Advice Against Bullying

[OfficerRaichu15]

Hello,
Really wish I didn’t have to make a thread like this again when I made one on Gaf a year ago, but here goes.
I am being bullied. I am constantly called different names everyday by people because of how I walk or how I talk. I have a lot of friends don’t get me wrong, but some just constantly make fun of me. For example, one day I walked through the hallway and this person called me retarded. I don’t even know who the person is but they have done that everyday. Honestly Resetera I am struggling in how to cope with this. I mean I could try to fight them but I don’t believe violence is the answer.
Advice?

 

[hydrophilic attack]

my experience when i was a victim of bullying was that there was really nothing i could do other than removing myself from the situation and starting in another school which i eventually did.

the fuckers would turn anything i did against me

on the one hand that is horrible

on the other hand, there is a certain zen-like calm to take from the fact that it doesn't really matter what you do. it means there is really no point in blaming yourself or your own behaviour and you can just keep being you.

just keep surrounding yourself with your circle of friends who don't bully you (the ones that do are not your friends)

 

[Brakke]

How old are you, where are you? What is the scenario.

 

[Stiler]

Talk to your school counselor about it, explain what's happening and who is doing it, do the same with your parents. If nothing happens, and I hate to say this because it shouldn't come to this point, give it right back to the bully.

Bullies pick on people they perceive to be weak. When they realize you aren't a pushover and you stand up to them many times they'll leave you alone and move on to an easier target. Do not initiate violence, but defend yourself, if they try to get physical then give it back to them. Of course reasonably of course, don't do anything over the top or drastic. Also keep in mind the policy that some schools have against violence, you don't want to get expelled or anything.

 

[Mikey]

Take them on. Bullies won't stop unless you fight back. Nothing wrong with violence if it's justified. Or wait for them to grow up.

 

[Grim]

Depends on how old you are OP.

If you're under 26 and it's someone who you don't know consistently doing it and it's not at work I'd get swinging.

If it's at work you need to confront him directly with words and then go through HR. Let them know you've approached him politely and he still continues.

When it's your "friends" you need to let them know you're not happy with it....and if they don't like that then they are no longer your friends, cut them off.

Honestly if it's school/college then get busy. Hell be smart about it, inform a teacher or tutor first, wait a day or two and then gets to work on their faces.

 

[ZeroX]

Take them on. Bullies won't stop unless you fight back. Nothing wrong with violence if it's justified. Or wait for them to grow up.

Click to shrink...

This is great advice to get expelled and potentially have your life ruined. Don’t do this.

 

[Yari]

Those are some shitty friends you have then. Stop wasting your time with people that do that.

I’d rather have no friends than people that play nice with me, then talk shit about me the next day.

 

[D6AMIA6N]

Tell them to fuck off while looking the person in the face and eyes. No one gets to tell you how to feel. Once you believe in yourself, you will realize that nothing can stop you.

 

[Mikey]

Well don't get a wrench and bash them. Next time they start calling you names, shove them against a wall.

 

[Hat22]

Take them on. Bullies won't stop unless you fight back. Nothing wrong with violence if it's justified. Or wait for them to grow up.

Click to shrink...

Confronting them is the best option. However, violence should be reserved for violent bullies.

In this case, telling them not to call you "retarded" and then responding to their dumbass reasoning with insults of your own is appropriate.

 

[Moonkid]

I remember your thread OP, I believe you told someone about someone who was recording you but I can't recall the resolution if there was one. Talk to members of authority in your school that you trust, then go from there.

 

[99Luffy]

This is great advice to get expelled and potentially have your life ruined. Don’t do this.

Click to shrink...

Its highschool. Not a big deal.

 

[真棒!]

Stand up for yourself? I'm not talking physical violence but actually going up to the person and confronting them is more than likely enough in most cases. Ask them what the fuck their problem is, if you can't resolve it with words just walk away they're not worth your time.


I take it you're still in grade school because I can't imagine someone getting bullied on a college campus. All that really matters is your friends man and grades, just stand up for yourself when needed and chill, it's just (I'm assuming) high school. Nothing matters in HS outside of ACT/SAT & whatever your states test is (assuming you're in the US!!) so don't sweat it.

 

[Stuart444]

Hmm, outside of telling teachers/your parents (which I hope you've done, the latter at least)?

Providing it's not physical, try not to let them get you to. Literally ignore when as you walk past them (try counting in your head to 10 while ignoring them to keep you calm).

If you feel like reacting, just laugh at whatever they say and move on. If you feel like saying something, just give a sarcastic "Yeah, sure" or something like that while walking by then/walking away from them.

None of these are ideal, the ideal is for them not to bully you but if the teachers refuse to do anything, your parents refuse to or can't do anything and you don't want to use violence (which may just make the situation worse), then you're better off trying different things to keep you calm and see what works for you.

Wish I could help more but if it was that easy, bullying would be a thing of the past.

Stay strong and know it will eventually be over.

Also to people advocating for violence or standing up to them in a proper physical confrontation way: Just because it worked for you or for people you know, doesn't mean it will work on everyone and it can easily make a bad situation worse.

Of course, if the Op wishes to do that and it works, great but just remember it won't work on everyone, especially if it's a gang of bullies. It may just end in you getting beaten up. I do not advocate for that approach for these reasons.

 

[Mr_Derp]

Punch them in the face. Hard. Crazy beat the shit out of them. Make them cry and sob.

Or deal with it and don’t let it effect you.

This are your 2 choices. Not a joke post at all.

 

[Fiction]

I will say I don't have any advice other than to be super nice to the bullies even if they are assholes. I turned a few bullies into friends that way when I was young.

Other than that, I will tell you that it does get better. After high school I was never bullied again. Shit doesn't fly in the real world.

 

[Napalm_Frank]

You need to push back, it won't stop otherwise. You can't reason with bullies.

If you think you can take them on then you should confront them. Ask if they are picking a fight and make it clear that if they don't stop they will get what's coming for em. If you don't think you can handle yourself in a situation like that or that you'd get yourself beaten up in a fight then outside help is the only option.

 

[ZeroX]

Its highschool. Not a big deal.

Click to shrink...

We just had a thread with people talking about how this isn’t always the case.

 

[BeastJesus]

Get in the mindset that the bullies are piles of shit that are beneath you. Imagine an ant calling you retarded. You're just gonna laugh and stomp on it. Do the same thing with the bully. Laugh and punch him in the face, then laugh some more as you walk away.

 

[Hat22]

Its highschool. Not a big deal.

Click to shrink...

It seems to entirely depend on the highschool. Some are absolutely insane with their zero-tolerance policies.

 

[Napalm_Frank]

I will say I don't have any advice other than to be super nice to the bullies even if they are assholes. I turned a few bullies into friends that way when I was young.

Other than that, I will tell you that it does get better. After high school I was never bullied again. Shit doesn't fly in the real world.

Click to shrink...

I wish I could agree on both counts but I have seen too much that tells me otherwise. You a girl by any chance?

 

[Fiction]

I wish I could agree on both counts but I have seen too much that tells me otherwise. You a girl by any chance?

Click to shrink...

Yeah. But I haven't seen any bullying in the work place or anything toward guys either. The worst I've had to deal with is sexual harassment from customers and a few odd coworkers. If you get bullied in the workplace odds are the bully will be fired.

And I was bullied pretty horrible in high school, everyone called me ugly and stupid and nasty. I'm not any of those things, so I tired to not let it bother me.

 

[nihilence]

Try not to let their insecurities get to you. If they are acting out, they likely have their own problems they are struggling with too.

Try reporting it. Definitely if there is violence.

 

[ZeroX]

If you get bullied in the workplace odds are the bully will be fired.

Click to shrink...

That’s really naive. It’s less physical intimidation and a lot more abuse of power, but bullying is still rampant. More insidious.

Hell I just got a call from a friend about how they’re getting bullied at work last night, and they’re in their 40s.

 

[Kieli]

I will say I don't have any advice other than to be super nice to the bullies even if they are assholes. I turned a few bullies into friends that way when I was young.

Other than that, I will tell you that it does get better. After high school I was never bullied again. Shit doesn't fly in the real world.

Click to shrink...

I was very lucky to have largely been left alone in high school. However, there were 3 cases where I was briefly bullied and they were all brief because I did something similar. Rather than being nice, I bantered with the bullies and made it seem like I was "alright". Whether it was self-deprecating humor, jokes, or talking about topics like sports and games which I think would resonate with them.

The bullies would either get confused or bored. I distinctly remember one instance where a lead bully was being especially nasty to my group of friends, but I started chatting with the lead bully's friend about a game that was released at the time. We got into a bit of a conversation and I could tell the lead bully was getting frustrated, but because it was his friend I was talking to, he largely left us alone.

I know that this doesn't work and that I'm lucky. Some assholes will pick you apart regardless of whatever reason (not that there is any to begin with), and it seems like no matter what you do, they'll spin it against you.

@OP, I encourage you to share your situation with someone you trust, even if it's not necessarily someone who can stop the bullying. Personally speaking, bottling up my emotions just made me more depressed.

 

[Fiction]

That’s really naive. It’s less physical intimidation and a lot more abuse of power, but bullying is still rampant.

Hell I just got a call from a friend about how they’re getting bullied at work last night, and they’re in their 40s.

Click to shrink...

Maybe I've only worked in the right places? My current job will fire you if you aren't being positive to your coworkers lol. Before that it was truck stops and picking field. Maybe when the job sucks ass and is physically demanding people just commiserate with each other? I dunno. I haven't been in too many fields and I'm just now getting my foot in the door in the corporate world.

 

[BitByDeath]

You don’t need to fight them, you just need to take your power back.
Confidence is key.

Think up a new name for them, see if they got dirt and use it against them next time they call you retard.

Bed wetter is always a classic, if they ask how you know just say their mum mentioned it in bed the other night.

Always be prepared and confident to fight back, that backs them off most the time.

If you gotta fight let them throw first so you can be seen as defending yourself either punch them in the throat which ends things quickly or grab their arm behind their back and give a lil twist/bend. (You should practice that last one first to get it right, you want pain not breaking bones)

 

[Stuart444]

bottling up my emotions just made me more depressed.

Click to shrink...

I think this is an incredibly important thing to note. Bottling up how you feel is NEVER a good idea. It can only make you feel worse. Being able to open up to someone is very important and I advise people in any situation (non-bullying ones included) where they are bottling their emotions up to find someone you trust to speak to.

 

[Napalm_Frank]

Yeah. But I haven't seen any bullying in the work place or anything toward guys either. The worst I've had to deal with is sexual harassment from customers and a few odd coworkers. If you get bullied in the workplace odds are the bully will be fired.

And I was bullied pretty horrible in high school, everyone called me ugly and stupid and nasty. I'm not any of those things, so I tired to not let it bother me.

Click to shrink...

With boys the bullying usually has ties to the stupid macho culture stuff somehow. I cannot imagine many cases where it would stop by being nice, especially if we are talking about high school stuff here. That said I have no idea if OP is a boy nor his/her age and overall situation.

I have witnessed workplace bullying when I was younger. It's usually much more subtle than your typical schoolyard stuff but same thing applies in my opinion: you need to confront it somehow or it won't stop. At least at work it's much easier to handle because the bullies know there can be serious shit coming their way if they don't.

 

[99Luffy]

It seems to entirely depend on the highschool. Some are absolutely insane with their zero-tolerance policies.

Click to shrink...

Sure but I think the 'ruin your life' part was a little much. I had a friend that got expelled after beating his bully with brass knuckles. Still went to university and hes a doctor now.

 

[OfficerRaichu15]

To give everyone perspective I am a 17 year old high schooler.

 

[Stuart444]

Confidence is key.

Click to shrink...

Unfortunately, not everyone is that confident. We're all different and some people are naturally more shy or introverted so having confidence to fight back in that way is not always an option and building confidence is even harder when you have no outlet to work on building said confidence.

It's why I emphasized in my post above to find what works for you.

I just advise that they at least make sure they have someone, a parent if possible otherwise a friend at least who they can talk to properly about it. Having no one to talk about it with is horrible.

 

[nihilence]

To give everyone perspective I am a 17 year old high schooler.

Click to shrink...

Then know you will graduate soon, and do better things in life then they will.

 

[Hat22]

Sure but I think the 'ruin your life' part was a little much. I had a friend that got expelled after beating his bully with brass knuckles. Still went to university and hes a doctor now.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, expulsion is hyped up to be worse than what it actually is.

 

[Fiction]

The no tolerance thing is pretty awful, I will admit. My son got bullied pretty badly at his last school and the cops came to MY house because he responded with an over the top "I know where you sleep." comment. He's still at bit gun shy at his new progressive school. I don't blame him, but I wish he'd try a bit more.

 

[gfxtwin]

So if you're being bullied, it means their attacks on you are based on either prejudged false assumptions or they're trying to use things about you that are out of your control as weapon. Respond to these attacks by attacking their character/behavior. So if some dillhole says "hey, retard" in a prickish way, call them out on THAT (one count being too stupid to read people well enough to know if they are mentally handicapped or not, one count using a term for mentally disabled people as a slur, indicating they are bigoted towards the mentally ill). Make a game of it over time and if they keep it up move on to phase 2: Contextualize every interaction with them in a way that makes it clear you aren't bothered by their opinion of you due to those opinions coming from a shitty person who's perspective means jack shit. Then just ignore/avoid them as much as possible. Let them know how meaningless they are. And if you ever feel like you DO need to confront them, make sure to wait until you're surrounded by as many people you have your back as possible.

This is a potential way of dealing with bullies who are non-violent and capable of shame, at least.

 

[bigohmega]

[removed]

 

[TheBeardedOne]

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, and hope that it will improve some how and some way. Best of luck with it. As someone who was bullied early in elementary school (kindergarten) then teased and bullied some afterwards, I know how hard it is.

My parents and the cops (who had to be called once) told me to fight back, and so did a principal once. I did, got suspended in the process but only a slap on the wrist. The principal said she had to suspend me but didn't really want to, and my parents let me go over to a friend's to play Twisted Metal 4 that night.

 

[gfxtwin]

Get in the mindset that the bullies are piles of shit that are beneath you. Imagine an ant calling you retarded. You're just gonna laugh and stomp on it. Do the same thing with the bully. Laugh and punch him in the face, then laugh some more as you walk away.

Click to shrink...

Jesus, LOL. Pretty spot on though (minus the suckerpunching them in the face part lol).

 

[Violence Jack]

First thing to remember is that a bully is taking out their insecurities on you. Whether they're just immature, self-centered, or thinking that the best way to impress their shithead friends is to knock them down. My advice is to not confront them, and ignore it the best you can. I've learned the hard way that knocking someone's teeth down their throat when they sling insults your way is very much the wrong way to deal with it. They are honestly beneath you. A bunch of knuckle-dragging mouth breathers.

If the time comes that they physically confront you and won't let you walk away, hit them as hard as you possibly can in the throat, the nuts, or in the face (specifically the nose). I beat the hell out of a bully back in high school who got physical with me until a teacher pulled me off of him. I got in trouble, but the principal even told me that he was proud that I finally stood up for myself.

 

[Darth Vapor]

Don't cause a scene or anything. Ignore the asshole and tell a trusted teacher or school counselor. They take bullying seriously and are trained to deal with it.

 

[Opto]

Boldy tell them to go fuck themselves. And go for the eyes if they ever attack you.

 

[Pixieking]

Bullies pick on people they perceive to be weak.

Click to shrink...

I don't know how true this is anymore. Some people (kids included) just hate because they can, or because their homelife is bad (parents either being abusive to them, or abusive to people they perceive as different, like blacks/gays, etc.). If a kid sees their parents being abusive, calling someone on TV a retard, then it says to them that it's okay to pick on that type of person. Weakness has nothing to do with it in this situation.

OfficerRaichu15: Assuming you're at school, inform a teacher who you respect (and who respects you). If you can't do that with a teacher, then just go up the school hierarchy until you get to someone who'll listen to your concerns. If nothing else, the parents need to be informed of their children's actions. Also, whoever you ask, ask them what the school's anti-bullying procedure is - with more kids being bullied (either through tech or through the old fashioned way of in the corridor or locker-room), every school should have one, or be preparing one. And that should also light-a-fire under them to take your concerns seriously.

 

[Cats]

Wait, don't we live in the age with phones that can be recording at all times? Can't you just set your phone to record while you're in the halls in your pocket and bring it to a figure of authority like a teacher you can trust?

 

[Seesaw15]

You say you have a lot of friends OP? Just insulate yourself. High school is nothing but a collection of islands, find your people and live there. This bully is probably just insecure or jealous so don't let it get to you.

 

[The Silver]

I don't know pal, the very few times anyone's ever attempted to bully me I brought out the old mean mug and threatened to fight them right then and there. Put a swift end to it and one of them ended up becoming a good friend, so yeah everyone's situation and how they can handle it is different.

 

[AnansiThePersona]

Hello,
Really wish I didn’t have to make a thread like this again when I made one on Gaf a year ago, but here goes.
I am being bullied. I am constantly called different names everyday by people because of how I walk or how I talk. I have a lot of friends don’t get me wrong, but some just constantly make fun of me. For example, one day I walked through the hallway and this person called me retarded. I don’t even know who the person is but they have done that everyday. Honestly Resetera I am struggling in how to cope with this. I mean I could try to fight them but I don’t believe violence is the answer.
Advice?

Click to shrink...

OP I feel ya. I was bulled a lot in elementary and middle school (especially middle school) and even here and there in high school, tho I mostly kept to myself. Senior year bullying was lowkey funny to me because at that point I had been dealt with bullies so when the popular Magnet kids started bullying me, I brushed it off and was just nice to them. It helped because they couldn't actually do anything to me and I had built up callouses to insults at that point. And OP, I didn't have a real friend group to confide in during all of this so as long as you have a group that you trust and won't call retarded, that they should be able to help you get through school.

 

[Deleted member 20603]

Confidence and self esteem are ethereal concepts when you are 17.

If a bully is physical, notify a trusted teacher or guidance counselor.

Verbal bullies try to get a rise out of people. Their words are designed to hurt you or cause a negative reaction. If you visualize their words for what they are, stanky hot air, then you can let it pass over you harmlessly. My personal approach is to laugh along or even appear to agree with them to throw them off-balance. "Yeah, I am the stupidest person here. HahaHAHAHA!"

 

[nel e nel]

That’s really naive. It’s less physical intimidation and a lot more abuse of power, but bullying is still rampant. More insidious.

Hell I just got a call from a friend about how they’re getting bullied at work last night, and they’re in their 40s.

Click to shrink...

Your friend needs to go to HR.