In my opinion, there are a lot of people who just want to have sex in online dating and that includes many shallow people who only care about looks. That's why I prefer meeting someone on a common activity or in college.
A guy experiences the toxicity of online dating through fake profiles.
- Thread starter Cow Mengde
- Start date
I don't get this - it's not that hard to talk to real people with online dating apps, arrange meetups, etc.
There are a TON of fake profiles, and plenty of people who will ghost on out after a few messages, but that's fine. Just tonight I started chatting with someone new, exchanged contacts, and are talking about meeting up.
I'm not some sorta extra charismatic dude. I'm awkward, out of shape - and well - did I mention I'm awkward? I'm casual about things, don't take it too seriously, and just go with the flow. As long as people don't go in with crazy expectations, it's at least a solid way to kill some time and have some fun conversations with new people.
There are a lot of issues with online dating, but I don't feel like the initial hurdle of staring a convo or getting a meetup is the roadblock everyone thinks (but yeah, you'll have a quite a few convos that go nowhere in the process, just don't be weird about it). If people are on the fence, just try it out, and if it's not for you that's fair enough, just don't take it as some sign that you have no chance in other environments.
There are a TON of fake profiles, and plenty of people who will ghost on out after a few messages, but that's fine. Just tonight I started chatting with someone new, exchanged contacts, and are talking about meeting up.
I'm not some sorta extra charismatic dude. I'm awkward, out of shape - and well - did I mention I'm awkward? I'm casual about things, don't take it too seriously, and just go with the flow. As long as people don't go in with crazy expectations, it's at least a solid way to kill some time and have some fun conversations with new people.
There are a lot of issues with online dating, but I don't feel like the initial hurdle of staring a convo or getting a meetup is the roadblock everyone thinks (but yeah, you'll have a quite a few convos that go nowhere in the process, just don't be weird about it). If people are on the fence, just try it out, and if it's not for you that's fair enough, just don't take it as some sign that you have no chance in other environments.
I know the population thing is true but I don’t get why. If there are 10 times as many guys on these sites than girls, do 9 out of 10 girls just not date, or do they just not do online dating? Assuming there is just as many single girls out there as guys of course.
Seems like there could be a market for a new system that avoids these pitfalls. I wonder if you could make a dating app that de-emphasizes the more superficial attributes...
That's not going to change the person they meet during the date though.
I was kind of amused by this story until you find out the Bob is Asian and then it just broke my heart. Women are capable of being racist and shallow as much as men are. At least he wasn’t actually trying to date anyone, but it’s sad nonetheless. I would be interested in seeing someone do the same challenge but with two female profiles. I imagine that would be a different experience entirely, but probably even more problematic for a lot of different reasons. Let’s not pretend that men are any less shallow than women.
No kidding. I’m bi as well, but not out, and pretty much every dude I met online just wanted to fuck. There was basically zero pretense. I met one good guy, but I was still too ashamed of being outed and it didn’t get far. I eventually met my wife on my “straight” account, but I can kind of appreciate what I’m sure she had to deal with before we met.
Online only ever gave me hookups.
I've had more success asking girls out in person. No catfishing, no ghosting, no reading a profile I'm not that interested in to begin with, no clever text opening one liners that are recycled anyway.
You get your answer right away and it's done.
Rejection is fucking hard though and sucks. You just have to learn not to take it personal. Somedays are easier than others and I only ask if I'm in an amazing mood. I can't deal with online dating anymore unless I'm insanely desperate to get laid and I don't really get that urge all too often anymore.
It's just too much of a time sink and you're 1 amongst a shit ton of dudes. Friend of mine showed me her inbox and one guy had a pic of himself I think trecking towards Everest and a bunch of other ones showing off his wealth lol. Like good grief, I can barely afford typing this on ERA lmao. Let alone show off bite sized moments of life and pretend that's all I'm about.
I've had more success asking girls out in person. No catfishing, no ghosting, no reading a profile I'm not that interested in to begin with, no clever text opening one liners that are recycled anyway.
You get your answer right away and it's done.
Rejection is fucking hard though and sucks. You just have to learn not to take it personal. Somedays are easier than others and I only ask if I'm in an amazing mood. I can't deal with online dating anymore unless I'm insanely desperate to get laid and I don't really get that urge all too often anymore.
It's just too much of a time sink and you're 1 amongst a shit ton of dudes. Friend of mine showed me her inbox and one guy had a pic of himself I think trecking towards Everest and a bunch of other ones showing off his wealth lol. Like good grief, I can barely afford typing this on ERA lmao. Let alone show off bite sized moments of life and pretend that's all I'm about.
aw sorry to hear about that. Feel ya though, took me a minute to come out. Admitted it to myself and gf at the time at 25, publicly at 26 and now I'm pretty damn comfortable with it and myself at 27. Had an idea since high school though.
I’ve know since the fourth grade haha. I’m thinking of coming out myself but my parents are very religious. My wife couldn’t be more supportive though.
Doesn't surprise me one bit to be honest. Even if we are ignoring all the fakes, most people on these Apps follow the same cookie cutter template for their profiles.
What they write is not the description of a person, but the idea of a person if that makes any sense. It's like they can't stomach the thought that their lives (and that of most other people) might be pretty boring and mundane for the most part.
It's I took 500 photos and post that one good one in an Instagram post but in the form of a dating profile.
What they write is not the description of a person, but the idea of a person if that makes any sense. It's like they can't stomach the thought that their lives (and that of most other people) might be pretty boring and mundane for the most part.
It's I took 500 photos and post that one good one in an Instagram post but in the form of a dating profile.
Are you white? Are you tall, or at least average height?
The story reads as fake, but the scenario is completely real. Being short, Bob was doomed from the start, and I say this as a fellow short man who has tried online dating. Him being a minority probably cemented it.
White, not tall - around 5'8" or so - and currently kinda chubby.
I do realize my experience could be a bit skewed, but I do think if people just go in not expecting too much and roll with the punches they can at least strike up some conversations with a chance of meetups. I've never had anyone ask my height, and I don't look tall in my pics, so I dunno.
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Idk, every time I decided to online date I at least got some sex out of it, except last time that I met my current GF five years ago. I'm regular looking.
This is pretty much what I'm going through at the moment. Downloaded all the apps about a month ago, put a lot of effort into my profile and choosing photos and spent a couple of hours a week swiping and messaging people. So far I've had 3 matches all of which didn't get beyond 1 reply. I'm reluctant to give up because at least this way I could theoretically meet someone whereas it feels like there's a 0% chance of this happening in my day to day life, but goddam it's been devastating to my self esteem.
I mean, I'm sure you could do the reverse and get even more thirsty dudes hitting on hot bigoted women sadly :/
Are you white and over 5' 7" (~170 cm)? I'm not trying to make a very nuanced claim, it seems the vast majority of women online exclude certain heights and races.
I didn't believe it myself until I saw how some friends had absolutely no replies or matches in online dating despite being very handsome, smart, funny, and ambitious career-wise.
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Holy shit how did I guess the height so perfectly. Honestly, even though my physical attributes seem to meet the "standard" for online dating, it feels too gross to go back to it.
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I met my now long-term girlfriend of Tinder and met up with a dozen or so others so I guess I was lucky.
There are times though were it was a bit draining, you'd spent a while thinking of a great opener and it would just be ignored. By the end I was just sending any crap that first came to mind because I realised most girls are going to respond based on your looks and not necessarily the strength of your opener.
Dogs, a whitty bio and some pictures showing you lead an interesting life definitely help but unless you're above a 6/10 then online dating can feel almost impossible.
There are times though were it was a bit draining, you'd spent a while thinking of a great opener and it would just be ignored. By the end I was just sending any crap that first came to mind because I realised most girls are going to respond based on your looks and not necessarily the strength of your opener.
Dogs, a whitty bio and some pictures showing you lead an interesting life definitely help but unless you're above a 6/10 then online dating can feel almost impossible.
I get the sense that a lot of people are bad at looking at dating apps as a numbers game. If someone doesnt respond, they dont respond. Move on to the next opportunity.
The key is, honestly, making a good and safe space for women - because pretty much all the issues with online dating stem from the lopsided male\female ratios on the app.
1 pic with a dog/cat
1 pic in a group setting (crop other people out)
1 selfie outside with good lighting
All you need to succeed in online dating.
1 pic in a group setting (crop other people out)
1 selfie outside with good lighting
All you need to succeed in online dating.
Why do you think it's fake as hell? What does the author (and all of the people sharing similar anecdotes) on here have to gain from posting fake experiences on dating sites? You can't just post "fake news!" without elaborating lol
And as long as the guy didn't actually meet any of the women who he asked out (which he says he didn't; the 'test' was made blatantly clear and apologies were given when a woman did accept a date) then I don't see the issue with using a fake profile. It's definitely better than actively lying to people, creating the expectation of romantic feelings and then actually going on a date with them just to get a free meal, but you don't seem to see that as gross:
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You just described all my dating profiles.
Also I'm 5'10", White, looks relatively fit, and have an OK face.
This thread makes me feel like an adonis.
Too bad I have Autism though.
And although I CAN get matches (and not THAT many), online dating for the most part is still a horrible soul sucking emotionally draining exercise.
I remember Martin Shkreli used to stream himself trolling girls on Okcupid and I won't link the video series here because it's just straight up cruel the things he would say to these women. Never mind the securities fraud but if misogyny was illegal his ass would be locked up for that.
The part that bugged me out was some of the people ignoring the insults and trying to get him to go out with them anyway and the amount of thirst messages. I've never seen an inbox that full. That money thing is probably right on the mark when it comes to online dating. Probably not the end all be all but definitely goes a long way.
Online dating is just bad for people, even when you filter out the psychological damage of being rejected many times a day. If you are reasonably attractive and like being performative and flirty, go have fun, but it's a mess for people like me who actually want to talk to folks first.
Lost it at the asian reveal. Bob knew going in that he'd win.
I guess if you're forced to engage in a shitty racist system, you might as well win a free lunch.
I guess if you're forced to engage in a shitty racist system, you might as well win a free lunch.
Shaming and ridiculing short men is not frown upon. He saw a topic that tangentially involved short height on men, so he felt the need to post that video to be 'funny'.
Back in the previous place, there would be people already saying stuff like 'manlets never learn', etc., I'm glad that behaviour has at least been moderated here, which as a short guy myself makes me more comfortable.
100% believe this. I very rarely get replies from girls. When a girl does message me normally I don't find them attractive so I ghost them, so can't complain really.
"Are you an alt-right member? I respect all beliefs btw"
Lmao some of these chicks are thirsty beyond common sense
I never have but I think like most online things it’s just massively amplified the issues of dating and superficial thinking. Combine that with, in my opinion, stunted social communication skills due to growing up online and I’m sure it’s just miserable.
If it's the article I think it is, it reeks of like Silicon Valley bravado
"I messaged dozens of women every day and basically none of them responded. The ones that did respond stopped replying to me after a brief back-and-forth."
Yeah, that sounds like OKCupid alright. Being Asian probably doesn't help, but as a fairly slender white guy that was completely my experience. Doesn't matter if you read people's profiles and write them a special personalized message that appeals to their interests -- 95% of the time the response will be silence or indifference. I think people needlessly blame their height, body type, or race when the fact of the matter is that you are just a tiny fish in a giant pond. There's probably plenty of tall white dudes who are coming up completely empty as well.
I wouldn't call the community "toxic" though -- it's just a place where as a man you are inevitably outnumbered by people who are better looking and more successful. Even if there's some kind of special interest or hobby that you might share with a woman, chances are she already has messages from two dozen better-looking guys who share the same interests and activities.
Yeah, that sounds like OKCupid alright. Being Asian probably doesn't help, but as a fairly slender white guy that was completely my experience. Doesn't matter if you read people's profiles and write them a special personalized message that appeals to their interests -- 95% of the time the response will be silence or indifference. I think people needlessly blame their height, body type, or race when the fact of the matter is that you are just a tiny fish in a giant pond. There's probably plenty of tall white dudes who are coming up completely empty as well.
I wouldn't call the community "toxic" though -- it's just a place where as a man you are inevitably outnumbered by people who are better looking and more successful. Even if there's some kind of special interest or hobby that you might share with a woman, chances are she already has messages from two dozen better-looking guys who share the same interests and activities.
Huh? I'm... fine? lol Sometimes I need more than an hour to reply when I am sleeping or working
I still think it's gross. You say it's not actively lying, but it objectively is a lie. Is it better than if he were to meet them? Of course.
I don't know what my quote has to do with anything, that was in reference to women and this is a man. Unless you are trying to make the case that women are toxic on dating apps which I'm not going to even dip a toe into that with the shit they have to deal with.
It's a story on the internet with zero verifiable details, it's good to be skeptical. Why would someone do it? Got you to click the blog, didn't it? Where are the reddit posts this person made over the course of a year? Where are any profile screenshots proving they had one? They put in a year of time and never once thought it wise to have any sort of proof?
Of course it's a lie, but it's a lie that harms no-one in the end; the women who responded to either Bob's account or the second 100% fake account were met with either confirmation that they were being 'played' or the typical ghosting response that is highly prominent in dating apps. Yet you dismissed another more wide-spread scenario where the lies actually harmed both the person being lied to and the overall dating scene as merely 'rude'. I quoted that post just to highlight the blatant double-standard on display.
And if you seriously don't think women have the capability of being toxic on dating apps then you're dismissing the lived experiences of many men throughout the world who have either been discriminated against due to things they can't control (race and height being the two most obvious) or who have simply had a bad experience themselves. I doubt that you honestly think someone going "I won't date non-white and/or short men," isn't toxicity. It's definitely interesting that all you can muster to dismiss this story is "fake news!"
EDIT: And if you want some definite proof then here's a chart from an article that was linked in the blog itself (it's 404'ed now but it's from official OKC sources):
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It's four years old, that kind of verification wasn't expected. It could be exaggerated bullshit or not.
I had to cut myself off from dating apps because I got sick of all the ghosting, bots, and unsolicited nudes. I'd rather just be lonely than deal with all that shit and still be lonely.
Thank fuck I dropped off the online dating scene. It is the most distilled form of superficiality and I was become a worse person for it. Furthermore my ethnicity and height are not favourable insofar as numbers are concerned. It can really easy to get red pilled if you lose perspective.
As an introvert, I doubt I will ever find someone but the anxiety of yesteryear stemming from fears of being alone has passed and so all is good. In fact, given the amount of cheaters I have known in my life, I do not believe that I can ever truly trust anyone as things always change with time.
As an introvert, I doubt I will ever find someone but the anxiety of yesteryear stemming from fears of being alone has passed and so all is good. In fact, given the amount of cheaters I have known in my life, I do not believe that I can ever truly trust anyone as things always change with time.