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Alec Holowka (Night in the Woods, TowerFall) accused of sexual assault [Update: Alec Holowka has reportedly passed away] [See staff posts/threadmarks]

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    • JayC3

    JayC3

    bork bork
    Administrator
    Oct 25, 2017
    3,857
    Official Staff Communication
    This is upsetting news all around and many people are posting in shock. At a time like this it is important to stay calm and keep the discussion solemn. Think before you post, and avoid inflaming what is already a deeply unfortunate situation. Please observe the following guidelines:

    1. Be respectful to your fellow members and avoid hostility or inflammatory accusations.

    2. Take care not to make insensitive generalizations and commentary about mental health and people struggling with it. Do not use mental health to excuse the accusations or blame/attack the accusers.

    3. When disagreeing with other members do your part to deescalate rather than aggravate any arguments.

    4. Be discerning when you choose to post Tweets – do not post Tweets if they violate any of the above or if they risk inflaming the discussion.
     
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    • Syril

    Member
    Oct 26, 2017
    5,895
    Um wow okay this is really affecting me right now. I'm having a bit of a hard time keeping things together. Reading that post from his sister I actually empathize with him. A lot.

    I've been dealing with depression for a while, and I feel like the only way I've been coping as well as I have been is by surrounding myself with unconditional love pretty much 24/7. Even with that, earlier on I'd find myself snapping at people for insignificant reasons. I'd be set off by some perceived slight, and I couldn't stop. I'd tell myself in my head that it was all about practically nothing and that I'd feel better when I let it go, but it didn't matter. I didn't just want to vent, I wanted to hurt someone. Eventually in the aftermath of an incident I realized and was able to explain that when I feel so powerless and out of control all the time, anger feels intoxicating and makes me feel like I'm in control of the situation. It was a real turning the corner moment for me in retrospect, and I'm not sure what kind of place I'd be in if I hadn't realized that.

    Nothing excuses abuse, but I feel like I get him all the same, to a degree, and it's unsettling to see shades of myself in a suicide victim.
     
    qwilman

    qwilman

    Member
    Nov 4, 2017
    38
    Savannah, GA
    Xeteh said:
    Jesus, don't go read the twitter replies.
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    I have been SO GOOD about this lately, but today's a hard one for it.

    Syril said:
    Nothing excuses abuse, but I feel like I get him all the same, to a degree, and it's unsettling to see shades of myself in a suicide victim.
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    If anything good can come out of moments like this, it's the chance to reflect--especially inward--and talk about this sort of thing. The only thing we can hope to do moving forward is learn what to do with people like this in our lives, and actions like this we see in ourselves. There's been a lot of talk about the fact that Alec will never get the chance to learn and move forward, so we could at least take the chance to do so ourselves.
     
    chaobreaker

    chaobreaker

    One Winged Slayer
    Member
    Oct 27, 2017
    5,536
    This shouldn't have ended like this. No one wanted it to end like this.

    I hope his family, friends and victims find some peace in this tragedy.
     
    ProfessorLobo

    ProfessorLobo

    Banned
    Oct 31, 2017
    1,523
    Zefah said:
    A victim calling out their abuser is not necessarily the same as "cancel culture." You can say that one is a mistake while supporting the other unless you think hate mobs are an inevitable and unavoidable result of calling out abuse.
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    I'm inclined to agree with this. Of course there's nothing wrong with victims outting their abusers. But the aftermath is something else.
     
    Zutrax

    Zutrax

    Member
    Oct 31, 2017
    4,187
    Made the mistake of looking at Zoe's Twitter mentions. Christ people are awful.

    This is a tragic situation, with a tragic end. Suicide is the worst and mental health issues are very serious and I desperately hope people learn to understand how it affects people. I wish he could have gotten the help he needed and that his friends and family are okay, it certainly doesn't excuse the allegations against him at all, but there's many layers to the difficulty of this situation and no one in his life deserves to deal with this.

    I'm extremely concerned for the victims well beings and how they're likely to be attacked even harder. It's extremely upsetting that people are lashing out at Zoe calling her "a killer" now, which is absolutely not how we should approach this. I would encourage anyone who can mentally handle it to report these Tweets if they come across them as well. The last thing we need is to drag people down even further.
     
    Sander VF

    Sander VF

    The Fallen
    Oct 28, 2017
    25,912
    Tbilisi, Georgia
    Exit Music said:
    These are just in the first 20 posts here. Let's not act like people weren't saying horrible things about this guy as soon as this broke.
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    He really didn't deserve this end and any post minimizing this tragedy is fundamentally wrong, but I don't think I fully regret the post you quoted. The actions cited were indeed repugnant and did indeed paint him as an awful individual.

    Thing is, doing repugnant things and being awful, at least at the time, doesn't make any of this any less tragic.

    I do admit that it had a rather sanctimonious tone and that my assumption at the end was wrong (and it was immediately addressed and disproven), for which I'm sorry.
     
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    manchego obfuscator

    manchego obfuscator

    Banned
    Oct 25, 2017
    6,123
    Brooklyn, NY
    this is a tragedy all around. it's tragic that Holowka didn't find the help he needed, and that no one was able to convince him he had something to live for.

    it's also true that the vast majority of people with mental illness aren't sex abusers, and that the vast majority of people outed as abusers don't kill themselves, so I don't have a ton of patience with "his victims/former colleagues/people reporting on the abuse/people reacting to said reports/etc. should have watched their words more carefully" rhetoric, either
     
    Swiggins

    Swiggins

    was promised a tag
    Member
    Apr 10, 2018
    11,442
    You could fill a book with shitty gamer takes from both sides of the audience in this thread.

    Jesus fucking god, it's only marginally better than the Twitter replies.
     
    Jessie

    Jessie

    Member
    Oct 27, 2017
    9,921
    What a horrible situation. I hope people do their best to stay away from the Twitter discourse. There's no benefit in finger pointing and gossiping about tragedy to make a point.
     
    Sibylus

    Sibylus

    Member
    Oct 25, 2017
    4,728
    RIP, no less than a tragedy added to a long series of them. He deserved to come out on top against his depression, make amends for his abuses, and start again. Hoping his family and his victims both are able to mourn and heal away from the public eye.

    And if any of you are venturing into the comments on social media and the like, please report shit. The ugliest reactionary sorts are already champing at the bit to add more tragedies with fresh harassment.
     
    Lukar

    Lukar

    Unshakable Resolve - Prophet of Truth
    Member
    Oct 27, 2017
    23,338
    This is an awful and unfortunate outcome. What he did was fucked up, but it's also fucked up that some people felt the need to send him hateful and unhelpful words instead of allowing him to get the help he needed. He shouldn't have done what he did, but he also shouldn't have been pushed to this.

    My condolences to anyone affected by this.
     
    Boy Wander

    Boy Wander

    Alt Account
    Banned
    Oct 29, 2017
    2,126
    UK
    Scott Benson has deleted his twitter. Can't say I blame him. Best stay away from this whole mess.
     
    Kyra

    Kyra

    The Eggplant Queen
    Member
    Oct 25, 2017
    12,238
    New York City
    RIP to Alec. I hope that his family and everyone effected by his actions can find peace at a time like this.
     
    manchego obfuscator

    manchego obfuscator

    Banned
    Oct 25, 2017
    6,123
    Brooklyn, NY
    also, while there certainly are very real problems with how communities on the internet like this one treat the topic of mental illness, I don't think the comparison to Etika really holds up. as far as I know, Etika didn't abuse anyone and his mental illness didn't endanger anyone but himself
     
    benzopil

    benzopil

    Member
    Oct 25, 2017
    4,150
    I hate how dozens of indie developers started dogpiling when it absolutely wasn't needed. Two Celeste devs, Iconoclasts dev, "I'm not surprised, I talked to him 10 years ago" and other shit. We have the accuser, we have Alec, let them deal with it.
     
    Chrome Hyena

    Chrome Hyena

    Member
    Oct 30, 2017
    8,768
    This is fucked up. Mental illness is a real life thing the internet seems to forget. This man was mentally unstable and pushed to kill himself.

    Shameful.

    Folks should remember no matter how dark the twitterverse gets or "canceled" you are, life continues on, you can survive. Please speak with professionals if you feel too overwhelmed.
     
    mbpm

    mbpm

    Member
    Oct 25, 2017
    23,492
    From the sounds of his sister's post, he was in the process of changing, getting therapy and such.

    It just sucks because the fact that he faced no pushback and at the time because abuse is so poorly treated in this society that the victims in question had NO way of knowing this was happening or that he had learned anything and wasn't continuing his abusive cycle.

    We really need to be more open about abuse, and find ways to address abusers and abuse victims.
     
    HardRojo

    HardRojo

    One Winged Slayer
    Member
    Oct 25, 2017
    26,083
    Peru
    mk2007 said:
    I don't want to be a part of this site anymore.
    Ban me.
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    Why? You're gonna accuse this forum? Is ResetEra to blame according to you? Both of those would be very wrong things to do.
    Edit: Nvm, fewer than 20 replies since the site went up, yeah I get it now, you're part of the people blaming the victims.
     

    Verder

    Member
    Oct 28, 2017
    354
    I've kept tabs on this thread and was trying to avoid it but Jesus this is a mess and era fails ALOT at being compassionate . This shits wild
     
    Greywaren

    Greywaren

    Member
    Jul 16, 2019
    9,892
    Spain
    I'm not gonna say I'm upset about him passing away, but I've seen people comment "good riddance lmao" on his sister's statement and I can't even begin to explain how fucked up that is. It's not his sister's fault. She just lost her brother. No matter how shitty he was, that sucks. People are assholes.
     
    freetacos

    freetacos

    Member
    Oct 30, 2017
    13,119
    Bay Area, CA
    benzopil said:
    I hate how dozens of indie developers started dogpiling when it absolutely wasn't needed. Two Celeste devs, Iconoclasts dev, "I'm not surprised, I talked to him 10 years ago" and other shit. We have the accuser, we have Alex, let them deal with it.
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    I respectfully completely disagree. As long as there were no threats against Alec, I think it's fine to spread awareness, and for others (especially others in the industry) to comment about how they personally feel about the situation. Again, as long as there were no personal threats against Alec, it is a 1000% fine response.
     
    Zips

    Zips

    Member
    Oct 25, 2017
    3,912
    Boy Wander said:
    Odd. I went there a while back and it told me the account didn't exist. Maybe I mistyped it...
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    Error 52 said:
    I'm seeing it now, but it definitely was gone for a bit. And his last tweet is saying that he's deactivating so

    Edit: It's gone again, Twitter probably just acting a little wacky
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    23qwerty said:
    Well his last tweet is him saying he's deactivating, not deleting, guess he undeactivated?
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    Welp... it seems to be gone now. Either it was reinstated briefly or it was just a hiccup on Twitter's end.
     
    Skot

    Skot

    Member
    Oct 30, 2017
    465
    There are no winners here. Just a really tragic story from all sides. Thoughts are with everyone this affected.
     

    Deleted member 29237

    User requested account closure
    Banned
    Nov 1, 2017
    803
    Syril said:
    Um wow okay this is really affecting me right now. I'm having a bit of a hard time keeping things together. Reading that post from his sister I actually empathize with him. A lot.

    I've been dealing with depression for a while, and I feel like the only way I've been coping as well as I have been is by surrounding myself with unconditional love pretty much 24/7. Even with that, earlier on I'd find myself snapping at people for insignificant reasons. I'd be set off by some perceived slight, and I couldn't stop. I'd tell myself in my head that it was all about practically nothing and that I'd feel better when I let it go, but it didn't matter. I didn't just want to vent, I wanted to hurt someone. Eventually in the aftermath of an incident I realized and was able to explain that when I feel so powerless and out of control all the time, anger feels intoxicating and makes me feel like I'm in control of the situation. It was a real turning the corner moment for me in retrospect, and I'm not sure what kind of place I'd be in if I hadn't realized that.

    Nothing excuses abuse, but I feel like I get him all the same, to a degree, and it's unsettling to see shades of myself in a suicide victim.
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    Specifically in relation to your final point on finding it unsettling; we are all flawed human beings, some more than others, and it is reasonable to have empathy with others even when you find their actions reprehensible. I tend to hope that most people are not irredeemable and that we as a society should have tolerance for those seeking to make themselves better people and atone for their wrongs, although I understand those who do wish to see particularly heinous acts result in the perpetrators being ostracised.

    In my experience depression often makes one doubt their own self-worth and question whether they are a good person. In this particular case I obviously can't make a judgement of you personally, but please don't feel that you are a bad person for seeing parts of yourself reflected in this case. In some ways depression makes us mentally exaggerate our flaws and certain parts of our personalities that we would rather repress, but the difference between a good and bad person is often down to how we control our actions towards others.

    Send me a PM if you do want to talk about it. I'm not on US time but happy to chat if you're patient :)
     
    EVA UNIT 01

    EVA UNIT 01

    Member
    Oct 27, 2017
    6,729
    CA
    Alts incoming. Prepare for the graveyard.

    This situation sucks and has me thinking of a close friend going through a deep depression after a mental health clinic check in.
     
    Chrome Hyena

    Chrome Hyena

    Member
    Oct 30, 2017
    8,768
    hobblygobbly said:
    just sign out and not in again lmao, you must have no self discipline at all if you can't stop yourself from signing into a website
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    When the other place was abandoned people made it a point to ask to be banned and stuff as a form of protest I guess against what they felt was a unjust and corrupt place.

    I think its easier to just not log in but who am I to tell someone how to protest percieved wrongs.
     
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