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A Message to ResetERA from Denis Dyack
- Thread starter HStallion
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I'm sorry for the gaf lol. I considered that place home so it's going to take a while.
I am absolutely not talking about defending or ignoring anything. Only just giving some advice on a way to make a positive change. Like, if you want someone to stop or see how they could be wrong because you want them to change instead of spew the same behavior elsewhere then the way you go about a conversation about that with them is important. Same for if you don't want them to change and just want them to leave.
There are so many possible outcomes based on the way a conversation is handled on an issue or lifestyle some one has.
I could come from a place of love and disengage you so that you let your guard down and we both can have a discussion on the topic where we both learn at the very least where we are coming from and why we feel so strongly. EVEN if nobody changes their minds, all parties still have a better understanding of eachother and are better equipped when dealing with the next person whom they may hold a similar conversation with.
I could throw your back up against the wall and make you put your defenses up and try to pound on them until you break. Making you most likely think less of me and not want to take what I say to heart or to just agree with me at face value out of sympathy or because you want me to stop. I learn nothing of what you actually hold in your heart and neither do you me.
I could give you an ultimatum. Making you resentful no matter which decision you chose. HOWEVER, this would be fine to do if preceded by the first scenario above as all parties would be understanding and far, far less resentful if at all.
I could just spew hate at you. Most likely starting a cycle or adding to an already existing one.
There are so, so many more. You get the picture. But the point is not about what you owe anyone, it's what you actually want as a resolution. Do you want a stop to the drama/issue or even just help educate and plant a seed. Or do you want it to continue? Do you believe that peoples hearts can be reached and changed?
I believe in punishment for crimes and mistakes. But I don't think it should stop there. One of the largest issues I have with my American justice system is a lack of rehabilitation especially AFTER the punishment. I believe several other countries have systems like this in place and they work pretty well so I hear.
I just don't subscribe to the idea that people can't be reasoned with or their hearts can't be reached. I have done this my entire life with youth outreach. Even the most seemingly hopeless souls can be reached I assure you. If they are sane anyway. I mean, if people can't change then what is the point?
I also know that if you don't give an out (Not to be confused with a free pass), getting someone to change is almost hopeless. If they don't see that there is a future where they might be accepted again, then they usually don't see any rout as an option to begin the often excruciating process to change.
If you don't feel that this is your mission then that is ok. If you don't feel like you are equipped to atm then don't. But I believe it can be done through love and I believe that everyone has it in them to reach out and touch the heart of another no matter who that individual may be.
I will say though, I always try to avoid having personal, sensitive conversations online where you are trying to help someone change. I always try to find a way to be face to face or at least in a way that both voices are heard, except for a few cases where suicide was involved in which case I took whatever I could get. It is my belief that there is a certain connection that way that is lost on a keyboard. But I do believe that it could happen with a community like this. But it would be hard. I would absolutely love to see it. What an amazing culture that would be.
Given that this discussion is likely to continue in circles until Denis_Dyack actually responds, we are locking the thread for now but will insist that he address it if he wishes to continue to use this site as a platform.
He made those personal beliefs public
Those personal beliefs were support for a hate group.
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