Am I being ridiculous? (about our daughter's name)

[Stop It]

No one said it was.



It will matter to the child eventually, yes. They will very likely still have to live through it.

You think my own mother didn't tell me all of this when I came home from primary school crying for being bullied about my name? I promise you, it was little comfort.

And while not every child eille experience what I did, it is not something to reason away like you are by making it about the "good fight".

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Nobody is reasoning it away. Not like you think anyway.

They're saying that it's something that should be important enough to protect, and I'm sorry that you went through what you did and understand why you're saying what you're saying.

The counter to that is that all people who emigrate should leave their culture behind to avoid their children born afterwards to avoid bullying. That's not a cost worth paying if the alternate is to defend the culture and heritage of others from abuse.

And yes, that's cold comfort at times to a child who is bullied but part of growing up is to learn to understand why culture, and their links to it, even through simple things like their name is absolutely important and worth protection.

 

[astro]

I don't make my life decisions based on what idiots think not even when it comes to my hypothetical child. I mean, yeah, it might be something that the kid will have to deal with every once in a while - But in the end, I think having a name that's your own and reflects your family's taste, culture and identity is much more important. That's also something to consider.

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It is not your life decision though, it is a life decision you are making on behalf of your child and should consider the reality of things as you do.

Also ANY name is "your own", and the child might not grow to consider their culture important. These are all your ideals, not your necessarily your child's.

 

[TastyBurger666]

Also, Caoimhe isn't that uncommon in Scotland and the assumption it would certainly lead to bullying is just BS. I wonder if the OP is partially concerned with her standing out as Irish if she has that name and would rather she have a respectable British name so she can blend in.

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No, but there does seem to be a difference in the Anglicised version, which she may end up using just as much - I mean it's not like Éilis, which could easily be retrofitted as Elizabeth or Libby (even though I prefer the Irish prounciation, myself).

Anyway, OP - I think you are over-reacting a little, as others have said consider a more 'traditional' middle name and everyone's happy.

 

[shnurgleton]

Sounds like a very pretty name to me. I like being confused and enthralled by Irish names. Saoirse Ronan wouldn't be Saoirse Ronan if she wasn't named Saoirse Ronan and I had to go through months of butchering her name. Now I feel like I'm in a secret club of Saoirse Ronan fans who know how to correctly pronounce Saoirse Ronan

Choose an easy middle name if it bothers you a lot

 

[Deleted member 21220]

If the child were being raised in Ireland, there would be far less of an issue.

As the child is being raised by Scottish and Irish parents outside of Ireland, the reality is that children and adults are cruel.

That's something to consider, not dismiss.

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You seem to be constantly ignoring the fact that this is a common name in Ireland and Scotland, statistics have been posted through the thread about this. If the OP wants to give a different name, fair enough, but the issue they have is unreasonable.

 

[TastyBurger666]

What is it? Promise not to laugh.

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Robert_de_niro_waggingfinger.gif

 

[dude]

It is not your life decision though, it is a life decision you are making on behalf of your child and should consider the reality of things as you do.

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The kid didn't even ask to be born. I decided he should be, and on what terms. I think those are much bigger decision then the name I give them.
And again, it's something to consider - But so is everything I said, and they trump the hardships they might face IMO.

 

[astro]

Nobody is reasoning it away. Not like you think anyway.

They're saying that it's something that should be important enough to protect, and I'm sorry that you went through what you did and understand why you're saying what you're saying.

The counter to that is that all people who emigrate should leave their culture behind to avoid their children born afterwards to avoid bullying. That's not a cost worth paying if the alternate is to defend the culture and heritage of others from abuse.

And yes, that's cold comfort at times to a child who is bullied but part of growing up is to learn to understand why culture, and their links to it, even through simple things like their name is absolutely important and worth protection.

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Again, I literally said if you're raised in your own culture it's different. And this is the mother's culture, the father's is different.

And culture might not be important to the child as they grow, that's not a universal truth you're stating there.

 

[SapientWolf]

Are you really comparing a traditional Irish name with history and meaning to "Ass McButts"?

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No, you're thinking too small. Once fear is completely out of the picture a whole world of non-traditional name possibilities opens up.

 

[astro]

The kid didn't even ask to be born. I decided he should be, and on what terms. I think those are much bigger decision then the name I give them.
And again, it's something to consider - But so is everything I said, and they trump the hardships they might face IMO.

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True enough. My issue was with the framing and dismissal of concerns as "ignorance against other cultures".

You seem to be constantly ignoring the fact that this is a common name in Ireland and Scotland, statistics have been posted through the thread about this. If the OP wants to give a different name, fair enough, but the issue they have is unreasonable.

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Maybe you should ress through the thread better, because I have not ignored that.

 

[Stop It]

Again, I literally said if you're raised in your own culture it's different. And this is the mother's culture, the father's is different.

And culture might not be important to the child as they grow, that's not a universal truth you're stating there.

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And I'm saying for diaspora, the links to their culture can be strained and keeping links via passing it to their children is exceptionally important to some people.

Do you not see that? Just because you don't care about it, doesn't mean that children born to diaspora will not want to explore, experience and connect with the culture of both of their parents.

Again if the OP wants a name from their own culture, they're free to suggest one to their partner. It is a partnership after all!

 

[Deleted member 44129]

Actually, I just had a thought. Why is it that you can see names from all over the globe written in the Modern English Alphabet, and they're usually pronounced how you would think, but Irish names just take letters and go "Fuck it, the letter 'B' is pronounced 'X' now!"

 

[butzopower]

This thread has been a real eye opener in terms of the complete lack of self awareness of a lot of people here.

This isn't on your bestowed list of "things we must be vigilant against in North America" so we get page after page of "lol sounds like queef", "sounds weird bro", "only if you want to ruin her life" and people acting like this is the mother wanting to name her child some random trendy word as opposed to a name which is completely normal in her culture both traditionally and in the present day. But no, she's moved all the way from Donegal to Scotland(are any of you here aware of how close those two places are ? I doubt it but don't let that stop you), so she has to bow to the will of her Scottish husband and the opinions of Americans on resetera based on how they feel about a name they just saw for the first time and judged that it "looks weird lol".

Also, Caoimhe isn't that uncommon in Scotland and the assumption it would certainly lead to bullying is just BS. I wonder if the OP is partially concerned with her standing out as Irish if she has that name and would rather she have a respectable British name so she can blend in.

It's a good thing we're talking about Irish culture and an Irish name here, because if you lot were spouting this sort of ignorant crap about names of lot of other ethnicities of UK immigrants and saying mothers should name their children so as not to inconvenence people who will need to spend 3 seconds processing it the first time they encounter it, you'd be rightly called out on your pathetic ignorance by more than 3 or so people.

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I grew up in the US and spent 2015-2016 living in Ireland for work. There were a ton of names I didn't know how to pronounce, and it was because of my own ignorance on the subject. I'm glad to have been exposed to many things I was unaware of and being less ignorant.

 

[dude]

True enough. My issue was with the framing and dismissal of concerns as "ignorance against other cultures".

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I think ignorance to other cultures is a a veiled theme running through some of the posts in this thread. It wasn't directed at your posts though.

Actually, I just had a thought. Why is it that you can see names from all over the globe written in the Modern English Alphabet, and they're usually pronounced how you would think, but Irish names just take letters and go "Fuck it, the letter 'B' is pronounced 'X' now!"

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You have any idea what English did to most names? The way you guys pronounce most Greek and Hebrew names has no relations to the way they're supposed to be pronounced. Michael being Mai-kel makes just as much sense to me as Siobhan being Shivaun. It's not like English is some great example of phonetic simplicity.

 

[astro]

And I'm dating for diaspora, the links to their culture can be strained and keeping links via passing it to their children is exceptionally important to some people.

Do you not see that? Just because you don't care about it, doesn't mean that children born to diaspora will not want to explore, experience and connect with the culture of both of their parents.

Again if the OP wants a name from their own culture, they're free to suggest one to their partner. It is a partnership after all!

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To some people, not necessarily the child when they grow older.

And there are plenty of other Irish names that would avoid the precise issue with this one.

 

[Stop It]

Robert_de_niro_waggingfinger.gif

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That's definitely a weird middle name.

 

[Stop It]

To some people, not necessarily the child when they grow older.

And there are plenty of other Irish names that would avoid the precise issue with this one.

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But may not have the emotional connection to the person who wants to use that name.

You don't pick a name because it's in the same genre as one you like, seriously.

And again, no matter what choice you make, it isn't the child's. What you may think is "better" for them may end up actually worse. So you got to go with what's best in your head. Hence the OP.

 

[Deleted member 426]

I think you are being a bit ridiculous to be honest. You agree it's a nice name, but your issue is it's not more phonetically spelt?

 

[Lentic]

No, you're thinking too small. Once fear is completely out of the picture a whole world of non-traditional name possibilities opens up.

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You don't seem to be grasping any context, but ok.

Did anyone say they should name their kid something meaningless and dumb to fight fear? The whole conversation is about culture, what the parents feel strongly in and how they shouldn't have to give into fear.

 

[astro]

I think ignorance to other cultures is a a veiled theme running through some of the posts in this thread. It wasn't directed at your posts though.

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Okay, and again that's definitely fair. I mean, the shit I went through for my own name was based on ignorance so I get it, it is important to stand up to that.

And if your culture is important to you, celebrate it. I just think this specific name isn't a good choice, there are other Irish names that would be better for the reasons I've stated

Ultimately though, not my kid. If OP and their wife support their child, they'll get through any issues it will cause.

But may not have the emotional connection to the person who wants to use that name.

You don't pick a name

I think ignorance to other cultures is a a veiled theme running through some of the posts in this thread. It wasn't directed at your posts though.

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Okay, and again that's definitely fair.
it's in the same genre as one you like, seriously.

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All of this is besides the point I was making though, that the child is the one who has to live through it.

Again, that is something to consider not dismiss, which what what you and others did do.

I have no issue with the rest

 

[xEik]

Actually, I just had a thought. Why is it that you can see names from all over the globe written in the Modern English Alphabet, and they're usually pronounced how you would think, but Irish names just take letters and go "Fuck it, the letter 'B' is pronounced 'X' now!"

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Because they are romanized with English in mind, the language that while using the Latin alphabet has the highest amount of speakers (as in native plus non-native).

 

[McPaul]

I am with you on this OP.Also, Kweeva/Qweeva is an awful name.

 

[Stop It]

Okay, and again that's definitely fair. I mean, the shit I went through for my own name was based on ignorance so I get it, it is important to stand up to that.

And if your culture is important to you, celebrate it. I just think this specific name isn't a good choice, there are other Irish names that would be better for the reasons I've stated

Ultimately though, not my kid. If OP and their wife support their child, they'll get through any issues it will cause.



All of this is besides the point I was making though, that the child is the one who has to live through it.

Again, that is something to consider not dismiss, which what what you and others did do.

I have no issue with the rest

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But the person involved doesn't want any old Irish name, they want this one.
Other ones may not mean anything to them.

 

[Shelbyville Milhouse]

Not gonna lie, I went into this thread expecting something like "We want to name our daughter after this Game of Thrones character but Season 8 sucked so now we don't know what to do"

 

[astro]

But the person involved doesn't want any old Irish name, they want this one.
Other ones may not mean anything to them.

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Great, doesn't change anything I wrote.

 

[Deleted member 21220]

Maybe you should ress through the thread better, because I have not ignored that.

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I have read through the thread thank you :)

If the child were being raised in Ireland, there would be far less of an issue.

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This line itself implies that you think the name is only used in Ireland. If it means something else then you should have phrased it better.

 

[astro]

I have read through the thread thank you :)

This line itself implies that you think the name is only used in Ireland. If it means something else then you should have phrased it better.

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No you have not or you would not have made that claim.

Not going to do your work for you by pointing out the specific posts. The conversation flows from point to point, you need to read it in order.

 

[butzopower]

Actually, I just had a thought. Why is it that you can see names from all over the globe written in the Modern English Alphabet, and they're usually pronounced how you would think, but Irish names just take letters and go "Fuck it, the letter 'B' is pronounced 'X' now!"

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English has tons of weird rules that you are just used to. Michael, Thames, Geoffrey, etc. Not to mention English doesn't have any accents and so names like Jesús have a very different pronunciation to how they look in English. That's not even getting to things like their there they're.

 

[Lentic]

I am with you on this OP.Also, Kweeva/Qweeva is an awful name.

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What a shitty, disrespectful post.

 

[EYEL1NER]

A kid who would have that name where I am from in the US would probably have it pretty rough. I don't live in Ireland or in a place near Ireland that has a lot of people with Irish or Gaelic names though, so I don't feel like I know enough to say you are overreacting or not, or if it's a bad name or not. I wouldn't chose it as a name for my daughter, but I'm not from where you're from.
Going off of what I've read in the thread (that is from people who are actually discussing the name and not just making "queef" jokes), it doesn't seem like a horrible name. I'm not too fond of the way it sounds or is spelled, but I don't have to be because it's not my business; there's lots of names out there I don't like, but no one needs to care about what I think. If it was a name I'd heard or seen in the past though instead of just being introduced to it, I'd probably feel different about it.

 

[shotopunx]

This thread has been a real eye opener in terms of the complete lack of self awareness of a lot of people here.

This isn't on your bestowed list of "things we must be vigilant against in North America" so we get page after page of "lol sounds like queef", "sounds weird bro", "only if you want to ruin her life" and people acting like this is the mother wanting to name her child some random trendy word as opposed to a name which is completely normal in her culture both traditionally and in the present day. But no, she's moved all the way from Donegal to Scotland(are any of you here aware of how close those two places are ? I doubt it but don't let that stop you), so she has to bow to the will of her Scottish husband and the opinions of Americans on resetera based on how they feel about a name they just saw for the first time and judged that it "looks weird lol".

Also, Caoimhe isn't that uncommon in Scotland and the assumption it would certainly lead to bullying is just BS. I wonder if the OP is partially concerned with her standing out as Irish if she has that name and would rather she have a respectable British name so she can blend in.

It's a good thing we're talking about Irish culture and an Irish name here, because if you lot were spouting this sort of ignorant crap about names of lot of other ethnicities of UK immigrants and saying mothers should name their children so as not to inconvenence people who will need to spend 3 seconds processing it the first time they encounter it, you'd be rightly called out on your pathetic ignorance by more than 3 or so people.

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Fantastic post. I am legitimately baffled that people are advocating for the erasure of culture in this thread.

 

[Stop It]

Great, doesn't change anything I wrote.

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Ok consider this.

The child may end up with a different name. The name is "better" yet the child resents it.

They're then told that they were going to be called Caoimhe but decided against it because of admittedly legitimate concerns. They then go "aww but that's nice".

You're working on the assumption they'll hate the name and resent any bullying because of it but what if they actually *do* like it. Don't preclude that possibility.

 

[astro]

Ok consider this.

The child may end up with a different name. The name is "better" yet the child resents it.

They're then told that they were going to be called Caoimhe but decided against it because of admittedly legitimate concerns. They then go "aww but that's nice".

You're working on the assumption they'll hate the name and resent any bullying because of it but what if they actually *do* like it. Don't preclude that possibility.

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All beside the fucking point as my posts make clear.

I'm relaying my experience which you were originally dismissive of which was my issue.

 

[shotopunx]

Actually, I just had a thought. Why is it that you can see names from all over the globe written in the Modern English Alphabet, and they're usually pronounced how you would think, but Irish names just take letters and go "Fuck it, the letter 'B' is pronounced 'X' now!"

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Because we have a different fucking alphabet, with a different set of pronunciations.

 

[McPaul]

What a shitty, disrespectful post.

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You might like the name, I find it awful.That's MY opinion.

 

[HanSoloCup]

I have had people butcher my last name my whole life, but I've come up with fun ways to explain the pronunciation. It used to be annoying as a kid, but it's part of who I am and I've come to love it.

That said, you really need to find a name you agree upon, or make some compromises. My wife and I agreed on the first, she compromised with my choice on the second, and I compromised with her choice on the third. It worked out pretty good.

 

[Deleted member 44129]

Because we have a different fucking alphabet, with a different set of pronunciations.

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Well, that's why it's interesting. A name that might have been written originally in Arabic is modded to sound a certain way when written in the M.E. Alphabet. But for some reason, irish names arent..

 

[Stop It]

All beside the fucking point as my posts make clear.

I'm relaying my experience which you were originally dismissive of which was my issue.

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What point?

That names should be avoided because they might induce bullying?

Because I'm pretty sure I've addressed that.

 

[astro]

What a shitty, disrespectful post.

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Are we not allowed to think names sound bad?

I get that it's kind of nedless to call it awful, but there are plenty of names from all cultures I love and plenty I can't stand.

What point?

That names should be avoided because they might induce bullying?

Because I'm pretty sure I've addressed that.

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If you say so mate, lol.

 

[Lentic]

You might like the name, I find it awful.That's MY opinion.

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Are we not allowed to think names sound bad?

I get that it's kind of nedless to call it awful, but here plenty of names from all cultures I love and plenty I can't stand.

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In what world is it OK to come into a conversation and shit on a name that's being considered by a parent? Hold whatever opinion you like, but is this really the place to say that?

 

[Stop It]

Are we not allowed to think names sound bad?

I get that it's kind of nedless to call it awful, but here plenty of names from all cultures I love and plenty I can't stand.

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Good, don't project that level of judgement of names onto others and assume all people judge people by their names based on admittedly personal experience.

I don't give a shit if you think the names I have given my children are bad to you and neither should the OP.

 

[McPaul]

In what world is it OK to come into a conversation and shit on a name that's being considered by a parent? Hold whatever opinion you like, but is this really the place to say that?

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The OP asked for our opinions and I gave him my honest opinion.

 

[astro]

Good, don't project that level of judgement of names onto others and assume all people judge people by their names based on admittedly personal experience.

I don't give a shit if you think the names I have given my children are bad to you and neither should the OP.

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It is a fair opinion in a thread about opinions of a name. Don't be ridiculous.

In what world is it OK to come into a conversation and shit on a name that's being considered by a parent?

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I think it's perfectly okay to say you think a name is bad.

"Awful" might be a bit needless, but I don't care for the name either. I think the sound "kee-va" is unpleasant.

 

[Dmax3901]

Call it Bumbler.

 

[mhayes86]

It's a pretty neat name, and I'm all for more unique names. I can imagine the frustration of having to pronounce it to most people, though. As someone said earlier, give her an easier middle name that she can fall back on in the future. Or don't. I'm sure she'll be fine.

When you mentioned the correct pronunciation of it, I too went straight to "queef". If there's any mini-arguments my wife and I get into about baby names, it's that I always think of insults that rhyme with it. Either way, I like the name.

 

[Stop It]

It is a fair opinion in a thread about opinions of a name. Don't be ridiculous.


I think it's perfectly okay to say you think a name is bad.

"Awful" might be a bit needless, but I don't care for the name either. I think the sound "kee-va" is unpleasant.

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The OP didn't ask you, or me if they like the name.

They like the name, they were concerned about practicality. You can leave your judgement of the name and whether you like how it sounds at the fucking door and address the actual question. Your answer about bullying is relevant, your personal antipathy of the name, which comes through in your posts, is fucking obnoxious and not what the OP is asking for, at all.

 

[DavidDesu]

That's because you're spelling it wrong, it's supposed to be Seán with a fada over the 'a' to make the 'aw' sound.

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Haha so not only are you having to explain a spelling, but give every individual you meet a le

If you listen to your wife, every new school year, at the start of every class during the roll call, your daughter will be singled out by the teacher (who will of course awkwardly and ostensibly try to pronounce the name first) and will have to explain, in front the whole class, how her name 'Caoimhe' is somehow pronounced Kweeva.
Teachers will make jokes and kids being kids, will definitely laugh. This will happen her whole school life every year from 3 to 23 yo. I mean she will survive but why subject her to this...

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Yeah this. There's keeping a traditional name alive and then there's the ability to simply avoid all this hassle for your kid by choosing something different. Agree with the idea of making it the middle name. That's fine. Also to the person who said this is a common name in Scotland.. I'm sorry but no matter where that comes in yearly name lists I can guarantee you that a good 75% or more of people in Scotland would not have a clue about that name. It just causes problems for everyone.

 

[Deleted member 21220]

No you have not or you would not have made that claim.

Not going to do your work for you by pointing out the specific posts. The conversation flows from point to point, you need to read it in order.

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I had to reread your posts to confirm what I had originally thought you wrote, and it hasn't changed. You said that you're comparing this to your experience, which is completely different, in many of your posts. You're still illuding to the fact that it's not a common name, or that it's one that people wouldn't know in Scotland and this the child will get slagged. That's how your posts read, never referred to the stats which I was referring to.

So once again it is a common name in Ireland, and is also used a lot in Scotland. It's not as if they're naming someone in California this. The possibility of getting slagged over the name is low.

 

[Slaythe]

Dude fuck that.

It is hell to have awful names for children, and even later in life.

Just fight your wife but this is a no no.

 

[Wintermute]

OP, I have a pretty unique name which has been cause of much discussion throughout my life. Now as an adult I'm glad for that uniqueness, irrespective of any confusion it's ever caused.