From 1972, Alan Rickman kept a pocket diary in which he noted appointments, anniversaries, opening nights and addresses. In 1992, he started to produce a much fuller account of his life and work and bought diaries from a local stationer's that gave him a page a day to play with. These number 26 volumes, several of which are colourfully and beautifully illustrated.
Why he kept a diary is unclear. Diarists come in all shapes, and their reasons for recording their lives are similarly diverse. Some people want to bear witness to earth-shattering events while others are content to detail what appears to be trivia but which, with the passage of time, acquires enduring significance.
Alan Taylor, editor of the diaries
2000
23 August
6.30pm Pile into the car and drive to Siena to get to Il Campo before dark. To the Patio Bar where, around 8pm, I called LA and said OK to HP [Harry Potter].
24 August
Around the pool and feeling a bit nothing about HP which really disturbs me – or is it because I'm reading Martin Amis's Experience which charts A Life …
6 September
A day by the pool. Talking to Judy [Hofflund, Rickman's manager] – the bargaining goes on … (HP).
Lightning in the mountains.
10 September
Perfect day. Still, sunny. To the pool. Finish [reading] HP 1, start 2.
21 September
HARRY P TAKES OFF.
10.30am Car to costume fitting/discussion. Measurements from hell after a month in Italy. Waltz around each other – higher collar? Blue fabric? Thinner arms? And off to Leavesden Studios. Chris Columbus [director], David Heyman [producer], Makeup dept waiting. Wig? Nose?
6 October
First conversation with Joanne Rowling. Her sister answers – "She's not here – can I leave a message?" [There is] cackling in the background … "Sorry about that! … " [I tell her:] "There are things that only Snape & you know – I need to know … " "You're right [she replies] – call me tomorrow; no one else knows these things."
7 October
Talk to Joanne Rowling again and she nervously lets me in on a few glimpses of Snape's background. Talking to her is talking to someone who lives these stories, not invents them. She's a channel – bubbling over with, "Well, when he was young, you see, this, that and the other happened" – never, "I wanted so & so … "
8 October
2pm Ruby [Wax], [husband and film/TV producer] Ed [Bye] & kids, Harbour Club. One of [Ruby's son] Max's friends is an indication of what's to come. "Are you Snape?"
10 October
HARRY POTTER BEGINS.
11am Kings X for train to Newcastle, and then car to Alnwick Castle [AKA Hogwarts] and a (three-hour … ) makeup for camera test. Criss-crossing of pluses and minuses – pale face = v ageing; false nose-piece needs heavy makeup etc. General atmosphere is friendly and a mite chaotic.
7.45pm To the tapas restaurant with Sean [Biggerstaff] and Robbie Coltrane for many plates of deep-fried indulgences before going to the hotel for red wine and a bag of chocolates from the mini-bar. Hopeless …
11 December
7am Back to Harry P. The Great Hall with Maggie Smith, Zoë Wanamaker, Ian Hart, Richard Harris – all in their ways sweet, funny souls. But this is Tick Off The Shots filming – no big speech about the scene and what we're all thinking. Maybe there isn't time … Maybe … Too many people involved in the decisions. A hat has been made for Snape. A hat? For Snape? Fortunately Chris Columbus is also a sweet, funny soul and you kind of guess what he's thinking, what he wants. Certainly if you step outside that he's in sharpish. So it gets done. And it all looks just fine.
29 December
7.45pm Edna O'Brien. In four hours or so, Edna tells us tale after tale of Beckett, Pinter – "When I see him on Monday he will say immediately: 'You have seen The Caretaker, of course' – 'No, I have been away' – 'Well, then you have seen Betrayal.' The trouble is writers write from pain and Harold has closed up all his wounds, so all he can write now are these small things."
31 December
8.30pm Pam & Mel Smith. A lovely way to end a year. Friends, fireworks and singing Beatles, Elton John, Billy Joel songs around the piano.
2001
2 February
7.30pm The Graduate to see Jerry Hall. She is an amazing woman. Onstage you get hints of the offstage warmth.
19 February
LAST DAY ON HP.
At the end of the day, Hedwig the owl flies the length of the Great Hall and drops the Nimbus 2000 in Harry's lap. Dave, the trainer, hadn't slept worrying about it all. Simple, amazing things.
7 June
ELECTION DAY.
10.45pm To Jon Snow's house. Michael Foot there. A lonely figure, victim of Parkinson's, but still caught up in it all.
11 September
NEW YORK TRADE CENTER ATTACK.
11.30am Rehearse [for Private Lives, in London, with Lindsay Duncan]. Run Act 1. As the dance rehearsal is about to begin, the first report from New York comes in. Total shock. All rehearsal becomes an acute, flattening irrelevance but we do it anyway.
Eventually back home at 7.30 and just watch it over and over on TV as if to imprint it on the brain, the psyche, the life really … That plane was like watching a knife go into butter.
14 September
11am Three minutes' silence which we shared with Kiss Me Kate cast.
Supper at home. Watching more coverage. Still trying to understand something. Cannot remove the fact of 4 million starving in Afghanistan not to mention the innocents in Iraq. There is such political naivety in the US that it only takes one image of five Palestinians dancing in the street to obliterate the bigger picture.
23 October
David Heyman calls to tell me how brilliant I am in HP … At home, faxes about the press junket which is huge and impossible. The DH phone call was, of course, a coincidence …
4 November
HARRY POTTER PREMIERE.
6.30pm The film should only be seen on a big screen. It acquires a scale and depth that matches the hideous score by John Williams. Party afterwards at the Savoy is much more fun.
4 December
2pm 66 Harley Street. [Cardiologist] Rodney Foale (I like him) and the results of all the heart checks. All is fine, apart from one sheet showing high blood pressure and meaning less red wine late at night.
15 December
Sheekey's. In a day of memorable moments … it was capped by having Bill Clinton come over to our table to say hello. I say "Mr President" to remind myself that he was that, rather than another actor or the maître d' …
2002
9 January
Refit the Harry P costume. A bit of taking in is necessary.
14 January
HARRY POTTER 2.
6.50am pick-up (writing this with the wide-awake-at-2am thing) Nice to see them all again but it's a dreamlike thing, as if it has never stopped. And in a way, it hasn't – and won't …
Richard Harris is enveloped in flu – a cue for Maggie Smith to encase her face in a scarf.
Mind-blowing exhaustion by the end of the day. Somehow one hour's sleep is not quite enough. Back to the hotel for a club sandwich, chips, red wine, Ground Force and bed.
31 January
[Rickman's wife] Rima's birthday. It's a long time since we've been together on Jan 31st.
2 April
HP.
7.15 pick-up Up in the Quidditch tower with Miriam Margolyes (about to be OBE and 20lbs lighter – as she tells me in her fairly inimitable way) and Jason Isaacs – who has just become a dad for the first time. The usual nodding-heads-at-numbers scene but quicker this time and we're out by lunchtime.
18 May
8pm show [Private Lives, now transferred with the same cast to Broadway] After which we discover that Nicole Kidman & Tobey Maguire arrived half-hour late. Why come in?
26 May
6.30pm Liam [Neeson] & Natasha [Richardson, his wife]. Two-hour drive upstate to their glorious house and dinner with John [Benjamin] Hickey & Jennifer [Carpenter] from The Crucible plus – oh, Meryl's in there … as in Streep. Who turns out to be fun and gossipy. But it's hard – who else looks like Meryl Streep? So you can't quite lose the stare.
27 May
Lunch on a terrace with the boys and us. Tash is the most miraculous hostess. Nothing is forgotten.
4pm Dan Day-Lewis arrives to play tennis.
11 September
Decide not to fly home until tomorrow. Everything too rushed and the rush seemed disrespectful. The TV coverage is mercifully restrained and unbearably moving when it is utterly personal – mothers, fathers, children holding up pictures, sitting among the flowers at Ground Zero.
16 September
LOVE ACTUALLY FIRST DAY.
21 October
8pm [To] Wembley Arena for Coldplay concert. They were wonderful – every song close to being an anthem already and incredibly moving to see that many people knowing the lyrics. In the bar backstage, Gwyneth Paltrow introduced herself (more beautiful off screen) and then [we] met the group in the inner sanctum with Richard Curtis.
25 October
2pm Brydges Place. Happy-sad talk of Ruby's envy of touring around with friends in a play. Then there's a cheeky visit to Sheekey's, where they sit us down with a bottle of champagne … Both Ruby and I can feel a wheel turning. The fascination of "showbiz" is ever-thinning. The opportunities for only real work have to be nourished.
4 December
Talking to [agent] Paul Lyon-Maris about HP exit, which he thinks will happen. But here we are in the project-collision area again. Reiterating no more HP. They don't want to hear it.
21 December
Trudie & Sting's Christmas party. Byzantium meets Fairyland. They have built a red, ruched theatre where Richard E Grant read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, Zenaida Yanowsky danced The Nutcracker, the Razumovsky Ensemble played the Brandenburg Concerto and [violinist and conductor] Vasko Vassilev prodigied his way through the Carmen Fantasie. Around and about all that was fantastic food and beautiful wine & Krug champagne. But perhaps best of all was the chance to talk to Elton John & David [Furnish] about Safe [Sponsored Arts for Education, Kenyan charity] and elicit their support.
2003
8 February
Watching Martin Bashir's documentary on Michael Jackson. Disgraceful, self-serving journalism. How much did that cost? Compare MJ's actions with those of a million pederasts & paedophiles a day or the thousands of kids dying daily in South Africa from Aids. Make a film about that with your concerned face.
15 February
12pm Duke of York Theatre. For the march [against the Iraq war]. Except that we didn't make it to the Duke of York – no taxis anywhere. We walked to Piccadilly … and joined the march there. At Hyde Park (having seen 1m people behind us) there was Bruce Kent & Tariq Ali at the microphones but Minnie Driver & Tim Robbins to remind us that celeb rules, really.
14 April
HARRY POTTER [3].
7am pick-up Top table stuff w. David Thewlis, Michael Gambon, Maggie Smith, Warwick Davis.
More of the same really. But what else can you do except get the shots – a choir, 300 children, one speech. People reading in the background.
2 May
8.40am pick-up Corridor with Dan Radcliffe. He's so concentrated now. Serious and focused – but with a sense of fun. I still don't think he's really an actor but he will undoubtedly direct/produce. And he has such quiet, dignified support from his parents. Nothing is pushed.
17 May
6pm Car to Chequers … Real sense of the shiver of history going through the gates.
7.30pm for 8. Arrive to find Ben Kingsley & wife, Peter Hain, others … then Richard & Judy arrive, then Tony & Cherie with three-year-old Leo in his arms, in pyjamas.
Dinner for 25. Tony hanging around at the door to talk to me. (Was I the only known critic?) I mentioned Safe, Rima in the Lords and blacklists in the US – not bad for four minutes.
On leaving I said: "Well, thank God you're in the room with those maniacs [members of the Bush administration]." He raised an eyebrow or two and said: "Yes … it's been … difficult." And we drove away, TB silhouetted in the grand doorway in his off-white chinos and blue open-necked shirt.
26 June
8.30pm Zaika – dinner for Patty and John McEnroe. McEnroe is very sweet and loving with Patty [Smyth, his wife] and endearingly unegocentric and polite in other ways. I'm sure he's a great dad and would be a fantastically loyal friend. Who would have guessed? Also – he doesn't mind gossip – no one likes Rusedski.
30 July
7am pick-up Snape/Lupin Classroom.
The day got off to a fabulous start with the screen guillotining on to my head, a sudden, swift blackout followed by day-long melancholy. Alfonso [Cuarón, director] was quietly ballistic with me. I love him too much to let it last too long so I wailed offset and we sorted it out. He's under the usual HP pressure and even he starts rehearsing cameras before actors, and these kids need directing. They don't know their lines and Emma [Watson]'s diction is this side of Albania at times. Plus my so-called rehearsal is with a stand-in who is French.
10 October
9.45am Pick-up to start the Love Actually junket.
4pm Golden Square – screening of Love Actually. Me, Martine McC[utcheon] and two of her friends. Actually, she's one of the best things in the film. Unaffected, truthful and direct.
12 November
Jimmy Kimmel Live.
"So this is a chick flick?"
"No, it's more of a dick flick."
I got beeped but we were away with the horrors of Toby Keith singing American Soldier only minutes away. I'm on the sofa with a stand-up, a boy trumpeter and one of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Slightly scary.
2004
23 May
NEW YORK.
4pm Harry Potter 3. World Premiere.
Arriving at Radio City was like being a Beatle. Thousands of fans screamed as we got out of cars. Mostly for Daniel Radcliffe but a rush for everyone. Not to mention walking out on to the stage to 6,000.
Alfonso has done an extraordinary job. It is a very grown-up movie, so full of daring that it made me smile and smile. Every frame of it is the work of an artist and storyteller. Stunning effects that are somehow part of the life of the film, not show-off stunts. Later back to the hotel w. Ariel Dorfman, who takes egomania to utterly charming heights. He just loves being him.
8 June
11.30am Mansion House for Rada lunch – 1.15pm (with The Queen).
The snapshots would be of milling about, people looking suddenly older, some in hats and palaver, men in red uniforms holding pikestaffs (the ones in glasses letting the side down). A feeling of having to accept our place in the Establishment, or not. Vivienne Westwood was there, for heaven's sake. The Queen in yellow, laughing at Richard Wilson. But mostly – looking up to the gallery at the T-shirted students looking down – the sense of 30 years. And a shy pride at being there once.
28 September
HP [4].
7.55am pick-up Smacking the backs of Daniel [Radcliffe] & Rupert [Grint]'s heads – doubtless a fuss will ensue about corporal punishment.
11 November
7.15am pick-up In Dumbledore's office with Maggie … My speech is unlearnable. So some serious laughing goes on. Plus Maggie's stories of the Ladies in Lavender premiere: "Miriam Margolyes looked like a Sherman tank in sequins."
13 December
HP. LAST DAY?
7am pick-up Last scene with Pedja [actor Predrag Bjelac] who I rudely described as [like] working with a sideboard on wheels. Nothing to do with him as a (complex, delightful) person but more to do with the way he manages to bang into you at any opportunity.
I feel so shafted on this film with all Mike's [director Mike Newell] best motives. He's under pressure (like Alfonso) and everything is about the shot. We only talk about the scene on about take four. Plus ça change.
2005
7 July
THE DAY THE BOMBS HIT LONDON.
Absolute pillar to post – from the euphoric yesterday [London had just won the 2012 Olympics] to the numbness of today. A bus and three? Four? stations. Hundreds injured and (as of today) 37 killed.
Bush has the nerve to talk of "the killing of innocent people" and Blair feels it necessary to use his "I am moved" voice. Real tragedy wherever you look from whatever angle but threaded with hypocrisy as ever.
Newsnight has Paxman pressing his tired old buttons on, of all people, Tony Benn, who as far as I can see is making perfect sense.
We stayed home all day. Answered worried phone calls. Watched TV. Stared at it all.
22 December
6–9pm Helena [Kennedy] and Iain [Hutchison]. Alastair Campbell on free and easy form. I gave him my little spiel on how I've never met a curious politician – one who asks questions rather than makes little speeches – exceptions, on reflection, are of course Neil Kinnock and now I think of it Robin Cook.
2006
5 January
5am Wake up.
5.45am Driven to the hospital.
6am Pre-op. This is like a film set. Nothing seems real.
Remembering nothing but with that painkiller high in the recovery room. Attentive, caring people. [Throughout 2005, Rickman received treatment for an aggressive form of prostate cancer. It was decided that the best option was to remove the entire prostate, an operation carried out at the Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, Tennessee.]
9pm Rima goes back to the hotel after we watch with sublime irreverence Dancing With the Stars.
The new details de jour are all about various pain control positions or drugs and tubes seemingly everywhere.
8 January
7am The doctors come round and after dealing with catheters and drainage, finally, nervously get to the point – "How did you do the fall at the end of Die Hard?"
Check-out and to Hermitage Hotel for a week in Downtown Nashville. Dr Smith, Tour Guide, says Graceland is 200 miles (too far) away – suggests a visit to Jack Daniel's brewery. Even though it's a dry state, so no free samples.
30 January
Finally, yes to HP 5. The sensation is neither up nor down. The argument that wins is the one that says: "See it through. It's your story."
12 April
6.45am pick-up
I realise as soon as that [Snape's] ring and costume go on – something happens. It becomes alien to be chatty, smiley, open. The character narrows me down, tightens me up. Not good qualities on a film set. I have never been less communicative with a crew. Fortunately, Dan [Radcliffe] fills that role with ease and charm. And youth.
5 May
… talking to Rima today – she lost her seat [on Kensington and Chelsea borough council, in local elections]. And that is seriously their loss and her freedom.
9 September
5.30am Wake up.
6am Cab to hospital.
Echoes of January.
Somewhere in here, pathetic behaviour from the Labour party – totally out of touch with the real world, institutionalised, cannibalistic, egomaniacal, bitter, twisted and stupid. Charles Clarke – never trust a man with two-day growth, who also stuffs his face that much. Blair, of course, nips off to Israel for a swift bit of statesmanship.
2007
14 February
Stayed in and watched the Brits. Liam Gallagher is a great rock singer but an absolute tosser as a person. Who cares about his little tantrums – come out from behind the hair & glasses and showy walk and witless rudeness.
26 March
8pm Supper w. Ruby & Ed. Ruby's off to the Palace tomorrow as a Distinguished American. She thinks she's parking in the Palace forecourt. We'll see.
27 March
She did.
1 May
LONDON.
7pm Umu, Bruton Place. Ruby's birthday party.
AA Gill is seated near Jennifer Saunders (who he has slagged off in print). Unsurprisingly, she won't talk to him. It's Ruby's very own A-D list but since no one's introduced to anyone it's guesswork as to status. Bizarre placements create hot and cold patches as possible clues.
10 May
Tony Blair's standing-down speech – he could have saved himself a great deal of time by just reprinting the lyrics to My Way.
20 July
[PUBLICATION DAY OF THE LAST HARRY POTTER.]
11.15pm Tunbridge Wells and Waterstones. I had guessed at 20 or 30 people waiting for midnight. Probably 300-400. And a queue moving slowly. One hour in the queue and it was time for action. Went to friendly security man. "Have you read the books?" No. "Have you seen the films?" One of them. "I'm in them." Oh yes! There will be mayhem if I go into the queue. "I'll get the manager."
(Manager arrives.) "Oh! Hello!"
27 July
… I have finished reading the last Harry Potter book. Snape dies heroically, Potter describes him to his children as one of the bravest men he ever knew and calls his son Albus Severus. This was a genuine rite of passage. One small piece of information from Jo Rowling seven years ago – Snape loved Lily – gave me a cliff edge to hang on to.
2008
4 February
HP 6. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Day One.
Thank God I could do the coat up without visible strain at the seams.
7 February
8.15am pick-up Car park. Paparazzi. Freezing cloister of Gloucester Cathedral. A whole new working relationship, this time with Tom Felton [playing Draco Malfoy]. The story of this so-far-six-part epic is one minute there were all these little kids … now? Found Maggie in her trailer vulnerable and fuck-it – all at once.
10 February
9pm Watching the Bafta awards. The absence of Sweeney Todd rendered it meaningless. To whom should anyone complain? Pointless unless there's a conspiracy. But year after year these events are given embarrassing and engorged prominence. It's the acting/directing/whatever equivalent of the duck's neck. Force fed to make foie gras.
10 March
The line "take out your wand" reduces Helena Bonham Carter to helpless mirth and will be a bit of a Waterloo come Thursday … Helen McCrory says she's terrified but fits like a glove with the mayhem.
25 April
Russell Brand on Jonathan Ross.
I like Russell, but ohmigod I hate the faux-naif thing that's inevitable when quirk meets ambition (see Gervais, R). Just be honest about it, you fuckers. Don't give us "who me?" bullshit.
27 April
1pm The Priory to collect Ruby.
Hmm. So this is it … Big old white exterior, Ruby coming out as we drive up to the main door.
Lunch at Riva, Barnes. Back to the Priory for the tour. Yellow walls, claustrophobia, food smells, cheap wood cupboards in the rooms, small TV screens. Activities included Drama Workshop, Assertiveness and Craftworks (for Ruby?). But she battles bravely on, searching for the drug balance. We talk of old friends, the need for less friends, simpler lives, less ego. The constant, we-know-it-already, truth.
1 May
LONDON [MAYORAL] ELECTION.
Doze until 11.30. Coffee in the bar. Car at 12. Home. Go out to vote immediately. Woman with blue rosette foolishly asks for our number. "No," snaps Rima. "Oh," she says. "Oh well, variety … " On the way out she tries again. "Hope to persuade you to … " Foolish. A torrent of (calm) anti-Boris Johnson abuse falls from my lips, emboldened, no doubt, by my quote in today's Guardian ["If Boris Johnson gets elected it would be a case of the lunatic having no clue how to run the asylum"]. The British electorate proving yet again that they never vote for anything. "Someone's doing us down … let's disown him."
3 May
Warm enough to sit outside on the balcony. Coffee and Saturday's Guardian dull the Boris Johnson nightmare. Fascist mayor of Rome, Berlusconi, Sarkozy, President McCain? Bush still there, Cameron at a gallop … God help us.
24 May
Sky News is full of anti-Brown propaganda. How depressing the English are … Cameron and his little band of droopy drawers are what they deserve.
5 November
OBAMA WINS.
3am To bed. And it looks as if the miracle has happened.
8am Back to the TV screen. It has – 52% of the US had a supreme act of imagination.
27 November
Write, appropriately, a thank-you but no-thank-you note declining the CBE.
29 December
1pm Lunch w. Dan Radcliffe at Cafe Cluny. One minute he was 12 now he's 19. When did that happen? And he's sensitive, articulate & smart. And owns a three-bed apt in NY.
2009
17 March
Today one of the saddest, most surreal days ever. An early call from Ralph Fiennes in New York – seven o'clock his time – with "terrible news". Natasha [Richardson] has had a bad fall skiing in Canada, thought she was OK, then collapsed. She is now brain dead, Liam is flying up to bring her home so that people can say their goodbyes. Just that. All in one simple, devastated breath. When I put down the phone I must have sat in one place for an hour and then wandered. Left a message for Liam. Spent the day answering the phone and cancelling appointments. All in a daze.
Absolute unreality. That lass unparalleled, the world's greatest host. Her life, her days, her every minute checked, cross-checked, crammed. Energy, glamour, talent, fury, compassion, generosity, ego, laughter, smoke, intelligence, wisdom, sarcasm, fun, speed, honesty, vulnerability, taste, improvisation, order. In the midst of the deepest laugh she knew how things should be. Except this.
28 June
1pm Lunch w. Neil and Glenys K [Kinnock] with James Naughtie and Ellie [his wife]. A great and glorious lunch with so much insider talk that the head still reels. Labour party hopeless, Gordon won't take decisions, Mandelson (of course), mistrust of Miliband, grudging respect (I think) for Cameron's cleverness. Neil appeared thrilled with our gift of a mint-condition Spitting Image board game – him, Gorbachev, Reagan, Thatcher etc. "Oh David Owen, he made a speech the other day, the word 'I' every other word."
2 July
Somewhere in here, finally, the deal is done for HP 7 parts one and two, and people are all carefully left in possession of genitalia.
9 July
HP 6. NEW YORK.
Party at the Natural History Museum. The desire to eat and even more get a drink is matched only by the need to bang the three Davids' heads [Harry Potter producers David Heyman and David Barron, and director David Yates] against the nearest wall. I get the character development and the spiffing effects (dazzling), but where is the story????
25 November
HP [7].
6.15am pick-up To the Flight Shed …
Cold, wet, draughty but the crew seem miles away so Ralph and I can just get on with inching our way towards the scene. David Y stubborn as ever about V[oldemort] killing me with a spell. (Impossible to comprehend, not least the resultant wrath of the readers.) Great working with Ralph, though. Direct and true and inventive and free.
Back home and Rima (narrative brainbox) says, "He can't kill you with a spell – the only one that would do that is Avada Kedavra and it kills instantly – you wouldn't be able to finish the scene."
26 November
6.15am pick-up
The Death of Snape. Nearly 10 years later. At least it's just down to two actors … David is vulnerable and endearing when he's excited. And he is by this scene. It's the absolute example of what can happen when a couple of actors pick up a scene off the page and work with the story, the space and each other. Stuart Craig's boathouse [set] gave it something ironic and everlasting. As I said at one point to David – it's all a bit epic and Japanese.
2010
4 January
A day of waiting for the gasman … trying to negotiate the American healthcare system – everything starts with "How will you pay?" The hospital for special surgery is calling tomorrow – all this for a nagging but small, residual pain.
14 January
HP.
6.30am pick-up After a night of not sleeping at all. Scene 305. Or – The Last Breath of Severus Snape.
Here I am with Dan, Emma and Rupert 10 (?) years on (Emma is here on a break from Brown University), blood all over my throat from an imagined Nagini [Voldemort's pet snake], the three of them still with furrowed brows and panting a bit. Finding it hard to remember any particular scenes over the years mainly because all the decisions are taken in committee rooms and not on the floor. We listen as DY [director David Yates] tells us what we are thinking and why (and in some cases recounts the story … ) and a small piece of something creative caves in.
25 February
6.15pm Car to Leicester Square. Alice in Wonderland premiere.
In the rain. Tough on all the been-there-for-hours fans. Sign/flash/flash. Line up for Charles & Camilla. He – "Are you still on Harry Potter?" She – "Haven't seen you for ages." Then the movie. Absolutely ravishing – strange and deep and complex and beautiful.
8 March
3.15pm To HP to rehearse with Michael Gambon. On the way back to the trailer Michael talks of his fear of learning/forgetting his lines. And then he tells me he's doing Krapp's Last Tape – what's wrong with this picture??
10 March
Just me and Michael G. All day. He's vulnerable after his illness and yesterday's primer was no joke for him. The lines are a real problem for him. Technology helps and why not? It's never great when it's just a memory loss – no relaxation, no freedom, no contact. I'd have boards and autocue everywhere. And anyway when he unleashes a bit of magnificence it's effortless and spellbinding.
29 March
LAST DAY ON HARRY POTTER.
6.15am pick-up
All a bit hard to believe. I think even Daniel was shocked by the finality. Cameras were everywhere, it seemed (docu ones). [I am asked] "So how does it feel?" Before you've felt it, before the feeling has a name. "It's private," I managed, "and I'm not sharing it with that" pointing at his lens.
Something is in those cans and it is finished. Thanks, Jo.
6 May
11.10am Car to Cipriani 42nd Street.
Back home and the TV tells us nothing conclusive in the UK except a hung parliament and Gordon lost. For once the polls are right.
7 August
1.45pm Car to Leavesden for the HP wrap party.
Almost every expense spared – at least in the food department. At 2.30pm little was left, anyway.
23 November
55 Wimpole Street. Doctor's laboratory. Blood test and reading many magazines, including Vogue's info that Emma Watson was given a vintage Rolex "by her producers" …
2011
7 February
7pm Bafta interview.
Not telling you what props I stole or what Jo Rowling said to me.
3 July
Men's [Wimbledon] final Nadal v Djokovic. Unforgettable experience. Unforgettable day of contrasts. On the balcony of the main entrance and then in to lunch at the Duchess of Gloucester's table. [The] wrong man [Djokovic] – all triumph and ego – won but Björn Borg came over and asked for a photograph. "Are you kidding?" I spluttered. John Major said: "You have given us so much enjoyment." "I wish I could say the same of you," was the unstoppable reply. He had the grace to laugh.
7 July
HP 7 PART 2. IT ALL ENDS.
To Trafalgar Square – which takes an hour. Once there, red carpets everywhere. A screen, a platform, an interviewer and thousands screaming and singing, "Snape, Snape, Severus Snape … " The carpet snakes into Leicester Square for the film at 8pm.
I found it unsettling to watch – it has to change horses midstream to tell the Snape story and the camera loses concentration. Audience, however, very happy.
This is an edited extract from Madly, Deeply: The Alan Rickman Diaries, published by Canongate on 4 October at £25. To support the Guardian and Observer, order your copy at guardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply.
Alan Rickman’s secret showbiz diaries: the late actor on Harry Potter, politics and what he really thought of his co-stars
After his death in 2016, Rickman left a trove of revealing journals. In this exclusive extract, he recounts his 10 years playing Professor Snape – and the many political and Hollywood dramas along the way
www.theguardian.com
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The site posted a part 2 (thanks Wrexis):
Movie-goers caught their first sight of Alan Rickman in 1988 in the action thriller Die Hard. At the age of 42, antediluvian by Hollywood standards, he was cast as Hans Gruber, a Teutonic terrorist who has seized control of a Los Angeles skyscraper and taken hostages. Acting opposite Bruce Willis's NYPD detective, Rickman stole the show with his devil-may-care interpretation of a psychopath and received a deluge of plaudits.
Until then his career had largely been forged in Britain, most notably – after Rada and an apprenticeship in repertory theatre – at the Royal Shakespeare Company, where he stood out in plays such as Les Liaisons Dangereuses. Following Die Hard, he was in constant demand for the big screen. First came the 1990 romantic comedy Truly, Madly, Deeply, with Juliet Stevenson, next Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, in which he was unforgettable as the Sheriff of Nottingham.
It was post-Robin Hood that Rickman began keeping his diary in earnest. What follows is an edited account of his next few early years on screen, pre-Harry Potter, and a return to the stage opposite Helen Mirren in Antony and Cleopatra.
Alan Taylor, editor of the Diaries
1994
8 March
First day [filming in Dublin] on An Awfully Big Adventure.
9 March
Afternoon and evening we planned tomorrow's bed scenes and shot the first kiss. Georgina [Cates] brave and focused.
10 March
All morning bonking (screen type), humping, exhausting. Life definitely not mirroring art – if anybody had sex in that position they would break their wrists second time out.
12 March
Hangover.
3pm Motorbike lesson. 20 minutes to discover clutch control on something that reminds me of a big dangerous horse.
29 March
Beryl Bainbridge [author of An Awfully Big Adventure] arrives. Caught napping with her.
6 April
Hello to Prunella Scales – detailed, complicated actress and the person is slow to reveal herself, too. Like persuading some petals to open a bit more. There is a great deal of self-containment on this set. Ms Scales, Mike N, The Diva [Georgina Cates], me …
8 April
My shot of the day. Walk up a few steps. Stop. Turn. Look. Look away. The simplest tasks can make you feel like an unoiled robot.
18 April
Lunch on the set. A last-dayish atmosphere. Then to the aquarium. Freezing water and, strangely enough, very wet; a frogman grabbing my ankles; eyes open; blood on the forehead; staring. It takes a while.
19 April
10.45 → flight to London.
An overall ache is developing, not emotional, just a reaction to the aquarium dunking.
22 April
8pm Ruby [Wax]'s birthday party.
Carrie Fisher is there, funny and fast. Jennifer Saunders, Ade Edmondson, Zoë Wanamaker, Joanna Lumley, John Sessions. Someone asks Jennifer S what she does. The inevitable late night row …
11 May
Labour party European gala dinner. John Smith, Robin Cook, Tony Blair all say hello. Many an encounter, many a speech. Gordon Brown looking sooo bored.
12 May
John Smith is dead. Last night I spoke with him. We all know he would have been a great leader. His competence and humour and quiet strength didn't sell newspapers until they became his epitaph.
1 August
Meet Fiona [Shaw] & Deborah [Warner] – one of the major terrible twos in the art world. Hildegard [Bechtler] joins and we're on the train to Glyndebourne. When you get there – there it all is – a bit of little Olde England still determinedly putting out its collapsible chairs, sandwiches, champagne. I kept thinking "someone with a machine gun will appear any minute".
15 October
To Ruby [Wax] and Ed [Bye, her husband] for a brief glimpse of Ruby's interview with Madonna. But who's doing all the talking? Guess.
25 November
Thanksgiving party at Sandra & Michael Kamen [American composer]'s. All I wanted was an autograph book – Kate Bush, Bryan Adams, David Bowie, Stevie Winwood.
1995
8 February
Emma Thompson phones [about Sense and Sensibility]. OK I'm [going to] meet him [Ang Lee].
13 February
Talk to Emma. "Her people" and "my people" now.
18 March
3pm To Ang Lee. He gets the Sensibility, what's the Sense? How to play, how to shoot Brandon, "the only strong man in the story". I said: "I'll be doing it, you'll just have to shoot it."
6 April
Dublin. 8pm Irish premiere [of An Awfully Big Adventure]. Feel like an elder statesman reading the letter from Mike [Newell].
7 April
10am Wandering the Dublin streets before getting back to the Shelbourne for 11am to find – ! – Neil Jordan and Stephen Woolley re The Big Fella [eventually named Michael Collins]. Will I do it [play Eamon de Valera]? Lose weight? What other commitments?
25 April
Collected [at Plymouth station]. 20 mins drive to the location [for Sense and Sensibility]. At lunchtime the trailer fills up with Imogen Stubbs, Gemma Jones, Emma Thompson – Imogen & Emma all Austened-up. Gemma in hiking boots … Spend the pm doing hair and makeup. Somewhere around 8 we do the required stand up, sit down, look left, look right in a somewhat tight atmosphere, not to mention coat. Gently humiliating.
26 April
9.35 Train back to London.
Still feeling faintly depressed by yesterday. So much attention to "The Look". What about "The Content"? And what about creating a working environment with Ang – who, reading between the already apparent lines, is used to "conducting" his actors, rather than nurturing.
2 May
A 6.15 wake up for my first actual day on Sense and Sensibility. Makeup and hair becomes a gentle negotiation – hair, especially. Heated rollers eventually win. Kate W looking so beautiful in her gilded wedding gown. Emma T with her eyes everywhere. Harriet W & I uncool enough to admit just enjoying being here.
Drinks in the bar at 8pm – Emma, Imelda, Hugh L[aurie], Hugh G[rant], Gemma Jones, Harriet, Kate W. Hugh G his usual snappy, sharp, acid self. In to dinner with 2 x Hugh, Harriet & me. The conversation moves away from gossip and we talk of British & US film production. Hugh Laurie turns out to be an action movie freak. Hugh G is fascinated by figures, fees, %.
4 May
I'm beginning to get the hang of Ang.
9 May
Emma's danger is of knowing everything. She can't, no one can.
10 May
And another day not called. Lunch on the set. Then into boots and breeches and off to the stables.
12 May
Another 7.30 wake up. Another day not being used. The sun shines. They do something else.
13 May
7am call – and finally I'm on … As it turns out the scene becomes a nightmare of rushed decisions, manipulations, too many looks. It isn't thought through so time is wasted … Which means that acting is out the window … I end the day feeling humiliated and angry – but I can't show it.
19 May
Sunday am. I am reminded, watching Emma with crew, director, producers, fellow actors, of a young girl arranging her dolls in her pretend classroom.
26 June
7.20am pick-up to go to Heathrow and Dublin [for Michael Collins].
As I got out of the car [in Dublin], there is Julia Roberts, her waist is the most encirclable. Upstairs to find Liam [Neeson] & Aidan [Quinn]. Neil Jordan arrives a few minutes later – we all sit down and talk through the de Valera scenes. Neil is his usual jitterbugging self – like a grasshopper nipping from topic to topic.
29 June
To Shepperton [for Sense and Sensibility] … Of course, the set, the newspapers, the TV and everywhere is obsessed with Hugh Grant and his Sunset trick … [he was arrested in LA with a sex worker] So many column inches, so many other things we should concern ourselves with. The scenes feel as if they are being ticked off now … Ang seems nervous. He probably needs a hug. Like Hugh.
8 August
To … Dublin. And the Shelbourne. Catch-up-fast time. Hire a video recorder, read the books, get under Dev's skin. Hopefully.
9 August
8.45 pick-up → the set … The reconstruction of O'Connell Street is quite brilliant. Post Office, Mansion House, cobbles and – frighteningly – the platform for Dev's speech. All day the crowds grow and grow – rumour has it that 2,000 more were sent home. That leaves 2–3,000 inside all staring at me since Neil [Jordan] comes to announce that the speech is first. Is it his nerves that makes him question the hair, the costume, the accent, the everything???
In the end he's happy and we just do it. No rehearsal. Just do it.
10 August
Photo call for the Irish press. Julia Roberts a mite pissed-off at being kept waiting …
22 August
Kilmainham Gaol. Two minutes in one of the cells and I'm starting to get anxious – what must it have been like? They were all so proud to die. They knew when it was coming [and] what it was for. This is beginning to feel like something I just have to hand myself over to – it will take care of itself. Hidden forces are very strong.
12 September
Night shoot at Kilmainham. Sandy Powell [costume designer] has made Dev a fetching coat and bonnet for his Lincoln prison escape. Stephen Woolley says the rushes are great. This is one man (of few words normally) who I believe.
19 September
1.30 pick-up. Through the Wicklow mountains to Glenmalure and a thatched cottage by a stream. For the first time Dev in a scene with the "Fresh-Faced Kid" ie Jonathan [Rhys Meyers, playing De Valera's assassin] who's on his third movie this year, plays flute, tin whistle and drums, has just returned from backpacking in Vietnam and is, of course, also impossibly good-looking …
21 September
… 6pm pick-up.
Another lump of Ireland commandeered for the Pub and Hayrick [scene]. The town stays up all night to see it. Eventually, my shot is at 4am. Maybe it's just as well. The shivering is fairly authentic by then. Bed at 7am.
12 October
9.30 Car to Goldcrest to loop Sense and Sensibility. Good to see Ang. Emma arrives at 2pm. The continuing conundrum. Lovable, affectionate and somehow starring daily in the movie of her life …
31 December
To meet Liam [Neeson] & Natasha [Richardson] for what turns out to be a wonderful, chatty, friendly lunch – Liam has seen Michael Collins and loves it so – ONWARD. To Lee Grant [American actor]'s apt at 11.45pm – huge room, lots of people (including G Paltrow & Brad Pitt) stand around, hold glass, smile, chat, leave.
1996
22 January
Watch S&S in growing dismay. It has been cut to focus only on the women's journey – the men are mindless. Sad – we should care who they are marrying.
14 February
Academy nominations for Emma & Kate yesterday but not Ian [McKellen], nor Nicole K. Crazy days.
18 February
12 noon Isabelle Huppert's lunch at the Ivy upstairs. 34? people round the beautiful oval table. The kind of day you wish would go on and on … the room full of echoes. Especially of women I have played opposite – and as I look around – Juliet [Stevenson], Fiona [Shaw], Paola [Dionisotti], Harriet [Walter], Saskia [Reeves], Deborah [Warner], Beatie [Edney], Zoë [Wanamaker], Gillian [Barge], Anna [Massey] – it is a source of pride.
21 February
2am Judy Hofflund [Rickman's agent] calls from LA for an early Happy Birthday.
The trouble with this job is that you can watch yourself & your friends growing older in full colour, close up. Flip a switch to rewind or fast forward.
6.30 The car is here and by 6.45 we're on the way to the Curzon Mayfair for Sense and Sensibility premiere which is a good distraction from the birthday … Old friends in new frocks, line-up for Prince Charles (tell him he should have played my part) and in to the film. Terrible sound but cuts apart it's a beautiful piece of work.
2 June
9ish To Searcy's for Brian Cox's birthday party. All human acting was there.
11 December
7pm To Nicole Farhi's Christmas party … David Hare has not so much softened as melted with the marriage and now the lucky sod is off to Peru & Colombia for Christmas.
1997
14 July
7pm Festival Hall for Guardian's summer party. Absolutely fascinating. Degrees of leglessness unknown other than to journalists.
1998
18 January
Golden Globes. Movie stars in vastly expensive dresses they can only wear once; name-dropping on a big scale at … the CAA party – Gus Van Sant, Matt Damon (I was fairly drunk, grabbing his lapels to tell him he's a really, no really good actor), Minnie Driver, Lauren Bacall, Shirley MacLaine (she loved The Winter Guest, my hero), Winona Ryder, Joan Cusack (squished in a lift – could we work together?), Kevin Kline. Giving the Golden Globe to Alfre Woodard was BEST!
18 March
[Filming of Kevin Smith's Dogma in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania]
11 Costume fitting. Versace rules. 3pm Read with Linda Fiorentino … She's everything she looks and sounds – smoky, dark, a coming-on disposition. Somewhere in the middle Ben Affleck crashes in, later Matt Damon. The room is suddenly full of baseball caps, popping cans of water/iced tea/whatever, peeling oranges, potato chips, cigarette smoke. We bungee-jump our way through the script.
30 April
A rehearsal. Linda asks for two lines out of five. Has she looked at the scene apart from on the drive in? I am catapulted into a dark and frowning place – silent with resentment at having to work solo. Again. And so – a long day with a scene that's all about prosthetics and 80lb wings. Pain versus concentration. And still Linda blows her lines.
9 May
Somewhere on the way back to the hotel, I felt a familiar knife-like pain in my lower back. The wings have caught up with me.
13 May
To the hospital for X-rays. Fortunately, no disc problems but muscle spasms are eased by a brace (which I probably should have been wearing with the wings anyway).
30 May
To the Star Lake auditorium [near Pittsburgh] to walk on water. Which all works fine apart from the by now predictable 3am when the camera comes round, and my brain is frying gently. But there's a vaguely celebratory atmosphere, the lake lit beautifully and as dawn broke we drank some champagne in the makeup trailer and said goodbyes.
6 June
7.30 Wangle my way on to Concorde. Hooray. Ivana Trump adds a bit of dash sitting in front of me just where I can watch her checking her press clippings, looking through itineraries and then rather touchingly looking long & hard at photos of loved ones before putting them back in her wallet.
4 August
That's it. I'm doing it. Antony and Cleopatra. NT. Helen M[irren]. Sean M[atthias]. Relief.
19 August
5.30 First run (words) of Act 1. Too much acting from me …
28 August
TO ALASKA! [for Microsoft founder Paul Allen's party]. This year's guest list included – Francis Ford Coppola, George Lucas, James Cameron, Neil Jordan, Jim Sheridan, Jeff Goldblum, Candice Bergen, Annabeth Gish, Ed Begley, Dave Stewart, Deepak Chopra, Noel Redding, Dan Aykroyd, Robin Williams, Patti Smith, Jennifer Saunders, Ade Edmondson, Clare Peploe, Douglas Adams, Quincy Jones, Carrie Fisher, etc, etc. All mixed up with scientists, architects and Belfast family members.
1 September
RETURN FROM ALASKA.
11.30 (Managed some sleep) … Car back home. Change. On to NT arrive 3pm. Straight into reading Act 3
7 September
First day of moving the play. By late afternoon – alarm bells. Some terribly demonstrated work and bad verse speaking. The set proving to be awkward.
23 September
These have been difficult days, running scenes with that awful grasping sense of the text. So – no impetus inside. Text being chopped every which way, so no impetus outside.
28 September
Run through Act 3. Ohmigod.
5 October
7pm First run – Act 1. Sean's happy. It feels like a mess to me. Except for Helen who is free, creative and flying.
8 October
Hungover in a major way.
3pm The Tech starts. Memorable moment in the wings as Helen says: "I'm so happy ... all I dreamed of as a girl was to be a queen in a big theatre …"
10 October
Like a car crash we get past the interval and on into the second half. My questions are getting larger & more urgent. Where is the music? Where will the story be? Time and again where is the exactness?
17 October
1.30 First matinee.
Somewhere around 6.25 … Sean comes in, looking wired. For some reason he was on the attack. "Would it hurt you to show some fucking charm?" I was stunned, said don't speak to me like that, just give me the notes, this is the first time you've mentioned this, I'm piecing the part together etc, etc. As I write this I'm still bewildered. Had people been nagging him? What? Ian McK & Charlotte Cornwell came round having loved it. Were they sent too?
18 October
A day of relative stillness, Sleep. Newspapers. Planet Organic. Cappuccino. Ironing the odd shirt. Answering mail. Cooking supper. Thinking. Thinking. Rima, blessedly and unsentimentally, with me.
20 October
7pm Press night.
As per usual everything heightened. Later to Soho House.
21 October
And then the morning quietness which means the press is not good. Eventually I hear the tentative messages and get the picture.
25 October
Another heavy silence hangs over the grey, grey day … By now this means only more bad [Sunday] press … OK – on through the next six weeks.
26 October
7pm These are the tough shows. Everyone knows what has been said. No one refers to it. Except at the interval (after a shaky first half) there's a very touching, anonymous note from the company sending love and loyalty.
20 November
Long phone call from Ian McKellen. Geeing up, reminding, empowering, focusing. He's currently rehearsing Present Laughter "without a director".
28 November
…a happy audience. More and more people saying 'What were they talking about?'
1 December
1.30 The curse of the matinée. From which it is hard to recover.
7 This is an endurance test. One scene at a time, conserve energy where you can.
3 December
And the last performance. Just to help it along – a barracker is in the audience apparently shouting "Rubbish!" at one point and then "Quiet, ladies" as Helen & I are kissing. Removed at the interval.
The next dozen years were defined by Rickman's role as Professor Severus Snape in the Harry Potter films, chronicled in the diary entries in Saturday's Guardian. Subsequently, as well as an award-winning run on Broadway in Theresa Rebeck's Seminar; starring in Michael Hoffman's film Gambit, alongside Colin Firth, Cameron Diaz and Stanley Tucci; and Eye in the Sky with Helen Mirren, Rickman went on to co-write and direct A Little Chaos, starring Kate Winslet and Matthias Schoenaerts. A passion project, it took him four years to get the film off the ground and into the can. It premiered at the Toronto film festival in 2014.
2013
25 February
2pm Greek Street. Casting session [for A Little Chaos].
Actor talking to actor while being director. Not comfortable especially when the parts are so small in terms of lines.
18 March
Kate and I walk through the script. And she really takes the time to examine every loose thought, every wayward word. These are the fine tunings now. And we can't lose sight of the drive toward story-telling.
8 April
The day Margaret Thatcher died. Rima can't watch the coverage, I have a blank fascination at seeing so many years pan across one's memories, along with mindless adulation
15 April
A Little Chaos – Day One. Chenies [the film's location, a Buckinghamshire manor house].
16 April
6.15 To Chenies.
A day memorable for the carriage crash and for hilarity caused by my using the walkie-talkie as a telephone. Also KWs husband [Ned Rocknroll] arrived and there was a distinct sense of an onset presence that distracted concentration…
17 April
6.15 To Chenies.
Kate gives so little of herself – everything as an actor – but there is never a moment where she finds out anything about her fellow actors – or even says bravo or thank you. Strange to witness. Such a deliberately erected wall.
29 May
10.10 To Cliveden.
Into the King's Bedroom, with Stanley. Who didn't entirely know his not many lines …
7 June
This is our last official day of shooting. Kate is now 16 (?) weeks pregnant and giving everything. By the end of each day she is wiped but still unbelievably focused.
9 June
A Little Chaos – Last day. Lights up, lights down. Au revoir to Kate. She moves swiftly and cleanly on – total commitment to everything. Ned, the children, this film, the next film, the kids' baked beans.
Wrap party. Which turned out to be a joyous thing. Chiswick House. Great venue … But all these sudden goodbyes to people who have shared the inside of your head, heart, insecurities, triumphs … now the strange absence.
13 September
7.45pm Kathy Lette [for dinner].
Oh Kathy ...
The guests – Barry Humphries, Terry Gilliam, Helena Kennedy, Ruby & Ed, Ed & Justine Miliband, Benedict Cumberbatch, Jemima Khan, Salman Rushdie. For God's sake. Exhausting just writing that. But good chats with Justine M. (the pressure of it all) and Ed is upright and still looking forward. An inspiration and still curious about everybody and everything.
2014
17 February
5.30 Buckingham Palace.
Sectioned into a line-up – Angela Lansbury, Steve McQueen, Jane Horrocks, Lenny Henry, Luke Treadaway - to meet the Queen. Who shakes my hand and moves on, as ever. Then down to the concert in the ballroom – huge, no microphones, people can't hear. Then a voice in my ear – 'The Duchess of Cambridge would like to meet you.' And nice and chatty she was, too. A hundred faces to chat to. Impossible.
13 September
Toronto film festival.
6.30 To Roy Thomson Hall. Watch the film [A Little Chaos].
At the end, 2,000 people stood and clapped loud and long.
17 October
London film festival, Odeon West End.
5.35 Red carpet. "What attracted you to this project?" times 10. Wonderful concentration in the cinema. Huge applause at the end. 9ish the Union Club. Friends all seriously knocked out by the film.
31 December
SOUTH AFRICA Blazing hot day on the beach. A beer, a Coke, a tangerine.
2015
2 March
Melbourne.
7pm A Little Chaos screening. Watching from the stairs. The Q&A is the same five questions only longer.
17 April
The early morning silence [after reviews are published] that I know well from the past … People love it. Critics – some won't go there. One, I would hazard, wrote his review before he'd seen it.
24 April
EN ROUTE TO NEW YORK HAVING BEEN IN BERLIN AND VIENNA.
Hanging about in the Concorde Room for the 5.05 to Newark … This [A Little Chaos] is the kind of work I make. If I am to be disallowed then – I just stop.
13 July
2.45 The Wellington [hospital]. As instructed. And tested.
14 July
5.30 Dr Landau, Harley Street.
A different kind of diary now.
It is at this point that Rickman learns he has pancreatic cancer.
Rima Horton writes:
Alan's last diary entry was on 12 December, but he had been getting weaker and writing less for some time. All through the autumn he was eating less and often feeling sick. But we continued to do most of the things that had always been part of our life. We saw films and plays, met friends, went out to dinner or entertained at home. Alan also spent a lot of time watching TV – his two favourite programmes at that time were Don't Tell the Bride and Say Yes to the Dress. Our trip to New York in November was very important. To stay in our flat again and see so many of the friends who had meant so much to us over the years. Alan loved New York.
He went downhill after that. He was admitted to hospital on 20 December and never left.
The last two weeks of Alan's life were extraordinary. His hospital room was turned into a salon. Belinda [Lang] produced a table-top Christmas tree, Emma T brought in a standard lamp, cushions and a throw to cover the sofa. And an infuser. Miranda R added a window bird-feeder. I brought a beautiful table lamp from home.
Different friends came in each day. Sometimes, Alan told me who he wanted to see. Otherwise, they just came. There was often a lot of laughter. Alan was in bed but always a major voice in the proceedings.
He designed his own funeral. Ian Rickson (theatre director) was put in charge. Alan chose where it would take place, who would speak and what music would be played.
He was surrounded by people who loved him and up until 13 January was still in control of everything that was going on around him. But he wasn't there after that, and he died at 9.15 in the morning of 14 January 2016. I was there. He wasn't in pain. He just went.
Alan was cremated on the morning of 3 February with close friends and family present. The funeral service was held that afternoon in the Actors' Church in the heart of London's theatre district. The chosen music was Uptown Funk and Take It with Me by Tom Waits. We finished with everyone singing The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore. Then, in keeping with tradition, the Reverend Richard Syms asked us to give Alan "one last wonderful standing ovation".
Last edited:
