A guy experiences the toxicity of online dating through fake profiles.

Cow Mengde

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,296
I actually saw this post years ago. I couldn't find it again for the longest time. It was a random tumblr post posted on reddit or something. I finally found it again.

This is a story about a guy trying to show his friend how great online dating was. He was using Okcupid. He ends up impersonating his friend and doing weird experiments that made him hate online dating. You can see the guy get more toxic as the post goes on.

This is the post that made me super hesitant about using online dating. At most all I can do was wade through it for a few weeks and completely forget I even have these apps on my phone. I know how much of a time sink it is trying to write messages to people, so I don't know how people do it. I went crazy just after 1 weekend when Hinge gave me a 30 day free trial of unlimited swipes. I can't imagine what 12 months of shit like this can do to the guy in this post.


I won't spoil some of the surprises, cause it's actually a lot of fun reading about some of the shit that happens.
 

Betty

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
7,596
I'm reading this and i'm a little dumbfounded how the bet keeps getting extended, and then they decide to increase another 6 months on top of it? These people are crazy.

And the moral so far seems to be that online dating is shallow and good looking guys seem to do way better.

Bob seems like a chill dude too.
 
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Cow Mengde

Cow Mengde

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,296
I'm reading this and i'm a little dumbfounded how the bet keeps getting extended, and then they decide to increase another 6 months on top of it? These people are crazy.
Probably egos at stake. I feel like the guy just wanted to prove he's right and kept hoping that something will change if he keeps at it long enough. He even admits he just wants to prove he's right.
 

Maintenance

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,931
Ha, none of the twists even surprised me. I don't even care about the "but the story is probably a lie" part/angle, because I've seen that happen firsthand.
 

Micael

Member
Oct 28, 2017
648
A short Asian man in online dating, they basically went European Extreme on this bet.
 

Aureon

Member
Oct 27, 2017
934
We probably need a better system, honestly. Online dating is ending up less useful than non-dating online communities honestly.
 
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Cow Mengde

Cow Mengde

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,296
For anyone who has done online dating any real length of time, none of this is surprising.
When I first stumbled onto this years ago, it was really surprising to me. Online dating was just starting to get popular and people on GAF were getting into it. Unfortunately, being Asian and short myself, this article sticks with me.

Ha, none of the twists even surprised me. I don't even care about the "but the story is probably a lie" part/angle, because I've seen that happen firsthand.
The part about being more likely to get into a car accident than getting a date had me in stitches.
 

Maintenance

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,931
I already posted here but this is even funnier now that I remembered I had a conversation like this one two days ago. Someone I know kept insisting "no man, you need to go back to Tinder / OKC / etc, it works".
 

carlsojo

Member
Oct 28, 2017
7,642
San Francisco Bay Area
Online dating is really hard and it doesn't work for everyone. I think it's worth a try for everyone as long as they don't go into it expecting instant results.

It's really easy for me to write something like "it's better to just meet people in person" but honest to God I don't even know where you'd start. Speed dating?
 

thediamondage

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,607
Online dating is really hard and it doesn't work for everyone. I think it's worth a try for everyone as long as they don't go into it expecting instant results.

It's really easy for me to write something like "it's better to just meet people in person" but honest to God I don't even know where you'd start. Speed dating?
unless you're just looking to hook up (then bumble/tinder), volunteering IRL with stuff that interests you (helping animals, homeless, elderly care, cleaning nature trails, food banks, etc) is the second best way to meet significant others.

The absolute best way is friend setups.
 

CrocoDuck

Member
Oct 28, 2017
835
Interesting read, thanks for sharing.

What was interesting and what I resonated with a lot were 2 things: first is the race thing with Bob being non-white/Asian. I’m brown/Latino and pretty short, so just like this experiment I’ve had very little luck with matches. Iirc there’s a thread on Era about minorities and online dating (didn’t look into it much cause I assumed it would be a shit show).

The second is the “sameness” with a lot of the women’s profiles. Like the article states, so many have an unhealthy obsession with traveling, avocados, and use the same buzzwords like “adventure” and “exploring the city” (I live in NYC), a lot of the girls seem to be transplants with a shit ton of money; Now I don’t even try anymore because it all just seems so.... fake/boring... like I’m reading the same thing over and over.

About 2-3 months ago, I sent out a message to someone I found interesting. From the girls profile, one would get the idea that she’s heavily progressive, politically active and despises Trump; I was also interested since we both are in the same area career wise. I gave a well thought out message (which I always do) and didn’t think nothing much after. Lo and behold, i actually got a response.

But then I realized very quickly that her responses were very tepid and boring, her political enthusiasm/activism in her profile wasn’t reflected in conversation. I gave thoughtful responses to try to push the conversation (politics, our careers), but her responses kept lacking substance of any kind.

Eventually I stoped trying/caring but around 2 weeks ago I received a message from her that seemed to try to spark a conversation. I didn’t even bother responding, I just thought “why should I respond? She’s boring” and just moved along.
 
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Cow Mengde

Cow Mengde

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,296
It's really easy for me to write something like "it's better to just meet people in person" but honest to God I don't even know where you'd start. Speed dating?
This is also something that I've been wondering. I don't party and don't go to bars. At least I'm not comfortable going to bars on my own. Always had friends with me when I'm there.
 

RoKKeR

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,380
I feel like I dodged a bullet here... hopped into one of the apps and the first person I matched with is my girlfriend of almost a year now.

I guess it's not surprising though, with the prevalence of these apps going up so too does the potential for scams.
 

tadaima

Member
Oct 30, 2017
704
Tokyo, Japan
- Money/influence
- Good looking/"exotic"

Charming isn't even relevant in online dating. If you don't have these attributes, you're SOL with online dating.
 

carlsojo

Member
Oct 28, 2017
7,642
San Francisco Bay Area
This is also something that I've been wondering. I don't party and don't go to bars. At least I'm not comfortable going to bars on my own. Always had friends with me when I'm there.
I'm kind of the same way. Can't go to bars or really most social events where I don't know people. If you're like me, online dating might be the best way to go. I was lucky enough to meet my wife online back in college, so it's not impossible.
 

HotHamBoy

Member
Oct 27, 2017
11,876
unless you're just looking to hook up (then bumble/tinder), volunteering IRL with stuff that interests you (helping animals, homeless, elderly care, cleaning nature trails, food banks, etc) is the second best way to meet significant others.

The absolute best way is friend setups.
Yeah, or even just finding social clubs/classes for things that interest you (just spread yourself out to cast the widest net). Then you're more likely to meet someone who shares your interests. If not, well you'll still make friends and have a good time.
 

bananabread

Member
Oct 28, 2017
18
This is timely reading for me since I just got into these apps after a long period out of the dating market. It pretty much reflects my experience so far. I have a bunch of qualities that I know are pretty appealing on paper (i study music full-time, work in a kids hospital and have pets), but I'm also overweight and was getting zero matches and getting increasingly disheartened.

I decided to experiment, changed my profile pic to an older photo of me before I put on weight and now I'm getting 2-3 matches a day. My other photos are still the larger me, but I'm assuming most people don't look past the first pic. I'm not going to message any of these women because I'm essentially catfishing them, but am instead using the regular trickle of gratification as motivation to get back into the shape that people are interested in.

And I can relate to the 'avocados/sarcasm/adventures' thing. Seems like people trying way too hard to be quirky and interesting when they don't actually have any quirks.
 

RyanW

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
3,622
I live in a small college town so I've always told myself and friends I wouldn't do dating apps like Tinder because I would know almost everyone on there and I can just see shit being weird. It's weird because so many people I know are obsessed with getting me on there. "We should make him a Tinder." Or not, thank you.

I did tell some of my friends I would make a Tinder account when we're at Florida for a bachelor party in a couple of months, but really just to see how much luck I'd have with matches. Don't intend on messaging or hook up with anyone, but I'm the least interesting person to be using something like Tinder so...
 

bluehat9

Member
Oct 25, 2017
563
Bob and me reached the same conclusion. I have a better chance of winning the lottery than fighting through dozens (hundreds?) of guys spamming messages or likes daily to women. Even if one does like me on one particular day, she'll get dozens more chances tomorrow to move on and every day for the foreseeable future if she wants. And that's if they even care to go through all those daily notifications. On something like bumble my matches usually just fade in 24 hours with nothing, but I figure they are mistaken swipes anyway at this point, lol. I'm average, I know it, I basically swipe right on anyone in my state (which is rare already since I don't want to pay bridge tolls) already and still get nothing. At least the lottery is actually random.
 

Jawmuncher

Crisis Dino
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
11,503
Ibis Island
I'm kind of the same way. Can't go to bars or really most social events where I don't know people. If you're like me, online dating might be the best way to go. I was lucky enough to meet my wife online back in college, so it's not impossible.
The hardest aspect of this is always trying to recommend something they’ll actually care about volunteering for. Whenever I bring it up, people don’t like the idea of a “second job that doesn’t pay” when it’s obviously not that.
 

disparate

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,351
the dude in the article deliberately made a more attractive profile and defaulted to white lol
 

Famassu

Member
Oct 27, 2017
5,969
This is also something that I've been wondering. I don't party and don't go to bars. At least I'm not comfortable going to bars on my own. Always had friends with me when I'm there.
You can meet people in a lot of hobby circles that don't require booze or being smooth with your moves on the dance floor. Board games, tabletop RPGs, outdoors-y activities, dancing lessons etc. Just don't go to whatever hobby meetings you decide to attend JUST to hit on girls and don't be overly desperate but let relationships (friendly or romantic) form naturally and maybe one day you'll notice that you hit it off with someone well enough to maybe ask them for a coffee or dinner.
 

RedMercury

Member
Dec 24, 2017
7,536
I think this is fake as hell and gross anyways to make a profile for someone else and pose as them for a bet.
 
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Cow Mengde

Cow Mengde

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,296
That post reminded me of those collages where people catfished by putting a handsome guy on the picture with a really bad profile.

What the hell? What kind of forum is that? The messages sound kind of incel-y.
 

RyanW

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
3,622
That post reminded me of those collages where people catfished by putting a handsome guy on the picture with a really bad profile.

I feel extremely uncomfortable after reading some of those messages
 

sapien85

Member
Nov 8, 2017
2,336
I went on sites that are more focused on straight users (tinder, okcupid, bumble...) and Grindr and I can tell you I had A LOT more success on Grindr and I'm average looking I'd say at best.

The biggest issue on Grindr was finding serious connection and avoiding the non stop temptation of easy sex. Going from straight dating most of my life to that was a shock.

Edit: I'm also shorter than average and people think I look Latino most of the time.
 

AegonSnake

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,628
Tell bob to go to PakistaniMatrimony.com or BaharatMatrimony.com. the latter even comes with a MS Dhoni guarantee lol
 
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Doober

The Fallen
Jun 10, 2018
1,849
Yeah, this checks out. The apps are definitely designed to monetize any desperation a guy may feel while trying to use the things.

Meanwhile women just curate their inboxes.
 
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Cow Mengde

Cow Mengde

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,296
From Google:
The Internet's largest African American Forum. News, Sports, Celebrity Gossip, Fashion and Hair Care from an African American perspective.
Oh ok. Just that he started using the word Chad and those over the top profiles showing how women love bad boys with criminal records/rapists. Cause that's basically incel BS. I'm hoping we're just being trolled. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised there are shitty women out there, but the match numbers are scary.
 

devilhawk

Member
Oct 27, 2017
527
One thing the post didn't get into is what effort he actually put into using the profile? I don't know much about OKcupid, but for most guys one of the biggest downsides to the apps is probably the time commitment needed. All the swiping and small talk can amount to a second job. It can be sort of draining, even when it is going well and you are getting dates. Easy to be disillusioned with the apps despite them doing exactly what you were hoping for.
 

Doober

The Fallen
Jun 10, 2018
1,849
The part about a lot of womens' profiles being dull and derivative is definitely true. Everyone is fluent in sarcasm, loves traveling, and will pet my dog.

You can really tell that they don't typically have to put much effort into it to get results.