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Am I the asshole in this social situation?

KimiNewt

KimiNewt

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,749
I'm trying to figure out whether I was a total asshole or just a bit of a tool in this situation.

It's exam period in the university. I went into a computer lab, which is separate from the library. It's more chill and allows talking and food.

I sit down to work and I notice that two people (guy and girl) are watching a stand-up routine or something on the computer while eating. They were using speakers and it was fairly loud. There were about eight other people in the room, all studying.

I sit there for a few minutes, silently festering. I need to get going for a different reason, and as I get up to leave the video finishes I feel like I shouldn't let it slide and ask the row behind me "Am I the only one bothered by this?"

The girl answers that I don't need to be an asshole and they would've turned it down if I asked them to (while it was playing). Girl on their right said that it didn't bother her, and if it bothered someone they would've turned it off. One other person in the row just vaguely shaked their head and the others didn't react. I say "okay" and leave.

So was I an asshole? I definitely should've just asked them to turn it down and I ain't the politeness police. But I think their argument is a bit off because:
a. You shouldn't be doing that in a public study area in the first place.
b. A lot of people would be too shy to ask.

What do you folk think?

Tldr; a couple were watching a loud video in a computer lab. I asked the room if no one else is bothered by this.
 
Certinfy

Certinfy

Banned
Oct 29, 2017
3,476
Yes. Any decent person would have just asked them politely to turn it down.

They're assholes too, but you handled that so poorly.
 
Shadybiz

Shadybiz

Member
Oct 27, 2017
10,165
Ehhhhhh.

You are absolutely correct that they shouldn't have been doing it in the first place.

I am not sure why you didn't just ask them to mute it directly.

I wouldn't go so far as to say "asshole," but it was definitely a passive-aggressive move.
 

Blank

Member
Oct 27, 2017
472
An asshole and kind of a coward too. Looked to drum up a scene of people to be on your side and when nobody went along with you, you ran away and whined about it on the internet.
 
Jecht

Jecht

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,650
Yeah man. You could have just asked politely while it was happening instead of trying to score some public validation afterward.

Wackamole said:
Yes, you change the rules depending on your needs. Typical asshole stuff.
However, anyone doing anything loud should be put in jail for life as far as i'm concerned. But that's just my ears speaking. Can't stand loud people or people who listen to loud stuff.
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Wackamole

Wackamole

Member
Oct 27, 2017
17,001
Yes, you change the rules depending on your needs. Typical asshole stuff.
However, anyone doing anything loud should be put in jail for life as far as i'm concerned. But that's just my ears speaking. Can't stand loud people or people who listen to loud stuff.
 
OP
OP
KimiNewt

KimiNewt

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,749
I guess the case is closed.

I could apologize if I see them again, but I think it's probably okay to leave it as-is. Not like they'll remember it anyway.
 
Tirisfal

Tirisfal

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
939
London
If this was in the library then I'd say they are 100% in the wrong. But even then, they should have some common decency and use earphones. Can't stand when people blast their shitty music or whatever they're watching on their phones.
 
shaneo632

shaneo632

Weekend Planner
Member
Oct 29, 2017
29,174
Wrexham, Wales
Sounds like you were needlessly combative and aggressive tbh. Passive-aggressively asking other people a question in earshot of the people just makes you seem like a dick.

But headphones are a thing for a reason. You had a reasonable issue but went about it wrong.
 
eXistor

eXistor

Member
Oct 27, 2017
12,403
Both sides are wrong imo. You didn't go about it correctly and involved the room when you could have asked them if they could turn it down. On the other hand they're being inconsiderate of the rest of the room by being loud.
 
Shark

Shark

Member
Oct 28, 2017
8,126
Raleigh, NC
KimiNewt said:
I guess the case is closed.

I could apologize if I see them again, but I think it's probably okay to leave it as-is. Not like they'll remember it anyway.
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Definitely apologize. It will probably eat at you and will be extremely awkward if you run in to them again. Plus you might make a new friend. Don't become 'that guy'.
 
Dyno

Dyno

AVALANCHE
The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
13,614
I feel like you could've asked them instead but you opted to try and make a scene of it on your way out instead. It sounds like it kinda got flipped on you anyway so while you may have been the asshole it sounds like it worked itself out.
 
RandomDazed

RandomDazed

Member
Oct 27, 2017
691
Anyone who plays sound loudly in a public space is an asshole.

If you're that guy without headphones on public transport listening to loud music using the speaker, you're an ass hole.

if you are talking loudly on the phone, for a long time (not an important emergency conversation) in a public space, you're an ass hole.

if you're in a public computer lab, where people are trying to study, and you're sitting there watching stand-up loudly not respecting the other people, yup... you're an asshole.

People can be selfish and rude. You were well within your right to say something to them. I respect you for your willingness to confront them.

Most people would have sat there, annoyed, but not done anything because they didn't wan't the confrontation.
 
jb1234

jb1234

Very low key
Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,269
You were needlessly passive-aggressive so yeah, kinda an asshole move. Apologize if you bump into them again.
 
Flame Lord

Flame Lord

Member
Oct 26, 2017
2,808
I don't think so. You asked (in a presumably calm manner) if it bothered anyone else, and then she goes straight to calling you an asshole? Also do you really need someone to tell you that listening to a fucking stand up routine in a quiet room through the speakers is rude?
 
MilkBeard

MilkBeard

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,793
Be direct instead of passive aggressive. We have too much of that in our society. A simple "would you mind turning it down a bit?" could easily solve the issue.

But it happens.
 
Nephtis

Nephtis

Banned
Dec 27, 2017
679
You were an asshole, and if you wanted quiet and peace there's always the library. If you're in a public space, you could've just asked them to turn it down.

By the same token, they were assholes about it too. No one really wins in this scenario.
 
julia crawford

julia crawford

Took the red AND the blue pills
Member
Oct 27, 2017
35,897
Seems like your argument is more concerned with judging them as uncouth than finding an active solution to a problem that could be solved with a simple conversation.
 
Ra

Ra

Rap Genius
Moderator
Oct 27, 2017
12,397
Dark Space
RandomDazed said:
People can be selfish and rude. You were well within your right to say something to them. I respect you for your willingness to confront them.

Most people would have sat there, annoyed, but not done anything because they didn't wan't the confrontation.
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He didn't confront them or say anything directly to them though. He didn't have the heart to simply ask them to turn it down.

No respect earned.
 
dennett316

dennett316

Member
Nov 2, 2017
3,000
Blackpool, UK
Hey, at least you recognised that you could be in the wrong...lots of people nowadays won't even entertain that possibility. They were kinda douchey to be playing music loudly, you were kinda douchey in just not asking them to turn it down a little instead of trying to turn it into a scene. I wouldn't beat yourself up too much, we all have our moments.

RandomDazed said:
Anyone who plays sound loudly in a public space is an asshole.

If you're that guy without headphones on public transport listening to loud music using the speaker, you're an ass hole.

if you are talking loudly on the phone, for a long time (not an important emergency conversation) in a public space, you're an ass hole.

if you're in a public computer lab, where people are trying to study, and you're sitting there watching stand-up loudly not respecting the other people, yup... you're an asshole.

People can be selfish and rude. You were well within your right to say something to them. I respect you for your willingness to confront them.

Most people would have sat there, annoyed, but not done anything because they didn't wan't the confrontation.
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It didn't need to be a confrontation, it could've just been a pleasant word to turn it down a bit instead of sitting there stewing on it and trying to get a row of other people to back him up instead of talking to them directly.
 
honest_ry

honest_ry

Banned
Oct 30, 2017
4,288
The people playing something loud and being obnoxious in an area meant for quietness are the assholes.

You were upset. I would have been pissed. You didnt do anything wrong and you were shocked by the asshole people playing something loud.

EDIT - Ah wait, never mind. I thought you were in a library.
 
OP
OP
KimiNewt

KimiNewt

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,749
danowat said:
I don't get why you'd ask the room, and not the people directly responsible?
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At that point I was leaving anyway so I didn't actually need them to turn it down. In retrospect I didn't care that much about the loudness itself, I was just pissed at people having the gall to do it.
I guess what I tried to do is at best make them less likely to do at again, at worst to just "punish" them by a bit of social embarrassment. Obviously a dick move (and a bad one as there's no way anyone would've taken my side even if they thought it was wrong).

I'll apologise if I see them again, as I can see now that I acted wrongly. I still think they also acted wrongly, but it's a different matter.

Edit: the place isn't meant for absolute quiet but it isn't meant for socializing either. There are recreational areas/clubs for that. It's usually for group/pair studying or private lessons. It can get a bit loud but still an environment you can study in.
 
StallionDan

StallionDan

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
7,705
Instead of engaging them and asking them to turn it down like a normal person you instead opted for a confrontational statement.

It wasn't the internet where that nonsense gets you an army of agreement, doing that in real life makes you an asshole.
 

Deleted member 31133

User requested account closure
Banned
Nov 5, 2017
4,155
Should have asked them to turn it down. I don't think they were in the wrong if the room was more chill and allowed talking etc.

I don't think you're an ass hole. You just misjudged the situation. Learn from it for the future. It's events like this that build character and will make you a better person in the long run.
 
-PXG-

-PXG-

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,186
NJ
You're not an asshole, just a passive aggressive jackass. Next time, politely ask the volume to lower the volume. It's not that hard.
 

Deleted member 14089

Oct 27, 2017
6,264
KimiNewt said:
I'll apologise if I see them again, as I can see now that I acted wrongly. I still think they also acted wrongly, but it's a different matter.
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You could apologise, but there's no need to think a lot about it. No need for overthinking, just let it slide.
Also, they knew that they were watching a video loudly and called you out for being an asshole just for that statement. They were wrong too.
Just directly address such a situation in the future.
 
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OrdinaryPrime

OrdinaryPrime

Self-requested ban
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
11,042
Usually if you have to ask you are. Although being passive aggressive is more lame than asinine.
 
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