Anyone here in/ has been in an online relationship?

[vertigo]

How is it going? How did it go? How did you meet? Do you think it is/ was worth it? If you've never been in one, how do you view it from the outside?

I never intended to fall for my best friend but i realized one night, laughing hysterically, that holy shit, im in love with him. Doing the online thing rn and just looking to hear some experiences from others.
I know theres a million fish in the sea blah blah its not like my only interaction w people is via online. Which is why when i get the courage to tell people they look at me like im a crazy person.

But yah lemme hear your stories and thoughts

 

[Deleted member 9932]

Online, as in, only online? You never met the person?

 

[Officer Big Mac]

Online, as in, only online? You never met the person?

Click to shrink...

This sounds weird but this is important.

 

[The_Land]

Plenty of eharmony, Match, and now Tinder relationships here. At this point I wouldn't even know how to do it the old way.

 

[Salamando]

This sounds weird but this is important.

Click to shrink...

Third'd.

How far apart do you two live?

 

[Baphomet]

I have and I don't recommend , it's rather hard to make a connection with people if you're not talking face to face.

 

[Dark Knight]

Kinda... When I was around 14 I got really close to a girl that a friend IRL introduced me to online. She lived about 4 hours away, so we ended up meeting IRL eventually. After that we'd see each other every school vacation. It was a long distance relationship that we kept going through the internet for a couple years. We were kind of young though and it lost steam soon after that.

Honestly wouldn't know how to do a relationship with someone I could never physically meet, though. I feel like you need that prospect to keep it going.

 

[HamCormier]

Are your only conversations with that person done via text and chat? How far are they from you?

 

[vertigo]

Plenty of eharmony, Match, and now Tinder relationships here. At this point I wouldn't even know how to do it the old way.

Click to shrink...

Thats not an online relationship more of an app for getting a date

 

[Deleted member 39374]

What do you mean by online? As in, meeting online and going out IRL? Or only communicating online because they live far away?

 

[NotLiquid]

I don't want to go in on to deep on my own personal experience, though personally, I'll say that we were cross-continent (US / Europe), were friends for six years before that, and did visit each other once before the full move. If you can make it work, it's worth it. It takes a lot of effort, a lot of commitment and quite a bit of self-sacrifice from both parties, especially once you start having to factor in relocation. But if it's feasible to pull it off then that's just a testament to the strength of your relationship.

Having said that, I don't think I'd have it in me to attempt another one again if the opportunity ever arose. I know the circumstances of my own experience took a lot out of me, but it was still something I remember cherishing more than anything else.

 

[Maurice Hamblin]

Thats not an online relationship more of an app for getting a date

Click to shrink...

So you'd be in a relationship but never actually meet or interact?

 

[BlackRainbowFT]

I met my GF on a forum. We met IRL after 3 months and then we kept a long-distance relationship going (400km) for about a year; we then moved in together (note: she had to move to another country). We've now been together for almost 9 years!

But, as always, YMMV.

 

[23qwerty]

Yup, met my wife on Tumblr years ago, she was in Australia, I was in Canada. About a year or so before she came over here and we live in Canada now, couldn't be happier!

 

[Finale Fireworker]

My first serious girlfriend was online. It was not healthy for either of us because our relationship was affected tremendously by two persistent conflicts.

1) Our relationship was vulnerable to dishonesty. Because the only things we knew about each other were the stories we told it became too easy to just tell stories. We would embellish our daily lives and build ourselves up in to how we wanted to be seen instead of who we really were. These minor revisions to your own character build up over time and eventually we had sold each other myths about who we really were. Over the course of many years these little lies and stories catch up to you and you realize how much of your formative years was based on a cycle of artifice.

2) We regularly projected an image of who we thought the other person was, or what we wanted them to be, and it didn't matter that it wasn't true because there was no stimulus to counteract it. Our relationship centered around an MMO which made it easy to bond and connect over things that were simulated or material. Sometimes the other person would say or do something that would show a crack in the facade but it was easy to ignore it too. It's easier to avoid facing reality when your reality is so filtered through technology.

Neither of these issues are exclusive to online relationships and it's not meant to characterize anyone's relationship but mine. I was young at the time and this surely had a lot to do with it too. I did it for those several years but I know I wouldn't do it again. Many millions of people meet online and live happily ever after, so it can be done, I think people just have less training for its unique challenges.

 

[NSA]

In the mid-to-late 90s I was in a ton of "online relationships" with girls from IRC (#TeenChat!)/AOL/AIM etc. None of them every really panned out or went anywhere, made a couple of pen pals, and I still (vaguely) keep in touch with 1 girl on Facebook, which is kind of cool.

Since then I've 'met' girls online, but then met them in person shortly afterwards on a regular basis.

 

[vertigo]

What do you mean by online? As in, meeting online and going out IRL? Or only communicating online because they live far away?

Click to shrink...

Once you are close and able to meet up often irl its not an online relationship. Online relationships as in.... meeting online, long distance or w/e so cant see often, talk and chat via the internet. Meeting up in person when u can but rarely. Usually a distance thing.

 

[tsakiki]

I met my husband online in a chat room for a band we both liked. We "fell in love" during several months of online and phone conversations, and we've been together since we met in real life, over 20 years ago. I moved 2500 miles to another country to be with him. It worked extremely well for us, but there are so many factors to consider that I can't wholeheartedly recommend it for everyone!

 

[Elandyll]

I met my wife in Everquest, and we were separated by an Ocean. We couldn't even meet for the first 6 months.

As of last September, we have been married for 17 years, and we have 2 wonderful kids :)

 

[Quinton]

I've had ten girlfriends. (Jesus, that's too many.) Of those ten, six began online, which doesn't surprise me given how much more comfortable I've been with myself on the internet for most of my life. Of those six, three evolved into live-in relationships. One for six months, one for almost a year, and one for four years.

I'm no golden case study here. The older I get, the more I find myself thinking about Jeff Goldblum's line from Jurassic Park: "I'm always on the lookout for a future ex-Mrs. Malcolm." (Not that I've actually been married, but still.) But despite my overall misfortunes, I'd say online dating is a pretty good path.

 

[Sunster]

I have had 2 online relationships one of which I am in now. It is going great so far.

 

[HellforLeather]

Im confused. Your best friend is online? You've never met.

To put it bluntly, if its just online, its not a relationship.

 

[Voodoowoolf]

this is mean but here it goes. I was 9/10 years old and me and my best friend at the time pretended to be my older brother on msn and was speaking to some 16 year old for a few months. We faked a whole online relationship and planned to meet but bailed every time unti we told her. Yikes, but to answer your question I wouldn't do it personally.

 

[lunarworks]

Way, way back in the '90s.

When I was 17 I had a 24 year old online girlfriend from California. (We talked on the phone, so I know it wasn't a guy.) We met in an anime IRC channel.

I forget how long it lasted, but it was definitely less than a year. Then she found someone closer to home.

 

[Deleted member 46429]

I'm interpreting online to mean 'met online and had a long distance relationship.'

If so, that applies to me. I met my boyfriend like, golly, ten years ago? We've been in a relationship for 5.5 years and we've met up more time than I can count. He's in Texas, I'm in California, but next month I'm going to start looking for a job in Texas in part to close the distance (I'd be moving away from bay area anyway, too expensive).

Would I recommend? I mean, it comes with the baggage of a LDR. You'll go months without seeing each other (outside of video call) and depending on your libido and need for face-to-face communication, these may be barriers. Both my bf and I tend are fine talking via text most of the day; we also have a phonecall nearly every night. We'd do video calls a lot more, but usually our schedule or terrible internet gets in the way. Most online activities are watching Netflix and/or playing games, again Internet ans schedules pending.

I'll say this much, it's worked for us. The distance is of course a downside, but also I really can't imagine being with anyone else but my man, so I'm willing to put up with distance to be with him.

 

[Seesaw15]

Nah. Physical intimacy is important in a relationship. Online relationships are too exhausting.

 

[Keym]

Yes, back in the 00's. We were more than 6000 miles apart, but we still managed to visit each other whenever we could. It lasted for quite a few years, it didn't work out in the end. I was madly in love with her and haven't felt the same way with anyone else since then. Sometimes it still hurts, but I'd still say it was worth it.

 

[Sunster]

I'm interpreting online to mean 'met online and had a long distance relationship.'

If so, that applies to me. I may my boyfriend like, golly, ten years ago? We've been in a relationship for 5.5 years and we've met up more time than I can count. He's in Texas, I'm in California, but next month I'm going to start looking for a job in Texas in part to close the distance (I'd be moving away from bay area anyway, too expensive).

Would I recommend? I mean, it comes with the baggage of a LDR. You'll go months without seeing each other (outside of video call) and depending on your libido and need for face-to-face communication, these may be barriers. Both my bf and I tend are fine talking via text most of the day; we also have a phonecall nearly every night. We'd do video calls a lot more, but usually our schedule or terrible internet gets in the way. Most online activities are watching Netflix and/or playing games, again Internet ans schedules pending.

I'll say this much, it's worked for us. The distance is of course a downside, but also I really can't imagine being with anyone else but my man, so I'm willing to put up with distance to be with him.

Click to shrink...

But those visits, man. Hard to describe how exciting those visits are. Part of why LDR's done right lead to stronger relationships after the distance is closed.

 

[23qwerty]

Im confused. Your best friend is online? You've never met.

To put it bluntly, if its just online, its not a relationship.

Click to shrink...

🙄

 

[Cream Stout]

i've had a few. met my ex on WoW and she was on the west coast of the US while i was on the east coast. She moved back home after we'd been talking for awhile and that happened to be not terribly far from me, so i'd drive to see her every weekend. before that, most of my relationships were really online only as i spent most of my free time on MMOs as a teen.

 

[gfxtwin]

I'm pretty well-liked by streamers on Chaturbate when I go there, but aside from that, none that I can recall.

 

[The Albatross]

Im confused. Your best friend is online? You've never met.

To put it bluntly, if its just online, its not a relationship.

Click to shrink...

Y'know I don't really think this is true, and as online-only interactions increasingly take over our lives, it'll be seen as more and more normal.

I've never had an online relationship with anybody, but from when I was a teenager in the 90s up to today, I've had a couple long friendships with people online. One guy who I knew from a videogame forum 15 years ago, we were acquaintances for a decade, and then ended up becoming colleagues who worked on a couple of projects together, referring each other for work. I think eventually my wife asked me, "Hey... how do you know this guy?" And I'm like, y'know... that's a weird story... I've known him from a videogame website from 15 years ago and we've stayed acquaintances... My friends wife vacations with women she met through Tumblr or one of those sites every year. I think it's going to become more and more common.

Young people today are much more poised to make online connections than connections out in 'real life' and now the line is blurred between 'real life' and 'online' more than ever.

 

[Deleted member 46429]

But those visits, man. Hard to describe how exciting those visits are. Part of why LDR's done right lead to stronger relationships after the distance is closed.

Click to shrink...

Seriously. My next visit is this weekend, and although it's different because I'll be trapped on a cruise with his family (this is my first time meeeting them), and I'm extremely excited to see him again. But, the bf trips are always exciting, I look forward to eavh if them.

 

[Deleted member 14377]

I have been. My wife and I dated online for a year before I moved and we got married. We're proud parents to a beautiful cat, and we couldn't be happier! Just make sure the relationship is healthy and you spend ample amounts of together, video chat is pretty important in that regard. If you're both extremely busy people, it might not work out. And if you're serious about it, one of you might have to leave a lot behind, depending on how far apart it is. Expect to sacrifice a lot to make this work. Distance DOES make the heart grow fonder, but make sure this is something you're genuinely interested in, it's a huge commitment.

 

[Deleted member 39374]

Once you are close and able to meet up often irl its not an online relationship. Online relationships as in.... meeting online, long distance or w/e so cant see often, talk and chat via the internet. Meeting up in person when u can but rarely. Usually a distance thing.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, I've had a couple of these in the past, lasting 2-4 years on average. They never end well. Other party either a) ghosts you for someone local to them or b) was with someone local the entire time and you were just their online cybersex toy/"how was your day?" therapist

Sending them gifts in the mail was fun, as well as organizing your flight schedules to conveniently stop in their city and see them for a night.

 

[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

I met my wife through FFXI. We pretty much only interacted through that and livejournal (I'm old) before I drove 1500 miles to see her. 3 months later she moved to my city and 5 months after that we were married. This march is our 14th anniversary and we have 2 kids.

It's tricky, but online relationships can work in the short term. Someone has to make a sacrifice and go to the other eventually though if you want anything long term. If that's out of the question, you should cut your losses.

 

[tiesto]

Is this for online only relationships or is it for those which started online and then moved to in-person? For the former, can't say it was ever appealing beyond the time I was first getting on AOL as a kid and had penpal "girlfriends" living in Wyoming or something. For the latter, well, a good chunk of my relationships started from dating sites, but we were meeting in person within a few emails/texts.

 

[Advc]

I was in one back in 2014. She not only lived in another different country, she lived in a whole 'nother damn continent. I'm from Mexico and she's from Thailand. A beauuuutiful asian lady all around. I still cannot believe someone that gorgeous looked at me since I don't consider handsome... nor ugly either, just average. We meet on Tumblr and rapidly became very good "blog friends" since we shared similar interests. Then we begin talking intensely for hours and hours through videocalls on Skype. One day we chatted for almost 10 consecutive hours! Beginning at 12 am and finishing almost at 10 am. Yeah no sleep at all for me due to time zones, but it was SO worth it. We officially became a couple and we lasted several months like that. It was super nice and I didn't mind no sleeping everytime I talked with her at all. I was genuinely in love with her. She then begin saying that she will come to visit me during the holidays (she is financially stable and had some money saved) so we begin doing some serious planning for it, I was super hyped.

But as every online-only relationship, if you are not 10000000% commited to it, things can get misunderstood pretty fast since they don't know you personally and you cannot explains things properly face to face either. Some family issues started to arise over here so I stopped getting online frequently. Naturally she begin asking why and doubting of me thinking I stopped caring about her when in reality I was going into a depressive state at that moment due to personal health and financial issues. I only mentioned that very briefly to her but it seems it wasn't enough and took it personally, so after a month or so, she deleted me from all social media sites. I was totally devastated because I couldn't explain to her what was exactly happening over here. I still have the drafts of that long email message I wanted to send her hoping she could understand me but in the end I decided to not bother her anymore and move on.

BUT THEN, after a year or so later, she sended me a tweet out of nothing... and long story short: We've been in good terms since then :) No longer as an official couple, but still openly sharing our feelings towards each other up to this day since we're both still single. We don't talk frequently anymore but we still get in touch every few months or so. We've come to terms that being this far away of each other will practically make a healthy serious relationship impossible. Unless we had the money resources which I unfortunately don't have, and she doesn't either anymore since she just recently bought her own house. We're planning to have a skype/netflix night on new years' eve so yeah.

 

[The_Land]

Thats not an online relationship more of an app for getting a date

Click to shrink...

Well anything less I would assume one is getting catfished. Who talks for someone for months and months without meeting them?

 

[Lagamorph]

Yes.

It ended when she eventually had to tell me she'd gotten pregnant from some guy and I ignored all further attempts at contact from her.

 

[PassiveObserver]

Yeah I cyber-ed.

 

[Ferrio]

Yes, when I was young. Moved to Alaska to be with her when I was 18, lasted 3 months and 20 years later I'm still stuck in Alaska. My advice: don't have online relationships unless you want to live in Alaska.

 

[Maurice Hamblin]

So are we just talking about long distance relationships?

 

[julia crawford]

No and no thank you....

Congrats on the new love tho!

 

[DJ_Lae]

Yeah...and man, I can't believe it's been almost two decades since then.

I have fond memories of it (and we did meet in person eventually, several times) but I probably took things more seriously than I should have.

 

[meowdi gras]

Once. Never again.

 

[carlsojo]

Yeah, I've been in one for a few months. It's not worth it in the slightest.

 

[infinitebento]

I have only done this once and I will never do it again.

 

[Deleted member 10726]

I've been in a relationship that started online and it didn't work out.

I've been in another that started while I was traveling through the United States, we dated over long distance and she moved here to my country. Didn't work out either cause she eventually decided that she wanted to go back to the states (and also had someone on the side, waiting for her back in the states).

Overall my experiences have been shit, but I don't think online relationships are impossible. Nothing for me, but I think you can make them work if you're dedicated to it. And I mean dedicated, since the lack of physical contact can be difficult and you compensate for it by spending a lot of time together on chats/calls. But if you really like that person I'm sure it'll work out between you two.

 

[It’s Time To Go]

Yeah it was shit, I'd avoid it OP.