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Am I a golddigger?

Golddiger?

  • Yes

    Votes: 1,069 75.1%
  • No

    Votes: 14 1.0%
  • Opportunist

    Votes: 176 12.4%
  • Who cares, enjoy...

    Votes: 164 11.5%

  • Total voters
    1,423

Kismet

Banned
Nov 9, 2017
1,432
I’ve been dating this very nice guy for about a month now. I’m in a phase where I just want to hook up with someone and then say goodbye to them. But this guy is interesting. I’m still dating him after having hooked up with him, and I’ll tell you the reason why…

One week after we dated, the guy confessed that he’s very wealthy. I’m sure he noticed me ghosting him a little bit, so he played that card. I was skeptical in the beginning because people lie a lot. I told him that’s good for him but that I’m currently not ready for a relationship.

And then he started sending me expensive gifts. I got expensive wireless headphones and a brand new laptop because I complained about my laptop when he came to my place. He remembered about that.

I accepted the gifts and we started to meet up more regularly the last two weeks. He even booked a trip to Paris where I don’t have to pay for anything. He will pay for the hotel, food and shopping. We will go in November. At least, that’s the plan.

But I still don’t feel anything for this guy. I’m very well off myself and financially independent, but it also feels like winning the jackpot somehow. He wants me to eventually stop with working and hang out with him and travel. Basically retire. And he wants me to move to his place. He’s planning on buying a house and wants my creative input. ( He just moved from Sweden to the Netherlands)

I have to be honest, I’m staying with him because a life of no financial worries and less work sounds awesome. He’s very good looking, but just not my type. If he wouldn’t be this wealthy and wouldn’t offer me opportunities, I would’ve ignored him.

My sister says I’m more of an opportunist. My best friend says I should give him a chance. Another friend called me a golddigger.

I will give him a chance, but there’s also a chance I will never feel anything for him. And I can’t fake. He’s so nice.
 

Kegels

Member
Jan 24, 2019
1,703
you are definitely an opportunistic golddigger and it would be in that person's best interest if they found someone who actually cares for them

that said, snag a couple more gifts and dip
 

Chairmanchuck

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,408
China
Sounds like a golddigger.

From reading it seems you give him the illusion you are okay with what he is planning, while you actually dont want to be together with him after a while. In the end you are hurting him, because he gives you expensive gifts...
 

Z-Beat

Member
Oct 25, 2017
14,066
The only reason you're still giving this dude the time of day is because he's got money.


 

Llyranor

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,644
If you play your cards right, you could get him to gift you a beamer projector, a laptop, a sound system, a microwave and a beautiful expensive lamp.
 

Froyo Love

Member
Oct 28, 2017
902
Your interest in him faded after a week. When the novelty of getting some expensive things fades, you'll still not be interested in him.

Living off someone else's money means your full-time job is keeping them happy enough to support you. That sounds like a nightmare if you don't genuinely love them.

Bail.
 

astro

Member
Oct 25, 2017
17,902
Is this person fully aware of how you feel, or are you leading them on?

Not clear from your OP.
 
OP
OP
Kismet

Kismet

Banned
Nov 9, 2017
1,432
He’s talking to you about moving to his place after a month?
Yeah, and he already told me where he wants to live. And that's very far away from my family and friends.

But leaving my comfort zone and starting something new sounds exciting.

I also think he's kinda lonely. Bu he respects my drive an the things I've achieved in my life. That impressed him as well. He knows I don't need him financially.
 

SugarNoodles

Member
Nov 3, 2017
7,412
Portland, OR
Yeah, and he already told me where he want to live. And that's very far away from my family and friends.

But leaving my comfort zone and starting something new sounds exciting.

I also think he's kinda lonely. Bu he respects my drive an the things I've achieved in my life. That impressed him as well. He knows I don't need him financially.
You seem to have a nose for codependency. Go for it.
 
Dec 11, 2017
7,368
Stop accepting gifts and tell him you want to go slow, if you want to "give him a chance." Also should probably not go on that Paris trip.
 

Servbot24

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
19,052
You’re a gold digger. If you tell him you’re in it for the benefits then that’s ok, just don’t falsely lead him on.
 

Squarehard

Member
Oct 27, 2017
9,810
Have you actually told him how you feel, and is he still okay with it?

Or do you care to even get that intimate with him?
 

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,949
I have to be honest, I’m staying with him because a life of no financial worries and less work sounds awesome. He’s very good looking, but just not my type. If he wouldn’t be this wealthy and wouldn’t offer me opportunities, I would’ve ignored him.

I will give him a chance, but there’s also a chance I will never feel anything for him. And I can’t fake. He’s so nice.
I really think that these two lines sum it up and you know that you're only interested in him because of his money. If you aren't interested in him, you should let him know. You both deserve to be with people that you find attractive and want to be with.
 

TissueBox

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,250
Urinated States of America
Sounds like he's looking for something long-term here. Is that the kind of thing you feel like you're ready for? 'Cause if not, then whenever you feel the time is right, it may be due for a curtain call... hopefully an amicable one; you both seem to have enough respect for the other to allow for that kind of room, postmortem or otherwise..!
 

The Albatross

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,229
If you're only interested in him because he's buying you expensive gifts and paying for expensive vacations, you're probably a gold digger.

If he's buying you these things hoping to win your affection, and there's no affection there, then one of you could end up being really hurt by the relationship in the end.

Whether being a gold digger or not is necessarily a bad thing, who knows. People are attracted to other people for a variety of reasons. I guess I'd ask myself if you're comfortable spending time with someone solely because they're wealthy and providing you things that a similar person who isn't wealthy couldn't provide you. If you're comfortable with that kind of relationship, then whatever, enjoy your life.
 

hjort

Member
Nov 9, 2017
1,591
Sounds like it. Have to echo the posters in here who think that you should come clean with him about this, for both of your sake's.
 
OP
OP
Kismet

Kismet

Banned
Nov 9, 2017
1,432
He knows about my feelings. I told him I'm more of an oven instead of a microwave. It takes a while before I fall in love.
But he want to strenghten the bond and the relationship. He's doing his best.

True. I've seen that guy a few times after that. He's very nice!!
I used the money for shopping. I always thank him when I see him.
 

Garrett 2U

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
2,009
You admit you have no feelings for him, yet you're envisioning an entire life of financial freedom with him.
You're a gold digger!
 

Birdie

Member
Oct 26, 2017
5,529
Hmm...I'm on the opposite end here.

I've been talking to a girl for a bit and I spent a bit on her since I'm "richer"...I mean not by much but she's a waitress, I'm a manager (different job) so I spent a bit on her to make her meet ends. Some money for rent, like 50$, buying drinks, some money to get her car fixed.

Now she's asking for a 200$ purse and seems upset that I reconsidered.

I feel bad because I feel I sort of pushed her to expect this by spending on her, but I kind of feel upset and used now.

BUT OP I got to be honest if I was on the other side I would probably milk it for what it's worth. If the guy is doing it on his own accord without you asking don't feel bad.
 

Chairmanchuck

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,408
China
He knows about my feelings. I told him I'm more of an oven instead of a microwave. It takes a while before I fall in love.
Is that the truth though? I mean you can tell him "it takes a while before you fall in love", but if you really dont have any feelings and you are quite sure you wont develop any, you are still leading him on.
 
Oct 27, 2017
4,248
Spain
That's called having a sugar daddy.

I'm not going to say you are a gold digger because I was never in such a situation and don't know how I would react, but it's certainly an opportunistic attitude from your part. Not that it's wrong, mind you. Just don't give the guy expectations you will have to shatter later.
 

compo

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,498
Your interest in him faded after a week. When the novelty of getting some expensive things fades, you'll still not be interested in him.

Living off someone else's money means your full-time job is keeping them happy enough to support you. That sounds like a nightmare if you don't genuinely love them.

Bail.
I'm going to echo this. Being rich and "retiring" young sounds nice at face value, but the caveat is that you'd have to live with the guy for the rest of your life. That sounds like a recipe for disaster if you have no interest in him.
 

Ketkat

Heart & Mind
Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,949
He knows about my feelings. I told him I'm more of an oven instead of a microwave. It takes a while before I fall in love.
But he want to strenghten the bond and the relationship. He's doing his best.
That's kind of a strange thing to tell him when you're saying the opposite here. You've said here that you're only staying with him because a life of no financial worries sounds awesome, and that you have no interest in him. Not that you're hoping to like him more in the future. You're using him, and lying to him so that you can keep using him.
 

Jangowuzhere

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,089
Honestly, it sounds like you have little to no aspirations in life if you're somehow okay with this. Instead of finding someone you truly love, you're fine with taking advantage of this guy you have zero feelings for. You're okay living this love lie as long as it nets you financial security and "less work".

This sounds like a problem to me.
 

collige

Member
Oct 31, 2017
5,083
Yeah, and he already told me where he wants to live. And that's very far away from my family and friends.

But leaving my comfort zone and starting something new sounds exciting.

I also think he's kinda lonely. Bu he respects my drive an the things I've achieved in my life. That impressed him as well. He knows I don't need him financially.
Everything about this post screams bail to me. Congrats on the laptop though.
 

Richter1887

Member
Oct 27, 2017
16,384
Look, if I was in your place then I would just tell him what I am feeling. As in I am not interested in him.


What you can do is take a break from each other and see how you feel about him after a while. If you don't feel anything for him then you did what you should do and let him find someone else.
 

thewienke

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,926
You're going to be miserable and feel like you're in an arranged relationship

After the idea of the money fades, you'll resent being in that relationship 100%.
 
OP
OP
Kismet

Kismet

Banned
Nov 9, 2017
1,432
That's kind of a strange thing to tell him when you're saying the opposite here. You've said here that you're only staying with him because a life of no financial worries sounds awesome, and that you have no interest in him. Not that you're hoping to like him more in the future. You're using him, and lying to him so that you can keep using him.
We're only been dating for one month...
My feelings can grow.

depending how deep his pockets are!!! j/k
 

Venatio

Member
Oct 25, 2017
787
Your call. If you're materialistic by nature (no shame) then go for it. But if you want love and a healthy relationship, this is not the path.

And yikes at moving far away from friends and family. You know that could be a way to control you, right?
 

caliph95

Member
Oct 25, 2017
21,253
Now, I ain't sayin' you're a gold digger
But you probably ain't messin' with no broke niggas
 

TheIdiot

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,840
He knows about my feelings. I told him I'm more of an oven instead of a microwave. It takes a while before I fall in love.
But he want to strenghten the bond and the relationship. He's doing his best.
You're leading him on then. You're giving him the hopes and expectation that you'll fall in love eventually, and essentially telling him that you're always like this in the beginning of relationships.
 

BearPawB

Member
Oct 25, 2017
821
I mean, it depends HOW not attracted you are to him.
A life of gifts but no passion seems disastrously sad to me