbook sexual harassment; she felt harassed in a professional environment, and reported it.

Its unlikely he will lose his job.

Hes not being treated like a rapist, hes being treated like someone who did something unprofessional to a professional peer. Tell him to keep his head down and wait for the awkwardness to blow over.

 

[Alavard]

Sounds like what he did was inappropriate, considering it made her uncomfortable and getting caught embarrassed him. A talk with HR is well warranted at that point.

 

[Redcrayon]

I don't see the problem. Presumably he quite rightly got told by HR not to do that in the office again because it's unprofessional. Seems about right. How old are you both? Think about how fucking shitty it was for someone else to see that on her first day (or week, or whatever) when she was on her own and probably didn't even know anyone else there, what does that say about the company culture? That's why HR got involved.

It'll blow over, but you both might want to look at what's appropriate workplace behaviour and not making people feel so uncomfortable about you staring at them that they report one of you to HR in future. Her being very pretty isn't an excuse.

 

[Sai]

Is he 15? Smh lol

 

[Officer Big Mac]

So he went to HR and you dont know anything more?

 

[thecowboypoet]

Maybe he should stop objectifying women in the work place.

 

[deimosmasque]

I think his behavior absolutely deserves a warning. Being checked out and pointed at (even indirectly) is very uncomfortable. Do that at a bar, not work.

Click to shrink...

Don't do it at a bar or nightclub either.

 

[daft_cat]

I doubt he'll get fired for this, but he really ought to behave more professionally at work.


...which is probably what HR told him.

 

[Jof]

Your friend got a warning from HR because he was caught objectifying a woman who'd literally just started working there. She's going to feel uncomfortable around him and in the workplace for probably some time, because he acted like a child. He hasn't lost his job, and HR did theirs.

 

[Admiral Woofington]

It's inappropriate because it's sexual harassment, even to a degree he might not consider an actual issue. She will feel uncomfortable around him because he saw her as a piece of to be displayed for his viewing pleasure. The best he can hope for is that HR will speak with him, and that he can attempt to apologize.

 

[kyle mechlachlan]

Your perspective is a bit fucked because your friends but honestly that kind of behavior shouldn't be considered normal. You gotta consider the event from her perspective. She has no idea who your friend is or the kind of person he is. She now has to wonder what comes next after the glares. She was absolutely in the right to report it.

 

[808s & Villainy]

That's all it was. 2 days later He's called to the HR office. Nothing happened but everyone now knows because That's just the culture here.

So here's my friend who may lose his job or be forced to quit because he pointed out someone he found attractive.

Click to shrink...

I think you're jumping the gun...

 

[Eumi]

Dude was unprofessional, I doubt he's getting fired but having HR talk to you about that kinda stuff seems pretty reasonable to me.

Don't oogle people in a professional environment.

 

[uzipukki]

You see, there's the problem. He did more than just look. HR should give your friend a warning.

 

[Deleted member 9479]

Sounds like your friend played with fire and got burned. It was highly inappropriate for the workplace. You feel bad he feels bad - how you think she feels and will continue to feel being in the office with him?

 

[Yonafunu]

I mean, he didn't just look at someone. Let's be real OP.

 

[CyborgNumberBlue]

He didn't look so much as pointed to her, which I think is the issue.

 

[CitizenVectron]

Checking out someone for ~1 second (looking them up and down quickly) is pretty much unavoidable as we naturally do that to everyone we meet. Holding that look for something like 5 seconds is not cool.

Mentioning to someone that someone else is attractive is okay. Saying it loud enough that others can hear (or visibly pointing) is not cool.

What your friend did was not good, but probably deserves a warning, not a firing. Unless there is more backstory to this...as there almost always is in these situations.

 

[ArtVandelay]

She's a complete 10.

Click to shrink...

You sure she's not a strong 9? Rating the appearance of a woman on a scale from 1 to 10 is such a weird dudebro thing.

 

[Slim]

It's inappropriate behaviour. Definitely deserves a warning.

 

[Deleted member 5764]

I think his behavior absolutely deserves a warning. Being checked out and pointed at (even indirectly) is very uncomfortable. Do that at a bar, not work.

Click to shrink...

My thoughts exactly aside from the being ok at a bar. I don't buy into the narrative of "harmlessly" checking someone out in any environment. There's a difference between looking at someone you find attractive, and making a show out of it.

 

[TheJollyCorner]

I mean... maybe he shouldn't have pointed her out like he was admiring the meat section of the grocery store?

Hopefully a learning lesson for him, but work places aren't fucking around with any of this these days, nor should they.

 

[nopattern]

you should tell your friend to stop acting like he's in high school. Thats sexual harrasment, just because you don't 'get it' doesn't mean it didn't affect her. I doubt your friend will lose his job, but guess what. I bet he things twice before he does it again. 'She's a 10' doesn't that mean you get to openly objectfy her without repercussion? This is the problem, men are so used to getting away with their shitty behavior that now that they are being held accountable they think they're being targeted, thats its unfair, and that everyone else are snowflakes.

 

[GameAddict411]

Your friend is gross and deserves a slap on the wrist on making new co worker uncomfortable. I won't deny that I do secretly stare at people I find attractive, but I won't be waving at my friends do to the same in public, let alone at work. Getting fired over it? Not sure. If he started hitting on her, then he should be fired.

 

[andymcc]

he didn't just look at someone dude

 

[KHarvey16]

I think putting a stop to that right away makes perfect sense. Make it clear it's not acceptable.

 

[Mahonay]

It was an extremely unprofessional thing to do. She was in her right to report him to HR.

Doubt he gets fired. But he'll have eyes on him for a while for sure.

Also your thread title is incredibly misleading. He didn't just "look at her". Honestly, fuck off with that.

 

[SpaceRipperStingyEyes]

How the fuck did he get caught. He must have been leering. A glance is quick as shit most people just register it as acknowledging another human has now arrived in your vicinity, just a subconscious reaction.

 

[Shake Appeal]

Having two strange men leer at you at a new job is fucked, and HR has an obligation to let your friend know that.

 

[Alucrid]

And people keep asking me what he did. So now I have to explain to them.

Click to shrink...

oh yeah this is only going to help the situation.

 

[AliceAmber]

I would have done the same thing in her position. We're trying to work, not be objectified.

 

[Eat My Jorts]

Your friend should resign in shame.

 

[Rag]

I don't think he should lose his job over it or anything, but think about it from her perspective... you're just trying to get coffee and some guy is elbowing his friend and getting him to join in on eye-fucking you. It's kinda hard to go back to your desk and get back to work after that, and then from there on, walking around the office at all feeling you're on display isn't going to be a whole lot of fun either.

 

[Coyote Starrk]

So here's my friend who may lose his job or be forced to quit because he pointed out someone he found attractive.

Click to shrink...

Looking at someone and finding them attractive in your head is one thing OP. Pretty sure nobody will get on anyone's case for that.


Staring at them and encouraging others to do the same very obviously with hand gestures in plain sight in a workplace environment is another thing entirely.

 

[Barrel Cannon]

Eh, its fine to point out someone attractive to a friend but do it discretely. It's the workplace. He deserves that warning imo.

 

[WascallyWabbit]

Yeah, you may be jumping the gun here. Getting called into the office does not necessarily mean fired.
Sounds like he deserves some kind of discipline though

 

[vatstep]

Get a good look, Costanza?

 

[Jof]

I'd also question who you're angry at here?

Are you angry at your friend? Evidently not.
Are you angry at the woman for speaking with HR? She felt uncomfortable and did the right thing speaking with HR.
Are you angry at HR for then speaking with your friend about it? He didn't get fired, it's their job to handle this kind of thing professionally.

So who are you angry at?

 

[Riley]

He did more than look.

And he most likely got a warning, which is deserving.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

He's not going to lose his job. HR did their job by pulling him aside and telling him to knock it off. If they were professional, their session with him would have to be private. They don't want people thinking their company has a sexual harassment problem, or that they're keeping such people on the payroll, but it's incredibly inconvenient to fire people over every minor scrap. They're covering their asses in case he ever escalates to worse behavior.

If the woman in question started telling people he was a creep, well, he probably had it coming, but if it escalates to the point of harassment he can also go to HR to get it sorted out.

 

[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

That girl has to worry now that every time she goes to get a cup of coffee that she might have to deal with your pervy coworker getting a nosebleed and ogling her.

Your friend needs to take his lumps and try to learn from this instead of becoming defensive. He'll become a better person for it if he does.

 

[Deleted member 46493]

Don't do it at a bar or nightclub either.

Click to shrink...

My thoughts exactly aside from the being ok at a bar. I don't buy into the narrative of "harmlessly" checking someone out in any environment. There's a difference between looking at someone you find attractive, and making a show out of it.

Click to shrink...

You two are right, thanks for the call out. Definitely not something to do in general.